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Peaces Of Me++++
++++ The miles just keep rollin as the people leave there way to say hello I've heard this life is overrated but I hope that it gets better as we go |
Oct 30/03 April Springs There was a window of opportunity to relate to April this morning, more like a little crack of light that shone threw. I guess my timing was wrong, or maybe she just wanted to talk at me. She sat behind me on my bed so that she stared at my back until I felt her presence. So I asked her what was up? She reminded me of the old white couch we used to have in our living room and of the time when Holly wrote on it with a magic marker. "Well, mom it wasn't Holly, it was me and I don't know why you thought it was her because I was the one with the magic marker in my hand. And yesterday when I said that I took $2.25 out of your purse I really took two toonies." OK, I didn't think it was April because it didn't occur to me that one of my kids would deliberately graffiti something of ours. I didn't even address the money she confessed to taking. Later on I said that it was at least 4 or 5 years ago that the couch had been marked and I asked her if she had had a guilty conscious about it all this time. She looked at me, snarled her lip up and said, "Oh my god, I am never going to tell you anything again!" All right, some how I crossed the line, bad mommy. Yeah that window shut so fast I almost got my fingers caught. What did I see? I came in to the family room in time to see Derrick hovering over Nadia, that is all I saw. But Derrick was indignant, and turned around and told me that I shouldn't be home when my car isn't in the driveway and that James is being sneaky too! Stacy has borrowed both of our cars! I teased him about what his intentions were with my daughter. Way too much volleyball Way, way, way... Area finals, Monica's team played their best to date but lost out. Then Monica had tryouts for mixed volleyball and then off to her rep practice! I let her go to Cory's for about an hour after. Will the real Stacy please stand up? Sullivan and Stacy bought and carved pumpkins! Nadia was bothered about Stacy jumping all over Sullivan when he was asked what his Halloween plans were and then played hard done by that he wasn't planning anything with her. Is she just incompetent when it comes to planning or is she just baiting him? Nadia felt that no matter what he had said that he would have got in trouble. Later in the family room they were sprawled out on the floor. Her body looked rigid as he was caressing her, just touching a piece of her arm. He pleaded with her to stay a little longer, it was about 8:15 but she took him to the bus stop. From what everyone sees, she is not nice to him at all and it is embarrassing- we never raised her to walk over another person. Everyone here hates the way she treats him. I am glad that he is making friends at the college. Sullivan went to pub night last night and stayed in residence with the guys. Is Stacy as shy in relationships as I have always thought? Or does she possess a perverse pleasure in tormenting the boys? Has she found a bizarre kind of satisfaction that takes the place of the gratification most people feel with sex? She attracts boys who are taken or puts them in a position of having to decide between friendships or her. It doesn't matter if her friends are attracted to them, in fact it makes the game more exciting. Does it? Is this what is really happening? The boys have every reason to assume that they will have an intense long term relationship, that is the way it stars off, but then she stops relating to them, stops talking, keeps them at a distance. She holds all the cards. Is she just that shy and unsure, afraid of relationships or is it unconsciously calculated? I don't know anymore, am I just seeing her all wrong? Organizing Booze Nadia made alcoholic jello jigglers for her Halloween party! She loves making party plans. James told her that she is welcome to any of the alcohol that we rescued from Gramma's house. She took an inventory of them, categorized them, and is looking for drink recipes to make special drinks! Annie at 10/31/2003 04:02:00 a.m. Guilt Trip While I was taking Yearbook pictures at the boys volleyball play downs I was told that Cassie is indeed pregnant. I mentioned that she used to come to our house begging for food, her neighbour said that she was not being feed and each and every one of those kids went all over the neighbourhood begging for food. I feel so terrible that I didn't give her any, I thought it was all attention getting. I feel guilty about turning her away from our door and the school assured me that all the teachers were feeding them and giving her money and when they realized that her parents were gambling all the money away they all stopped to try and put pressure on the parents to feed their own kids. I still wish I had of been kind enough to take them in. Class Raptors Game Monica's teacher from last year brought by enough tickets to see the raptors game! I wonder if he realizes all the good he is doing for these kids, not by the tickets but by just being there with them. I hope the training he gets from taking time off from teaching to train for the Olympics pays off for him. Nice guy. The principal invited me because of all my volunteering. We had to leave before the Raptors were even winning because she misjudged the time and all the parents were waiting at the Go station at 11. He is our school DJ at the Halloween dance too A new Accountant will be doing our income tax now- he is thousands of dollars cheaper and he pointed out a lot of oversights from our accountant. Stacy Ventura - Pet Detective Stacy was absorbed in a game of hide and seek with Caesar in the park tonight. She dove to the ground and unbeknownst to her, was in a direct line of sight with a group of pot smoking youngins. She turned and looked at them, froze, then bolted across the field. The potheads must have frozen with paranoia when she jumped into their world! I don't know why Stacy can be so nice to one member of my family and treat another so poorly- Monica. She never used to be this way, it is like she is only thinking of her own interests these days, complains too much which is so strange considering we never heard her complain about anything when she was little. Annie at 10/30/2003 04:58:00 a.m. Walk to a Different Drum The morning walk was interrupted by a very unsettling sight. John, our next-door neighbour was pacing back in forth in a remote area of the school field, lost to himself, zoning out into the familiar pattern of hours of pacing. The curb used to be his comfort zone and we would watch uneasily as he blocked out the rest of us, staring only at his feet going back and forth. When he glanced up out of his little world he realized that I had noticed him and almost looked as if he was trying to find a place within himself where I couldn't see him. I have often wondered what is going on with John and why his mother never addresses his problems. Is it any of my business? For a short time he was socializing with kids, not necessarily the neighbourhood kids but imports, I guess you could call them. I never want him to notice our family, I have every reason to be leery of him, especially when he strangled Monica a couple of years ago when all she did was walk by. BRENT GOT A JOB, BRENT GOT A JOB Oh yeah! He is being interviewed, but he is confident that he will get it. I asked him the name of the person he got in contact with and he became exasperated with me but told me anyway. He laughed because I really did know the person, he is related, one of James cousins son! Peeping Tom's 3 guys watching Stacy at the grocery store, stopped there shopping as she wandered through the produce looking for a head of lettuce. They blatantly stared with their head piercing at her above the shelving of the bread. I deliberately stepped into their space and made enough eye contact that they should have realized that she was with me but they transparently watched her every move. I told her but somehow either she still blocks it out or she doesn't know how to handle it. They followed us halfway through the store until they realized that the only one watching them back was me. Travel by Blog www.hunkabutta.com I found a blog that makes me feel that I have seen the world through the writer's eyes. He is a Canadian living in Japan. He captures living with words and photos and it is beautiful. He wrote just recently about how he feels about blog writing. I am feeling more comfortable about putting my diary on the web like Nadia has suggested many times. I just wonder if people will read to be interested in my life and not the wording of the stories because that is now the main part of blogging that I feel uneasy with. Annie at 10/29/2003 11:40:00 a.m. "I am so glad you are my mom!" I heard it, out of the blue, he said it, and I will cherish the moment! Brent saw the morning today but I don't think he went to bed last night. As I rushed down the stairs to take April and Jeff to school and prepare for the ride to Scarborough I overheard Brent scolding Jeff. "Jeff I don't want to see you with bed head again, I showed you how to get rid of it with gel and a blow dryer, OK?" I helped Grammie purchase a second hand computer with Brent and we spent hours teaching her how to use it. It was a quality visit and I hope the computer occupies her time well, I know how lonely she is. I might have got my 30-year revenge regarding IQ's today when Brent informed Grammie that his IQ has been recorded at 142. She seemed so proud of him and then obviously hesitant when I passed her a CD for an IQ test. this isn't the one Brent took but just a CD that we had around the house that I thought might interest mom. I guess I called her bluff. The first quiz blinked on the screen she was bewildered so I looked at it and answered it immediately. She just stared at me, the kid she always teased about iq. As a teen she would gloat that one of her kids had an above average iq and the other two were extremely high. She always wanted me to guess so obviously she wanted me to think that I had the lower one. Why would she even want me to feel inferior? Pot Luck? Lunch with James and Brent in Ajax. We dragged Brent into a conversation about his pot smoking. We enjoyed ourselves too much when we inserted the idea that some people get paranoid or tired when they smoke up. We giggled like little kids, pleased with ourselves that the seed we planted might grow the next time he smokes up and paranoia and the munchies set in! Brent might not ever enjoy it again. We can only hope! Brent says that he still only smokes occasionally and does not smoke cigarettes anymore. He enjoyed our apparent disapproval over smoking cigarettes. Most parents our age think cigarettes are worse than pot. Brent offered me a package of gum, had a box of them; Paul's wife gave them to him as a thanks for fixing her computer. I was pleasantly surprised to find out that he has been spending time with neighbours. Annie at 10/28/2003 04:49:00 a.m. Oh oh Trouble in paradise?? Stacy has not been shaving her legs- so you know what that means? It means she doesn't care! I have never known her not to shave her legs before. Last night, and Stacy fell asleep at Sullivan's. He tried to contact me to say that she was asleep exhausted, and if she should just stay there. She ended up waking up late and came home but I do appreciate him trying to make me feel comfortable about her safety. I just was to asleep to get the message! It is a quiet day, only April is out at a hockey game. Brent got me a free sub earlier with coupons, he knows how to live on next to nothing these days. He spent last evening in a farmer's field camouflaged, shooting paint balls at Josh and Rich and Colin. Someone else nearby started the rolls of hay on fire. April is home and wanting a bunch of girls and guys in, I hope they aren't messy, she hasn't been cleaning up after her friends lately. I just asked April for her interim report card. My kids never give it to me voluntarily, she got great marks, the best she has ever had 73, 78, 85, and 81. I am glad she went to applied, she fits right in. ------------------------- Mom! Make Appointment for the dentist