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Peaces Of Me++++
++++ The miles just keep rollin as the people leave there way to say hello I've heard this life is overrated but I hope that it gets better as we go |
Feb. 27/04 Monica at Cory's, he is grounded because his dad doesn't think he is eating. I had to pick her up there at Cory's and she never came to the door so I had to knock and April answered it! She was visiting Jake and stayed there with Erin for a couple of hours. Nadia was out late, went to Derrick's right after work. Brent went out for a while to Doober's who is home from College for reading week. I spent most of the day trying to clean the laundry room and the dinning room. There is a mountain of stuff in both. Annie at 2/28/2003 04:03:00 a.m. Nadia and Derrick went skiing today although it took them forever to get the ski equipment from the top of the garage- the danger zone. I like that they are always trying different things. All the practicing paid off, Monica's group put on a fantastic show for their dance today. The Creature said that their tops were inappropriate but she said costume so that should excuse what they were wearing. They wore tank tops. Lil Mike and Cody's group did well and wore top hats and a cane. Physio for Stacy and it took an hour anda half, next time I will just drop her off like last time. James went out to dinner with the guy whose line they are supposed to drop the line so I don't understand why they are smoozing him. Stacy wanted to go out tonight, even though she isn't feeling well and shouldn't go (if you are away from school you are not aloud out after supper) I know she has to. I got the Sullivan feeling, that Sullivan must be there and when she started to tell me that Rich's mom found out he was gay but she didn't quite hear everything he said, I knew. Jodi and Sullivan are quite close and Jodi and Rich are very close too. I remembered that Rich told Steve and Sullivan about being gay first because they were the easiest to tell so Rich must be close to Sullivan, therefore it is a natural that they would all be together. This must be a confusing time for Stacy right now with people knowing that her and Jessie are finished these next few weeks will be hard on her to see who really are her friends. I hope she can talk to me but she can be pretty private. email from Sullivan Dear Annie, I have been talking to the guys and we were wondering if we could throw a surprise party for Brent on saturday. When talking to Stacy last night i asked her what she thought about it and she told me about the dilema of taking Brent to the bars verse keeping him home. I just wanted to get your opinion. If we could get you permission the plan was to take him to a pub for dinner and then come back to the surprise, roughly the same thing we did for brandon and rich. It is totally up to you and James whether you want a bunch of 18-19 year old hooligams running around your house, but we just wanted to know if it was going to be at all possible. Even it is not possible could you get back to me...if it is we will have planning to do...Thanks again for everything and i hope you are having a good day, and not running around too much! Sincerely Sullivan Annie at 2/27/2003 04:00:00 a.m. Nadia phoned at 12:30 from the GO train. It was stopped on the tracks and had been for quite a while. She got home around 3:30 in the morning. It had stopped again, this time to remove a girl on a stretcher. I had to wake Nadia up at 6 because she is volunteering to go to work this week while it is her reading week for college. I admire Nadia for that but she will be dragging her ass today! Phone call to the hurdle coach. I told him the condensed truth that Colleen doesn't want Monica to be coached by him, she feels that Monica will have the advantage over Holly if Monica is there, she doesn't want Monica to compete outside of school. He was upset about it and says Holly practices better and stronger when Monica was there and I agree with that. But because they are best friends I wouldn't want this to be the end of there friendship. I really don't think Holly will be in it in a couple of years anyway where Monica will be. We will come back to hurdles at that time. The hardest thing about this is that she says that she has been Monica's coach and she said that she didn't coach Monica in order to beat Holly. That is not in the true spirit of coaching. April went out to play volleyball with her cousin tonight. She really enjoyed it. Today Stacy and Jessie broke up and he seemed ok with it until he emailed her later saying that it is not what he wants. But for the most part he was all right and they are saying it was mutual. Jessie came here right after school, something he rarely did, so he was completely aware of the trouble they were facing. They stayed down in the basement for so many hours that James and I began to worry about what was happening down there. James told me to check up on them by phoning on the other line and asking for Stacy. I did and then James hung up before we had a connection so I had to phone back. It was to make sure that they were all right. I guess Jessie didn't want to leave because he knew that this would be the last time they would be together and even if it were to break up, he needed to be near her. She cried after he was gone, a very sad longing for something she knew was lost. She blankly stared out the window at where is car had been for the longest time. Jessie was a big part of her life for almost 2 years. They basically grew up as a couple in there teenage years; broke each other's hearts a couple of times but honestly cared a lot for each other.She is very stressed out tonight, and her knee is very sore. I sure hope it doesn't get crazy with guys like last time. She didn't want anyone to know Jessie and her were split up, I guess so she wouldn't get pressure at school, but her friends started to phone her asking questions, demanding details, that she was not prepared to share. Jessie had already told people about the split up. It was ironic that Stacy saw the humour in opening her icq and she noticed that of everyone that was blinking on her list, she had gone out with or they had tried to go out with her. Jess C. asked her if she remembered when they first kissed so she figured that somehow the word was already out. Someone even emailed Sullivan to tell him about the break up and that really upset her, she wanted time to think about her and Jessie. I think she just wants to be by herself and not have people hounding her. If they didn't know about Jessie and her breaking up then, maybe she could have a normal relationship with guys because I still think, above all, she longs for a friendship with a guy. She is aslo hurting about his parents, she has grown to love them and can't see how she is going to be out of their lives. She wanted to make sure that Jessie would have someone to help him through this so she emailed his mom. Dear Hannah I don't know if you know because I don't know if Jessie tells you things but we haven't been doing well as a couple for a long time now. A couple weeks ago Jessie tried to break up with me and I was so upset because I didn't see it coming and it was in front of a lot of people and I was embarrassed. He bought me roses the next day but he got me thinking about what he said and he was right. We don't act like girlfriend and boyfriend and even though we say we are trying to change things they don't change. Even when our 2 best friends started going out we never even hung around with them as a couple. We don't talk and we can't even decide on what to do, I guess we are both the same in that way. I care so much for him and you guys and even though this hurts, we both know it is the right thing to do. I wanted to say goodbye to you but I am nervous so that is why I emailed you. Please take really good care of Jessie and I hope he is not too upset. He needs to be with his friends and so do I. I don't know if you still want the dvd that my mom made, or that might be a bad memory for you, so please let me know. I hope I will always know you, Mario and Sarah and Jessie. Love Stacy ------------------------ Reality is setting in, she is missing the idea of even being with Jessie, it wil be so hard. My girl, who never cries is broken hearted at the thought of not being in Jessie's life and it was worse when she got Hannah's email. Email from Hannah Hi Stacy I am really sorry to hear about you and Jessie and no I didn't know about this. I hope everything will work out the way you both want it to be. Sometimes things get better after a break up as you already know when you guys broke up before but if you don't get back I wish you all the best in the future and I don't want you to be a stranger. You have been in our lives for 2 years and that is a long time we care deeply about you and we again wish you all the best. Please keep in touch I want too know all about you and what you do. Just because you are not with Jessie doesn't mean I wouldn't care. Your a great girl and you will do fine. I would like that dvd if you want us to have it. It is a part of our lives. Please let me know if you want us to have it and I will get it from you. Maybe in the near future you and Jessie can stay good friends and be there for each other. Your a great girl. We will really miss you being around all the time but I will always be here if you want to talk. Don't be a stranger always keep in touch. You will always know us!!!! Love Hannah ------------------- Nadia brought home from work, the game sheets for the NHL 1995, the only year the NHL kept them. The coaches have to sign them and it is great looking back at the line-ups and the signatures. She is going to bring home the rest for us! Now to figure out what to do with them! Nadia went to give one to Stacy for Jessie and that is when Stacy told her about the break-up. She really doesn't want anyone to know. Annie at 2/26/2003 04:47:00 a.m. Today I spent most of the day with Stacy in the car. I took her to school, where her volleyball playoff's was about to proceed, it would be better if she could tell people she hurt herself snowboarding rather than spinning, When the head of phys ed heard about how she injured herself he pointed out to her coach, "and you don't want them to play rugby?" We watched one game and then we went from work where she was hours to the doctors and x-rays. After school she wanted breaded mushroom so we went to the Sports Bar and I took along Amy, Coral and April. April had a bad day. She didn't realize that I left early in the morning with Stacy and she didn't phone for a ride. When I came home she was all ready late for her tech test and was