7/31/2002
July 30/02

I suck at being a parent and I am feeling so all alone. I thought that if I showed my kids I trusted them, they would act more responsible but they only took advantage of me, stupid Annie. I don't know anything and I proved it all this week. The only kid that is acting like I am remotely a good parent is Nadia. If one of my five kids ever even hugged me I'd be shocked.

Brent only comes home to shower and sometimes eat doesn't even phone like he did when he wasn't going to be home. I pointed out that I might as well let someone else sleep in his room but he said no, that this was the way it was to be for now.

April won't do anything for anyone and fights to try and get out of any work. Yesterday April told me to shut my mouth so she ended up getting herself grounded to her room. She wouldn't stop so she ended up grounded for two days away from one of the only friends I actually want her to know for her life, Lauren. We gave her an option of following her plans to go to Wonderland with Lauren tomorrow, if she cleaned her room but she opted to stay in her room for two days. What a choice, she just laid in bed all day! That is going to accomplish a lot. Stubborn kid.

I tried to get Stacy to talk about her feelings about Jessie because she hasn't said a thing about him, whether she is confused or not, but it ended up that she won't even talk to me, she even ditched me in the car. She looks at me like I am stupid and interfering and she hates me. She has a wall around her and won't let anyone in. I am not used to being shut out of her life. I hate it. At least Stacy shared her life with me, but has shut me out when she dumped Jessie.

Monica is going against every limit I give her, just so that she can see or talk to Cory. After everything I have talked to her about curfew and courtesy phone limits she sneaks and does it anyway and she is only 12. Even at 12 I am just her means of transportation. Even the early morning runs with lil'Mike I get nothing but grief until she goes. Everything is my fault.

Nadia is hurting herself by not trying to stay in shape. She isn't working, lounging in her pj's all day and even to walk the dog takes hours of persuasion. By not making her do things I guess I am helping Nadia hurt herself. Why can't I make a difference?



I wish that James would get more involved. He tells me what he expects out of the kids but he is not willing to convey his feelings to them. He wants Stacy to be home by 11 at night too, but does he even tell her that? No. It is all up to me. I have to do all the phoning when he wants the kids in for the night. Yesterday every time one of the kids wanted something I told them to ask dad to try to get him more involved but they still come to me. I guess I am more of a push over to them and they can get there way easier with me. They even know who the weak one is. Me. I feel so lonely but I spent most of my day in my room because I feel so much anxiety but no one ever even missed me. No one cares about me or even notices me. Only the dog wants to be near me. No one would ever miss me except maybe for maybe if I took the car.

This is the first time Monica and Holly have been together this summer.I took Holly and Monica to Gramma's for a swim. I didn't swim, I choose to wallow in a pool of self pity.

I had to take a mental health day. I was losing it big time, way over my head with worry. I had to distance myself from my family. James took one look at me in the morning and said to me, "You are going away aren't you?" Well it didn't occur to me that I should, but as soon as he said it I knew that I had to. Do you ever get that I need to get away from everything?

I went up north to a place that was important to me when I was a teenager. It brought me back to earth and to appreciate my life. On the way up there was a big truck that wanted to play games with me. He would get in front of me and slow right down. When I didn't pass him he put his emergency flashers on and they when I tried to pass him he would try to speed up but he was too slow at first. Then he would go in the passing lane and try to keep up with me. When he finally passed he would slow down again and do the flashers so I tried to stay behind him even though it was painfully slow. I went to Vanessa's first and then to Laurie's, I bough a 12 pack of beer for each of them.



I almost didn't recognize Laurie, as she walked up to my car to greet me. In her determination to quit smoking she has packed some weight on. The doctor has assured her that the weight is a small price to pay for the huge accomplishment that my chain smoking buddy has had the courage to do. I don't recall ever seeing her without a cigarette, even at school she would have one tucked away somewhere on her body. She loved the smoking act itself so I never thought I would witness the day she could quit. I am so proud of her.

But as soon as we she cracked open her smile she instantly reminded me of our connection, brought back all my comfort feelings for someone I can always rely on. Laurie is the reason for my impulsive leap up north today. This is the person who has always been dependable; we have always leaned on each other, even when we didn't realize it. We can cut through time in an instant and it feels like we have never been apart. My only regret with Laurie is when she married Don she told me that she was marrying him because I disappeared from her life. That was never a conscience act but my first stray away from what people now refer to as 'chicks before dicks'.