and the eye doctor... For April. ASAP! ------------------------- Stacy made some excellent squares today. She handed out one each and then confiscated the entire batch. Derrick is after her for the recipe but it is now classified as a family secret recipe that only got passed down to Stacy! I am feeling the need to start getting in shape, nothing fits right now so I have to do something about it, and it wouldn't hurt others here to join me in dieting either! It is crappy weather outside. No one wants to walk the dog today, Caesar probably doesn't even want to go, and only Stacy and James have walked him. Annie at 10/27/2003 04:36:00 a.m. James tried to dye his hair last night but the result wasn't noticeable. It isn't the stark white as it was earlier in the week so I guess it is an improvement. Froze our @$$ off at the baseball diamond- baseball in October??? Common, there outta be a law against that. April's jaw was bothering her so much that we went home for medication but found out that someone has given her a strong prescription painkiller that was quite effective - yeah, she was flying. She says that IB does nothing for her. We have to get a mouth guard so she won't grind her teeth at night. She is really following in Nadia's footsteps. Big Al insisted on 2 games but I was lucky enough to be one of the goffers who got to get the 10 boxes of pizza and I was instantly gratified being momentarily warmed holding the piping hot pizza boxes against me! After the second game we immediately ran home to get Monica for soccer but we couldn't find her. While rushing to phone her friends I peaked outside and I could see her face bouncing into my view. She was on the trampoline next door finally enjoying a kid thing! We had to pick up a schoolmate named Chris. James and I used to call him Cry-baby Chris since he was always recognizable crying at almost every soccer game a couple of years back. He found a way of making himself known in Monica's life. He requested to be on her team and then asked me for a ride to the game. Holly lives closer to him so when I asked Monica if she felt that he liked her she reluctantly acknowledged the possibility. The boy has grown more that anyone in his class, watches her school home games and tries to involve me in conversations. Monica was always respectful of him through the years when most of his classmates made life miserable for him so I can understand why he is interested in Monica. Cassie S is pregnant, poor thing at 15! She seemed too immature in grade 8 to even think about boys or even hang around kids her own age. She would often come to my door after school to tell me how hungry she was and if I would feed her. I think that like her older sister, she just wanted a mothers attention. I can't mother everyone and I need too only mother my own. She must feel all alone, she phoned April out of the blue a couple of days ago, but April never got the message until we heard her news. Nadia ended up with Derrick tonight, who had bailed out on her earlier so I wonder if he started feeling guilty about it? I fell asleep about 8ish; I didn't intend to, missed out on the World Series and hockey. I just dropped onto James's side of the bed. That was the spot that looked most inviting, the comforter ended up there this morning and it was ground zero for making me do the least amount of work to get warm fast. I was chilled to the bone from all our outdoor activities. When James barrelled into our room and made me aware that I was sound asleep, I asked about our kids, (except for Brent, I gave up asking about him months ago). As soon as I realized that my youngest was the one still unaccounted for the sleep left and worry set in. I grabbed the phone but resisted the urge to track her down; she would no doubt be at Cory's. The fact that she is 13 doesn't bother Sharon, she is just content that her son has Monica. I don't really want him to have Monica, I begrudge her missing out on the movies with all her friends. If Cory is uncomfortable with her going out with all the kids, then she doesn't go. He often tells her who she can hang out with and then gets mad if he thinks she will tell people that Cory is the one calling the shots. Monica just phoned and when I asked her what time it was she gave me 11:20, not 12:20. I was disillusioned at her using that tactic, until I realized that tonight we turn the clocks back. That's my smart cookie, taking every inch she can. James is demanding that I come to bed. "What happened to you being so sleepy? Come back to bed!" Well he was not sleepy enough not to leave the TV off and assume the flicking position. How do I stay asleep when he barges in on my dreams like that? So now he is snoring and I am here - at the computer. Annie at 10/26/2003 04:46:00 a.m. BOO! Turned on my computer to a new screensaver that made me jump out of my skin. It was a larger than life image of April in drag starring back at me as if she was trying to burst out of the monitor. Stacy doesn't want to go to the extra sports admin classes, she thinks it is too much and she is probably right. I do appreciate the teacher for his offer, as that is what enticed her to a course that she is truly enjoying. There is a rumour that a Scholarship might be coming her way from High School. Girls' Night Out Tonight was girls' night out with Fran and Carol! Carol is one of the beautiful people whose life should have been perfect except that her husband got board with fidelity. It shouldn't have happened, they had it all. Two power people with high-profile jobs, beautiful kids and a huge home. Brent was sick about their split up, thought that they were like James and I. Carol is bitter, he really broke her heart. Carol is too busy to make supper at home and they have been eating out so much that the kids have tired of it. She wants to hire someone to make meals at home for her which sounds like a good idea for them. The restaurant seated us without a reservation because Carol is a frequent customer at Hot Rocks. I was going through the motions of polite conversation since my mind was drawn back to Carol's dry matter of fact, revelation that Brandon and Brent had not been hanging around because of the pot, and Brandon blames TJ. It disheartened me because I was hoping some of the good and respectfulness that Brandon and Brent once shared, would keep them together. He is one kid I always wanted Brent to know. I hope my son finds his way back to where he was. Stacy went out with the girls and they came back here late to play some pool. I am glad that her friends are stepping back into her life. Nadia, who originally reserved our basement, went out looking for some action with Derrick and dropped by Natasha's house only to find the dreaded Jon visiting. They never revealed to Natasha that they saw him there and she didn't offer any explanation of why he was visiting. Everyone is keeping their fingers crossed that nothing will come of this visit and the will not get back together. Monica spent the evening at Cory's. I had a shock, my eavesdropping into the world of blog has come to the surface. I made my very first comment trying to help convince someone to continue with a diary for there own sake is they were not going to blog and someone named Janice emailed me back encouraging me to blog! I felt like a kid who had been caught with their hand in the cookie jar! It is sounding more appealing to me all the time but I still don't know if it want it public. I feel better right now knowing that I can put it up there but it is not advertised to anyone if I don't wish it to be. Annie at 10/25/2003 04:55:00 a.m. I sent my very first Internet comment on a blog today, but the comment was to Plain Layne, someone who is ending her blog. It is strange that I waited until it is too late to really know her - not that I would anyway but the way she writes it is almost as if you want to know her or you want her to know you. Lots of volleyball today in 2 towns either side of us. Stacy had Sullivan over, I only saw them together for about half an hour but they were running all over the place diving for hidden chocolate. He giggles all over Stacy, the boy who told me that nothing really could make him laugh can’t stop the grinning. They remind me of a cat and mouse- often times you can see her caught in his eyesight, ready to be pounced upon. They look like they are having fun but I sometimes think that she feels like she is heading towards a mousetrap. I don’t know what she is thinking. They, went out to a movie. Derrick was lying in my bed when I got home tonight, I just wish my room had of been clean, the whole upstairs is a mess. Brent and Nadia informed me that I almost had a fire at my computer desk. Something about a balloon skin and paper. It will be nice that I will have my own computer to myself more. Annie at 10/24/2003 04:28:00 a.m. April has her grade 10 testing today and is surprisingly anxious about it. Usually nothing ever seems to bother her or else she doesn't want anyone to know she is getting uptight about something. I am picking up Stacy but I also have to drop Monica off early to volleyball so I guess I better get cracking and get her some lunch. It’s my mom's b/d today so I took her out for lunch with Stacy. Are our pursed lips due to the fact that both Stacy and I have always been shy? Or are we closing out my mother? For the most part I don't get the shy feelings I used to have, I guess I am just quiet now. Mom talked non-stop, pausing every now and then to say, "aren't you going to say something?" with just a brief break to insert semi polite shrugging of shoulders (we did this in unison), and one word answers. Grammie doesn't realize that it is too hard to demand respond. I had to leave the table, my ribs felt like they wouldn't expand and every breath was cut short with a stabbing pain. Sucking in any air hurt but inhaling little baby breaths could get me at least one good exhale. I was raising my arms in the bathroom trying to get more space to breath in my ribcage when the worst thing possible happened. I got the hiccups and the anticipation of the next painful hiccup was almost as bad as trying to hold my breath to get rid of them. Later on at home I watched April with her Grammie secretly betting to myself that April wouldn't sing on demand even though Grammie offered to pay her. April did however offer in its place an ungraceful two-step with arms flailing everywhere with the occasional rude bump and grind. April got the money and her way! I just hope I never have that kind of relationship with my kids. James is looking at monitors that students have leased, that might be an option for us. Nadia showed us an ad for Dell computers that have been returned from lease by students. James got the 21 inch monitor he wanted so much, a Trinitron $399.00 he actually is enjoying it, I call it the Binford 2000 model (Man sound grunt OHOHOHOHOH). Then we got a Dell computer for Nadia and April for $475.00. Brent was surprised that we went ahead with our purchases before consulting with him but happy that for once he didn't have to take any computers apart to build one. Brent said that he was up early and wanted to come home but TJ wasn't feeling well and she didn't want him to leave her. A quick glance at his James's hair brought out a groan when he realized he'd missed the opportunity to get his hair cut. Judging by the cowl licks on the back of his neck his hair has been under the cap for quite some time. James's hair has gone past the grey stage and entering stark white made more obvious every time his hair is cut. I still have no control of my fingers running through his beautiful thick hair! I invited myself to supper with Brent and James. I should have let the boys go out alone but I couldn't resist that chance to be with my son for any length of time. The food would hardly go down, as I was still feeling full from luncheon date with Grammie. Dan has a new girlfriend. Nadia had spent the evening out at Derrick's dinner and late to come home. Annie at 10/23/2003 04:15:00 a.m. The smell is still here although it is bit better. My mouth feels so gross, a thick garlicky coating so that I need a constant supply of mints. It is repugnant and I can taste it still, I have to have gum or tic tacs or else it drives me up the wall. I