teary eyed. Then she phoned home 2 times to say that she had split her pants open so I had to get her some pants. I have tried to get her out shopping but this is one kid who hates shopping. I want so much to have an early birthday surprise party for her because it has always been hard to plan one in the past (March break, so many other kids with March/April birthdays and then Easter) that a surprise one this early in March break would really shock April. But she is not on good terms with 2 of her friends (Chelsea and Tara) and it would be cruel to not invite them. I am not sure if April is mad at them or they are mad at her. April won't talk to me about there fighting so that I know I must be involved, Tara likes to drag me into her arguments, she tries to split up the closeness I have with her, like I do all my kids, or maybe Tara has won and April thinks of me as someone who she can't talk about private things anymore. I don't know. Anyway the party is on hold until I at least find out what is going on with them. Nadia spent all day with Derrick in doing who knows what? In the evening they went to Wrestling at the ACC, tickets from the NHL again- box seats. When I went to bed Stacy was trying to talk to Jessie about there relationship on the internet. It is like they both have got there relationship trapped up in corner, they are both blocking it in. Together they are staring it down and there is nowhere for it to go, nowhere to hide, they are just standing there both glaring down at it. They both are wondering what should be done, whether to put it out of its misery or to bend over and both try to help bring it back to life to recover from its injuries. You can't see that it is hurt, you just know something bad has happened to it. I think that it is over for them. I suggested to her that she make their conversation as easy on Jessie as possible and that maybe if she felt that he would be more comfortable, be able to relate better on the internet, then perhaps she should talk it over on the internet because that is where he did all of his talking to her. When it looked like the conversation was leading to the break up she asked if he wanted to talk in person and he said yes. He was protesting her issues up to a point and then started to agree with her but he wanted to work on it. When Jessie brought up the word love she told him not to use it, that he couldn't use it because they haven't been acting like they are in love. She said they lost something and she doesn't think they can get it back. He has admitted that things had changed but he wanted to try harder. She said that they shouldn't have to try, it should just come naturally or something like that. I was her moral support through the whole conversation, she asked for me to be there. I really don't want them to part, I felt comfortalbe with him, he is a good hearted guy with one big MF biker stepdad that everyone is afraid of. Never has Stacy been so protected, no one was hitting on her, no one bugged her, with the exception of Darren and a couple of mystery guys on ICQ. For the first time in her life people weren't acting as if her looks were enough to make people act crazy. I will miss that. Annie at 2/25/2003 04:21:00 a.m. Caesar threw up the yellow bile again but this time part of a plastic container and what looks like the stem from grapes came up with it. Ewww....but I think he is all right now. We took Stacy to see Mark. While we were cleaning some snow away from our driveway Carmen came over with his magic booze drinks/ firewater so we had to partake of the annual event and then we were off to have Stacy checked out. Mark examined Stacy and said that it might be a dislocated kneecap. We had a drink with him. Stacy insisted on going to Kate's house (is Sullivan there?) to do homework but she really should have stayed at home and let them come to our place. That is why I think Sullivan was there, she protested too much to go. Mark said that she should be lying down icing it and anti-inflammatorys. She needs to have it x-rayed tomorrow. Stacy was puzzled by Jessie not wanting to come over to her house when she was hurt. Some of her friends came late in the evening to check up on her. Sullivan was with them and was nervous about coming to our house so he stayed in Rich's car. Stacy went to his defence and asked him to come in. Stacy's eyes were bothering her so she asked the girls to get her contact solution. Someone suggested that Sullivan go get it in her room and he made a gun sound imagining if we caught him up stairs in her room. He has a good sense of humour. Brent went to Don Cherry's with his friends tonight. I am glad he finally has money to do those things. He also studied with Adam for an exam tomorrow. Annie at 2/24/2003 04:17:00 a.m. Nadia and Derrick slept downstairs and Monica saw that Derrick didn't have any pants on in the morning. We don't want them to stay the night downstairs so that the younger ones see it. Nadia could have come upstairs at any point. Nadia, Derrick, Stacy and Jessie all went to the Toronto Rock Lacrosse. Nadia had the NHL Box seats and she took Derrick's brother and sister too. Stacy went with Jessie and his real dad. I don't think she would have gone any other time because it really looks like she blew her knee out but she is trying to make everything right for her and Jessie. So she hobbled all day but she said it was very painful. Maybe I should have not given her the choice when she was injured but it is hard to know where to draw the line when they are young adults so I left it up to her. After the game, Stacy went to Jessie's and he wouldn't watch TV with Stacy and Sarah, so he went in his room for 2 hours and it really bothered Stacy. After that Stacy wanted to go home so she wouldn't be with him. She phoned me and asked if it would be all right if she went out with her friends and I told her it would be ok. She really shouldn't go out when her knee is hurting her but she seemed so mad at Jessie that I thought that being with her friends might be the best thing for her. She went out to a restaurant for a drink. I am pretty sure this is it with Jessie, she is so very disillusioned. We went to Beemsville to Monica's Volleyball tournament and even though we were seeded 11th we ended up playing in the gold medal round and got the silver. It was a long day and the weather turned bad. The first time I have ever seen Monica unsure of herself, actually looking nervous, was after the ball was fired to the back court and no matter how she returned the ball it would fire straight up or backwards. She looked so uncomfortable so they pulled her. I find out later that she started her period and she was self-conscious. This is the second time she has started on the volleyball court. I hope it doesn't change her mindset. We drove home through ice rain and snow in the most treacherous weather conditions I have ever been in. We didn't want to stay in that town if there was too much snowfall, we wouldn't get out the next day so we drove in the horrible downfall. It was white knuckles all the way and I felt like kissing the ground when we got home. Caesar threw up the yellow bile again but not his food. Annie at 2/23/2003 04:03:00 a.m. Email to Sullivan Thanks for writing to me Sullovan, I do appreciate your email. My very first impression of you was a good one and since this happened (I asked around about you) other adults have said good things about your character too. I respect someone who doesn't make excuses for what has happened so I do accept your apology. Because of this I am going to be very honest with you. I am glad that you didn't say you weren't interested in Stacy because then I couldn't have believed the rest of what you were saying. In my mind you looked attracted to her. Stacy is very much like me, I understand her pretty well. So when I noticed the looks she was getting from you and her reactions, I read a lot into what I thought was going on. I have never asked Stacy how she felt about you, because I wouldn't want her to have to feel that she would have to lie about her feelings. She says that nothing happened and I believe her that nothing physically happened. Mentally, I think that is another story. I could be wrong but I doubt it. Unfortunately there were things Stacy did in the course of a week that were very uncharacteristic of Stacy. 1. You met her that week when her boyfriend was incapacitated, so even though you knew she had a boyfriend, she looked available. I can understand that. 2. I don't mind my kids drinking at home or partying, but I don't want them to get drunk with someone they don't know well. That is why I was concerned when Stacy had that banana booze on her breath and I already knew from the night before that it was yours. Drinking with someone you don't know breeds familiarity, when they really don't know each other at all. Not a good way to meet people. Things can... get out of hand. I think you know what I mean. Drinking doesn't make people show there true feelings at all, in fact people say whatever needs to be said and it is the booze talking. Stacy doesn't usually drink and if she does it is usually only very little, her choice. We wondered why she was drinking and the only change in the equation was you. I don't think you talked her into drinking, but rather an influence on her. But then Stacy got loaded all on her own, after exams, so what do I know? 3. Stacy and Amy slept downstairs when you and Brent were there and that was wrong on her part. On any given weekend I can have 20 - 30 kids of all ages in my house. I like it, but I have to know when I go to bed that everyone is where they should be. That is the most important trust that Stacy broke. Other times Stacy will go to sleep in the family room with her friends, when Brent has some of his friends over for the night in the basement and I have no problem with that. 4. Stacy made excuses for being downstairs that last night. So we knew she felt guilty about being downstairs with you. It was another case of us needing to know that everyone is where they should be - safe. At that moment you looked like a rooster in a hen house to us! 5. The longer you were here with us the more we realized that you weren't going to school or to work. It didn't look like you respected your home life either by being away from yours for so long. At the same time my own son sometimes is in the same position so it sounds hypocritical for us to even think this way, but that can't be helped when you are thinking of a daughter. It was also frustrating to learn that you had a girlfriend too, when we were thinking what we were thinking. As you can see we did judge you even after we had already the