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Peaces Of Me++++
++++ The miles just keep rollin as the people leave there way to say hello I've heard this life is overrated but I hope that it gets better as we go |
Sept 29/03 Fran told me today that she went to the Elementary school to see her friend's daughter receive a principal award and she noticed my Monica walking around taking pictures for the school. Fran couldn't believe how grown up Monica looked! My baby - all grown up? April got 92% on her science exam, second highest mark!!! This is so good for April, she is really enjoying herself this year and I am so relieved. She says that it is no big deal since most of the people in her course are dumb or on drugs. In any case I am proud of her. James and I to Swiss Chalet for an afternoon brief encounter. Even though Monica was playing a Volleyball game a coach tried to recruit her for a basketball rep team strictly on the basis that she looked like such a strong athlete. Stacy's softball tryout was very impressive. The head coach knows her abilities but the other coach was impressed at how she motored around the fields to cover the other positions. She looked so good, so the anxiety at wondering if she would make the team are subsided. She is adamant that she doesn't want to try out for any other team and she is not dwelling on it at all, she will just play house league/select. Some parents are furious that their daughters were cut from the team. Coach Paul still hasn't got the nerve up to phone some of the parents of the kids that have been on his team for eons. They are all now personal friends so it will be so hard for him. We have added 3 new girls. April said that TJ is really upsetting her. They have combined April’s grade 10 and TJ's grade 12 drama classes and she says that either TJ has no idea that April is Brent's sister or she is totally ignoring her. She is upset and embarrassed that TJ is being loud and flirting with all the guys. She keeps yelling 'wowho' in class. I wish TJ would at least acknowledge April. Nadia was out with her classmates for bowling and they went to Montana's in the evening. Brent has not shown up for a couple of days. I want to talk to him so bad about any direction he is talking but I don't want to ambush him when and if he comes home. He is not making it easy to try and understand what he is going through. Good intentions don't get you anywhere and that is all I can see that he has right now. He tells me that what he is doing is just for now, now to worry about it and I have not pressured him at all. Am I being a bad mother? Should I be nagging him? Sorry, but no FN way any kid is going to turn me into a bitch, it is not my nature. Mom has hidden another $25,000 in my bank account. It is making me feel sick that I have to deal with this again. It is always money that she tries to make me notice her. I know it is there but I am not allowed to touch it and now I have to pay taxes on it until she takes it out and plays other money games with me. Annie at 9/30/2003 04:00:00 a.m. April is at a Blue Jay game today with her softball team. Despite an upset stomach she insisted on going. She refused to wear a jacket so I hope she will be all right. Fran wondered why April was so quiet at the game when Erin was so loud, a complete role reversal. James had the final tryouts today. One of the younger girls is showing well but we have been told that we shouldn't take her from the minor team. We are trying to have the girl's all one age so that they can all be the same age. That way it will be easier to keep them all together. James went to Bill's house with Paul to talk team talk. Apparently he wants to show him the 100 bottles of beer on the wall. They picked their team. Sadly the girl that was expelled for drugs got scratched from the team. Nadia was asked to join a woman's league. She wants to be on at least two teams next season. They had a practice/meeting this afternoon. Monica has to work on a project for science making a working model of a heart??? How in the world can she do that? The teacher is asking a lot and it isn't even a major assignment. Teasing us about our sex life again. When are we supposed to have one? They never go to bed. The consequences of staying up late should now be that they will hear our bed squeak! Well I guess it is that time. I just saw an unhealthy looking picture of me lying on my bed. Nadia just discovered that I can take rapid pictures on my camera so all the searching for a camera that has everything I could ever want is already mine! I deleted all of those tell tale pictures except one that should shame me enough to do something about my weight gain. I have always thought that because the weight was evenly dispersed I could get away with some extra pounds. But that picture, oh no, my stomach sticks out even when I am lying down! It was worth 25 sit-ups even if I was cheating a little as I struggled to do them in my bed. Annie at 9/29/2003 04:44:00 a.m. I fell asleep in my clothes last night so I woke up uncomfortable and extra early. Stacy said that there were some guys that stayed last night too and Jessie was one of them. It is ironical that they never even tried to stay overnight together in the almost 2 years they went out together. Last night Stacy slept on the floor while Jessie and Amy got one of the beds. Well it is a eucky day so we are all housebound, and the house seems smaller on days like these. Monica and James tried to run their tryout in the rain because there were out of towners there but it just got too slick. Nadia had Kelly over this morning to give Caesar a hair cut. He took it pretty well this time. I was helping Monica with baking- she wants to learn how all of a sudden and is trying terribly expensive squares that The Creature gave her the recipe to. No one liked the squares except for Monica. I won't be buying the ingredients again it is not worth it. The dislikeable Creature really gets along with Monica so she is happy. I still don't trust her. I don't even know if Brent is home, I think the Doobie Brothers are home this weekend but I am not sure. Steve didn't come home this week and Keith told me that he was acting strange on the drive home last time, didn't say a word the whole drive. He says he is like that sometimes. Brent has a cold though, TJ has been sick so I guess he might be getting it too but I hope not April is doing well at school the drama teacher actually phoned to tell me that. What a pleasant surprise to receive a call from school that isn't blasting one of my kids! Sullivan came over and even though he might think that he had to go home early, he was with Stacy for 10 hours and that by anyone's standards is a long date. They watched a movie that Stacy didn't enjoy but Sullivan thought it was because it was adult humour that she didn't understand. No, it just went against my daughters’ ethics that she didn't find it funny. She just didn't appreciate it and he is not giving her enough credit. It is not that she doesn't understand, but that she doesn't want to know. Ethics aside it is unfortunate that she is hiding from the curiosity that teenagers feel about any kind of sex, whether it was portrayed as right or wrong, most kids want to know about sex. She is hiding from even any talk about why she didn't like the movie. We went to Dave and Marita's with John and Olivia. Dave came home early from the camping trip, Donnie left unannounced because he had gone over the limit of his fishing and he wanted to sneak by the Park Ranger out to a distant lake. Dave was worried that his equipment would be confiscated so he wouldn't let them use it anymore. My stomach got very upset and I had to leave early. Nadia went to the Blue Jay game with Derrick and Kelly. They came over after to chill. April went to Laura's for a surprise party. She taped a music video for her and gave he a purse. Everyone at the party is staying for the sleepover...boys too? Monica phoned at 11 pm from Cory's asking if she could stay over longer. I said "Sure, no problem, stay as long as you like, its ok." in a very loud voice. She was home a few minutes later asking if I was all right. She was worried that I was drunk?? Oh well reverse psyche I guess, whatever works! It was nice that she worried about me though. Annie at 9/28/2003 04:22:00 a.m. Monica asked twice to be moved away from Jeff at school because of his infatuation with her she feels uncomfortable near him. The Creature finally agreed and is moving the whole class. Monica surprised The Creature by her request to sit by Eric because Monica concentrates better on her work, as he is not a distraction. Monica played volleyball at school yesterday and Stacy came to watch. The last time she watched at her the young boys went crazy for her and it really bothered. This time the boys were ok, but Monica said that her coach, a new teacher, was asking about Stacy to Monica. That is funny eh, I guess she is geting older and appealing to a different crowd! April's baseball tourney was cancelled for tomorrow; too many people have mono, the bad weather and some teams pulled out. April was disappointed. Chelsea's mom actually took April and the girls to the mall, to and from! So when I make myself unavailable she is all of a sudden there? James and I just cruise on by, as long as we get to spend some time together alone like yesterday we went to breakfast and Costco is always a great date... just kidding. Brent had a comment about our bed when we were contemplating whether we should by a new bed. It squeaks but Brent pointed out that the squeak shouldn't have a rhythm and then him and Dan dashed out of the room! I went to Stacy's softball try out; there are alot of girls from about 4 different teams trying out for this one team. Some strong talent are trying out. I think there could be at least 2 very good teams but if Stacy doesn't make it she doesn't want to try for any other team so she will go back to house and select. The one thing that is against her is that she was out of the line up for about a month for 2 years in a row so she might be labelled as injury prone, but I don't know. If she is picked as a back up picture, then she might find herself the bench warmer and I think then she would rather play house. She is good/ and enjoys right field but I notice 11 kids trying out for field! So who knows? Nadia had her friends over and they cooked about $50.00 worth of frozen food tonight and there were piles of leftovers. They just cooked everything they could find. When we got home from baseball they were all holding their bellies and there was a tonne of leftovers crammed in the fridge! After tryouts Stacy went over to Coral's and then came back with the girls to get her stuff for a sleepover. I am glad that she is seeing more of the girls, but I hope she is communicating with Sullivan, at least letting him know her plans and not excluding him, if she is still happy with him. In other words, I hope she is not stringing him along. James went to a coaches meeting for Roti at Bill's house. One of Monica's team mates has been expelled from her school so that is upsetting. Believe it or not it is for drugs- at 13! It was the 2nd time she had been caught. Yes, and the coaches were complaining about her lackadaisical attitude in the tryouts, how it doesn't look like she is even trying at all and how they were reconsidering if they even wanted her on the team because of her attitude and then this comes to light. Apparently, she is a follower, which is her weakness. I do like her and I hate to see her get in the wrong crowd at this early an age. I wish I could shake her and tell her to step up her game, look like she wants to be there and watch her do what I know she can do...she just has to want to belong. Nadia has had that jaw pain for most of this week so she has been very unhappy. Meanwhile on the home front trouble is a brewing! Where was April Friday night? Why did she come in and run to the toilet and not tell anyone she was sick? The older kids noticed it not me but there is an aroma of throw up in the bathroom. I guess she thinks she is getting away with something. HMMMMM. Annie at 9/27/2003 02:20:00 a.m. I was treated to breakfast in bed. French