have done laundry like there is no tomorrow and I am sick of it. Caesar is a lot better today although he seemed upset that no one wanted to be near him. Derrick wouldn't come near our dog or our house! Nadia missed an important day at school too Shopping with Fran in the morning- she makes me shop as I have to resist the urge to flee so I guess that it is a Martha Stewart good thing. Hepatitis B shots in the afternoon, the kids that is known as the shyest boy, was the one who offered me his funniest expression for the camera! All the other kids who intended on giving up a comical face when the needle broke the skin, stared blankly at the camera. Harmony, what every mother wants- togetherness at the supper table. Our precooked meal took us by surprise when everyone in unison spat their meal back out on their plate. They must have spilled too much spice, eating it was not an option. So we took the food back to Cosco, Doesn’t take much to spend alot there $250 or so. Cosco food sampling took the place of supper. Brent is at home tonight but our time with him is interrupted by TJ's phone numerous calls. I don't think I would begrudge her if she made an appearance but she is making herself a girl that you don't bring home. I really would like to get to know her. I want to like her. Annie at 10/22/2003 04:34:00 a.m. Smell ya later! We are experiencing sensory overload here! Fabreze, Glad deodorizers, vinegar, incense with the underlying heavy garlicky smell of skunk. I don't know what is worse. The aromas of all the camouflage scents is all mingling together nauseating everyone but James who sits with a glade air freshener close proximity to his nose. Songs for the day To the music of: To all the girls I've known before – To all the wuss's I've known before, This one wouldn't even come in our door. He puked upon our lawn, the keys he tried to abscond, whined and coughed and choked, some more. And for Friend's Smelly Cat changed to Smelly dog, you can make the words up yourselves! Only Monica went to school this morning and she came home for part of it because of the teasing. Nadia told her to go back and reply to any insults, "At least I have a reason to smell, what's your excuse?" We decided that if we were going to make an impact on people that we should travel in a pack today. We went to the restaurant, were a little nervous and tried to make ourselves inconspicuous until Stacy dropped a bottle off the table and it bounced and bounced and spun, at least if it had broken it would have been over and done with but it made enough racket for the whole restaurant to notice us. The waitress didn't mind, she had a cold! After April dyed her hair, she tool off her glasses she could hardly see herself. Her eyes are so bad! Annie at 10/21/2003 04:03:00 a.m. Monica phoned me at 1am to say that she was still there at Cory's! 1am and she is 13 years old! This has got to be one of the worst weeks I have ever had with some of my kids. The Real Stacy After another sleepless night I did so much brooding and thinking that I realize that I know my daughter very well and even though it can be made to look like she could have orchestrated events, I don't think she has the heart for it, so I am sticking to what I believe Stacy to be. Still it took me all day to sort out my feelings, and I know I have said this so many times before, that she is so much like me. I just don't want her to reach the lengths I did in order for her to have what she thinks she wants. I actually married, to exactly what I was looking for before I realized, that, my god you better be careful what you wish for, you just might get it. I have to take a step back and let Stacy sort out what she needs on her own. If she has to fall I will try and catch her as painful as it wil be but I will be there for her. I can only guide her if she wants me to know...she is old enough to make her own decisions. It was a very uneventful day, until... Tonight Monica let Caesar outside in the backyard. She spotted a squirrel and told Caesar to go get the squirrel. Caesar happily darted after the squirrel. Well Caesar must have thought that he hit pay dirt, he had cornered the biggest honkin squirrel he ever did see. It was black with a touch of white down his back. He was sprayed directly in the mouth! Talk about bad breath and while Monica yelled that there was a skunk Caesar sot the protection of his daddy. Little did he know that daddy was the BIGGEST wuss when it came to skunks! James ran out the front door, the dog followed and rolled around the ground to get the smell off. James started to gag and guess what he did? He hurled all over the lawn- three times! James was going to run to a hotel without his family. He tried to get the keys to the car but he couldn't come back in the house without being sick. I grabbed the keys because I wouldn't let him bail out on the family! Stacy says that we should have dandled the keys on Caesar dog collar. We don't know what we are going to do because James wants to go to a hotel. Oh but don't we smell! Stacy washed the poor dog and went to dry him off with a towel that unfortunately had burrs all through it, another little incident that happened earlier in the day. So now we have a very clean dog with really bad breath and burrs all over him- poor pathetic us!! As I frantically scrubbed my skin I got my gold earrings caught in the soap pad and my earrings are gone- down the drain!! Nite nite! Annie at 10/20/2003 04:53:00 a.m. Early this morning Stacy came to see the dog on our bed. while Stacy patted the dog, James asked her some questions and it concerned him that when she was audible, she only offered one-word answers. He tried to explain to her how she was responding but I didn't notice any difference in her. That talk really frightened James. I barely slept at all last night and I have a pain that is probably associated with the bleeding I have been experiencing. At the back of my mind is the thought of my dad and James cancer but I am not worried, it is too early to be concerned as it has only been going on for a week. Will the real Stacy please stand up? I have been thinking about everything I know about Stacy and Sullivan's relationship and I am so upset about it that I don't think I can even talk to Stacy. I am embarrassed and ashamed at the way she has behaved in her relationship with him lately. I am being overwhelmed at the way she has ended up treating him. I never thought that my kid would ever treat another human being the way she has treated him with no regard to how he feels, no empathy what so ever. I always thought that my kids were kind and compassionate but she has put him in the position to lose everything and he doesn't even have a chance to really have the relationship that she dangled in front of his face. At first she was like a child with a new present and delighted in everything about him gushing about how smart he was how nice and how 'pretty' he was. She enjoyed him being with the family and even let him banter with April, something she would never let happen before. She even told me how pleased that Sullivan was going places with Nadia in early September because it almost made up for how Brent and the guys were treating him. Then school came and everything changed. There is no college where there is so much homework that you can't cut out a little time every couple of days just to touch base with your boyfriend. She told me that he was very sexually active with his last girlfriend. He had all the sex he wanted, but he wanted what Stacy and him started out with, the intellectual part, and he had every reason to expect their relationship to develop slowly into something more physical. Now he has a girlfriend that he knew was not experienced, he has known her well for 9 months and even after 6 months of them being a couple, he is still here and being treated the way he is. He is just waiting to try and make some sense out of it. She must know that he is here because he loves her so much. Just the fact that he is here trying so hard should show anyone that he clearly loves her and that it wasn't the sex at all. Any other guy would feel so rejected that he would have moved on long ago or brought the sexual relationship up to a head. She is bothered by the fact that he talked to Jodi about the lack of intimacy. Well if he is a concerned boyfriend whom else is he going to confide in? Is he going to pretend that nothing is wrong like she is doing? Who would have ever imagined that she would have responded to him this way after there obsessive beginnings? He is looking for answers and solutions. Looking back it must be so ironic to him to watch her slather great affection on our dog. He should have been getting what the dog was getting at least some of it. Meanwhile he sits right beside her and all he gets are hard punches. And here everyone would be thinking that if they were that physical in their play fights they must have a pretty intense sexual relationship. He had every right to presume that part of the relationship would come to be. Going into there relationship Sullivan has lost all of his friends because of his relationship with my daughter and she knew there was that possibility and she went ahead. She knew what he was up against and the sacrifices her made to be with her. He has had certain expectations of where their relationship would be and how strong their feelings were in the first 3 months and waiting for her to even touch him made him feel all the more –that they really did love each other. She took a while to tell him she loved him and that showed him that her feelings were growing stronger and then all of a sudden she kept him at arms length. She even named his privates, demanded that he kiss her feet, slept overnight with him, but has given him no other physical contact whatsoever. Now she tells me that when they are alone all he wants to do is make out. Doesn't she realize that all he wants is her human contact and that touching doesn't always lead to sex but there is a mutual understanding of feeling loved and just being intimate by the touching of one another? I guess that every parent likes think their child is a kind loving person but it is hard to envision that she could be this cruel. Nadia won contest to Woodbine Race Track, went there too early saw the horse racing but got too bored so cut short before the actual festivities. April is babysitting at 6:30 for someone we done know who lives down the street. They gave her $30.00 for 3 hours! I have been looking at Stacy and realizing that maybe I have been looking at her through a mothers eyes that only see perfection. Maybe she is not the person I thought she was. I am getting the sick feeling that I have not been protecting her from unfortunate circumstances but aiding her in doing exactly what she pleases to anyone in her way. Looking back over the years, she has asked me for help and I never thought twice about giving it. I thought that she was so much like me with having trouble coping with emotion and shyness. Now maybe I can see that she has used me in getting to what she wants, and that is whoever is not available. She might have been putting herself in circumstances where it has been exciting for her. Jake experienced it first with his good friend, Dezzie competing for Stacy's attention and then Darren. She asked me to help her break off with Jake when Darren was on her mind and only I knew what was going on there. She got involved with Jessie when Sarah was his girlfriend- made him wait until an acceptable amount of time had elapsed- she kept him hanging just as she did with Sullivan. Sullivan had a girlfriend, she had a boyfriend and I could see the attraction. I really do think he loved her right away, but now I am thinking that Stacy was only after the excitement. Did she string him along until he broke off with his girlfriend for her and then later ask me to help her to break off with Jessie? Whenever she was in any conflict that made her look bad she has asked me to help her out and I have shown her how to turn the tables to make it look like she is the innocent one or how to shift blame. Later when she was getting in a bad situation with everyone thinking that she had been trying to see Sullivan while Jessie was in the picture or just out of it, she asked for