impression that you were a decent person, our vision of you became confusing. I am not trying shelter Stacy, that is the way she has grown up. She was shy, but that is changing fast now, and I am happy for that. Brent wouldn't even let his friends in our house for a couple of years because he wanted to protect her. Her older sister Nadia and her friends watched over her too. We were even told by the school that the Oshawa Generals were paying her too much attention and to try and keep them away from her. For a while there, she was being hit on by so many guys, she didn't know who to trust and it was scary. My younger daughters had to even watch boys their age make a fuss over Stacy too. You were involved in us trying to watch over her last year when you were here with some of your friends. Brent and his ex girlfriend Crystal kept making Stacy come upstairs away from you guys. I argued with them that she had to learn to look after herself especially when she was in her own home so I would send her downstairs again - 3 times! It was my way of making her more street smart. You might have even noticed that Brent's friends try to protect her too. Stacy has had a boyfriend for quite a while now. Jessie has given her space and because people respect him, guys have left her alone for the most part. She needed that space to gain confidence, which I believe she now has. They don't see all that much of each other and when he got injured they should have had the opportunity to be together, since he couldn't work or play hockey. It didn't happen so Stacy is confused about this, although I don't think Jessie realizes it yet. They have to work out the problems or maybe they are growing apart. This is where you entered the picture. I'm not for one moment saying that Stacy has to stay with Jessie, all I have told her is to try and fix what she thinks she needs to fix and if they can't, if she is not happy, try to part friends. I am not saying that she can never go out with you, that is both of your decisions, but right now it might be kind of messy. I did however pull a heavy on her about you, to try to give her time to stop and think about what was happening. I wouldn't be telling you this if I thought you were a jerk, I don't. Stacy needs time to get to know you and I already know that you make her laugh and that is good to hear. You might just end up being friends, who is to say? Maybe all of this already spoiled the thought. Now, if all of this is not true and you don't have those feeling towards my daughter, you must think I am a psycho lady. That's ok, I can live with that! But maybe you can see how we felt when you did what you did and Stacy was acting so uncharacteristic too. This is between you and me, I won't be telling anyone what I wrote down here because I respect your privacy and nothing good can come of this if I am telling other people what I told you. I did show your email to those people you addressed - Stacy and James and I told Brent, but the contents of my letter are private. Hopefully this will straighten things out. Annie ------------------ email from Sullivan I do thank you for reading my email with an open mind and also for keeping your feelings/viewpoints and opinions of me quite personal. This being said I will be honest with you. I have spoken to a couple people about the same issue when they have spoken to me. Regarding Stacy and I, and whatever feelings may lie therein, you can be rest assured that nothing has or will happen. I have been in the situation that Stacy has been in and I know what it feels like to have someone you care for wonder a stray. This being the case, I would never do anything to test Stacy’s loyalty or fidelity to Jessie, I understand what they have and it is not my place to interfere. If anything were to happen between us, you would be the first to know because I would ask for permission from both you and James to pursue Stacy, which I haven't done. Also I am in an awkward situation I feel guilty for feeling the way I do because of Brent, I can't imagine what is going through his head right now, with all of this going on. I understand now why your opinion of me was what it was, I didn't know that Stacy had been acting strange and if I had anything to do with that I again take responsibility for my actions. But you need to know that I in no way shape or form used any member of your family to get to Stacy. The events, be what they may, that took place occurred purely out of convenience. I had known her for a year at the time of rich & Brandon’s party, so it was not like i was meeting her for the first time. Although as you mentioned we didn't quite know each other very well, I agree with that. I can tell that you are a good parent, although all of this has transpired you, at least in my opinion, have tried to look at the events objectively, as an isolated incident, which is exactly what it was. I have spoken to Stacy about that night and we both realize that we screwed up and did something that we were not supposed to be doing (talking till 3 a.m.) And again you have every right to think happened what you thought, your daughter is a very attractive, intelligent and kind hearted individual, who like you said, had any other guy been there would have been taken advantage of. I would just again like to apologize for my actions. Since that night it has been eating me up inside almost everyday. I am the type of person that cannot have people upset with me, warranted or not, it is part of my character. Although nothing happened you did have the right to be upset and question my intentions. You have to understand that from my end it was incredibly frustrating to have had you and James upset with me. Understandably so it was quite difficult. For the past month it has been difficult going out there to see my friends. Sometimes all i feel is alienation, and animosity. All i wanted was to have my friends back and not be seen as this evil enemy. Finally I would again like to seek your forgiveness, i am not asking for my present situation to change, or for you respect back. I do not feel like i deserve your respect and i have done nothing to show you that i am trustworthy, in your eyes. All i ask is that maybe you look at me as the gentlemen you knew before that wed. night and remember what your original impression of me was, for that is truly who i am. Sincerely Sullivan ------------------- I did a real bitchy thing that I swore I would never do - mom used to use this as a tool to make people feel unimportant and I hated it. I am playing little tiny head games with Sullivan. I wrote Sullivan's name to him as Sullovan. I am trying to figure out why I did this when I knew how it affected people I knew when mom spelled or said peoples names wrong. I think I did it because I have realized he is intelligent and I was still angry, I don't know, but I won't do it again. He is smart and I do admire straight forwardness and I don't want to play head games, I hate them, I am sorry I did that. ------------------- email to Sullivan I do respect you Sullivan, you have earned it, you wouldn't be writing to me if you weren't the person you know you are. It is nice to know that our original impression of you was the right one. I talked to James and we all can forget about it. We look forward to seeing you again. It has been hard to sleep at night here, as I am not used to second guessing where and whom Stacy is with. That is an awful feeling and I am glad it will be gone. I have always trusted her before and I feel bad for even thinking that way. Brent and Stacy have had good judgement in people, I know that and that is why this was all so strange. Take care and see you soon. I hope everyone gets back to normal for you and you can feel comfortable with your friends again. Annie Monica had some friends over this morning to practice there dance routine. Later they went to the mall and came back to practice again. This dance routine is keeping Monica with the girls more, which is a nice change. Stacy did her 3 hours of work in spinning classes and as she reached the end of the children's hours her knee snapped. The pedal of the bike was not pointing completely out, it was bent a little and she believes that it caused hr kneecap to move out and snap. It hurts to the touch. She iced it off and on all evening. Annie at 2/22/2003 04:35:00 a.m. We had a talk with Nadia and a privacy issue in our bedroom. The radio was discussing the best excuses for not having sex and James and I started to talk about ours. I actually leaned over him in the bed and whispered to him in a low voice. We laughed and started to talk about something else and all of a sudden Nadia became part of the conversation. I said that she obviously had heard what we were talking about before and she should give us some privacy, there are 3 bathrooms and her stuff shouldn't have been in ours. Brent never came home last night. He came home at 6:30 in the evening to say he fell asleep at Adam's. Out to Melanie Pringles with James, I still enjoy being with him anytime and I wonder how people who have made it as far as us, how can they slip up? Life always feels better with him and he is always a surprise and fun to be with. I love laughing with James. Jessie lifted Stacy up at school today so his shoulder is getting better. Stacy went to Jodi's right after school to do homework. She is seeing Jodi a lot. April had Laura over tonight. She hasn't seen her in months. Monica had the girls over after school to dance again. They are really practicing hard and it look good especially when they break into Stacy's classic dance that has always made us laugh. Monica went to Kate's for a sleepover. Stacy went to Jodi's to do some homework. I drove her there and I hate this feeling that she is trying so hard to reassure me who she is with and I am trying so hard to believe her. I don't want to need proof but then I was relived when Sullivan contacted me on the computer and then I knew for sure that he had not been with them, that she was telling me it straight. It made me feel even worse because I do trust her but all of a sudden there is this tiny little doubt, saying, what if Sullivan is there? No, she wouldn't do that, I know. Jessie phoned for Stacy when she was at Erin's and I gave him the number. Then he phoned later and when I said that she wasn't home still, he hung up on me! Stacy came home shortly and asked to borrow the van so that she could pick Jessie up and drive him home. He was drinking with his buddies and he was so drunk that Stacy had to stop the van so he could get out and throw up! I was sending people pictures and I decided to send some to Sullivan because I can't stand this stand off. Then Sullivan