toast made by Stacy. My dog walking buddies think that she is wanting something from me but I don't think so. She even buys me clothes, like tops, so I just feel the love! ICQ messenger Annie: - I just got in for the first time this morning - busy transporting kids and dogs! Sullivan - Stacy finally opened up to me a little bit last night, it felt good to get in trouble, she actually told me she was mad and why. She is starting to be open with me, and we had a great afternoon. So I think things will just go up from here Annie: - I am glad Sullivan - yep, and I told her that from now on when I bring up something controversial, I am not talking at her but to her, wanting to know what she thinks, conversing with her. AND I FINALLY SLEPT LAST NIGHT I was at 129 hours without sleep. -------------------------- I didn't well last night and I have to drive the Monica’s Volleyball team into Pickering this afternoon. I don’t have the thinking ability Brent does when I miss sleep. I drove to the school this morning with the emergency brake on. I don’t know why I didn't sleep, I just was in deep thought about parenting. You think that you are on track with one of your kids and then you find out they resent you for being too lax which equals not caring? Then I am too strict, I am in their face, I guess you just can't win. Maybe kids are supposed to rebel no matter what. Maybe you just have to figure out to what extent the rebelling will be. I don’t know. I know they have to break away from me to become self sufficient and so I thought I have been trying to help them but it is in no way not caring. I found a note from one of my kids from a couple of years ago. Rules of acquisition lets me read things that I find on the floor or when I am cleaning I was just surprised at their opinion that I didn't care what they did. That is not it at all. I always thought that they had to learn there little mistakes but I could help them with the big ones I think that I am one of the few parents that actually know where my kids are at any given time. So, I am losing sleep over the way someone thought of me a couple of years ago-- like I can control that- I cant', it doesn’t make sense to worry about something that happened a couple of years ago. So I just have to chill out and relax. James and Jodi just phoned so I guess that means lunch is due for Monica. I have to go make the wraps. You know just writing about the trivial problem made me feel better. Brent came home today. He says that his sleep pattern should be back to normal. He has been rearranging TJ’s room around. Drove the volleyball team to a school on Altona Road and got lost going home. The principal told Monica that she was very influential to her teammates and that she was an excellent volleyball player that had a great attitude toward her players and opponents. Brandy, as usual, went crazy on our ride home from the game. The whole van shook as she tried to distract other drivers by bouncing, yelling, waving her arms and banging on the door and window. To her glee, one driver responded so she wouldn’t leave him alone and pounded on the doors and windows even harder. After the third light I discreetly put the van in park, used the automatic door opener to open her side door and exposed her to the driver beside us. She suddenly cowered, looking vulnerable and yes, it is hard to believe, quiet. My vanload of girls unleashed their laughter as she frantically scrambled to shut the van door! Stacy drove to the High School for lunch with Bruce and Jodi and then in the evening with Jodi. James bought a Pitching machine from the Internet and we bought a new battery for camera. April and Monica wouldn't cooperate with me on a tiny request so I am on strike for driving April and Monica for tomorrow. Annie at 9/26/2003 04:07:00 a.m. My 3 day headache is gone finally! Please Annie no more red wine!!!! Gramma came over in the afternoon, she looks great, she has lost weight but her hair is so noticeably thicker. She says it is from taking vitamins. I think that maybe the artery blockage she had was making it hard for her body to take in any nutrients. I went again today for Massage Therapy, I don't think I will be needing it again as my neck feels so much stronger. I will miss the feeling though, I will have to train James to do it! Sullivan was elected Class President, I didn't realize that Nadia was Class President last year, she said that she never went to any of the meetings so she won't even include it on her resume. Stacy went to the high school after she got out of college, and got caught by the guidance councillor so Stacy made up a story about needing a copy of her community service hours. She went out again. I don't know if she has plans, I just think she is driving restlessly about. She had a craving for crispers. To Sullivan- about our family. It might be hard to envision this but my family grew up with not even a voice raised until they were pretty old. It has been only in the last couple of years that you could hear us being loud to most people standards. Mostly because I grew up with my mom always yelling at me, so I went out of my way not to use words for 'evil' for lack of a better word. I believe that I already told you that we had to get help for Nadia to learn to express her anger when she was about 8 or 9. Expressing anger is something kind of alien to us. I grew up with a very smart family and I learned that words can hurt, they can manipulate, you can't take them back and they are remembered always. I believe you have grown up the way I did so I can understand if you raised your voice or said words that really bothered her, again, I don't know what was said. So just choose your words wisely and well and you can get a better reaction out of Stacy. I guess this must be weird but they really find it hard to express anger. April however, does have the hang of it!!! Well I hope things work out the way you both want it. But I don't know what that is. I hope I have been able to help you understand our family life. I know that everyone upbringing is different. James and I just had an incredibly easy time with them when they were young and they all got along so well but it didn't help them to understand conflict when they grew up. --------------------------- Sullivan was here for a while, unfortunately had to wait at the college for an hour because James and I both had the vehicles. They went out to grab a bite so hopefully they can work out what is going on. All I know is that it shouldn't go on the way it is, Stacy has to talk to him or at least let him know where he stands. Annie at 9/25/2003 04:56:00 a.m. Erin was so upset by Chelsea undermining that she told her basketball coach everything Chelsea has been doing to her...yeah!!! Now that Fran can't drive Erin to basketball in the early mornings Chelsea is playing little head games about her getting rides with them after all the many years of Fran and me driving them EVERYWHERE. I guess it is just that I feel vindicated for feeling this way about Chelsea when I know another parent has been through the same thing with her. Headache all day, I guess it must be from the wine I had, will I ever learn? KEEP AWAY FROM RED WINE! Stacy came with her new friend Amy over for lunch and a movie. Good to see her meeting new peeps. Brent went out with Dan. I really don't see Dan at College, he seems very available to Brent right now and at our house quite a bit. Caesar bit Derrick today and Derrick is taking it personally. Tryouts for Stacy for Softball and Monica for Volleyball. Nadia still is sick with jaw pain. I can't help but think that at least if she had her wisdom teeth out she wouldn't have to go through the problem most of us have with wisdom teeth. If we can keep her out of the dentist as much as possible it might help her jaw. Monica ran her first school cross-country. She was disappointed with her 22-place finish. She was hyperventilating even before the race. Holly got about 14th but voiced her displeasure to her mom at having to run. Sullivan wanted to talk to me about Stacy. His name of MSN messenger right now is 'Life Sucks' so I mentioned it but I don't want to get too close to the issues so we basically whitewashed our answers. Sullivan: oh I'm asking you (about how her birthday went), cause I don't know if she had a good day or not, she said she did, but she never really tells me what she is really feeling. Annie: Is that new that she is not telling you what she is feeling? Sullivan: kind of, she still holds back and has her walls...when was the last time you talked to her about us? Was it recently? Annie: I know about them and when something new happens those walls get higher. No, just that you were upset with her in the car and that she was upset about it after Sullivan: Well they are really high right now and it is another reason why my name is the way it is, i feel like she can't open up to me. But I wasn't upset with her, she took it the wrong way... did she tell you what upset her specifically? Annie: She is not opening up to anyone right now hopefully soon she will settle down and be back to her old self. She said that you yelled at her and didn't understand why she had to take you home. Sullivan: that was all Annie: Pretty much, are things real bad? Sullivan: that's just it I don't know, she won't tell me. There have been alot of times recently where i know she is upset and when i ask her why she just says the classic "I'm fine" and we both know what that means Annie: I have tried to have talks with her but when she is stressed and I think she is she can be hard to talk to. We have been trying to talk to her about how much studying she is trying to do, so I think that she is getting frustrated with us but Nadia says that she is afraid Stacy will have a burn out if she continues. Sullivan: I'm sure you have noticed us not even talking as much lately, i haven't spoken to her since Sunday, and whenever I do call it is only for a couple minutes and there is something going on. I just don't know what to do, I almost feel unwanted, or even unneeded lately. Just that she is too busy for me, I know school is a priority and i don't want to get in the way of that, but it seems like she isn't making the effort, she doesn't call anymore, doesn't ask me to go out, it just seems like i am the only one who wants the other person lately Annie: I know we had a talk Friday night. I don't really understand what is going on with her lately either. I know that she needs her space, you know that too and if your staying over in the summer was too much for her, she shouldn't have let it build up and we have talked about how important it is for her to say when she is upset. Other than that I don't know what to do. Well you know we all like you and we are all in the dark right now too. Maybe she just needs time to work out what she is feeling. I have asked her if she is still interested in a relationship with you and she says she is. Sullivan: maybe it is all just coincidence, i sure hope it is, or else i am beginning to take this as a sign, as much as it hurts to say that neither do i, maybe she is just too busy, i don't know....all i do know is that I'll wait for her as long as it takes, i just don't like feeling unwanted I hope you're right, more importantly if she has to work out what she is feeling, i hope when she is done she still wants me around Annie: We just have to give her time to sort out what is going on, I am in the dark too. Sullivan: when was the last time she has answered you about being committed to us? it's just so hard Annie, so hard Annie: Take care and try not to let life suck we are routing for you and it is not just you that this is happening to...we feel it too. Sleep well!!! No caffeine. Sullivan: tell her i said good luck and i miss her thanks, have a great night. i hope i sleep tonight, i am going on 100 hours sleepless. Annie at 9/24/2003 04:23:00 a.m. Nadia stayed home today as she was still in pain from her jaw. On my morning dog walk I learned that our neighbourhood Gossiper listened in on her neighbours conversation while they were in their pool on Saturday night. The one woman's daughter ran away from home 2 years ago and they have always known that the Gossiper had