help again and again I smoothed things over. I did help her- even with Jessie's mom. I covered all her tracks. She knows and I would do it all over again if I knew the reasons that she needed my help, whether it was to help a shy girl, get out of a mess she had no control over, I would help her in an instant. But I no longer know the reason as to why she needs my help. I get her out of trouble when she gets cornered and it looks like people will see that she only wants the excitement of having what she should not be longing for. After the Goosebumps or butterflies leave, then so does she. If it doesn't give her an adrenaline rush, then it is not exciting enough for her to want it. Over the years a number of people have accused her of flirting with everyone, so maybe she has been all along. Even with Ryan when they went to get Jessie's present for the year anniversary she wrestled strenulesly with him for quite a while. I can't talk to her right now because I don't think I should say the words about how I feel when I am this upset. I don't have any appetite and I feel ill. I don't know if it is because I am seeing Stacy in a new light or I am actually very sick. Which one is the real Stacy? At times like this a get a jealous tinge that the blog girl Plain Layne gets advice on every aspect of even the most mundane of days and here I need any feedback but I have not put myself out there to get any. Stacy dressed Monica up as a Goth Girl, they spent a good amount of time together and Monica kept the getup on to show Cory after his hockey practice. Monica had planned to have him over but in the meantime Nadia had an impromptu get together with her friends. Rather than get in-between what I thought would be an easy resolution Monica's temper flared up at the unfairness of it all. I tried to get them to resolve their problem and Nadia suggested that they share the basement like the older ones often have but Monica wouldn't budge off her righteous podium. Just how unjust can we be? Monica's ranting escalated into us threatening to ground her and when Cory called she was so wound up that when I asked her if she had the call she said yes. I hung up and then she realized that she hadn't picked the phone up so he had been cut off. Nadia said that she heard Monica's temper tantrum as they were heading up the stairs to leave but after the grounding threat she went back downstairs. I let Monica go to Cory's after she had washed Goth Girl off her face and then Nadia and her friends left the house too. I wish Nadia had to let me know her intentions but most of all if Monica had bent a little bit and brought Cory downstairs, the older kids would have left and there would have been no problem. James offered me a drink and even though I had no desire for one I thought that maybe it might dull the disillusioned way I feel. One turned into 2 but that didn't help either. To add to the high anxiety of the day Monica did not come home on time from Cory's. I am still waiting for her. I won't phone, I just want to see how long she will stay. I have had a very bad day. I feel like crap! Annie at 10/19/2003 04:46:00 a.m. I phoned the school with a suggestion for the yearbook and the principal said that she had wanted to talk to me about Monica. She wanted to tell me that Monica turned down the role of the president for the student counsel and instead ran for the Secretary. After the vote came in Monica realized that she had won by a landslide and was bothered by the fact that the other four kids felt bad about how the vote went. She told the principal that she didn't think that she would feel comfortable knowing that people were disappointed and that she would feel better if they formed a committee for the secretary position where she could ask for there help but she would get the final approval of whatever was submitted. They said that she is showing leadership skills beyond her years and is a born diplomat. The principal said that she has not come a cross a person in elementary that she has held in such high regard as Monica! Stacy is not near me at all, I am done in right now, the kids all think that I have a bruise under my eyes but they are just puffy, I guess dark circles. Brent even touched under my eyes to see if it was a bruise. Just what everyone needs to make them look 15 years older. You should try it!!!! I had a rare experience today, I saw my son in the morning! Brent phoned James and I in the morning for a ride home! Brent is ecstatic that the Canadian dollars is doing so well against the American dollar. This is my only grasp at any hope that he is doing anything worthwhile with his time right now, that he might be doing business with the company that Brandon Alexio, Adam and him have. Brent was up early so that he could prepare for a trip to Kingston to see his college buddies with TJ. Rich picked him up in the late afternoon. I asked Brent about money, he says he has none but this trip won't cost him anything either. TJ is getting food and supplies from her mom, pillaged probably, but I noticed his belongings by the door also included our bread jam and peanut butter! I said nothing about it. The banks said that I would have trouble depositing James cheques a practice I have done for years and is suddenly taboo. So I suggested that we make up two new accounts one joint with James where we could deposit his cheques and one savings for me so that I could immediately transfer the money over to my account. James took me to Gordon Biers for breakfast, saw Crystal Brent's old girlfriend. She looks better with a couple of more pounds on her. Seeing her immediately reminded me of the email she sent when she told me of her regrets at having pushed Brent away and what he had meant to her. I wonder if Stacy will feel that way with Sullivan one day? Nadia talked to me about Stacy today, was sad to say that she wishes that she could always know Sullivan but the way Stacy is acting lately she knows that she won't have that opportunity. All of her friends think he is the nicest guy and some are very attracted to him. She thinks that Sullivan is probably the best thing that has ever happened to Stacy but unfortunately she may never realize it or if she does it will be too late. The kids went out to get a pizza and someone stole their pizza ran right by them, so the store gave them complimentary pieces while they waited for another one. Stacy went out for the evening without telling us where she was going or who she was with. We asked her directly and she said she was going out around with her friends. She came home at 1:30am to say that she was at Melissa's. When James told her that we tried to phone her she said that she no longer had a phone and the phone our James saw her with was Amy's phone. I don't understand that part. I remember Melissa had asked Stacy earlier in the week if she would come over but she never committed so why did Amy need to give Stacy her phone to find out where they were? James talked to her, I was too upset to be involved. Nadia was very compassionate towards me tonight and even tried to console me with a back or head rub but I wouldn't go anywhere near anyone. I wish I had of, as it was nice that Nadia cared enough. I guess I push away people too. Annie at 10/18/2003 04:26:00 a.m. Monica was up at 12:30am, I heard low voices so I snuck downstairs to find Monica in the dark talking to Cory for over an hour! She is taking this relationship too seriously- they are 13, they should have been in bed not thinking of each other hours ago. I can't sleep just thinking and worrying about Stacy for over a month now and it is taking a toll on me. I have a huge headache too but that might be from the volleyball bash from yesterday. Stacy came home at 10:00 in when a class was cancelled in a very pleasant mood, helped Monica out at lunch with her homework, went to the store bought hair elastics for her and Monica and then raked the leaves from the front lawn. I thought everything was rosy. I was foolish to think one talk with her would make everything all better because she flaked out with the dog on my bed and was asleep for 3 hours. It was discouraging in trying a number of times to wake her up and when I finally did she started in on her friggin homework. Sullivan phoned from school to see if they could do anything and of course she said that she has homework. I had to leave the room as I was fighting back the tears. How do I put it across to her that she is loosing family, friends and everything because she is withdrawing into a boring empty space? James and I talked and he thinks that I should talk to Mark to see how we should handle getting her help. I think that we should try and pull her out of college because I'll be damned if I am going to watch what happened to her last year happen again. I am not strong enough to watch my baby burn out again. Stacy did stop her homework after a while came down stairs and just when I thought she was sleeping with the dog again she announced that she wanted to car. I asked why she wanted the car as I always to and she said it was to go see Sullivan! It was so nice to know that she still has empathy for other people and must be aware of how Sullivan must have felt this last month and a half. The head of the cross country emailed me after I sent a picture of him from cross country. I sent him an email back Hey there! No I am not coming on Wednesday. Unfortunately Monica placed 9th, was passed at the last second so she didn't qualify. Her training time was cut short this year, as she is involved with so many sports as well as running the yearbook for the school year and student council! I will miss the cross country though. Something you said over the loudspeaker 6 years ago at Trillium Trails will always be a measurement in time for me. Every time I have a child in Grade 8 (Monica is the 5th of 5) I still get the lump in my throat when I remember you telling us parents to, "take a good look at your grade 8 sons, this is the last time you will see them at this meet". Yesterday I realized that it would be the last time period that I will be there. It has been a positive experience. Monica learned a lot from this sport. You will probably remember her frustrations as a little mite Cheetah when those darn legs wouldn't take her where she wanted to be. I would often wonder why I was even bringing her when she would get so disappointed in herself but she was determined. I even had to drag her off the start line once when she was cut by cleats for stitches and she still wanted to compete. She dreamed of beating Jenn - just once. It didn't happen in cross country but it came to be in grade 6 in the 800 meter race and it will only ever be just once, but she is satisfied that she accomplished her goal! One of the judges looked at her and said, "You don't know what you just accomplished!" Oh but she did! I don't think her success in running was ever from talent for her, but sheer determination and brute strength. Thanks for bringing out all the good qualities that has made Monica a well rounded person. The school tells me that she is a natural born leader with a positive attitude and the ability to teach younger kids her sports. She is a very happy girl. I hope to see you in other sporting events and take care of you and yours! Yours truly, Annie Edwards Annie at 10/17/2003 04:14:00 a.m. Brekkie in Bed Woke up to breakfast in bed from Stacy- French toast. It is a far cry from the dread we used to feel when as young kids we could her them struggling with a breakfast tray and know that we had to eat whatever was on that tray- no matter what it was. Their breakfasts are now user friendly. Nadia and Derrick were up until 3am doing their project last night. They work so well together, it is nice that they have been able to have each other as teammates in school. Cross country Monica placed 9th in the finals. It was the windiest blistery day imaginable. You had to bow into the wind to keep your footing on the plateau and in the back of your mind was the possibility that if the wind suddenly went still, we would all lose the resistance and tumble down the cliff that we were perched on! Lunch Lecture Talked to Stacy over lunch, my stomach in knots the whole time. This is one of the hardest talks I have ever had to have with one of my