wrote to me. Email from Sullivan Subject: Dear Mr/Mrs Edwards, Brent and Stacy I know i haven't really been able to speak to you in person, and it may not seem like i was trying to apologize about the events surrounding that evening a little over a month ago, but it has been on my mind everyday since then. I am not here to try and get you to change your opinions of who you think i am or what you think my intentions were that night, all i wish is that you read this email with both fresh eyes and an open mind. To begin i would just like to let you know that i would never do anything do break what trust you have in me, and if i have i am truly sorry. I understand why you feel the way you do, if i were a parent i would feel the same way. You had and still have every reason to feel like your trust in me was broken/taken for granted, like i said before i am not here to change your mind. Regardless of what my intentions were or what the conversation entailed i had no right to keep your daughter awake until 3 a.m. I would like to think that i am mature, young adult, this being the case i demonstrated a lack of respect for your family and poor judgement in my actions. In all the time i had spent with members of your family i had been shown nothing but compassion and an open hand, and i know that the last thing you had expected was for those events to have taken place. To Brent, as your friend i apologize for putting you in an awkward situation and for misplacing your trust as well. You have been very supportive of me and been a great friend, and i am sorry for doing anything to have come between our friendships. I just want you to know that i did not use your family to get to Stacy or for a place to sleep, i have nothing but the utmost respect for your family, you have been very kind and warm hearted to me. I am not asking to be forgiven, i know that what i did was wrong, i just want you to know that it was no one's fault but my own and i take soul responsibility for my actions, please do not hold anything against Brent and Stacy, i am mature enough to make decisions for myself, and i made the wrong one that wednesday. Finally i would like to apologize for any undue hardship i have caused your family on my account. I understand fully why you feel the way you do and regret anything i did to make you feel betrayed, saying this i will respect your wishes, if you feel i am in any way threatening to the well being of members of your family i will stay as far away from them as possible. Sincerely, Sullivan I showed Stacy and she got this beautiful smile on her face, and said, "he sounds so smart doesn't he?" Annie at 2/21/2003 04:20:00 a.m. Nadia and Derrick came home from Durham College at 3:15 am but I was already up with the dog. Caesar has been throwing up, I guess he must have ate something bad. Brent thinks he went in the garbage and ate orange peels. I was up for the rest of the night. Caesar threw up a couple of more times throughout the day. Brent worked today, his new work pants have some stains that look like bleach. His package for Keith and Brandon's belated birthday present came today and I had to pay $20. duty. One says NUKE the unborn baby gay whales- something like that. The other one a picture depicting Spank the monkey. In total it cost them $100.00 to get two hoodies that cost $25. American each. He went out with Brandon in the evening. The more I think about Colleen around Monica, the more I don't want her around my daughter. I am so upset that she is acting this weird and generally spoiling Monica's friendship with Holly. She wants her daughter to want something,sports, and Holly doesn't want it and never has. She is a beautiful pianist, her dad tells me how much Holly plays in the mornings, or just whenever she can. Let Holly pick what she wants to do. Don't blame my daughter for loving sports and being good at it. I don't feel comfortable with Colleen around Monica anymore, I think that Colleen could possibly harm Monica. She is that obsessed. I am also mad that I have been protecting Colleen even by not telling James right away, he should have been involved in the decision not to have Monica in hurdles. Annie at 2/20/2003 04:11:00 a.m. Brent went to a bar in Toronto near where Brandon works, with him and Steve. He had no alcohol. I asked our neighbour this morning if he knew who owned the van that has been in front of our house for almost 2 weeks. It has been bothering him too, but he thought it was ours. He looked in it and it was obviously stolen, the ignition was all ripped apart and the contents tossed all over the place. The fuel line was stuffed with newspaper for some reason. Two police cars came with their lights flashing and they finally towed it away. No hurdles, I can't believe I am doing this, I am directing Monica away from hurdles. I have never knowingly tried to inflict my will on one of my kids but she thinks it is her idea to postpone hurdles for another time. I feel horrible about it. Dance routine, Monica had Melissa, Holly and Kate over to practise. Kate is very good at dancing, has a natural rhythm. Stacy worked on her U of T Statement of interest, it is late and now I think she is mad that she didn't try earlier. Mark and Carrie phoned us about tickets to Blue Rodeo and we invited ourselves over for the evening. We had some wine, which I shouldn't have had on an upset stomach but then I had popcorn earlier when it was upset. What the heck, it has been upset all day. We told them what has been happening about Stacy and they think we shouldn't ban Sullivan from our house, that we have complained about Stacy and Jessie not talking and then when she is obviously put herself in the position to talk to a guy and enjoy it we told her not to see him. It reminded me before Christmas Carrie phoned and asked if everything was going ok with Stacy and Jessie because they wanted to give Jessie a gift. I said it didn't look ideal but they were still together. Carrie bought coupons for the movies and a restaurant. We joked that they should use them right away so Stacy could be sure to be a part of it, we laughed about it but...HMMMMMMM. James and I talked about Sullivan again and we realize that we can't keep Stacy away from people, she has always shown good judgement we just have to trust her. I think that is what is upsetting me about it, that usually I will confront someone who does something I don't like, but this time we have basically hung this guy out to dry. It's not as much an overreaction as it is a defence mechanism for Stacy and not just about Sullivan but what will happen to Stacy if she hurts Jessie about this, if he even cares. I guess we are trying to protect her on two counts. We have to trust her to do the right thing but lately I have been wondering, what is the right thing? Nadia working on assignment with Derrick really late at the college. I finally told James about Colleen and he is upset about me talking Monica into quitting. Colleen threw a different perspective on all of this when she talked about being Monica's coach. When she said that she didn't coach my daughter years back so that she could beat her daughter she betrayed Monica and what coaching is all about when she told me that she didn't want Monica in hurdles with this new coach because she wants Holly to win. Annie at 2/19/2003 04:07:00 a.m. Monica came home at lunch with a puffy cut on her eyelid. They were playing floor hockey and Jeff elbowed Monica in the eye. It moved her contacts back into her eyes and made her cry. She only cries when something really hurts so it must have been big, but she went back into the game. When she told me that she got hurt I guessed that it was Jeff who did it, he likes her and at that age they are rough to get attention, right? I talked to Stacy today about her and Jessie. I noticed that things weren't exactly going as planned when she was telling me how they were going to really start dating again now that he isn't working or playing hockey, it just hasn't happened. I said that she should try her best to make things the way she wants it and then if it doesn't work after all her attempts then they should try to part ways on a friendly basis. I really like Jessie but it looks like it is going nowhere and they should try and fix it before there is another episode where Jessie publicly trashed her. Stacy assusred me that she didn't lie, that she honestly didn't know who was going to be there the other night when she said she was going to be at Amy's and that she has been avoiding Sullivan when he ends up at the same lace she is at. We don't want her to use the car for a while, till the end of Feb. because she didn't let us know where she was. April was on the computer for quite a while last night. She is having a fight with Tara or Chelsea. She hasn't been seeing them all that much, spent a lot of time alone, like on Valentines Day. She doesn't want to talk about it, I hope April works it out and speaks her mind if they have done something to her. Brent went out with both Brandon's. Brent is so upset that Stacy seems interested in Sullivan even though she is denying it. He wants me to put a stop to it, even says that he won't have anything to do with Stacy if she goes out with him. This is just making me feel sick inside. They have had such a close relationship and now Stacy seems to be putting it to the test. I don't know why she hasn't accepted Brent's opinion; she almost seems to be rebelling against him. He was good enough to let her hang out with him and his friends and now it is blowing up in his face. I just want it back to the way it used to be. I feel like I am walking around on tip toe so I won't make my son even angrier. Backing down I have been thinking about Colleen a lot today, tomorrow is when we go to hurdles and I don't want to be involved in her thinking that Holly has to beat Monica at all. I won't even try to encourage Monica in hurdles right now. I know she enjoys it and that she wants to do it for school, I am with her all the way on that. If she really wants to do it later on when she is in high school then we will try for that. I don't want Colleen to even talk to Monica right now, Colleen thinks the wrong way about sports and I don't want Monica involved in the way she thinks. I have to protect my daughter. If Monica wins against Holly in hurdles for school, good for her, if Holly wins, congratulations and that is all there is to it. I am pulling her out of rep hurdles. I am losing too much sleep over this. Annie at 2/18/2003 04:13:00 a.m. Stacy said that she spent a good part of the evening with Steve, he showed her how to play poker and she really enjoyed it, won every game. Stacy said that she tried