influenced their daughter into leaving. She was crying that their daughter had recently cut off contact with the grandparents so that she no longer had any idea of her daughter's whereabouts. The Gossiper then yelled out to them from her window that it served her right because she was a drunk. James golfed in the rain today, better him than me! He was with his partner Dave. April had kiss-face Laura and her boyfriend over, James walked out of his office to their smooching and since I asked April to make sure this was not a neck-fest. I don't want them in our house together again. If they were busy necing, what was April doing to pass the time, watching? EWWWW. Stacy was going to come home for her break with a school buddy but went to her house instead. She cleaned a lot to get ready for her too. Bought Stacy her birthday present, a basically khaki wardrobe of sweaters, skirts and tops. Monica had Kate in at lunch and after school. Unfortunately she was showing off and treated Nadia poorly. I won't tolerate that disloyalty to my family. James went at 10:30 to get Brent from TJ's. He went to the movies where he began not feeling well. I have a feeling that TJ and him party mucho grando and it is catching up to him. Annie at 9/23/2003 03:59:00 a.m. Nadia had another rough night with her painful jaw; I think she should look at getting some wisdom teeth out. I took her to the doctor and he prescribed the most potent inflammatory you can get. Brent must have worked what ever was going on last night between him and TJ because he asked for a ride to her house this morning. April enjoyed her party, there were too many kids there so Cash took all the grade 10's downstairs. April talked to so many people and ended up walking home with a bunch of them at around 12am. Nadia had a long talk about her weight and how she wants to do something about it now. She has cut out snack foods and wants me to take her to buy some light menu frozen foods and water. Nadia is also talking about how worried she is about Stacy. Stacy scared everyone last week when she worked on the beads for two days and then would sleep for long periods. Then she immersed herself into studying hour upon hour for a little quiz. Both Brent and Nadia tried to tell her that she was overdoing it and she would burn out at school but they are afraid of a complete breakdown. My other kids have mentioned it too. Everyone has noticed big changes in her social life, Sullivan is visibly absent and it is not his doing, in fact he is extremely bewildered. No one wants Stacy to go through what happened last year and we are all worried about it. I have to talk to her about whether she should see someone to talk to. I don't know if it helped me but at the time it forced my parents to look at there parenting skills. There were some things I said in those meetings that were a revelation to me- did it help? Maybe to understand myself better but I don't know. If this was anyone else I wouldn't even presume to interfere but she is blocking out everyone, but the most noticeable one is Sullivan. I am trying to tell her how she is affecting everybody, but she seems to think that it is only about Sullivan and we are trying to tell her how to run her life. I think she is focusing on him because he might be the easiest to push away. Family is here, we live here, and she has managed to limit interaction with all her family except me. I don't think Sullivan even knows where he is in her view; he only just looks at her with wide-eyed trusting gazes hoping for a glimpse of what was and what should be. But he only wants to play by his rules and is not going home when he should be without putting up a fight. She is pushing back, I guess the only way she knows, unfortunately with drawing from everyone except me. I ask her if there are problems between her and Sullivan but usually she denies it or else is very sketchy. Stacy went out to Coral's with her friends, said that she will be home about 12:00. Annie at 9/22/2003 02:58:00 a.m. Monica has one of her baseball tryouts, her short stop has missed 2 out of 3 tryouts so far but I think that she is having family problems. She didn't eat properly at summer and is very frail looking. James, Monica and I had dinner at Tilted Kilt in Whitby with Monica's team. I had the fish and chips horribly burnt so I got them free but it wasn't worth it at all. Afterwards the team went Bowling. My stomach was so upset that James took me home but we left Monica for some team bonding. Brent is home on a Saturday? What gives? TJ phoned at least 5x something wrong? He finally said they were having a fight. Sullivan and Stacy play fought on couch all day but when she drove him home in the evening he got very angry with her. She said that he yelled at her in the car because he wanted to stay over night. Her just doesn't know when it is time to go. He seems so wrapped up in her and he doesn't seem to see that he is making her unhappy, suffocating her. She needs time alone from him and after spending the entire day together he should have the sense to know that it is time to leave. Standard dating procedures. They have to work that out very soon. Stacy is trying to establish rules for visitation but he wants more. Nadia had Derrick over went to Movies and then stayed over till Stacy drove them home. April at Cashes party. Chelsea made plans with her and then ditched her so April arranged to go with Amber and Erin. There is supposed to be a lot of party crashers going tonight. ‘Too cool’ Steph invited a lot of older kids to crash the party. Annie at 9/21/2003 04:47:00 a.m. Weather Watch The huge hurricane we expected seemed to dissipate and even bypass us for the most part. The power went out this morning. A falling tree hit a transformer and so we weren't sure if our kids should go into school today. They were sending kids away from 2 schools but Monica managed to get in although all her friends were calling on her. Monica spent the day at school when she didn't have to) it was optional because of the storm) because Cory was there. Stacy stayed home but was called into work in the gym for the morning. There was a load of leaves and branches all over the streets but it wasn't as bad s everyone thought. James took the van in to Honda tomorrow for repairs because my neck is so sore. Red Lobster for Stacy's 18th birthday. I think Stacy was kind of blue today because she thought that one of her friends would have a party for her since she has had one for all of them. Sullivan got stuck waiting for a ride for an hour because James and I were both out with our vans. He gave Stacy a gift of 18 items for her birthday. He put a lot of thought into it. Melissa was at the front of our house (smoking) and all the neighbourhood kids plastered their faces to our front room window to watch her. Sullivan trampled over little Doodles to get to the window. Amy came later. Nadia had Derrick Natasha and Kelly over. TJ dropped over in her work dudes to pick up Brent. Steve was talking to Brent on the phone (in Kitchener) and Steve told him that he had met a guy from here and they started playing the do you know games and he said that he 'got' Robin in grade 12, when she actually was going out with Adam. Steve had to share that put down on Adam, and no doubt Steve must have told the guy that he 'got' Robin too. Monica went over to Cory's. April is over at the Hast's right now. Annie at 9/20/2003 04:18:00 a.m. Monica had a volleyball game this morning at 7:30. They looked very tired but started to perk up as the games went on. The principal had me scorekeeping. She has to have control of everything in the game. Telling me when to turn the card, what colour to turn... I have to remember she is the coach and she is giving them lots of volleyball, and that is what it is all about. Monica isn't feeling well but then she had no breakfast. I only ever bought Pepto Bismo once in all the many years we have been married and in the last year Monica has been through about 5 bottles of it. We will have to watch her because this is happening more all the time. Despite Amy's mom protests Amy got a big honkin tattoo today, and a small one too. They told her she is one in 75 for tolerating the pain. Stacy went with her to watch it. Stacy also had a chiropractic appointment for an adjustment and to be fitted with Orthodics. Colleen asked me to put Holly's registration fee on my charge card and she will pay me back tomorrow. She made sure that they are on the same team again. Amy and Coral came over to see Stacy late tonight. They won't be around for her birthday, as they have to work. April told the teacher that the reason she didn't bring a picture of herself in was that her mom had put our pictures in a safe and had gone out so she couldn't get it. What happened to the dog eating her homework? April was out with Laura tonight, which I don't like to see, lately Laura has been a necking machine, the whole neighbourhood has noticed. They ended up taunting some other girls and teasing them into a fight, which thankfully didn't happen. One day it might though and April won't know how scary and how crazy some girls will be. It is interesting how different April's friends are and how different their play is. No one is here right now. James, Monica and Stacy are all at baseball. I am trying to get a hold of James to buy some supplies in case tomorrow is very stormy as they are predicting but he doesn't have his cell phone on. Brent stayed home tonight; I wouldn't drive anywhere as I had already got into my PJ's. My neck is so week. I have had 2 massages on my neck this week but the whiplash (although not as bad as I have seen people have), has been a real bother. Nadia went out to dinner with Derrick and Josh, his brother and his girlfriend. They went downtown Toronto to a new restaurant. Annie at 9/19/2003 04:26:00 a.m. Nadia and Brent are very concerned about the amount of time and effort Stacy is putting in her schoolwork. They fear that she is going to burn herself out because her workload isn't high right now yet she is spending hours memorizing her papers. In the back of everyone's mind here we are thinking about the nightmare that happened last year with her and if stress wasn't contributing to her pain that she had. Stacy had Sullivan over first time during the week since school started. We haven't seen him in a long time but I had to leave because Monica had two volleyball games she had to go to. One game was in town, and the other, a tourney in Pickering with 6 teams so it was after 9 before I got back. Look TV doesn't get a signal here so Brent was very disappointed after all he went through to try and get it. I am getting so bewildered about Nadia and her weight. She is getting bigger by the day. So says anyone who comes in contact with me. Why do I get all the whispers? Why do they mention it to me? Do I have a say in her weight at all? No. So why don't they say something to the person who needs to watch her weight, why do I have to get all the anxiety and Nadia doesn't? I hate that she is the size she is. I want her to be around all my life and I want her life to be full of joy. I want her health to be the best it can. Annie at 9/18/2003 04:19:00 a.m. Stacy woke me up at 1:30am, which is unusual for my early bird. I couldn't sleep for the rest of the night. I tried to talk to her in the morning but she made herself busy instead of a two-way conversation. Therefore she makes it become a lecture and that wasn't my intention. Last time I had this talk with her was in High School last year and it was received with a warm welcome and a bit of relief that I was complimenting her for her friendships with Shawn, Murph and the Bruce guy. I loved the Murph stories, she was enjoying him so much. She mentioned a few days ago that she does email with Bruce, which I think is fantastic, I like that she is keeping up her friendships. That is the point I was trying to make, that having guys as friends when there is no thought of anything but friends, is such and fantastic feeling. All I was trying to point out is that she is going to have to re-establish the boundaries with these new guys and then everyone will be happy. I tried to talk to her about college, that it can be the best times