kids. I want everything to be good for her but she is becoming so remote. She shut right down again after our Sunday night conversation, doesn't want to talk to me or to Sullivan. I had to tell her about parts of her past that we all pretended never happened. It really anguished me to tell her how the doctors wanted us to take her to some type of therapy last year and she was surprised. I told her of the patterns in her life and she actually laughed at the instances I gave her because I nailed it big time. In a nutshell, she is a perfectionist who expects everything to work out a certain way, holds in when the little things that irritate her should be addressed and dealt with right away. She has to learn to express anger and let it go. She lets the little things that irritate her build up to a point where she is so annoyed at the person, that no matter what the person does, it is almost beyond repair. It is all little things that she bottles up things that should not bother her or if they do, yell, bitch and then make up to whoever is involved. Most of the times people don't even know that there is a problem, she is just not around or sleeping but only if you are not paying attention you don't realize that she is being quiet or sleepy or unavailable. Stacy doesn't have time for other people, she doesn't finalize hardly any plans. The other night she just wandered around the streets with her girlfriends because they didn't commit to anything. I want her to learn to make plans and not at the last minute, but I think that will be the hardest thing for her to do. Melissa phoned to ask her to do something on Friday night, I don't think she said her normal 'lets see' or 'will see' but I am not sure it was definite commitment either. I don't even think she knows she is doing it. Monica and Nadia both have complained about that too. I am worried about her; I don't want her to be as old as I was before she knows how to be happy. It might be hard to change, she was improving for the best when Stacy and Sullivan started going out, she acted deliriously happy and I thought she was growing out of it but... Right now she is a girl that used to do everything for people and now she doesn't even realize when people are trying to do for her. Monica does her laundry and little things Nadia tries to talk to her to build an adult friendship and Stacy is oblivious. She is extremely high maintenance right now and I hate to see that when she can be so easy going. I think she is making herself be focused on school so that life will pass her by. Stacy seemed all right after our talk but in the evening she had a strange look on her face and everyone asked her what was wrong as she curled up on the love seat in awkward positions on the love seat. She must have been reflecting on what I talked to her about, she had three hours of babysitting at work tonight and there were no kids there so she had all that time to think. She looked pained on the couch in a position that everyone who came in the room asked if she was all right, so that was upsetting. I was very disturbed about it but in looking back anyone would be a little upset at the things I said to her so hopefully everything is all right. I hope she doesn't see this as about Sullivan, it isn't, it is just that he is more noticeable when you are looking at the problem as a whole. She is such a good kid, I don't want her to think she is doing things wrong, I just want her not to take life so seriously and enjoy herself. If that means not being with Sullivan, then she should tell him and get on with the fun she should be having. By the end of the evening Stacy looked at me so strange, I guess the mad at what I said to her is kicking in; I am going to hate this part. One of the kids said that she was on the phone for about an hour to Sullivan so that was a major change so hopefully she is trying. I will just have to be the bad guy for a while but I just know I am going to miss my Stacepot. Volleyball Slam I was taken by surprise when a blistering serve ricocheted off a post and redirected right to my face. The impact slammed my teeth together so hard that the inside of my front tooth chipped! To ad insult to injury I watched another ball dash passed me knowing it couldn't touch me only to have it rebound on the wall beside me to the other side of my head! Volleyball can be tough on spectators! April Likes a Boy Derrick, Melissa's brother is getting close to April. They talk all the time at school and on the phone. I think she likes him but her friend does too, so as usual she will sacrifice to her friend and watch by the wayside. April is actually wondering why her friend likes him if she hasn't even talked to him. This is kind of frustrating to watch, April is the one who talks to him, phones him and laughs with him all the time. Amanda has the body, not the face. April has the face, but is overweight, so she helps her friend try for the boy she likes. I wish April would try even a little to lose weight. I know some parents are secretly happy when there kids have the weight issue or pimples. It keeps the boys away- but I just plain want my kids to take all the advantages they have and make the best of it, learn from there experience. But right now all that April is learning is to be friends with guys and watch them go for the bodies. I hope she doesn't become bitter over this trend. Annie at 10/16/2003 04:47:00 a.m. I was nudged awake with a cake in bed last night, April had baked it and even though I shouldn't have eaten it, she went out of her way to find vanilla icing. I ate it half asleep, but it was very moist and yummy. Water would have been nice but I was too tired to get it myself! I got another nudge in bed later too! We must have been on a sugar high. I had a hard night thinking of Sullivan's family life in relation to mine. There were a lot of similarities to be seen. Sullivan's mom was always negative towards Sullivan no matter how he was helping and what he said or did. He is in a no win situation- he has the position of whipping boy, which was reserved for me when I was living at home. One of the boarders there even made a comment about how Sullivan's role in his family is being the one kid who does all the work and helps all the time so it is not Sullivan telling people he is, it is a known fact. The moment we came in Sullivan's mom found it necessary to say that he only did one thing to help, that she had done all the hard work. In the course of the day you could see that Sullivan had done a lot and was constantly on his feet doing her bidding. I wish they were better memories but instead bitter memories of my childhood I regards to my mother, but the memories came to the surface and are raw once more. It turned my stomach and my back was up when Sullivan and his sister were remembering things from there past and immediately his mother would say something to the effect that, "Oh Sullivan, you always made things up", or referring to his lying about the past. Eventually when his sister got on track of what he was recollecting she would validate what he was trying to get across. In there reminiscing of there childhood, you could see that the three kids held the same positions as my family did. I tried to protect my youngest brother and even my father against Dave's bullying and mom's razor sharp tongue. I was the buffer in my parents fighting. Dad wouldn't battle so I stood in between them as if to physically and mentally protect dad against my mom. I was often in knock down drag out fights that pitted Mark and I against Dave, the aggressor. Gillian was Sullivan's ally in there little war, protecting him from home life and even extended to school. Because of his build and his lack of height he would be picked on at school and also because he was very intelligent. I guess he was like Screech in Save by the Bell. He played the role of every girl's safe date. Stacy was his fourth Prom but not because he was popular. They felt safe because he wouldn't possibly think they were interested in him but he was still fun- like a girlfriend. Things that I have heard about him almost make him like the Ugly Duckling, transformed in the last year and a half with his added height and weight to a handsome Swan. This would explain why he is not used to the way people react to his looks. He is so obviously amused when someone, whether it be male or female show there approval of his looks. He is impressed, he can't hide his amazement at his lucky and confusing turn of events. The main difference is that my dad didn't leave although he probably should have, but Sullivan's did and it left the kids scrambling with the frustration of having to deal with the turmoil themselves. He still grasps on to the dream that maybe one day soon his dad will come back, not to live with his mom, but to live in the same house, to be a family again. Gillian holds the most important role in his life, probably the only normal part of it, she protects him from his mother. Because of their closeness he is able to empathize more with the little things that interest girls and how to relate to them- what people refer to as the feminine side and a side of guys that scares the macho man. I like to think that my relationship with my brother Mark (that is so similar to Sullivan and Gillian's) received his ability to empathize from our interaction and that has made him the excellent husband, and the compassionate doctor he is today. The way Sullivan's mom treats him is the way my mom treated me. She even tried to get Stacy involved in Sullivan's domination by saying that he had agreed to have Stacy help him with the dishes. Sullivan was in an uncomfortable spot until his sister came to his rescue and told his mom that Sullivan should be with his guests. The resemblance to my life shocked me! She expects what my mother expected of me, and needled me about it countless times, so that it was tattooed on my brain. Mom expected to live with me, of all people, not the kids that she actually treated right, but me, her whipping boy. I can't even remember who mentioned that yesterday but Sullivan's moms plan is to get Sullivan to buy her house so she can live in a spot in the basement! That way she can constantly torment him. I think she riddles him with guilt that everyone has left her and all she has left is the one she whips. He gets the grief that she is burdened with her family. My moms plan failed when I met James and I wouldn't even introduce him to my parents for almost a year. I was afraid that he would leave me if he saw what my mother was like. Sullivan didn't have that opportunity since we surprised him last spring when Stacy unexpectedly dropped by. I knew then that my life with James when it didn't include her was so good, that her plan would never ever come to be. My idea of what his family life might be tarnished by what mine was all about and how closely they resemble each other. I am just so happy that James didn't see my mother as a cliff that would be too hard to climb. They way he felt about me made up for the fact that she would be in his life but I never let her get to him- ever. By looking at Stacy's reaction to Sullivan's mom I see that their relationship fate might already be sealed. I am thankful that James was able to see beyond my mother and see only me. I don't blame Stacy; it is one heavy load to put on an 18 year old. The only one of my kids to get involved in the role of mentally protecting the aggressive parent was Stacy and that was a few years back. It wasn't James or me that she felt the need to protect, but her Grammie was the aggressor and therefore looked all alone to Stacy. No one could understand why Stacy would sit there consoling her Grammie and listen to the distain that she spit out on the rest of us but in Stacy's mind, she was the only one that Grammie had, the only one that would take that. Stacy slowly began to realize that the family was not against Grammie but protecting ourselves from her. The best thing that Sullivan could do for himself is to get out of his home environment, live in residence- get away from her. No wonder he always wanted to be here. I picked April and four friends up at 2 and they all hung out in our basement. I let April cut out of school because they wouldn't let April buy out. She needed parent