to phone me but her phone wasn't working. I reminded her that there are phones in Don Cherry's and at Jodi's house and that she didn't tell me at all where she was, in fact she told me that she would be at Amy's. The fact that Steve was there is making me raise my eyebrows, the phone call we got last night about Stacy being with Sullivan wasn't really true, they forgot to include everyone else that was there and that made it look very bad. I wonder if Steve orchestrated that because he is the one who ended up with Stacy last night. He has everything to gain by people thinking that Sullivan was up to something when in fact he was just there with a group of people and that my daughter was separated with Steve. What's up there? Stacy has been out with the girls a lot lately and is studying with them as a group. They are studying at Jodi's rather than here, but she still studies a lot at home too. I have noticed when Stacy gets upset or when something is on her mind she immerses herself in her studies. It's strange, all the kids hung around my house and now all of a sudden when Sullivan isn't allowed at my house the fun gets shifted to other places - or is that just a coincidence, I don't know, maybe he is not a factor at all, I am just not used to them not being at my house. I don't know if it is because Brent and Stacy have a strained relationship right now so she doesn't want to be here or maybe Jodi has a new found freedom with her mom. I hear she is getting along better with her mom, so maybe that is it. At a time where Stacy could be going to Jessie's hockey games and just be with him because he is not playing, she is choosing to be out with her friends. Yet she has told me that when he is with her at games he doesn't talk and often goes off with other guys who are out or watching so who knows? I think that tells the main story more than anything. Stacy is not spending time with Jessie even though she could. I don't think it is just her, he is doing it too. Holly and Kate were here this afternoon after Holly ran hurdles at some race. This is one of the two races that Colleen said she was glad Monica wasn't in. She came 4th. She would have done better if Monica were in the race. Brent said that the cashiers leave half an hour before the guys do. When the girls left some of them yelled "Bye Brent" and then they all ran away out the door giggling. The manager saw it, shook his head and kept laughing about it - like they were acting like a bunch of 13 year olds! We went out to dinner at the new Kelsey's (which was not good) and we were talking about Jessie. Stacy and James mentioned the fact that Jessie didn't talk to James the other day when James tried to talk to Jessie in the car. Nadia said that he doesn't talk to her either. I wish he would try. The guy has a good heart, please try to be part of our lives. It is as if he is getting even shyer than he was before. He should come here on his own, surprise Stacy every now and then, and be spontaneous just to say hi or something. Annie at 2/17/2003 04:50:00 a.m. I had a talk with Colleen at Soccer, we missed the second half of soccer to have it out. She is so upset at me that she was shaking. She read from a multi page letter all her 'concerns.' She is miss reading everything that involves our family, she even thinks we think she is foolish to try and compete in track at her age. We haven't even talked about her like that at all. We don't think that way at all, in fact I told her that we cut her picture out of the paper, we were so proud of her accomplishments. We have a lot of history together and hopefully she will stop feeling that Monica is taking something away from Holly. She thinks the girls are all hanging around without Holly and I explained that Monica, despite my better judgment is always with Cory. I really like Cory and if she has to go out with anyone, he is the one; I just wish Monica would not try to grow up so fast. Colleen doesn't want Monica in hurdles but I reminded her that the coach is the one who initially talked me into letting Monica try in hurdles a couple of years ago. Monica was in it longer than Holly, holds the track record for her accomplishments and has earned a spot there. Holly can easily beat Monica on any given day, Monica just tries harder, has more heart and that can go a long way. Holly needs Monica to encourage her to run. Colleen is frustrated that Holly doesn't have the passion for sports that Monica has. I reminded her that Holly's passion is music but she just tried to dismiss her talent as trivial. She has joked on many occasions that we should have switch the kids at birth because I was into music like Holly and she loved sports like my Monica. But that is life, isn't it? You can't pick what your child's dreams are, they find it themselves, at least that is the way it should be.It was Colleen who needed Monica to get Holly into sports in the first place. I told her that Monica doesn't even keep track of her accomplishments, doesn't even know how well she does, doesn't even display her medals. In Colleen written complaints to me she said that Monica knew her fastest times and Holly's and would gloat about it. No, not true she never keep track, ever. When the soccer game was over Colleen asked Monica the score and Monica just shrugged her shoulders. She asked her who won, Monica looked at Holly and asked if she knew and Holly told her mom who won. I think that made my point that Monica could care less after a game. She lives for the game and then is finished with all thoughts after the game is over. She doesn’t dwell or relish on the memories. I wonder if Colleen even thought twice about what she thinks now. I don't think Colleen is thinking clearly at all, she is trying to live through Holly. Holly doesn't want it, always feigns injuries so that she can sit out. I told Colleen that I did have concerns about their friendship, that since all the school track and field days were just between the two of them, just one on one, that I would rather the school not put one of them above the other. Colleen was shocked to learn that it was me who had the school stop announcing the Junior Athlete of the Year. It would only be against Monica and Holly every time anyway so why even promote it? Truth be known Monica would have won every year so I was really protecting Holly's feelings and tried my best to keep their friendship intact. April went to Chantel's Birthday party, a last minute invite so I had to go with Monica to Shoppers Drug Mart to find a gift. I couldn't pick it out Monica had to. April's friends are turning 15 now and even though I think of them as little kids they are growing up on me! It is a sleepover. Well I am up in my room right now because I am very upset with Stacy. Brent got a phone call from one of his friends Steve or Brandon to say that Stacy was with Sullivan at Don Cherry's. She said she was going to Amy's and some other kids were going to be there. I asked her if Sullivan was going to be there and she said that she didn't know. Then she went to Don Cherry's with him. Sullivan stayed over at the Doobie Brother's last night. Brent was ticked and I left the room because I don't want to feed into his temper about this. She told me that she didn't know if he was going to be there. Is she telling the truth? Don't tell me she doesn't have feelings for this boy- Stacy who always does everything right is falling big time. That phone call was BULL SHIT! I finally found out that other people were with them and it didn't mean that Stacy and Sullivan were together, but rather part of the group. I think it was mean and deliberate that they phoned Brent and let us believe that they were sneaking around. They were just part of a large group of people but it worked on Brent, he is mad about Stacy being there. Stacy's friends and Brent's friends were all there she was no where near Sullivan. Stacy is very frustrated about the phone call. Annie at 2/15/2003 11:55:00 p.m.
I was in the shower this morning until James came in to say they were waiting for me at school to do the Hot dog lunch. It was 11:10 and I shampooed and conditioned my hair, dried and dressed and got there at 11:15. Beat that, one hour shower kids! Dishing out the dirt Julie told me about the Sullivan that she has heard of has gone through Sea Cadets with the highest of honours and was picked to meet Prince Phillip. She said that he is a role model to the other kids there. She said that he could possibly be a quality person who just made mistakes on my daughter. I know I really liked him before, but somehow I have to get the trust back and if I knew that he was going to be places Stacy is and not all of a sudden just hanging out with her friends I might learn to trust him. As it stands now it still seems to me that he is trying for her even though Stacy says no- nothing is happening. Derrick came over to make Nadia a Valentine dinner and had Lion King tickets. James and I didn't go out this valentine. Monica was with Cory until I picked her up. Cory's dad was in a very good mood, gave April and racing poster when she went to call on Monica and Monica a pink rose. Monica finally gave Cory his birthday gift (about 2 weeks late) He was going to have a party and then someone took the candies that went with the gift so she just waited. Stacy went out with Jessie after work, we went to pick up Brent up after his work and James took an alternate road. I have always teased him about his motives for doing that but this time I tried to tell him that Brent might try to walk home. Brent did and we looked for him, until Stacy pulled up in the van with Jessie to say he just called and was walking home! Stacy and Jessie noth did not look happy for a Valentine date. April wasn't too happy with her Valentines Day, she feels lonely, I wonder why Tara and Chelsea aren't inviting her with Carly to the sleepover? April and Carly are the only ones that have kept in touch over the years since Carly moved and suddently they are all together and April is out? Brent was supposed to go out with the boys again to celebrate Adam's 19th birthday but he was too tired. He flaked out and slept in his work clothes on the chesterfield. I made a collage for both Adam and Steve for their birthdays. Annie at 2/15/2003 04:04:00 a.m. I had a brawl in the park with Caesar today. He snatched some chicken bones, reared on his hind legs and barred his teeth at me, which isn't pretty. He is pretty well my height when he does that. He was choking on it but stubborn enough to try to keep swallowing. I ended up hitting him with the leash and we didn't speak to each other for the rest of the day. Jessie gave Stacy 3 red roses, I guess to apologize for