We had supper at The Snotty Fox where guys go 'to the Snooty to get some booty'. Vanessa is wearing a hearing aid, which is so much better because you can see on her face that she is hearing everything you say. It broke on her at the last of the evening and it sounded like it was a radio transmitter trying to find a station. She is still very beautiful and her kids are very caring towards her, it is nice to see. She hinted at marriage issues, problems that people actually work on when they have been married as long as we have. No one is paying Ralph when they are supposed to, that is putting tension in the house but you could see the attempts at solving the little things was being worked out as I was there.

The highlight of the evening was that a guy I haven't seen in about 27 years recognized me immediately! He came right up to me in the dark and said my name. Everyone there thought they had him, because he is smart and has an excellent memory; they wanted to catch him in a memory failure. He says I haven't changed.

I looked around the table and listened to what happened to a dozen of our friends. We thought that we were inseparatable when we were young. I had overheard at Shoppers Drug Mart before I came up north that a bunch of teens in our area were getting tattoos saying 'Eternity' because they were going to be friends for ever and it got me thinking of my teenage friends and all the guys that hung out together. They mostly all live in the same small town, but they weren't friends for life. The one's that were so close hardly see each other. The ones on the fringe of the friendships seem to have the most contact with everyone. The E for Eternity might last longer than their friendships.

Another thing that I noticed is how they all will only listen to the music of their youth, even though they all have kids my age. I listen to what my kids do as well as music from every decade except the 80,s. I had to put all electrical items away for fear that my son would electrocute himself so music was non existent for quite a while. I have always loved any kind of music and to me alot of the music has the same vibes that ours did. I think they are missing out.

Annie at 7/31/2002 11:20:00 p.m.


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7/30/2002

July 29/02

It is 3:00 in the morning and I have come to the sudden realization that my parenting skills were tested this year and I fell short. My soft 'respect me and I'll respect you' is bullshit. They get away with everything and all do nothing. Even Stacy, the one I thought was listening, only cleans if it is going to help her out but since she hasn't been inviting Jessie over for the past month, she doesn't even clean.

I woke up with tender breast pain on my left side. Every time I move my arm into my side I can feel it.

It is strange but Brent is not even calling about whether he is coming home or not. This morning at 1am I phoned his cell to see why Stacy wasn't home and he said she was being driven home and he was going to Adam's. He can't even come home when Stacy is with him, sends her home alone. Steve has been watching out for her but I thought at least Brent would come home when she did.

On that basis, I don't know whether she should hang out with him. 1am is way to late for a 16-year-old girl. I thought she was safe with him but then she phoned for his cell number and explained that she was in a different car and they didn't know where Brent was, it really bothered me. Now I have to try to get Stacy back to times that are acceptable to her age. I don't know how to trust the kids she is with. Even tonight when I thought she was with her brother, she got separated from him. I have to put time restrictions on the car, I was going to anyway, most parents do for new drivers, but if she had been with Jessie, stupid me would have given her more time. Why did I think like that?

What an idiot I was. James never agreed with me about letting her out late with him without knowing whether parents were home or not, why didn't I listen to him. Maybe then, they would have had a normal teenage relationship, maybe lasted the summer or a little more, learn from that relationship and then move on. Maybe only hang with the girls more. But I thought that she was doing so great with the girls, I encouraged that. She is not talking about it at all, just closing it off.

I am so upset with myself. Jessie, does he act upon only what his mother says or what his friends want to do? With Stacy he is benign. They never seem to be alone, he lives in an apartment and his mom is always home with them. All there troubles were growing up pains and not nitpicking fights like normal kids do. But I kept telling her that because they planned a long-term relationship all the growing up mistakes would be on each other and it was up to them to get everything out in the open so that they would make it. How can it work when they are both so shy? How can you plan a long-term relationship when they hardly know themselves? I should have had a curfew and monitored them closely. I gave Stacy far more freedom than I did with Nadia at the same age. Why? What was I thinking? Because he was so safe did I make it seem like they had more of a relationship? Usually when teenagers break up there are bad feelings between the two and they both usually argue to the point that they agree to part. In this case someone has a broken heart and it upsets me to think that I had something to do with it. I should have protected both of them.

Stacy's reaction to this all is because she has been hurt for months and months so I have to try and help her but how? Should she be with him where there relationship seems safe, I know where she is and what she is doing? Should she move on? Is she mentally ready to meet new guys where she is on the open market to a bunch of guys that don't care 2 hoots about her, only that they can get the prize? That is the way the high school boys treated her before and even Brent's friends acted like she is the game. What an idiot I am to think she was safe with Jessie for her whole teenage years.


There is a guy from the day camp that is emailing her and she even asked if it was acceptable to hang out with him and his friends. He is younger and we know what I think about younger guys, don't we? Why would she even ask this, her mind should be clear, to really give Jessie and her relationship the right perspective? I know she is hurt, she has been for a while.