permission being under 16, she had a note but they changed the buy out deadline. When I got home from Volleyball with Monica, James said that Stacy was out with April and Sullivan. Sullivan showed up alone to surprise Stacy with 6 yellow roses! It is hard to impress Stacy, doesn't see the good in what anyone is doing if it doesn't follow her plans of what should be. She doesn't like anyone dropping in, never has. Jessie would say that he would come after he had to do something and she would say, "No, phone." Even if she knew he planned to come over she insisted he call first, why I have no idea but it killed any spontaneity. Eventually he never tried to come over without absolute permission. I wish she could see the good of what Sullivan does for her but she doesn't at all if it is not something she hasn't planned. Derrick is over here doing a marathon assignment. Stacy needed to open an assignment on the computer downstairs but Nadia insisted that Derrick and her needed use it for a major project. She told Stacy that her assignment could be done at college in the morning and to take it easy. Stacy wanted Derrick to get the power point program from his house but if he went home his parents wouldn't let him come back and they needed to get there work done. Stacy finally got it opened in Presentations on my computer. She was so stressed, Nadia said too much for a small assignment, that you save that for the biggies. Annie at 10/15/2003 04:46:00 a.m. The Dreaded Dinner Date Thanksgiving dinner at Sullivan's for Stacy and me. Stacy was dreading being with his mother, says it is the first time in her life that she has not liked someone's mother and why did she have to be Sullivan's mom? She hates the way Sullivan's mother treats him. Sullivan's mom should be on her best behaviour though as there will be 12 people there. Our car ride home was extremely quiet, both of us with thoughts of Sullivan's life with his mom. All Stacy said is that she feels so sorry for poor Sullivan. With much anxiety Stacy came home and crawled into bed, this day has taken a toll on her. She was as quiet as a mouse there. I went to bed early to try and wipe away the memories of my childhood that were just bared like an open wound. I can't talk about them tonight. email To Sullivan Thank you for inviting me to your Thanksgiving Dinner. It has been such a different Thanksgiving for us since James's moms stroke that you almost feel lost not doing the routine that we always did for over 20 years. It is kind of scary that a change like her illness can affect how you think of a holiday- even the thought of the 'day' can really bother you. It really affected Monica. So you helped fill a void when we needed one. I know that I am being a little nostalgic but...Now we just have to learn to make our own traditions. I guess our house will one day be the center of the universe on Thanksgiving. I just hope all the kids remember all the fun we had at Grammas and Grandpas, as they were growing up! Thanks again Sullivan. ---------------------------------- James was our on the street when we got home. He had a fantastic golf day and he was still elated, enough to arrange a golf game for tomorrow too. We shared pizza with Dave and Marita and then I went home ahead of James. The glow on his face promises one more drink and no doubt, a night to remember! Annie at 10/14/2003 04:34:00 a.m. Grammie Money Problems Again Grammie came over in the morning with a Triffle so we shared our turkey sandwiches with her. She took Stacy aside and give her some GIC's, I think or at least I hope she did. I would like her to treat her grandchildren as evenly as possible. I talked to Grammie about her depositing money in my name and to express my concern when we don't know what it is in my name, in accounts with my name on them. We can't pay the taxes and that bothers us. She said that the money is ours, she just doesn't want us to use it until she dies. I said that it wasn't fair to the boys and what would happened to our money when the boys find a paper trail to my bank accounts and my money is there too? I asked her why she is doing this to me, and if she has attempted to do this with my brothers. She said that I am the only one that has figured out that she is doing it, the boys don't know that there is money in their name too. I can't really tell them, she will get in so much trouble from the families and I don't want to initiate it, let them find out themselves. Hi grandma! It's Monica, we had thanksgiving dinner last night and it was the first time since I can remember that we haven't had dinner with you. I really miss having you close to me and I've been thinking about you and grandpa alot I really miss him. I've been listening to songs on my computer by Leann Rimes and one song reminds me of him it is called, "Please Remember". At school I'm on the student council and I am the secretary. I am running the yearbook for the entire school. I've made the volleyball team at my school and for rep. I have been running cross-country for my school and I have been improving. I Love you Grandma Monica -------------------------------- Tonight we are going to watch Paul play hockey in Whitby. It was nice to see family members especially on this weekend where we used to see all of them for dinner. Gramma was happy to be surrounded by her family. April was to come to the game after a movie with Jodi but the wires got crossed and they drove her home after the game. Dinner Dilemma ICQ messenger Sullivan - did Stacy tell you that my mother and I would like you and James to come for dinner tomorrow, if you don't have prior plans. Annie - No she didn't, I'll check with James, but of course I have to wait for Stacy to ask us. Sullivan - it'd be a nice chance for you to meet my sister, and for James to meet my mom. i just think its weird that our parents haven't really spoken to each other for more than a 5 minutes. Stacy hasn't even met my dad yet and i thought it would be really nice, hopefully everything can work out for the best. If she decides to ask you and you two are free, dinner is served at 2:30 and everyone is coming for 1:30. my dad won't be coming he is in Montreal for the weekend, it will be 12 at most, two tables - arranging the seating will be fun. Annie - Sounds good. Will that be 2 tables full then? Ok, you talk to Stacy then, you know she is shy about meeting people so good luck. She is out walking the dog right now. Sullivan - that is another reason why I invited you and James, so she isn't so shy.... we'll see. Do you think that might be a reason why she hasn't said anything to you yet....about tomorrow that is. Annie - Probably, she usually leaves plans for the last minute, my mother is calling me so I have to go. Stacy hasn't said a word to James or me about going to dinner at Sullivan's. I wonder what she is thinking? No matter how rude it is to keep him waiting, I have to respect her choice in not saying anything about it. If she won't talk about the invitation I will not ask her...it is totally up to her. Stacy finally speaks Stacy broke her month long silence that began with the dinner invitation. She is terrified of his mom, doesn't want to go, but she feels a huge obligation. She is sick about how she feels and doesn't know what to do. She draped herself over my lap and as I rubbed her back she slowly began to open up. She says that she does love him. But she feels pressure from everyone about what she should do and it all revolves around Sullivan. She wants to be happy and she is not. She fantasizes about being single - not having a boyfriend. She would like to spend a couple of years without a boyfriend to see what it is like. Most of her teenage years have been spent with a boyfriend or being pursued. Now she just wants to be alone. She says that she is too young for Sullivan to be this serious about her. She does feel isolated from her friends. Amy has been hurt by a remark that Sullivan thoughtlessly made in August about Amy being a fifth wheel and she doesn't want to be socialize with him anymore. Too bad that he didn't say 3 amigos, Stacy would have been happier. But people say things and often it comes out wrong or not as the joke that they had intended. Amy might be overly sensitive or she wants him out of the way just as I thought she did last year with Jessie. In any event Amy should let a little remark like that go - get over it. Sullivan also said something about Stacy to Paul that is so ignorant that he won't tell Melissa or Stacy. Paul said that he never wants to talk to Sullivan again. He really should tell Stacy so that she can face Sullivan with it. He should have the opportunity to explain himself. Stacy is very confused about Sullivan right now and is very uncomfortable with his mom. His mom is overbearing, treats him like shit even when Stacy is with him and she is scared to death of her. His attitude about intimacy conflicts with her own so she has kept her distance in that regard. One of the first times she ever went to his house he brought her to his candle lit room, sat on the bed, and from what I gather patted the mattress for her to climb on board. She wondered why he would think that they would have sex, knowing that she had never gone that far. He acted surprised, saying that his last girlfriend had sex with him there all the time and it was no big deal. This has always bothered her. She says that lately all he wants to do is be alone with her and 'make out'. So now I know why they spend all their time in the family room these days and not down stairs watching TV. In any event she should know that sexual intimacy is part of a relationship and from what she has told me and what her friends have repeated that Sullivan has told them, she hasn't done anything with Sullivan - ever. I told her that she should expect him to presume that this part of their relationship will gradually escalate. It is a natural assumption, especially since they have both claimed that love each other. But that is another problem, Sullivan said it right away when he first tried to go out with her so his idea of love may not be what hers is. He has respected her abstinence but recently talked about his sexual frustrations to one of her friends, which really bothered her. And of course Jodi told her all about what he said. At a time where she is trying to get some space from him, he is now pushing the intimacy. I told her that the most important thing is to try to keep happy and if you are not, then somehow to fix it. If it can't be fix, she has to end it. She can't just ignore the problem; he is not going away no matter how withdrawn she has been to him. She has invested time and he has lost friends over their relationship so it is important that they have to put in an effort to make it right. She has to vocalize no matter how uncomfortable it feels. You have to take the bad with the good. If she doesn't want to go out with him anymore then she should talk to him now. The most important part is that if she doesn't want a boyfriend, she should not be going out with him and she should tell him that right away. I left it up to her whether she should cancel dinner tomorrow. She wants to say that she is ill, because she does feel sick about this whole matter. I am so relieved that she is talking to someone and that someone is me. Annie at 10/13/2003 04:30:00 a.m. It turns out that Stacy just walked about town aimlessly with Coral and Amy. They stayed away from the party because it was mostly potheads there; They were with a guy that is a friend of Amy's. We forgot and left the turkey out, it was completely thawed so we had a quick change of plans and had our dinner tonight. Sullivan joined us so we had the opportunity to watch my daughter pummel her boyfriend. She is too rough with him but this time she is the one who got a bloody lip, but he surely paid the price. I don't think that Stacy is comfortable with her relationship with Sullivan. It seems that she is holding all the cards and he just does her bidding. She is not committing to plans at all and leaves everything up in the air until the last minute. I think that Sullivan showed some temper in the summer and it frightened her and she feels very uncomfortable with his relationship with his mother because of his moms temper. She needs to learn