of her life. But she has to establish that she has a boyfriend and that she only wants to be friends with guys. Other wise she is going to be hit on all the time and I always hated that. For the first month and a half in college I never got a moments peace until they realized that I was true to my boyfriend and that I only wanted to be friends. After they knew I was only going to be friends, they were great to me, and I had the best times with them. As soon as that is done, she can have a very good time. That is all I meant. I have already been told that a guy that a guy is after her and then I find out that the guy she hangs out with Amy, is named Andrew and he is this guy. Now other people are bringing it up too. Last time people put pressure on her about a guy she ended up with him (Sullivan) so I am not mentioning the guy to her at all. I really hope that she makes a stand quickly. When I commented on the fact that she was not communicating with me when I was trying to talk to her, she said that I always do this to her. No, I don't, but the last time I should have was when she didn't submit any acceptances in for college or University- just let everything slide. I got that ball rolling months after it should have been. I was so frustrated with her response this morning that I had to go outside and have a good cry while I took out the garbage. I can't remember the last time I cried. It turns out that April has 2 emails for msn so she will remove the bad one. I have doctors permission for a Message Therapy. Massage right in line there with sex, I can't wait for another message! Wings with James at Montana's. Eating out is our little escape from our life, our time together and we always have so much to say. I enjoy his company. Evening of drinks with Brent and Nadia. We need Brent home tomorrow so he told TJ that he had to stay home. Made fun of each other. Me for the serious talk face I get, Nadia for her persuasive ways and Brent for conspiring to get his way with dad with me. Monica and April both came in just over the line at nine for the school weekdays. Colleen phoned to complain about the intensity at which they are having Volleyball games at school. I praised the principal for her efforts. I don't want to have to ever agree with Colleen. I am still upset at her behaviour last winter- I know I have a memory like an elephant, I never forget adn find it hard to forgive too. I have to work on that. Stacy called Grammie for her tuition, disappointed with her Grandmother. How can she say that she will pay the first year of every kid, pay Nadia's first 2 years and Brent one year and give Stacy $1000.00 only. Stacy is so hurt and disillusioned. She also said to get $500.00 off of Brent. I don't think so. I wouldn't have talked her into college this year if I thought that her grandmother wasn't going to pay for hers- she would have worked for a year instead. I wish she had said something to me. It is not very fair to do that. She told Stacy that we were always trying to get her money or something to that effect. Yeah right, that is why I rarely cashed the cheques she gave the kids for their birthdays. She said that it wasn't fair that she didn't do anything for the other grandchildren, so why should she do it for mine. First of all when Nadia was still very little she started talking about her education and how she would cover it. She is the one who told us all that she would cover all of their first year. Annie at 9/17/2003 04:39:00 a.m. Brandy phoned at lunchtime in a panic. There was smoke in her house and she needed help. James, Monica and I rushed over but I got stuck locked in our van so it must have looked comical with me pounding on the door to get out while James was rushing in to help Brandy. The smoke inside was an awful chocking smoke, and made my throat tighten right up and I had to rush outside for fresh air while I tried to open windows. Brandy had put her food in the microwave without water and it melted the plastic and scorched the food. The microwave is ruined. Nadia and Derrick are back home from cottage with smelly Caesar. They had a lot of fun, they got drunk one night where they were all singing- videos as proof. At one point there was Nadia and Derrick, Natasha and Kelly, Sarah and her new hubby Adam, and Stacy and Sullivan. Sarah is on the complete outs with her dad Randy and they even are considering moving from the house they bought from him to try to sever the ties. Derrick thinks it is because of the trouble they are having with Randy because they bought the house from Randy and he probably will always think of the house as his. When they make house improvements he will come in ahead of time and just make half hearted attempts at fixing things and they feel they don't have any say in doing things the right way. It is too bad, as they were always so close. They didn't open the damper properly and the draft in the chimney backed into the cottage. Grammie has sealed all the windows in the porch so it was hard to get the smell out. Nadia was very puzzled by Stacy's behaviour at the cottage. When they were making the sleeping arrangements, Stacy made a point of dragging her bed to the other side of the room and when Nadia commented on it Stacy said that she didn't want anyone thinking that anything was happening between her and Sullivan. Nadia said that the opposite happened, no one could understand why she would want anyone to think that nothing was going on when something should have been going on. Stacy was quiet the entire time she was up there, didn't join in on the conversations at all. Nadia's friends think that Sullivan is a great guy and they are attracted to him, they wouldn't mind going out with him themselves. Everyone thinks that he is the best thing that ever happened to Stacy. Nadia said that Stacy's actions bothered everyone. Nadia expressed concerned about Stacy at the cottage, said that she was laying down alot. Maybe she is just not used to driving all that much, she made up her own mind to go there so I guess she was okay. School and everything is maybe a bit much. Stacy has high morals, if he wants to be with her me must acknowledge and accept that. He told me that he was fine with it, could wait forever for her but unfortunately he has expressed his impatience to one of Stacy's girlfriends. Bad move. I drove Brent home from TJ's for a while but I think he went out with Josh later. That boy is always on the go. I was checking April's profile on MSN and it was really bad still. I talked to her about it today and she said that it wasn't what I said but I copied it. Now her profile says that it was last updated in July, I don't think you can alter the last updated date can you? She will basically say anything if she thinks it is funny. Centennial College phoned Brent to say that someone has been trying to get personal information from their records that they were not willing to provide. That would be his grandmother. I told Grammie not to even try, that Brent is an adult and she had no right to his information. She never believes anyone. He is upset that she would try to find out his marks. His word should be enough. Annie at 9/16/2003 03:29:00 a.m. My neck is getting very weak, I guess from the mishap in the car last Friday. James loves to tell the guys his version and it puts a knowing smile on everyone's face. Brent just shakes his head because he is my witness. I am innocent! Softball Banquet. All the teams are trying to organize tryouts but Paul is non-committal on the practices. He should have his practices listed first since he is the tier one team and kids will want to try out for his team first. This being the case a frustrated Joe had every right to start ahead of him. Joe is the only Novice site to be listed as the team on the Internet so the flow will more than likely go with him. They are planning on 4 pitchers, which I think is too much for one team. Monica is happy to be one of 2 pitchers. Your new direction: to Stacy Hi Sweetie, I haven't written you a letter in so long but your not here right now and I have been thinking about this little talk we need to have. Ken gave me this lecture a couple of years out of concern for you because of your looks. He mentioned it because he knew the OHL hockey players were being schooled at your school and he knew the mentality of certain group of guys so he knew you were being exposed to them at an early age. He wanted to warn you of the guys that just want a good time at the girl's expense, with no interest in them for a future. Now you are at the age that he was talking about his experiences- the college years. When people are at College or University, they are often alone for the first time in their lives. They have a newfound freedom, away from the eyes of their parents. They often get themselves in situations that they don't know how to handle. Guys are experiencing new girls, people who don't know their past. Girls who were under the thumb of their parents are free to stay out, drink, party and be with whomever they want and this often leads to heart breaking results. I would say the majority of guys will want many sexual relationships and are not concerned with any commitment. This happened to my girlfriend when she slept with a guy she only knew for a short while. I was with her the next day when she was telling me how great they were together. He came out of his room and completely ignored her, he had got what he wanted and was finished with her. The hard reality of what she had done came quickly and she never thought of herself the same way. She felt cheap. I didn't have this conversation with Nadia because she was with Derrick and I probably shouldn't have had to have it with you either, seeing as you have a boyfriend with you in college too. Unfortunately Sullivan is also extremely good looking and the same thing has and will happen to him. He is going to get lots of attention- just because he is good looking and there are lots of girls that are on there own for the first time. I want you to experience college and most of the things that you will encounter. I want you to meet knew friends, guys and girls but I want the guys to be your friends, not for you to be sought after by them all the time. That is what happened to me and I hated it. At first it might feel exciting and even flattering but not when you realize that they only want the sex and not the relationship. It wasn't until they realized that I had a boyfriend and I wasn't going to stray from him, that they let me be just friends with them and then I had a really great time. I know that you thought I wanted you to get scholarships and go to the States but nothing could have been farther from the truth. I wanted what I thought you had been striving for since you were in grade 7 and that was your goal to go to the Olympics. The only way that would happen would be a scholarship. But I really wanted you to be near, so I would feel safer for you. I was so relieved when you said that you didn't want to go far from home. You have always lived a very structure life. I always laughed because our house can be chaos sometimes but you always were so orderly with every aspect. You set aside time to do most everything in your life. I have given you a lot of freedom in the past because you were your own high moral standards. You had the expectation of what you should or should not have been doing and you always picked the classy route. You have self disciplined yourself every step of the way. As a parent I gave you a lot leeway to make your own decisions, more than most teenagers get, but I have always trusted you to make good decisions for yourself and for the people around you. Because I know that you are a person who needs lots of personal space around you, I was surprised when you let Sullivan be around you so often. In the past you would never have dreamed or permitted yourself to be in a sleepover situation with a guy so when you did with Sullivan I knew that you had strong beliefs that yours was a good relationship. Unfortunately, Sullivan losing his friends because he wanted to be your boyfriend, and your friends never sticking to their plans, isolated you two, way more than you should have been and you both found yourselves