embarrassing her in front of the class yesterday. They don't seem to get along when they are in the same class. The roses don't symbolize what they are supposed to, to Stacy anymore and I can't blame her. He thinks that everything will be ok if he buys her roses. She was not impressed. Patty phoned for Stacy to work and wanted her to work 5 - 8 and then she would work her regular hours. She was actually going to turn it down. I don't understand her, she has the best job in town and is trying to get less and less hours. Everyone else has to work twice as much to get the same pay. email to my hommies Hi you all We have been so busy while James was away in Mexico. We redid the hall. We secretly planned this for months but as you know nothing goes according to plan and we worked until half an hour before James came home. We tore the carpet off the stairs which is so hard when it is a circular staircase, everything has staples. We found lots of money under the carpet by the banisters, apparently Monica used to hide her money there when she was little. We found about $5.00 in change! We painted the hall ceiling, the railings, striped the handrail, painted the wainscoting and the walls in the hall and the kitchen. We painted 2 stained glass sidelights and bought new carpets. James was speechless when he came home, he just kept pointing! Unfortunately I was so tired every night that I became a sound sleeper for once in my life. Brent tried to wake me up the first night, he wanted to go to the hospital with chest pains but apparently I told him to go to bed because he had to work in the morning. The next night Nadia tried to wake me up to say there was an intruder in our backyard and everyone was terrified. I told them to relax, everything would be OK. I have no memory of this at all! What a good mother I am eh? I can't believe I did that 2 times! Anyway I am off to bed. I might as well enjoy being a sound sleeper while it lasts! Night Night Love Annie ----------------- Brent worked until 10 and then went out with his friends to celebrate birthdays. Steve turned 19 today and he went with the Doobie Brothers to the Sports Bar. He threw up all over the washroom and learned that once you do that your next course of action is to grab your coat and run! Annie at 2/14/2003 04:57:00 a.m. I was upset about Colleen all day today and had a huge headache, I guess from not sleeping- or stress. I don't understand what she thinks is going on. Her words and her actions added up throughout the years have really frightened me. She seems obsessed that Monica has to be beaten when it looks to me that Holly doesn't want to even compete. Stacy and Jessie had an argument in school. They don't get along that well when they are in the same class. Jessie expects Stacy to help him and then he gets defensive when she does. They are in foods class and they are partnered with their friends. Jessie started to complain to her about why she wasn't with him when he was with his friend too. He shouted at her that she wasn't being a good girlfriend and it is like they aren't going out. Stacy said it was humiliating for other people to see that when she knew he was just showing off to his friends. She went to Erin's directly after volleyball so they didn't get to talk until after 10. This feels like the beginning of a break up to me and probably is not a bad thing, hopefully they will talk about it. If Valentine's Day wasn't around the corner I think Stacy might have said something to end it right when Jessie was being vocal in front of everyone. Monica had a doctor's appointment today for a skin rash and she has had chest pains. I went to the grocery store when I took Brent back to work from his lunch and went to buy some groceries. I paid by interact but the card was missing. Stacy had it from a couple of days ago. I had to go to Brent and get his phone since I wasted a quarter phoning to the answering machinw. Mike didn't have his either he had left it at home when I couldn't find my purse. James had to go to the bank so we could pay for the groceries. I know most of the cashiers so they teased me. After basketball Monica forgot to put her outdoor running shoes so it took forever to get her shoes dried for volleyball. She was there long enough to win a contest for a little chocolate. She played so much better than at the tournament. Nadia bought a four in one game so April had Erin in to play it. April has been very discouraged with Chelsea lately. She has been hanging around with some new guys who don't want April included in their fun. One of the guys gets bugged by April because he wants to be the one to be funny or something like that. They have been changing their plans with April now if they know these guys are going to be there so April is being left out. Nice friends. They also say that April wouldn't want to do things so they don't ask her and then they tell her what a good time they have had. I am glad that at least Erin is a normal friend. I would rather April not be with Chelsea and Tara so if April has to go through a little pain to be rid of them, so be it. I just hope it happens fast so she can rebound quickly and find new friends. April has been talking to Josh, the Doobie Brothers little brother, on the phone for quite a few hours. I just hope she doesn't follow his lead with the pot because I know he has been caught a few times by his parents and he has even taken the dads pot. His dad doesn't know how to handle it. Annie at 2/12/2003 03:50:00 p.m.
We had the toy and Bake sale today and I was there all day, they raised the most ever $600.00. It was weird that these grade 8's complained at being last, yet when they came in early they went no where near the toys, they were all too cool. Every other year the grade 8's buy so many of the toys. I took a step hopefully in the right direction. Steve won't let this Sullivan thing go so I owe it to myself to see what kind of kid everyone thinks he is. Brent liked him before, he told me many times last year that he liked him and that he trusted him. I asked Julie if she could find out about Sullivan for me. Her daughter goes to Sea Cadets and he is involved in it. I am confused about how I feel about him, whether we just caught something innocent (the talking) and I am judging him too harshly? Why am I even spending so much time even thinking about it? I get this feeling in my stomach that I have always told Stacy that it is lonely in a relationship when you don't talk and she is realizing this and has been telling me for months that she feels lonely. Then here she was talking like I wanted and we spazzed out on her because it looked bad. Stacy is always the one who does everything that is expected of her, always the little angel. Everyone has put her on a pedestal and, you know, maybe she should do what she wants for once in her life, even if it might be wrong. Even if people raise their eyebrows, she has the right to find out things for herself. I always tell her to go have fun, this is your teenage years. Trouble is part of being a teenager. She never has lost control of her emotions, maybe this guy is making her think twice and maybe for once she doesn't want to do what people expect from her. Maybe she wants to feel for herself. Maybe this is the one guy who really can turn her head and make her feel. She might be thinking with her heart. Maybe she is the only one who is seeing Sullivan for who he is, the guy she needs to get to know. It snowed all day and Brent and Adam were in really bad traffic on the 401 surrounded by accidents and then they were hit from behind, just a scratch though. We went to hurdles today and I don't know what to think about Colleen. She barely acknowledged me to the point that I stopped trying to even look at her. Then while I walked the track she said that she was mad, that I talked to the teachers about Holly. I told her that I didn't, that she had misunderstood me on the phone last week that I would never talk about Holly to the teachers. Mr Giles in passing was proud that Holly was practicing for hurdles, that's all, but I don't know what is going on in her head right now. She said that Monica told the girl who initially was helping her that Monica said she was there to beat Holly and Colleen took offence to it. I tried to tell her that is the way they have always got along and they have managed to stay friends, that they both do it to each other but she walked away. It really bothered me afterwards, that Colleen didn't mention to the girl that Holly and Monica are best friends, always have been and they always compete with each other. I remember at one cross country race when Holly said that she beat Monica to the boys, a parent said that was poor sportsmanship and I said "No that is they way they are to each other." and that sometimes Monica wins and sometimes Holly wins, but not to worry about it. I always thought that Colleen felt the same way and that their competition made them both better. In the fall when Colleen told me that Monica was competing Holly right out of sports I was confused because Holly had an injury and that is why she wasn't running or playing volleyball, but then Colleen said later that she felt bad when she went to psyhio with Holly and they said her back was all knotted up and that now she really knew she was hurt so I thought that was the end of that. Afterwards Holly, Kate, Lavani, and Monica worked at our house on there dance routine. I hope Monica and Holly don't get involved in whatever I am going through with Colleen. I haven't said anything to my family because Colleen is like a mentor to Stacy and I wouldn't want anyone to think bad of Colleen. Hopefully this will pass quickly. James and I went later to Baseball with Stacy for a parent meeting and they had a 3rd pitcher their Ashley D. She is very good and it is good that the pitching doesn't come all down to 2 people. Last year proved that you need depth in pitching, with all the illnesses and injuries we had to China and Stacy. They had a talk to Stacy about it and she didn't not have a problem with it at all. I didn't think she would. She hasn't been to pitching clinic, we can't find the time so I think it even relieved her. Annie at 2/12/2003 04:37:00 a.m. Nadia went back to the college with Derrick to study and didn't get back until around 1 in the morning. They concentrate better there; here there is too much action. James came home at the right time because we had just finished a mad rush to clean up for James's arrival. He was stunned at the transformance, so shocked every time he looked at something, it was different. April doesn't want him to ever go to Mexico again so we won't ever have to do this again. Just kidding