how to handle conflict but Stacy will go out of her way to avoid it at all costs and the price this time unfortunately might be to lose, as Nadia puts it, probably the best person Stacy has ever known. Brent came home for Thanksgiving and actually had good conversations with Sullivan. When they talk between the two of themselves you can see how much alike they are intellectually. Brent says that he will treat Sullivan nice one on one but he will not socialize with him if Sullivan tries to be with his old friends. It is terrible that he had to lose all his friends in order to go out with Stacy. It was a high price to pay so I hope it has been worth it. I think he thinks he made the right decision. With Stacy he says, "I had a great summer. The best in the 19 years I have been alive, it was truly my best summer and favorite experiences." Nadia joined in on the conversations later, Derrick didn't want to come but Nadia doesn't think that he knew that she required his presence at our Thanksgiving dinner, as it would have been an opportunity that we usually don't get. We usually have them at the same day. Monica chose to go for dinner with Cory and his family to Don Cherry's, which was a disappointment since she was out of our family traditional thanksgiving. Annie at 10/12/2003 04:00:00 a.m. Nadia was up in the night sick with stomach problems. She looked up the prescription on the Internet to find that her medication was to be taken with food. She will know better for next time, poor kid. Monica was asked to head up the student council. She felt bad that she beat out someone that really wanted to do it so she asked if there were a way they could do it as a team. They suggested that she be the secretary, that way she reasoned that she wouldn't have to talk in front of the school so she is secretary. April sang at the awards ceremony at the High School. She said that Fran kept making her smile. I would have liked to have seen that but hopefully she will invite me another time. Stacy went to the class that the teacher, the one that Nadia knows, invited her too. She had to do a presentation there after she introduced herself to the class. She had a few minutes to prepare for it but she was all right for it since most of the class was not there. There was one guy who blatantly started at her to the point that she became annoyed. Brent came home, TJ is at work. Nadia and Derrick bought Stacy and friends booze tonight. Stacy didn't tell me any of her plans, just that she was out with Amy. She had Derrick and Nadia buy her booze and told them that she is going to a party near Melissa's. I worry because I don't know her plans or the driving arrangements. Email from Gramma ANNIE HOW ARE YOU WITH ALL NICE WEATHER PRETTY NICE EH????? WELL IM GOING DOWN TO SANDYS TOMORROW FOR THANKSGIVING DINNER WITH ALL THERE KIDS AND PAUL HER DAD AND HIS WIFE AND GOING TO DIANNES FOR SUNDAY AND IM GOING TO BE THERE FOR COUPLE NIGHTS THEN ON TUESDAY IM GOING TO NIAGARA FALLS FOR THE DAY AND OVERNIGHT AND ILL STAY AT ROZY'S FOR NIGHT THEN ILL BE GOING BACK TO DIANNES SHE IS OFF FRIDAY SO WE CAN GO TO BALA FOR THE CRANBERRY FESTIVAL SO WE ARE JUST GOING LIKE THE BUNNY RABIT??????? I WAS AT THE DOCTORS AT ST MICHAELS AND I HAD THE DOPPLER HE SAID THAT I WAS ALL CLEAR SO THAT WAS PRETTY NICE ??? HE SAID I HAVE TO GET OUT AND WALK EAT FISH -- ONCE A WEEK EAT RED MEAT DONT SMOKE---- AND NO MORE THAN ONE GLASS RED WINE OR MAYBE JUICE....... MOM XOXOXOX ------------------------------------ Sounds like Gramma is back to her old jet setting self! Annie at 10/11/2003 04:14:00 a.m. I walked the dog twice alone this morning - better to keep him separate from the pack. Fran and I are keeping them on the leash for the first part of our walk so that they won't be so hyper by the time they get off leash. I went to Marita's for tea in between my dog walks. I used to go thee a couple times a week, now I only have time for maybe once a month. Sent Brent some of his smoking pictures - pot smoking that they left on my camera and I downloaded to a secret location on my hard drive. I am sure other parents know what is going on but I am the only one that actually has been told and I appreciate being in the know. They never do it in front of me, and I hate that he does it. I just hope it is a stage that he is going through. He only started smoking regularly when he started going out with TJ...so everyone tells me. He can't be smoking all that much since he has no income, either that or he is a mooch or TJ is supporting that habit. Got lost taking the team to South Oshawa to a volleyball game. One of the kids was actually sick with worry that we were lost. I hate one-way streets! Nadia's medicine making her groggy and she has so much schoolwork to do! James is building his web page for the baseball team and Nadia has been helping him learn. Annie at 10/10/2003 04:00:00 a.m. I think they are going to try and pull Nadia's wisdom teeth to try and see if that will help her jaw because all this pain is getting too much, it is happening to her about every couple of weeks now. Nadia has to drastically eliminate anything that is big enough that she has to open her mouth wide for or to chew. This includes her beloved subs and gums (and Derrick?) I am not even going to think about that one. I hope this forced reduction on what she eats helps her to lose the weight. This was my forgot day. I forgot to drive Monica's team to their volleyball game and I forgot to pick Stacy up for College. I spent a good portion of the afternoon burning my pictures and such on cds and after Monica woke me up I had trouble going back to sleep so I tried to turn on my computer and there is no signs of life. I hope I haven't lost anything because I didn't get a chance to burn the grad presentations for April and Monica. There were only 5 girls at house league basketball so Monica was on the floor the whole time. I was relieved when we couldn't find the volleyball team after. I didn't want her to overdo it tonight. Stacy is studying right now for the week. I forget long Stacy works on Wednesday's? I have already gone by and the van is still there at work, we had supper for her but....We know now that Stacy baby-sits at the rec for 3 hours on Wednesdays. Annie at 10/09/2003 04:22:00 a.m. I took 4 of the kids to the dentists today and they had so much fun in the waiting room that some of them were in tears. Brent even commented on how much fun we had together but he is not around us these days to see that yes we frequently have great times together. My dental hygienist was a butcher, the kids voted her the worst judging by the amounts of blood they could see. Brent was telling the kids that when he is with certain friends they get a huge squirt gun and ask someone for directions. If they get up close enough to help them, they use the super soaker filled with diluted ketchup or bleach or other liquids. It sure doesn't seem like the Brent that grew up so compassionate to everyone. Brent, the little boy who would give up his toys to someone who had broken their toy. Brent, the first one on the scene to help someone with bloody nose. The little boy that he would be so upset all morning if he had had an argument with me, that he would come home with hugs kisses and apologies, even if it was me who was out of line. Do guys have to kill all decent empathic feelings just to be one of the guys? Nadia got a strange call from a guy she hasn't seen in about 8 years, since grade 8. Russell phoned Nadia, wants to get together with her and got the proper spelling of our last name from another guy Chris who she also hasn't talked to in 8 years. Russell was always a very weird guy, actually both of these guys are. The one was in grade 11 when Nadia was in grade 8 and at the time I thought that there must be something wrong with this guy socially if he had to go to elementary school to make friends. Russell had asked the only other guy that I can remember not letting her hang out with how to spell her last name. In grade 8 Russell tried to go out with Nadia but we grounded her for something she did with him and that ended anything. He promised me at the time that he would quit smoking if we would let her see him, it was funny the guy has gone through the strangest phases drugs, fatherhood, (I think) Goth. Monica was missing from Pringle Creek cross country meet for about half an hour, no one had seen her at all. She ran after my car when I went to park. I couldn't figure out where she should be because Cory was there to see her, he was with all the girls and she just wasn't anywhere to be found. I went to report her missing but she finally saw me. She stood in the parking lot waiting for me but I parked blocks away because there were a couple thousand people there. The 8-year-old boys had a pile up when they all tried to turn a sharp corner and when they all got off each other there were 2 boys just beating on each other- full contact extreme cross-country! Monica came in 15th, Holly 27th, Colleen couldn't even look at me after the race, I guess the competition regarding our daughters is still going on in her mind. Monica could run better if she trained like she did last year. She got 3rd at the same meet last year. She just doesn't want it as much this year. Her priorities are changing. Brent heard that Adam had a car accident on the 401. He has been around for a few days, I think he is with Josh right now. I just think that if he ever got back on the right sleep pattern he would enjoy himself and maybe even get a job!!! Annie at 10/08/2003 04:46:00 a.m. I walked Caesar at 7:30 this morning and I didn't mind it at all. It was startling to see the steam coming from your breath and the shadows stretched across the fields. At the edge of the shadows the grass was brilliant green, the sun had touched the frost and the air was so crisp it felt good to be one of the few out there. You could see the paths you made in the frost on the grass and Caesar would drop on the ground and roll in the frozen dew. Yes, I really hyped myself up to get up at this ungodly hour! James and I went to Casey's for lunch, he finally went to this place that I enjoy so much. I won him over with the trio menus- yeah! Dan phoned and demanded that Brent wake up. He came right to our door at 2:30pm to go tow his car, so he came to wake him. Better him than me! Monica's classmates voted her to be on the student council. The teachers will now make a vote. Stopped over to Marita's, she told me that Heather, the Neighbourhood gossiper's daughter had a loud 'smokin boozin' party and people called the police. Oh this is yummy, but if the parents are not there do the police inform them at all? I hope so. I feel bad for their kid but everyone in the neighbourhood wants revenge...payback time! Brent has been hanging around our house for a few days, I think he is with Josh right now. He is home more which I am pleased with. I just think that if he ever got back on the right sleep pattern he would have a better time. Today was Stacy and Sullivan's 6th month Anniversary. She made him a music tape that was personalized with pictures of them at the cottage in the summer. It got too late in the night for her so I made the cd cover at her request. I picked cottage scene, nothing too romantic, very understated. I also went out at her request and on a moments notice to pick up a Japanese meal- Sushi for him and they ate down stairs. He bought her earrings and an Opal necklace. She got a big flash of temper when he went up to her room, I guess to put his gift there- that is against the rules. It is weird; she gets so upset at such small things. It is just not like her, she usually is so good natured. Annie at 10/07/2003 04:40:00 a.m. Added to my list of never to buy again. French Vanilla Cappuccino. April put 5 tablespoons instead of teaspoons and she is wired on caffeine. We knew by the first words she uttered what we were in for. She rambled non stop for hours. She was a wealth of wisedom. April's solution to a guy caught cheating was so gross that everyone looked at her amazed that anyone could even think that ruthless. I guess it was best that we didn't react because I think that would encourage her. The silence after she said it was deafening enough to let her know that she had gone too far. "If