with each other all the time. The fact that Sullivan is from out of town, made it easier for us to allow him to stay over here as much as he did too. I do believe that you still needed more space though. In August I talked to you about school and how different your time with Sullivan would be. I was surprised that you said in the same day that you needed to be alone sometimes and how upset you were when you tried to get Sullivan home for overnight and his reaction to it. I am glad you talked to him about it and he seemed to be all right with backing off a bit. Talking straight to the person as soon as you can is always the best way of handling your relationships. I don't want you to lose what the two of you started with. He is a very kind compassionate, smart and fun person and he talks from the heart and is very interested in you as a person. I can see him living an upper middle class successful life in the future, just as I can see you in the same situation. Most guys don't have the personality he does this early in life. He has the ability to communicate very well and is aware of your wants. He said the other day to me on ICQ messenger: 'but she has alot of homework too and I don't want to get in the way of that....I won't do it and she won't let it happen There are alot of times when i could come over there after school but she has homework....so it's ok I just want her to do what comes naturally to her.... If that's who she is I’m fine with it. But I am learning to let her do whatever she thinks it takes to be successful....even at my expense' It must have been a shock to his system to see the change in your relationship and see as little of you as he has lately, but that is the reality of a more natural life and one of college. He is dealing with it and he is very supportive of you. What I am trying to say to you is there is going to be a lot happening to you both in the next couple of years. You are going to meet so many people and make new friends. Because Sullivan is older he will meet new people in the pub just as you both will in your classes and around the school. Just try to be supportive of each other and not jealous of new friendships. You need more people in your lives and if you can both bring in new friends to you as a couple you will be very enriched. If you two can manage the new instances that pop up in your lives and manage to stay together I think you will be very happy. As far as the sex goes, you know Sullivan well and that is totally up to you. You say he has not put a big emphasis on that, that it will come when you are ready. Again most guys do not think that way. Most guys think like your first boyfriend and push the matter and if they don't get it they leave or they force the issue on you. I wouldn't want you to live that way. It is part of a growing relationship and one person in your life is a great way to experiences sex and love. I would have a problem if you were single and dating a lot, that would really interfere with school and put you in the path of a lot of people. Don't complicate your life; you can't handle the stress of many new things happening all at once. Enjoy your relationship with Sullivan, make your new friends, introduce them to him and meet his new friends. Try to socialize with your new friends alone and with him. Try to see him at least once during the week whether it is at his house or here whether it be a few hours or more it is up to the circumstances. I will give you my car whenever it is convenient to our family. Don't lose each other in the process; try to let your most important relationship grow. Love you so much, Mom Stacy came home very tired and had a lot of homework to do. She said that Nadia and her friends must be weird because when her and Sullivan came up to the cottage they went down on the dock for some action and "they were all reading!" We found out Old Barney died last week. Stacy phoned Heather to talk about it because Heather and her were little when they really got to know him. They talked for hours. It is amazing how death can get people talking and together. Drove Brent home from TJ's and then back again with a couple of hours. Brent paid me back tonight- $200.00 that he owed when I paid the Patrick guy back. Keith finally paid him and unfortunately he shorted Brent. Brent expected about $5-600.00. Instead he got $400.00. Steve (Mr. Talk behind everyone's back) told him that Keith kept half the money for himself and split the remaining money between the other 4 people. Brent was there with Keith everyday for 5 weeks. Tough lesson. Annie at 9/15/2003 04:19:00 a.m. Stacy woke up bright and early to go up north with Sullivan. She will be at the cottage with Nadia, Caesar and the gang. She is taking the 401 to get Sullivan, this will be the second time she has used the highway. Monica wanted me to drive her friends to the Putting Edge but I said that I would only drive one way, that other parents have to take responsibility. She said that Cory is not even going to ask his mom because she drives them everywhere and I agreed. It has to be other parents too not just people like Sharon and me. Sure we get to know the kids better but there comes a time where the kids start taking advantage of me or rather their parents. I wanted Colleen or Holly's boyfriend's parents to drive. It ended up a no go because the Putting Edge was closed. It ended up that Holly didn't want to go so she lied that the Putting Edge was closed. Holly wanted to go swimming at lil'Mikes, asked Monica but she didn't want to because Brandy would be there. Holly told the guys that it was because Cory didn't want her to go and he is running her life. That comment got back to Cory and he was upset at Monica, that he thought she led people to believe that. There is a lot of truth in Holly's statement he very often tells her waht she should do and then gets defensive if he thinks other people know he is controling Monica. April and Monica walked down to the new Wal-Mart. Good for April! She bought herself a purse, which she absolutely loves. Garage Wars We re-enacted the Garage Wars saga again. James is Darth Vader who uses his power for the dark side. He captures everything that isn't part of his empire and banishes it to the dump. I use the force for goodness and protect the inhabitants of this household's possessions. We battled in the garage until we hurt to move. James and I don't get along when we clean it up. It is his stuff vs. everyone else's stuff. We still managed to like each other this time. Stay tuned! We took April and Monica to Tuckers for supper and on the way back April and Monica sung all the way home. It was so much fun to listen to them. They know all the words to so many songs especially the oldies. Annie at 9/14/2003 04:59:00 a.m. We received an early morning wake up call from Brent who nugged James and I up at 6am and talked to us for 2 hours. Brent has been preparing a presentation of his own. He wants James to change the Internet and cable from Bell to Look. He has researched it for days and James is going with the change. TJ for some reason did not stay with Brent and Dan at AMC last night. She phoned her mom and was picked up and Brent has no idea why. Stacy said that her new friend Trish went out with TJ's old boyfriend and he hit her too. She also told her that he still has a thing for TJ. I was with Brent for most of the day. He told me that when we had all the teen parties the kids knew that it was a place that everyone felt safe, that there would be no fights or major trouble would occur because we were there, which makes me feel a little better. They always knew they would have a good time with someone watching out for them, driving them home or taking care of them if they were sick. While doing errands with James and Brent we were almost in a car accident. I know this sounds like a cover up but it is the truth. James said that something fell at his feet and I laid my head near his lap to stretch my arm towards the gas pedal to retrieve it. Just at that moment a car went through our right of way and James had to slam his breaks on 'to save my life'. I feel light headed and I could have been killed. James likes to smile as the story gets told as if there is another version. In his dreams. April was nervous about having her first drama presentation but managed to do just fine, in fact she was told she did the best. Her heart was pounding out of her chest but I told her the more she was in front of an audience the more relaxed she would be. It was picture day for her and she didn't dress up nice for it at all. Our house is a mess and no one is doing anything about it. I thought it was bad a couple of weeks ago but this- let me out of here! Brent has computer parts everywhere, the laundry is piled sky high, and there isn't enough cupboard space from all the things we brought from Grammas house. Help! I guess that is what you get when you have 5 kids. Monica, Ashley, Holly, Sam and Melissa are all going to Wal-Mart. Holly was telling everyone how her mom was cheating on her dad, is a workaholic and that her dad was bringing home separation papers tonight. She wants to live with her dad. Later Monica ran out without telling me what was going on but Cory's mom was there to drive them to McDonalds and then back to their house. After work Stacy went up out with Trish for a little while. Andrew stood them up which I don't mind but I was glad to see that she can depend on her new friend Trish. Sullivan went to the pub at Durham for the evening. Monica bought a top and she knowingly took the one that had an added chain. I told her that just the fact that she knew it didn't belong to the top made it dishonest. If she wants people to always think she is a trustworthy person she can't be tempting by the little thinks like that. Annie at 9/13/2003 04:22:00 a.m. Monica had her Terry Fox Run at school. She had to take pictures for the Yearbook and then still managed to get 17 laps in. One of the twins got 21, so she was exhausted and still not back to normal from the diarrhoea she had yesterday. She thought she was going to through up. Holly didn't run at all. Nadia, Derrick and Caesar went with up north to the cottage. They will be alone until tomorrow when couple more girls show up. It is strange not having the dog around, everyone really misses him especially on his birthday, the big 2! Nadia has a great school schedule. She doesn't go to school on Fridays, has weekends off from 5pm Thursday to 3pm Monday. Must be nice I wouldn't let Monica go to the Volleyball Rep tryouts tonight and she had major anxiety about not going. She has not been feeling well and with all the sports happening at once I have to protect her, she should be easing into them. If this means not making a team, then that is the price, but it is not life or death. I need to protect her from herself sometimes. I did let her go over to Cory's for a while so that she would relax. I took Brent to TJ's and then he is going to a movie with Dan - Once Upon a Time in Mexico. He gets to screen it before opening night. Brent just told me that his finger brace is gone. He was at a party a while ago and he gave it to TJ to hold on to so he could 'fight' some guys and she dropped it in the grass. They looked for it with no luck. Stacy is chasing April down the dark street and you can hear April yelling. They are in and out of the house. Stacy is going to Yuk Yuk's with her new friend Trish. Another classmate Andrew, works there and said that he would get them in free but they got there late so they paid $10.00. It was smoky, hard to hear, and not as entertaining as usual. The last guy made up for the rest of the evening. I talked to Stacy about making commitments to people. Nadia was very upset that she wouldn't commit to the cottage and then I find out today that Sullivan doesn't even know that Stacy said yes. Talked to Sullivan about Stacy and how much they can see each other now. Sullivan says that "she has a lot of homework too and I don't want to get in the way of that...I won't do it and she won't let it happen. There are alot of times when I could come over there after school but she has homework...so its ok yep." I told him that Mark, my brother used to say about