but the kids were all excited about this as much as I was. They were a great help and I couldn't have done it without them. While you were out is harder than it looks. Brent and Adam came home, missed a lecture because Adam forgot his hard drive. When they went all the way back to school the next class had been cancelled. They went to Grammies to set up her phone for her. Annie at 2/11/2003 04:26:00 a.m. Just when I think that Stacy is not putting an effort into her relationship with Jessie (where is he now?), I find out that Sullivan was in town and she was not there with her friends when he was with them. I guess she is not trying to be near Sullivan. On Friday just before Stacy went to work Amy phoned and I told Stacy to phone her back. Stacy didn't phone even though I told her twice, and I found out later that Sullivan was at Amy's house. After work she normally goes out with her friends and she decided to stay in. Apparently Sullivan was going to stay at Erin's house for the weekend but that fell through. Sullivan is a year older than Brent in school so all of his friends might be away in college or University and maybe he is just looking for some fun so he has come out this way. But he knows a lot of these guys from Cadets so he should be hanging out with them. I know that Nadia sure felt alone from her friends when they all went off to school and she was at nearby Durham. I know he has been around a lot before. Dan has told me a lot about him a couple of years ago. Amy's mom told me that Coral and Amy aren't getting along well. I am getting the feeling that Amy wants Stacy to hang out with Brent's friends while Coral wants Stacy to be with Shane and those guys. I had April painting the kitchen, when Monica yelled for us all to come and see what April did. I couldn't believe my eyes. She had put the paint on so thick that it was dripping down the wall in chunks, falling off. The kids scrapped it off as much as they could. I think April thought that if she put it on heavy enough she wouldn't have to put on 2 coats. Dave had told her not to use the brush there but to trim with the brush and because of that she doesn't want Dave to know. Oh no! Some paint got on Nadia's NHL coat but I got most of it off. Brent tried to get on the huge ladder in the hall and while he was up there painting when his foot actually started to shake so hard he thought he was going to fall off. He never had a fear of heights before. Monica and I took turns on the ladder after that. Nadia and Natasha stained glassed the two skylights today. They picked a hard rose to draw and put 6 up all together. Stacy went over to Amy's to skate and then remembered a project they had to do so she came home almost right away. I wonder if she ran home because Sullivan was there again tonight? 'Jame the Blapanese' a phrase Nadia used in regards to war after one of Marita's cranberry vodka beverages. She is a lightweight when it comes to alcohol! Annie at 2/10/2003 04:40:00 a.m. Volleyball tourney at Sinclair High School in Whitby for the day. I invited mom, which turned out to be a mistake. First, she was late, and while I tried to ignore that she wasn't there, I was worried about her even though I knew that was what she was trying for. She is always up early and she says she slept in. Later on she let it slip that she had read the morning paper. As usual she asked every ridiculous question about volleyball, wanted me to maintain eye contact with her while we talked but couldn't; we are there to watch sports. She left early which made me happy because she doesn't belong watching sports. April and Chelsea work on their mandatory school volunteer hours at snack bar, earned 4 hours for her community service. I was afraid Chelsea wasn't going to show for April because they haven't really seen each other lately. Monica was buzzed out on sugar most of the day and it showed in her performance. Monica has always been a mature thinker who usually eats what is expected, to do well in sports. She is the disciplined one, not me as I was never involved with sports and my kids have taught me a lot in that regard. She usually follows a strict routine as far as eating goes. She normally doesn't eat candy. We had a bulk store open around our neighbourhood and when she went there with friends I didn't even expect that she would be buying candy. As it turned out she bought hordes and she had them in her bag at the tournament. Caffeine really affects our family and sugar really affects me. She didn't even look like herself at the tournament. When I realized that she had candy there she said that she was giving it to the team also. I have tried to tell her that her sugar gives her boost of energy and then you can become sluggish and your performance can sporadic when she is experiencing the highs and the lows of the sugar. She sees people in running with their energy bars and I don't thinks she sees the difference. April and I went to Melanie Pringles in Whitby. She really liked the decorating, the chrome, the jukebox and the music box right at the table. She is talking about Josh, the Doobie Brothers little brother, but I don't know if it more than a friend because they have always been friends. I hope so, why complicate a friendship? Stacy went skating at Amy's with the girls in the evening and was at Jessie's in the afternoon. She came home to get the skates but I was already fast asleep. Amy's mom says that Sullivan has been hanging out with Jodi and Amy, at their houses, without Stacy. Stacy has not even mentioned him at all or that he has been out with her friends when she hasn't been so maybe Steve has blown this out of proportion and this is all a big misunderstanding? James phoned from Mexico, said he has been very sick for a day and a half. He doesn't travel well still. Brent went with the boys to Brandon Alexio's after working all day with Steve. There boss got upset that the work wasn't getting done fast enough but Steve says he gets like that sometimes. Steve was complaining to Brent that he was extremely tired for work because he had to drive Sullivan home late in the evening the night before. Interesting to note that Steve has been at our house so much more since the Doobie Brother's party than he ever has, it is like he is Brent's shadow now. He keeps saying that we are more his parent's than his own parents, but I don't think it is a platonic relationship that he wants from Stacy. I think that since all this nonsense with Sullivan, he is using it to his advantage as a smoke screen to be nearer Stacy because that is who always ends up being the closest to her and who she ends up talking and sitting beside. I think it is by his design because I know that he has liked her for a long, long time. Annie at 2/09/2003 04:31:00 a.m. Well we were up painting till 3:30 am! It was so hard to wake up today but we managed to drag ourselves out of bed with only 2 and a half hours sleep. Everything on me hurts. I have Charlie horses in both calves. I had to soak my fingers in hot salted water; they are stinging under my nails. I stained the banister while Stacy and Monica touched up the white on the spindles for the last time while April generally tidied up. The rug came at 9 and it was hard to see if the rug matched the paint. We were restricted to the family room and the kids stayed home from school because they were exhausted too. We actually fell asleep while we all sat on the couch and we awoke slouched over each other with me on the bottom! Brent was still asleep in his uniform all day. Monica and Stacy (after work) stayed home in the evening, too tired to play! There was a beer bottle across the street and I made Stacy go get it when I realized it was a brand that was drank at the party on the weekend. Jessie doesn't have to wear the sling all the time now and he has his staples out. Still even though he has no commitments after school he is nowhere to be seen. I made some chilli for the tournament. The kids love having it on the stove and want me to make it every week. Annie at 2/08/2003 04:20:00 a.m. Poor excuse for a mom! Well I did it again. I am so exhausted from working in the hall that I wouldn't get up in the middle of the night. This time apparently there was an intruder in our back yard poor Nadia was terrorized but I told her relax, not to worry about it. Brent didn't come home last night, I called him home from the Alexio's today and had a talk with him about responsibility and how it would look to someone that he didn't work yet he went out at night. Brent says he fell asleep there. He went to work in the evening. I am glad to see he made it through work. Marita enlisted Dave to spray paint our ceiling and while it should have taken 15 minutes he had to paint it with 3 coats. In between he had a grog with me. The spray was a fine powdery mist, so I had plastic enclosing the hall and it looked like a foggy day in there. The living room was cluttered with the closet being pulled out all over the piano so Monica had clarinet lessons instead of piano lessons. She is having trouble fitting her piano practice in. I wish that the piano teacher would fit in some contemporary music, it might inspire Monica to try harder. Holly plays new music, no conservatory, and is hooked on the music. Why can't our music teacher see that Monica is playing for enjoyment rather than making a grade? In the evening Brent tried to help put the light fixture back up in the hall but the wires were painted, the screw stripped and it ended up that he dropped the screwdriver on his foot and it stabbed him in between his toes! Great. The light never got back up and I am not asking Brent. We got out some lamps and we are bare bulbing it. The kids were very good to me today and most of them helped a lot. I left for pitching clinic and gave April instructions to paint a certain wall. When I came home she had painted the whole hall wall. Stacy tediously painted each spindle in the banister with 3 coats of paint. Monica painted the upstairs hall- it feels like it is a never ending task. Will we get done on time? Annie at 2/07/2003 04:54:00 a.m. Brent in excruciating pain, tried to wake me up to take him to the hospital last night around 2am but I told him to go away? Nice mom eh? I was exhausted though and normally I am a light sleeper. He went to the Drs in the afternoon and they think it is a muscle pull in his chest. I hope he doesn't loose his job. He has only been there 1 week! They gave him an anti-inflammatory and for some reason he pulled himself out of bed and went out around 10 at night. Worked all day of the railings and stairs. I am so sore, I can't clench my fist from holding the paintbrush, and the railings are tedious to