a guy ever cheated on me I would poo all in between his bed sheets and throw sanitary napkins in it." We were having breakfast and for some reason I wasn't hungry anymore. NO caffeine for April. I showed Fran my motivation for excusing myself from our morning walks with the dog gang. Poor Caesar has bite marks on his neck so we will now try and arrange times to walk our dogs on their own without the pack. I continued our walk and there was Jen and he dog waiting down at the park. I immediately told her that I was not going to let Caesar off his leash and they could join me walking in the neighbourhood instead of the park. I told her that they both had to relearn good behaviour and they couldn't if they were free. I am afraid that it might be spoiled that Caesar would ever trust dogs again and we had to work on the problem now. The walked together and for the most part it went well, but Jen felt so bad that I reassured her that we will do everything to try and make it work again. Monica came by with her girlfriends all on bikes. I reminded Monica that she must wear a helmet and they all poopooed the idea. I was relieved when I saw her minutes later riding with her friends and the only one sporting a helmet. Mark had recently hit a car and flipped over the car. Carrie was impressed with his athletic tuck and roll approach to flying over the car. Mark counted his luck since one of his patients just broke their necks doing the same thing. Stacy went with Sullivan to Grammies and Grammie gave her $1000.00 towards her tuition and $100.00 for her birthday. She told Stacy that 'people' are after her money and gave the example of me. I learned how I belong in that category. Because of her offering $1000.00 for a home improvement for my birthday or a set of towels and I went for the towels???? Yeah right. They were hand towels from her house and they weren't given to me on or as a birthday present there was no apparent connection to the deal she offered me until now - six months later. How does that show that I am after her money? There is always a catch, some strings attached with her. April was voted for the yearbook best person to make you laugh at school - something we already knew at home. Dianne and Gramma came over for a visit with James and I. Gramma sounds like she is very busy. She warned James about losing weight on his waist. She told him that there was now a long history of that kind of health problems on his side of the family and basically pleaded for him to change his eating habits. James assured her that he is slowly changing his food consumption. Despite all the talent on the baseball field Stacy made the Softball Rep team!!! She really did well in the tryouts and I am so proud of her. Annie at 10/06/2003 04:31:00 a.m. Volleyball tourney in Pickering High. Our team sucks should play to compete but the coach is too fair. We won only one game and that is when she put all the grade 8's on. That is what Monica has been proposing all along. Put the talent on for the win, put the second line on in hopes of winning the next game. If they win and it is a fun tourney then play all the week players but if it is competitive the strong ones can win the match in the third game. The coach made a mistake in the line up twice and Monica didn't get to serve at all and she is there strength in serving. Sullivan was here when we got back, looked like they were enjoying each other's company although Stacy is so rough with him, but he laughs uncontrollably so I guess they are both enjoying themselves. He follows her where ever she goes and looks so happy just to be near her. Had a rare sit down meal with the family plus Sullivan - Chinese Food. April made a dig about Brit's mother and her scruples because she had 3 kids from 3 different men. I have a different slant on Brit's moms story. Yes, there were 3 different fathers but she had a one-night stand when she found out her husband was gay and that produced her second child, the dad had never had been in the picture. The third child was from Scott who she is with now. She met while in the hospital with her firstborn, Brit. There are people who fault her for the one night stand but no one could know what and how she felt when she found out her husband was gay it was probably a knee jerk reaction that has effected the rest of her life. Nadia came home happy with Jenn and Dan, she had great time at the conference. Kelly came over to hang with Nadia and Derrick. Derrick has become the token male in Nadia's group of friends. Monica is staying overnight at Kate's. She went to Holly's hockey practice and they had a sleepover together. Mark and Carrie's for the evening. For 15 years Mark would not even let the drug reps into his office. He watched as the other doctors enjoyed the perks of the business by the lavish the extravagant evenings the drug reps dangled to temp them to buy their drug supplies. Now Mark is slowly succumbing to the invitations of the drug reps, they smooze in mega style, limos, red carpets... Just by coincidence my niece Caitlin was one of the doctors babysitters and was driven home by the limo. On the way home James assumed the drivers role for about a block until he realized that I was the one that only had one light beer while the three of them had shared 3 bottles of wine. Sullivan stayed overnight. During the time I saw them together she looked genuinely happy to have Sullivan here. Stacy is now wrapped up tight in a comforter asleep on the family room floor with Sullivan at her side. Although he is here and very happy she is asleep so she really is not completely with him is she? Her life...her choice. Annie at 10/05/2003 04:25:00 a.m. It is cold in the house - about 15 degrees colder than it should before this time of year, but the furnace is not all checked out yet so all we have is the fireplace. April has been complaining of a sore stomach for about a week but she didn't want to miss afternoon class. I never have to worry about her faking to stay home. James tried to get online banking to check what they have done but the password wouldn't work so I phoned them and they have cancelled my bank card again! They don't have a clue what they are doing there, ever since they merged with another bank it feels like I am just a nuisance there. I got my hair cut by Mario and even though I knew I should leave when he was blow-drying my hair if felt too good. If I had of left in time I wouldn't have got the $14.00 parking ticket but oh well. I told James about it when I got home but I told him that I shouldn't have got the blowjob instead of blow dry. It wasn't until I saw the look on Brent's face did I realize I had used the wrong word! Volleyball after school Mr. H told me that he was leaving our school after this year because there is no talent after Monica at this school. He has been offered positions in Mexico and Switzerland and in both he will have control over the sports programs. He is itching to start up Basketball. Monica had her music test at school and she said she was shaking so bad and was too nervous. The Creature told me that she that did very well. Her clarinet doesn't work properly, it is loose fitting when you piece it together so some of the notes squeak out and drives Monica crazy. The teacher teased Monica later that she was going to make her practice in front of the school. James had a golf Tourney at Oakville Executive Golf course. Don was a no show and it really bothered Peter- not good business decision not to show up for your boss. I discovered a new email name on the msn and I presumed that April was up to old tricks making up new email addresses again. I was intent on seeing its contents and I actually opened the account, only to be shocked that it was Brents. All I could think of was OH SHIT; Brent is going to kill me! So I had to tell him because I changed his password. I think that I might have impressed the hacker! Drove Brent to TJs in the evening. I don't mind driving him, it gives me a chance to hear his voice. April had a girl's night tonight. Marina, Chelsea, Laura and Chantelle. They made little movies and took a lot of pictures. Annie at 10/04/2003 04:17:00 a.m. James had trouble sleeping so he stayed up kept Brent company in the night until the wee hours. Jessie drove Stacy to and from school today, god to see she is trying to be part of his life again. She misses the friendship they had, so I am glad she feels comfortable with him now. She said that Becky is involved with Kevin, one of Jessie's close friends. This is the second time he has been interested in Jessie's girls as he initially thought Stacy was "hot" and wanted to "get in her pants." Stacy didn't know what he meant by that at the time so she had to ask me! April was home this morning with an upset stomach. I took her out shopping and bought her a little treat of French Vanilla Cappuccino to have at home. I thought that if I indulge her with that, she would watch what she ate in other areas. When we got home she was drinking that and eating a chocolate bar together. I have to watch her with her eating. They call it Blogs! Ever been so fascinated by an article in a magazine that you want it for your very own? It is nice when you own the magazine but when you discover it in a waiting room, I have a problem of ethics. I just had to have it. I hate it when people cut things out of magazines. Just when you are all caught up in an article you turn the page to discover a missing information or a square cut out so that you can't finish what you were reading. Well today I tried to tear out an article but my conscience got the best of me when I could feel disapproving eyes burning into me. I tried to be nonchalant about it but every little centimetre of rip felt like there was a loudspeaker magnifying the noise. Guilt finally won. So I left the magazine intact but memorized what I wanted so that I could google it later - plainlayne.dreamhost.com. There was an article on the intimacy of Blogs where they go into detail about digital diaries. Finally I found out what people diaries are called on the internet. BLOGS. I have heard of that word before when I found the web pages on the Eerik suicide but I thought it was a teenage word, you know, slang words that you just can't figure out? Now that just sounds silly but I didn't know. Blogs are even better than I imagined because they actually can connect you to other people's blogs and you can even comment on them. I have spent hours pouring over archives which I love; history lets you understand the writer even more. I wish I could find the blogs that I had found last month but I dont know enough about the computer and internet to find them again. James was involved in car accident in Woodbridge. My stomach does flips when I get a phone call that starts out with, "I am all right but..." He was rear ended by a multi tasker, cigarette trapped in her mouth, cell phone embraced in between her head and neck, and a drink in hand. That is what she looked like when James came out to speak to her, she stopped talking long enough to say that she couldn't understand why she didn't see James, even though he was the 3rd car stopped. There is $1800.00 damage. His back feels strange and I just hope he doesn't have some whiplash. Election day. I was happy to see all 3 of my eligible kids vote. A lot of Stacy's friend's didn't, they didn't see the value in it, even when she pointed out the lack of sports and extra curriculum they had all through high school was a result of our government. At least vote your displeasure and get them out, she said. Nadia went with Derrick to Brampton to a Sports Career thingy- it costs them each $175.00. She is visiting Gramma and then staying over at Jenn and Dan's for two nights. They are planning to see an Argo football game too I asked Stacy if she was interested in Sullivan or if they were still having their problems because I never see her call him. She is only returning his calls, but tonight she initiated the call. If she has soured on their relationship I hope she doesn't leave him hanging. She sure is making him keep a distance from her or is it that she is swamping herself with schoolwork? She said they were fine. I do have my doubts though. Annie at 10/03/2003 10:24:00 a.m.
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