school. Work very hard, play very hard and Sullivan said, "I sure wish I would be able to have that play part though....and I wish Stacy would realize that although you do need to work hard....college is one of the most fun parts of life and I don't want her to miss it I just want her to do what comes naturally to her oh I know....but I am learning to let her do whatever she thinks it takes to be successful....even at my expense - having her head in the books all day. I just want her to do what comes naturally to her, if that's who she is I'm fine with it." Annie at 9/12/2003 04:16:00 a.m. Flat tire in our driveway and the car had just been parked there only ten minutes earlier. Brent thinks someone scrapped the tire on a curb but it is the front left driver's side and it doesn't show any scraps or worn. It's a new tire. It looks like it was punctured on the side. Lunch at Firkin with Stacy and James. We remarked to Stacy that we are proud of Stacy's new out going attitude, that Sullivan has made a difference in her life and it shows. Stacy got a ride home with her new friend Amy. On the way to the car they noticed a huge truck with water. They went to leave the parking lot with their windows down and screamed as the truck hosed them down! Stacy is afraid that the popularity of Sullivan with the girls is going to his head. What he complained about with Kay- always talking about who likes her, he is now doing. It is really bothering Stacy so I hope she talks to him about it. I know the feeling of people suddenly paying you a lot of attention as it happened when I was in the Ashtonbee Campus of Centennial and the girls were scarce. I didn't enjoy all the attention so maybe his excitement will subside soon. Jessie's email sent a message that looked fragmented and should have gone to his ex girlfriend Becky. In it he said that he had been happier with Becky than he ever had been with any girl including Stacy. She was hurt but then I said he was obviously very upset and not thinking straight and was saying anything just to get Becky back. I told her to try not to think about it and then she smirked at me and I said, "I know, I have always been defending him, haven't I?" Jessie also said that he doubted that Becky even loved him or knew that much about him so they couldn't have been all that close. I just hope for the best for him. Monica's stomach upset at volleyball, so we left for home early. She had a real tough ride home. I had to give her Pepto Bismo. My stomach is starting to turn too, maybe sympathy pains. Picked up Brent late at TJ's. James thinks that I am being taken advantage of because I drive the kids everywhere. Maybe so, but I love their company. Nadia is upset over a conversation with Grammie. Grammie has decided that Nadia is only allowed to have 4 people at the cottage. Nadia has been going up there with her friends for 2 years and has never had any problems. Nadia will go up with as many friends as she wants and if Grammie says anything about it in the future they will go camping instead. Grammie will try to get any attention she can even if it is negative. I talked to Grammie about her paying Stacy's tuition. I asked her why she hadn't approached Stacy, was my daughter supposed to ask her about it, we didn't know? She acted surprised that we assumed she would automatically feel that she should hand over the money. I said that it was her that told us that she would pay for the first year for all my kids. We have always told our kids that they couldn't rely on us for their education and Grammie had offered to pay for them for the first year. Then they were on their own. She said that it wasn't fair that she pay for only mine and Dave and Kathy were upset that their daughter wasn't getting anything. She should find some way of giving her money if she felt it necessary to tell them what she was doing with my kids. Grammie told me years ago that Kathy didn't want her buying little presents for her kids and that she would just get rid of them immediately anyway. Even cheques she would give to charity. At that time Grammie should have set aside some little trust for them and wouldn't it have been nice if she could have given Andy a sum of money at this stage in her life? It wouldn't have been involving the parents at all, just Andy. Andy would have always remembered it. Grammie also said that she tried to set up something for Mark and Carrie's kids, that she needed some personal information from them but they didn't want her to help them. At that time she could have arranged it in her own banking to have some money for when they did their post Secondary Education. She said that everyone is always after her money but I pointed out right away that she knows in her heart that I have never asked for any money from her at all ever. Even for my birthday she asked me to pick out something I wanted done and if she approved that she would give me $1000.00 towards it. I waited a whole month before she reminded me I had not acknowledged her offer. I had been so upset that Mark had got a box of chocolates and I was to get $1000.00. It never did materialize. Who is playing games here? Not me! Went to Mark and Toni's because it is Wednesday and that is what we used to do for years. I miss it. They are frustrated with Grammie about the cottage, and they think we should work on home improvements without her consent. That way it will get done properly. Oh she would be mad. Annie at 9/11/2003 04:09:00 a.m. On the way home from my walk with Caesar I came across a Golden Retriever and I remarked that he was such a big and good looking dog, the biggest Golden I had ever seen. The guy looked at me sad and said "this is my dogs last walk. I have to have him put down because he has cancer." I kept looking back at the dog as I walked up my path to our house and the owner kept looking at us. It was so sad that by the time I opened our door I was balling my eyes out. I tried to take Caesar out 3 times but he kept picking up food by the sidewalks so I would hold the leash tight and march him back home and put him in the backyard. So we were both mad at each other and we didn't even look at each other for the rest of the morning. I hate garbage days! Monica's new look, she looks like a catholic school girl gone bad but the teachers think she looks very nice. Today she is going to the principal to ask to do the yearbook. ---------------------------- emial from Nadia Mom, Have you talked to Stacy yet about coming to the cottage? Any idea if her work starts this week or not? It's really making it hard for me to plan things without knowing if her and Sullivan are coming or not. Let me know if you've talked to her. Thanks, Nadia ---------------------------- Hi Nadia I have sent Stacy a message but I haven't heard from her yet. Oh my god. I got my first very undeserved "do you know how incredibly stupid you are” look from Brent today. Add up that to me actually trying to talk to Dan who has moved himself back to the grunt stage and I am feeling very old right now. Looking forward to your good nature, Love mom ---------------------------- lol, poor mom. I know what you mean about Dan...he grunts at me whenever I ask him to replace the popsicles he stole from me... Nadia ---------------------------- April is putting a lot of distance between us lately. Today I told her that I have something special for her but she had to come right up to me to get it and she wouldn't. I was going to give her a Lola. At least Stacy is not in that stage. She gives me little hugs and is bumping into me all the time. I hope April gets out of it soon. Monica is giving me hugs too so at least I am getting some! I can't complain but I do miss April. Brent came running in and took 2 more old pair of shoes to throw. I think they are throwing them at people from the car. That is so childish and I did remind him that he is 19 years old although sometimes I don't know how old that really is in boy years. I hope we don't have to get him out of jail. Brent said that they went to a soccer game and threw the shoes on the field. OK. Maintenance for the Honda at 45,000km cost $750.00! Stacy is visiting Jessie tonight for an ice cream in her attempt to 'try and remain friends'. I think he is having girlfriend troubles. Stacy said that yes, Becky and Jessie broke up yesterday. She said that it wasn't awkward but it wasn't easy to talk to him either. Talking was always their biggest problem. Annie at 9/10/2003 04:50:00 a.m. I had a horrible night last night, not just because I couldn't sleep, but every time I finally did get to sleep I would wake up with nightmares - really bad ones. I guess the headache was still with me. Talked with Dan about our drinking connection. I wasn't going to but he tired a couple of times to talk about Sullivan and I wouldn't, I even said, "give me a break." I told him about the slack I got over letting him drink at 16, never mind my good intentions at why I did it. We talked about what happened at the Doobie's party and I agreed that the Paul guy is a drunk and shouldn't have said anything about Dan drinking. I told him I have been defending myself ever since I first tried to show him how to drink and even though I wasn't there when the tequila happened people naturally blamed me because he was at my house. No one would ever even know that kids aren't allowed in my house if I am not there. Monica just got in trouble for wearing her shorts too short and they are not even her short shorts. She is fuming especially when Sam has a belly shirt on right beside her. They are her longest pair that isn't sports shorts so I took her to the new Walmart and bought her new skirts and tops. Not the style I would normally have her go for, they are kind of punk and bad Catholic girl looking, they seem to be longer but oh well, she should get a lot of mileage out of them because I think they look a lot more seductive than a pair of casual looking shorts. Brent left our house with his old pair of shoes in hand and laughing about throwing them at someone. I don't understand what the fun is there. Nadia went to the Dr. for the pain in her jaw - again. I can't help but wonder. They say that stress can be responsible for TMJ jaw pain and I think of what she could be stressed about. Nadia is a planner and she is going to 3rd year of Sports Administration, I think they call it Sports Management. Her original plan, or my original plan when I was helping her decide what to do in high school, was to follow college with University. She loves school, loves to learn and I think she would make a great teacher. I don't want to make any suggestions here, she is her own person now and Derrick and her have decided to finish up her college diploma with this new year. But I wonder if she is lamenting about not going to university this year. Hopefully she will go next year. Annie at 9/08/2003 10:52:00 p.m. I wasn't feeling well all day, head ache and stomach ache. Feeling low because no one does anything around here, got mad at James when he wouldn't put a plug in the basement after he said he could. Turns out he had previously covered over a plug in the same place I wanted a new one and so he dug for it. I hate getting mad at people. I am worried about Stacy. She spent most of the day making necklaces and that behaviour makes us all wonder what she is thinking. It is kind of like regressing to what she did when she was about 8. I had a talk with her about getting mad at people and not telling them. They way she ignored Amy when she was mad at her, avoided her calls and then finally started to talk to her again. She didn't even tell her she was mad. I know she does this to Sullivan too. I wish she would just get mad when you have the right, tell them how you feel and try to patch up the problem. Brent came home after supper and had Josh in for a while. He set up a computer in the new room for us but used the old blurry screen. Doober left town without telling anyone so Brent and the guys are miffed. Here Without You It is not too often that I hear a song and claim it as mine on the first listen. But Here Without You by Three Doors Down is that kind of song. To think of someone that occupies a spot in my heart other than Mike is an uncomfortable feeling