paint. I am so sore, my fingers won't close and my chest hurts. At volleyball tonight Monica earned the most continuous hits 11. James called us from Mexico, he is not feeling well. Tough…he needs a vacation, I hope he is better by the morning. Annie at 2/06/2003 04:06:00 a.m. I drove James almost all the way to the Airport, he met up with Don so Stacy can have the car all week while he is gone to Mexico. As soon as I got home I checked under James seat and there was my purse. So I can do the While you were Away make over! Marita came with me to Home Deposit and we bought all the paint supplies. A shopping cart was blown and headed to James's car and then veered off at the last minute. There still are beer bottles on our neighbour's lawns from the weekend; the kids are not respecting our wishes to keep the drinking downstairs. Who drinks outside in the frozen dead of winter? Those crazy kids. I stripped the staircase tonight and I am all ready sore! Monica helped a lot. We are having trouble pulling away the old carpet on the stairs, as it is really tacked down with lots of staples. Basketball game, probably the last as the teachers are now working to rule. Monica friends from baseball and volleyball were on the other team 4 of them. Monica coach marvels as the fact that she plays so hard, even when she is hurting, while others pull themselves out of the game or just don't play. Stacy went to the mall with the girls, didn't buy anything yeah so the mall girls haven't quite rubbed off on her. Brent has hurt himself in his chest, probably lifting at work. He finished all the diary section hours before closing, had nothing to do so they had him strip off the milk display. He said it was disgusting work. He almost feels like the assistant manager made him do the dirty work, as punishment for finishing the work up early and making other people look bad. Annie at 2/05/2003 04:01:00 a.m. New semester for Stacy and April. April has woodworking and she wants no part of it. Looked all over the house for my purse. It's been missing for a week now. We drove to the airport for Nadia coming home from Florida. There was a weather warning and we hit it on the way home. There was an inch of ice crusted on the van when we got home and we could barley walk up to our door. James didn't want us to go to volleyball but we had to since there is a tournament and we need information. Nadia worked very hard at the All-star game and was disillusioned at some of the volunteers who cut out at every opportunity. It was a great work experience. She met a guy from the Calgary Flames organization and she let him go to a party with her since he didn't have any connections so that should help her one day with her networking. She came home with lots of gifts for all of us. She brought Derrick home an All Star jersey. A neighbourhood mother died and people thought it was Sam's mom. She just dropped dead at the arena, right on the ice. People thought that it was Julie and then Marita. Annie at 2/04/2003 04:23:00 a.m. Stacy had Jodi, Amy, and Coral overnight and Amy was sick to her stomach in the morning - too much to drink. I heard a lot of arguing last night and it boiled down to booze. I am glad Stacy didn't drink. I hope Coral and Shane work it out because he got involved while trying to patch things up between Coral and Amy. I went to sleep at 3 in the morning and they were still up bickering. Coral has an unreasonable hot temper when she drinks. Jessie disappointed Stacy in not talking to her friends last night, avoiding them to the point that Jodi said she didn't want to be in the room with him - so says Jodi. I don't see why Jodi is complaining to Stacy about Jessie - it is her own business how they get along and Jodi is quite capable of telling someone off herself. Jessie was playing Nintendo with Shane, I was there and there was no rudeness, if any it was hers trying to talk to him when he was already engaged in the game. Jessie apologized today for being so rude. Stacy seems disheartened with him these days but I think the girls are egging her on to part with Jessie. They did last time Stacy and Jessie had problems too. She should be aloud to make decisions without all the influences of her girlfriends. I have a feeling that the girls want to hang out with a new crowd and that crowd isn't Jessie's. They blatantly tried it last fall but Stacy held her ground, but when they are all doing it I guess it is too much for her. I wonder how long they will dictate to my daughter who she will hang around with? Icq all messed up again. April was trying to install another version of it and I have copies of it all over my computer, it is a real nuisance. There is a bunch of numbers on our icq even though there are only supposed to have a limit of 6, there are a whole bunch. This happened last week when April was messing with icq. Stacy looked up one number and it I don't know who the person is but she asked me if I wrote her something about when she was working at baseball camp. I really don't understand what she was asking me, because I never thought she was interested in someone back then. I don't even think I wrote about it in my diary but then she said that she didn't want to hurt my feelings but it was puzzling to me why she would think I was involved in it whatever it is. I thought that she said it to pick a fight with me but then she was very nice to me and just dropped it. ICQ doesn't automatically pop up when the computer turns on anymore, which is good, I don't have a constant reminder that the person who was on it last has changed it to someone else's. Stacy left her glasses at the local Diner the other day when James and I took her out for breakfast. We kind of figured they were there but then the Keg's phoned us and said that the people at the Diner gave the glasses to Dave's mom and she brought them to the Keg's. It is funny that she would remember that we knew the Kegs. I wish Brent's friends would make their minds up about who Sullivan really is right now. They say he must be gay because he is defending Richards's lifestyle, and hanging out with Rich, and then in the next breath that he is after Stacy. Is he gay? Or is he after Stacy? Do tell Steve, what is the real story? Why are you talking so much about Sullivan to everyone? Annie at 2/03/2003 04:48:00 a.m. We had to get up really early for Monica's basketball game at 8. They played most of the girls this time and won, but unfortunately Sam wouldn't come. I guess they didn't like not getting much play time yesterday. They played again at one but they lost. Monica was frustrated because the team didn't play well around her. She got all 16 points with only one other person getting a foul basket. She had to cool off in her bedroom for a while. Monica went to Kate's birthday party and they played spin the bottle with the exception of Kate, Monica and Cory. Sam came up and kissed Cory, which infuriated Monica. Because Monica was already upset, Cory decided to play after that. Monica and Sam had words and Monica doesn't want to be friends with her anymore. I have heard that before though. Stacy had her party for Coral and cleaned up most of the day. I was worried because I don’t like not being here when there is a party, I feel responsible. James and I went to his old buddy Dan's party for his wife Debbie. They used to hang out when we first met. They had two live bands there, one exceptional, the singer used to be part of Lighthouse. Dan's sister Jane, Ron and Ed sat with us most of the night, it was good to reminisce since we didn't know another soul there. We came home to Stacy's Party. They were busy making a cake, which ended up all over everyone. Jessie and Shane were playing Nintendo in the family room - probably better for Jessie so that no one can hurt his shoulder. I like it when the kids come up to talk to me, some of them go out of their way. Booty tried hard but he had a little too much to drink so just ended up smiling at me a lot. Brent's friends were here for a while and went to Jen's party. Brandon Alexio stayed and said that he has no friends because they left but he was enjoying himself here. I had his keys. Apparently Sullivan was in town but the guys got out of bringing Sullivan to the party. It is always Steve telling me these things and I think he thinks that I am his ally in all this, but this is not a game with one guy against the other. I didn't like him talking to my daughter when she should have been in bed and that is that. Done deal, its over, let it go Steve. I hope we are not interfering with Sullivan's friendships but it is his buddies that are doing it, not me. I shouldn't be thinking of Sullivan like this because last year I accepted him enough to dissociate him from his friends when Brent and Crystal were trying to keep Stacy away from them and I was pushing her back downstairs. Because he is a friend of Dan, I assumed he was good guy and Brent said he was a nice guy even in December. I wish I could hear what he has to say, maybe we are all just black balling him. All these thoughts and she hasn't even said that she likes him like that. Am I jumping the gun here? I feel so bad thinking like this. Amy and Coral ended up arguing and crying and Amy tried to leave but we wouldn't let her. That is the one thing I don't want if they are drinking here. They both drank too much and that was not the intention when I allowed them to drink. Coral was going to go home and I told her no. Stacy finally told Amy that it was the drinking that was making her fight and normally this wouldn't be bothering her at all. At that, they made up. Shane somehow ended up having Coral mad at him when he was just trying to smooth things over for the two girls. He got caught in the crossfire. Annie at 2/02/2003 04:59:00 a.m. April and her friends were very quiet last night for their sleep over and left early this morning. We were walking the dogs this morning and I reached into my pocket to pull out a Kleenex and before I realized it James' VISA pops out and as soon as it hit the snow I had to compete with Fayden for the visa! I quickly snapped the card out of his mouth! I worked on collages for Cory and Kate. I also made a dcd for Coral which turned out quite well. Monica had a basketball tournament and they were up against very strong teams. I didn't think we stood a chance against the Port Perry team, they were very tough and we were being pushed around when all of a sudden our girls dug in and ended up winning. The next game James came with me and Monica was awesome as usual. They lost by 4 points. We had to take Brittany out when she had 4 fouls. Annie at 2/01/2003 04:18:00 a.m.
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