but his image cuts through time, makes me remember him and smile. To be reminded of someone from another time in my life, shows me my excellent taste in both of those people...so close to me. He is a happy thought in an era where things often looked bleak. He was like a light, showing me the way, showing me how to feel, like a flame, guiding me, yes an old flame. Why should I feel guilty though? He made me happy and he grounded me in a way that no one else could. So I change only one word, instead of A hundred days, I think of it as 10,000 days as it has been about 30 years. Here's to you Diesel. I hope your life is good. A hundred days had made me older since the last time that I've saw your pretty face A thousand lights had made me colder and I don't think I can look at this the same But all the miles had separate They disappear now when I'm dreaming of your face I'm here without you baby but your still on my lonely mind I think about you baby and I dream about you all the time I'm here without you baby but your still with me in my dreams And tonight it's only you and me The miles just keep rolling as the people either way to say hello I've heard this life is overrated but I hope that it gets better as we go I'm here without you baby but your still on my lonely mind I think about you baby and I dream about you all the time I'm here without you baby but your still with me in my dreams And tonight girl it's only you and me Everything I know, and anywhere I go it gets hard but it won't take away my love And when the last one falls, when it's all said and done it get hard but it won't take away my love I'm here without you baby but your still on my lonely mind I think about you baby and I dream about you all the time I'm here without you baby but your still with me in my dreams And tonight girl it's only you and me Annie at 9/07/2003 11:48:00 p.m.
Breakfast at the dinner and our regular waiter wasn't anywhere to be seen. Turns out she was cooking, recognized our order and gave me tomatoes on the side. I love small towns! On the way to No Frills and wasp flew into the car. I saw it and actually was calm, but April went psycho, screaming and yelling. She wondered why I was smiling as I pulled the car over. April jumped and screamed her head off while her heartthrob, walked by. It was too funny! Eye drops for James! This time Stacy experienced having to put eye drops in James's eyes. He doesn't even realize that he turns his head when you go to put the drops in but it was entertaining watching him when someone else tries! Teenage Anxiety to Wasted Potential Lazy day spent on the computer and I finally found what I have been searching for, hoping for an actual diary with someone’s thoughts and activities of the day. One time a few months ago I came across a group writing when I googled something about our town and was interested in what the guys had to say but I forgot to put it in my favourites. I now know it was Blog A Blog B a group of typical teens only they show some amazing insights on many subjects. My sister-in-law had told me about how the kids from that town were writing on the internet and the one school even tried to put a stop to it, so it has been some interest to people for a while. I wasn't even looking for it this time. I was trying to find out information on Anxiety for teenagers and I came across a teenager's diary. She is a teenage girl just finishing her last semester of high school. I can identify with her at that age because I had back problems as a teenager. Her diary has archives and portals to other people's journals and diaries. One was a short journal from a father of a boy who had committed suicide. It had formally been the web page of a group of teens. The only remaining link of the teen's web page was in a guest book. They have a guest book to talk to each other. In the guest book I discovered their world. It was so sad to read entries where they wrote things like this. ...but as for your self medicating eerik... if your that depressed then see a doctor and get meds. but the way i see it, do what ever make you happy at that instest. (i cant spell so what i mean is at that moment.) otherwise whats the whole point? Well you guys shouldn't be so depressed. Don't talk about killing yourselves, then you would be letting your enemies win. Well Eerik, you overcame your juvenile weakness, i hope you are somewhere peaceful now. On your website you said that if you did kill yourself your friends would mourn for a while, then forget you. i know i already wrote in this guest book but since the incident i've been doing some research and i want to take some things from my past entry back. i was angry because "supposedly" Eerik didnt give us any signs, but the truth is, we just didnt listen. we all thought it was some kind of joke. but nobody's laughing now, are they???in november, Eerik wrote:"some people think that the prospect of suicide is a sad thing, i think it's great. one of the only things that gets me up in the morning is knowing that no matter how bad things may be, i can always bail out. it's your escape clause, and really, "no one can take that back". some people say that suicide is selfish, but isn't wishing for someone to perpetuate their miserable life for your benefit even more selfish? after all, you'll forget about them in a couple months. what's even more selfish in my view is procreation (HAVING KIDS), who decided that it was ok to pass on your misery to someone else in a world that is only getting worse? surely someone else sees the cruelty and inhumanity in this. and for that i will never procreate, and when i die, the world will have nothing to show for allowing my existence other than maybe a little bit more guilt than was imposed on it before."**why didnt anyone see this, we all (myself included) just read this and thought that he was having a bad day. i feel horrible knowing that he felt this way, and i wish i could have done something to make him change his mind. Eerik we all miss you, we wont ever forget you. you are in our hearts forever!!love you always and forever, Jenn So sad. Evidently the parents had only been aware of his journal after his death and took it over after erasing the original contents. If you have ever had a friend commit suicide, you know how much you want to know why, and if there were any signs that they were thinking this way. This family can actually see what the boy was writing but I don't think people were listening or else he was so smart that people were struck in awe of him. The boy Eerik thought of suicide as an option for escape. He sounded extremely smart but into drugs, I don’t know to what extent or how much of a factor it was. He seemed like a great kid. I spent the day pouring over any connection to him, how the people in his guest book related to him before and after his death. What an eye opener. It brought me to tears many times. I wonder about his group journal as I think there would have been more signs that could possible help other people deal with what the boy was going through. I image that it must have been too painful to have it on the internet. Stacy had plans with her friends and then they decided to have supper. Since she can't afford to pay for herself and Sullivan they declined and waited for them to get back from supper. Her friends planned at the last minute to do something else that they couldn't afford. Stacy is getting so disillusioned with her girlfriends. Monica at Cory's for supper and came home late in the evening but at least she is phoning from there now. Brayden, the boy April loved to stock in the old days called on April, she went out with him for a while. Caesar has been sick so we have taken away his food and only feeding him rice Annie at 9/07/2003 10:25:00 p.m. Brent was un asleep again last night, I guess he wants to be a zombie when he grows up. He is trying to open up the locks that we don't have the codes to. I took Brent to Mario's for a haircut. He wanted to talk about Sullivan but I wasn't receptive. As far as I am concerned they have ganged up on him and Brent is buying into everything they say. Sure Sullivan shouldn't have taken Dan's car, guys sometimes do compulsive dumb things, but come on, think back guys, Dan took his dad's without even a g1. Brent was with Derrick and drove it too, with only a g1 and had on several occasions taken our car. Alexio's brother did it too. All that was forgotten, so lets forget about this. They won't though; if Sullivan is involved they dwell on any little thing and feed off each other. They are nice guys but they are huge gossipers and talk about each other like I have never seen before. Since Sullivan is on the outside looking in they go to town on him. Sullivan needs to stay away from them. He is Stacy's boyfriend now, concentrate on school and other people and let the effect of Steve wear off. Dan came by and Brent went out with him and Josh. Josh was talking to April and Jeff and was teasing them about his spying on them. I asked April about it later and she said that they were in front of his house the other day and Josh was hiding in various places such as the truck and on his roof to try and listen to what they were saying. I started wondering if it might have been him who was up on our roof when Stacy saw someone. He likes paint balling and that involves sneaking up on people too. He also said that when he saw that strange guy at the side of our house he was sneaking up on the kids in our back yard. From what I remember him as a younger teen he loves to scare people. I picked up Stacy and Sullivan after school and she needed a nap before work, or to shut Sullivan out. Sullivan just received his very impressive school laptop he is infatuated with it. There is a girl in his class that has propositioned him, even grabbed his hand as they walked in the halls. When he saw this girl after school he panicked hid behind Stacy and told her to hold his hand even though the girl wasn't looking. She sounds scary to me and Stacy wasn't impressed. She thinks that he could have handled it better and that he is telling her all this to show that other girls think he is 'hot'. Nadia and Derrick to concert at College for -----Sullivan didn't go, forgot ticket at home or else he found it more important to stay with Stacy. Somehow it looks like Stacy has the upper hand in this relationship now. Upper hand...that sounds like it was a contest...is that what it is at this stage in their lives...a contest to see who has the control? And when that happens, how can it go back to how it was before? I don't see how it can be fixed. Nadia and I have both noticed that every now and then Stacy gets very irritated by something Sullivan has done and we know she is upset but she won't address it. It might be silly reasons she is upset but it should tell him so that he will know instead of him just presuming she is mad. She has to learn how to express herself at the appropriate time. Nadia, Derrick, Stacy, and Sullivan went to Yuk Yuk's. Just before they left, Stacy finally opened a letter and she has been compensated by Workmen's Compensation Board over $1000.00! April had the girl's over tonight- Erin, Marina and Chantel. They walked each other home and chatted until I got worried about where April was. Monica was feeling a little blue about girlfriends. There isn't a big variety of girls to befriend around here and I pointed out all the girls she knows on her sports teams and how she should contact them. Annie at 9/06/2003 04:39:00 a.m. email from Stacy Well here I am again. I am in between classes again and I've done my homework for one class so I had to fight somebody for a computer. We both saw it at the same time and I got there first. hehehehe In my first class today the teacher told us that she rewards people for being in class. She said that if from today until our first test we don't miss a class then we get 3 bonus marks on the say of our first test. Then from that date until the next day if we don't miss any again we get 3 bonus marks on the test too. And if we miss one day then we get 2 bonus marks and if we miss 2 days we get 1 bonus mark. Anyways I am going to find my next class now so I will see you later Bye Bye ------------------------------------ Brent stayed up all night again finally went to bed at 6am. His sleep habits really worry me. He woke up around 7 pm and left when TJ came over and brought one of the computers he has been working on to her house. I finally met her mother, I went out to the car when I heard she was waiting for them. Brent asked me to spot him the money he owns that the guy from No Frills guy, the one who's product never would get delivered, $200.00. He said that Brandon Alexio would give him $100.00 and he would pay me back the other $100.00 as soon as Keith pays him. I made the guys brother show me ID and sign a paper saying paid in full, because it is my money involved I want proof. The new kid in Monica's class was suspended today, good way to start the year. Monica went to Kate's for lunch and is being so nice to me, even said I love you on the phone! Nadia went with Josh to look at land near Durham College, her dream is to build a college facility to house and entertain the students. Nadia and Derrick stayed in tonight after they bought their supper. Dan came by wolfed down some snacks and some pie with me and then phoned Brent to go out with him to the AMC for a free movie. He is back at home, moved back around mid August. I don't like the way he wants to talk about Sullivan. Stacy passed up the opportunity to go to a Blue Jay game tonight with Jodi, she just wanted to stay home and work on her essay and beads. Beads? Where did that interest come from? Annie at 9/05/2003 04:31:00 a.m. Brent woke us up with quite an interesting story in the wee hours of the morning. He decided to take my bike over to TJ's around 2am (she had phoned him after 1am) He was stopped by the police four times. They tried to phone in his ID but the computers were down so they let him go. Each time they pulled Brent over he would tell them that he had just been stopped and their computers were down. When they confirmed that they let him go. The third time he was racing down under a bridge when he was stopped again. They said that he was clocked at 53 in a 40 on his bike! They were writing up tickets for no reflectors and no helmet and he thinks a speeding ticket, when another cop came to the scene, shone his flashlight in his face and said, "Edwards?" It was his old football coach from Hawkeye's football. They talked for a while and then he told the other cops that Brent is a good kid and they stopped threatening with the tickets. On the way back he was again stopped and this time the cop gave him a breathalyser test because he said Brent was weaving. Brent said that he was driving around the sewers, but the guy gave him a very hard time. Brent spent the night working on James's computer. James bought him a new motherboard for getting all our computers back running. Nadia had a night beside herself with pain with her mouth or jaw, we really don't know anymore. She was in a lot of pain and ended up on the couch in the morning. She took some strong medicine that affected her thinking abilities so was excused from handing in an assignment. The dentist thinks it is an infection from her wisdom teeth coming in on an awkward angle. I don't know why they wouldn't take them out if they are causing so much pain. They phoned in a prescription but she gave the wrong address so we had to find the store. ---------------------------- email for Stacy hi mom I'm at school in the huge computer room and I'm all by myself. My first class started at 8:10 and ended at 8:30, so I have nothing to do until 10:10, I haven't seen anybody I know that can drive me home yet so as of right now you still gotta drive me home. It's gonna be so weird being home from school so early without worrying about a attendance councellor coming after me for skipping! We got a pretty good parking spot today, by the south wing (the same ways we brought Monica out from volleyball by Williams Coffee Co.). We got to school in 20 mins, so I was waiting outside the classroom for a long time. I wasn't sure if we were allowed in. Finally two girls went in but nobody followed them so I stayed out with everybody else. Then after like 10 mins I finally walked in and then about 25 people followed me. It was funny. Anyways, I'm gonna go find my next class so I don't get lost. BYE BYE!! ---------------------------- Went to Susie Shier for a 25% sale. I tried to get April as ma of clothes as she needs but we cut back on what we were buying because her heart wasn't into the selection and I could tell she wouldn't really wear them. Amy came with us and later Stacy went back out with her. Amy mentioned that she could give April her old clothes, that would be so nice. Monica pointed out a pair of pants that I as sure Stacy would like, they were too expensive for me to get Monica and I thought that Stacy could buy them for herself (there was only 2 pairs left, so by the time Monica saved her money they would be gone, so the opportunity was now. Stacy loved them and she was 'gleeful' when she tried them on! Brent has been working all day on the computers- hasn't slept last night or today at all. He looks so tired. Keith left for college without paying Brent for the work he did at the school this summer. I still haven't got my monitor from Keith back even though I asked him personally and Brent too. Nadia was wondering if Stacy was bothered by the fact that Sullivan planned to go out with Nadia and Derrick to concerts and such where you must be age of majority. I asked Stacy and she said that she loved it, she was very happy that they really liked each other, that it almost makes up for the way that Brent is treating him - almost. Annie at 9/04/2003 04:24:00 a.m. First day of school Brent worked on James's computer when he came home at 3:30. He has made us completely dependant on him when it comes to our computers. He will work on them but neve quite finishes what needs to be done so it seems that we are alwasy hounding him. I just want what my computer can do and then no more tweaking! Picked up Stacy from Durham, she has been cut from the team, not a surprise since there was not even a fair chance to be seen. She is not all that upset about it as she can see the bias in it. It has given a bad taste at trying out for College teams so she won't try out for the Volleyball tem. If she is not personally invited, she won't try out. Dan was here visiting Brent this evening. Later he and Alexio went out together. I guess everyone else went to out of town schools. Stacy was asleep when Brent asked to borrow her studded belt and she kept repeating that she didn't understand what he was saying- she was out of it, not really wanting to be disturbed but not commiting to anything. We found the headphone and controls for our van! The seats had been folded up for weeks and when I went to pick up extra kids we opened the seats up and there they were! Stacy went out with Amy to walk the dogs and then went out with her to find Melissa and Paul. I guess she is over the anger towards Amy. Nadia went to a movie with Derrick and Natasha. Paul got Monica's team, Jim, the assistannt coach tried for the team (his temper would stop us from being on that team) and so he wouldn't get it another team parent asked for the team too. James will coach with Paul. I kind of wish there would have been a new change. I like Paul but from what the head ahncho said last year a change was needed. I would like to see Joe with a tier one team. I miss him. I was told that Colleen really raked her ex over the coals with their split up and got everything, that it wasn't civil at all. I know from personal experience how scary she can be. I guess that is why he left sooner than the agreement. Annie at 9/03/2003 04:35:00 a.m. James and I were at the Kegss for most of the day enjoying quite a lot of grog. hic Being Thrown out of the Closet I sat in amazement as Marita told me that Stacy's (Brit's mom) ex husband Rob is gay and that Brit doesn't know yet. That will be quite a shock. Brit's mom was trying to tell me how different he was at the select tournament, but I guess I didn't clue into what she was saying. With Brit trying to match make her dad with single women, it should come to a head soon. I can't believe that I had that conversation with Rob only to find out days later that he was gay. I guess that is why he was impressed with Rich's bravery at telling everyone he was gay. Marita and Dave want us to go south with them in February and camping for Thanksgiving. I am not keen on going south. I wouldn't mind Dave and Marita but I can't see myself with their friends Donny and Darlene. Darlene is very moody and sometimes she doesn't say 2 worlds and other times all I see her do is 'flip the bird'. I still feel uneasy about air travel. Even worse I feel that I shouldn't be leaving my family when they are all in the teen party mode. I would like the Thanksgiving camping though with the neighbours and my family. I gave our gym equipment to the Kegs and the Hasts so it is finally gone from our front yard! So much for getting my family in shape, or me for that matter. I thought getting a dog and an exercise room would be all that I needed to stay fit, but I have gained more weight this year than I have in a long time. I set the table and chairs in the basement in the room beside our furnace. It has become my little hideaway and quite possibly a little retreat for the older kids when they want more privacy. This is only acceptable if it is done in good taste. Holly was here for most of the day. She is laughing a lot more and talking and singing crazily and fairly loud. I think she is becoming more independent from her mom. She needs to be but it is happening earlier than I thought. She is more a girly teen than Monica, mall, clothes and guy crazy. She has put on weight in her stomach, that must be hard on Colleen but I feel she is definitely rebelling against what her mom wants. Not being buff is the most noticeable way of telling mom that she will do what she wants. Stacy used the car to visit Sullivan today but I had to call her home for baseball tryouts for college ball. We wouldn't have even known that the time was changed if I hadn't called. The try out for Durham College Softball was so frustrating to find out they were practicing all last week. With the double co-hort they have never had so many kids try out. It will be hard to break into the team because they won it all last year and most girls are back but from the looks of it they will even have a tough time keeping their positions. As usual the squeaky wheel gets the oil and since Stacy just quietly gets her job done, she might be hard to notice. The way they had the tryout today, you couldn't say that any of the 30 girls were very visible so the people who were here last week had a definite advantage. Last week they wouldn't even let Stacy hand in her registration, she was told to bring it on tryouts. It looks like they have already picked the team ahead of time and it is hardly worth even trying out. Robin and the Donut Girl from Stacy rep team were there too and Donut Girl's mom was asking about Sullivan. She asked where he was staying and I said at home in Scarborough. She said that she lives so close to the college almost a hint that he could stay there, I don't think so. April had Dillon (boy he's grown) JErin, and Marina over for a couple of hours. Sullivan is nervous about school and has felt Stacy pulling back. I told him that Stacy knows that college is a big step and she is gearing herself for a big change in her life. I don't think that the change is Sullivan, but it is the way she will be managing time that will change. She has pulled back anyway but I think he was pushing his attentions on her a little too much by always being here and wanting to stay the nights. Now she is demanding time to herself and he doesn't know what to do about it. The way they spent the summer was not the real situation in most older teenagers lives. They saw each other whenever they felt like it and that was a lot. They didn't have time consuming jobs (he didn't have one period), they both had a whole summer vacation with each other. Well vacation time is over now, so says Stacy. Annie at 9/02/2003 04:07:00 a.m.
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