Is Stacy going to give him another chance? The relationship would be more mature because he would really know the boundaries and the consequences. I keep thinking about how pig headed, bossy, demanding and controlling most guys are at this age and Jessie is not. Or she might just want to hang out with the girls for this point in her life; I would like to talk to her about it. That is what I have told all my kids, forget going out with the opposite sex while you are teenagers, hang out in a group of kids, but Stacy never listened to that or maybe people wouldn't let her listen, I don't know.

Annie at 7/30/2002 04:54:00 a.m.


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7/29/2002

July 28/02

I had little bits of sleep but I was still up most of the night. I hate this jumpy feeling inside and I can't eat, I have to force myself.

I went to locate Nadia because she wasn't in her bed this morning and ran downstairs to what I thought was a naked Derrick but Nadia says he had his boxers on. They were drinking last night and he slept over.

Brent had some friends over very late and they left around 3am. I never even saw them only heard them.

Stacy went to Amy's house to watch a movie. Earlier in the day she talked to Jessie for an hour on the phone and she went to see him at No Frills because he asked her to and gave her a note saying something about a box with some memories in it with room for alot more. She wants to keep him as a friend, she says she will always want to know him. Seems like she still has strong feeling towards Jessie so I hope they really can be friends.

Monica's team won the provincial qualifiers! The whole team came back to the Wing Place to celebrate and April came with us. We had to physically force April to sit with the older kids Amy, Nicole, Chris and Mac. I think she was very impressed with Mac because she suddently is interested in knowing when Monica's next game was and when I said that he is usually at Stacy's game, she wants to go to her game now. Cool! Mac is lots of fun!

Nadia went to her cousins shower with her grandmother and the traffic was so bad with accidents and congestion with the Pope's visit that she couldn't get back in time for her game in the women's league.

I called Monica home from Cory's because James didn't want her up so late and she brought them home with her. They have to walk her home, which is part of the bargain. She went to give them a drink of water and then she snuck outside and stayed till around 11:30. This has been happening a lot.

Annie at 7/29/2002 04:56:00 a.m.


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7/28/2002

July 27/02

Great now Stacy is shutting me out. She has done this every time she finishes things with boyfriends, but why? I haven't been sleeping well for days. I don't want to go through this weight loss and sleeplessness again but something has been really bothering me about Stacy and Jessie's break up and tonight I think I have figured it out. I was checking my email when I recognized a name in the junk folder as one of my good friends dad. I went to open it and there was a virus attached to it. Every now and then his name has been in there I don't know the man personally and there is no reason what so ever that he would be emailing me. I started to think about people trying to get into other peoples email and what they could do.

Then I remembered in May about the Lindsay email. Stacy says that Jessie sent it to her by mistake but that doesn't make any sense. First if he was sending it he would have been replying to it, not just sending it back unanswered. He had to go into his address book and he would have had to search out both addresses and E for Edwards is far away from P in anyone's address book. He would have had to deliberately put both names on it and I can't see that happening.

Jessie starts out his part of the note with "Ya." You don't start a sentence with that unless you are replying to a question so she had to have asked him something and it would have had something to do with the rest of what he said. He told Stacy that he and Lindsay started talking like that in grade nine and she send him lots of weird emails so if that is the case, if they have kept that up since grade nine, then that would make it more acceptable even if it is dumb.

Why was that email sent to Stacy? The only thing that it would accomplish would be Stacy and Jessie to break up and they almost did, but it did plant the seed of doubt in Stacy's mind. It could have been Lindsay, just waiting for him to say something that could sound inappropriate taken out of context, if no one knew that they had always joked around like that for years. She might have done it to make him squirm or actually try to mess up Stacy and Jessie's relationship. Maybe Jessie has been messing around on the internet so much with so many people that someone is trying to mess around with him at the expense of my daughter.

I think someone is messing with Jessie or can he just be that stupid? Could someone have set Jessie up for a huge fall to look bad in Stacy eyes so that everything from that point looked suspicious? I even believed the worst and it now looks to me that his mistakes might have been innocent little dumb things. Like feeling sick but then seeing his friends on the road and making an impulsive mistake to join them only to have Stacy drive by. When I look back on it now, it was not that big of deal considering that he has spent days being with his mother in the hospital, most people don't feel good once they come out of hospitals. I was critical of him without considering that fact but now I can understand. Maybe Stacy should have stopped the car and sorted it out there or just accept his explanation and picked up his friends and all do something together. Stacy could have gotten upset with him but it wasn't as unforgivable and hurtful as she thinks or was it? They say don't sweat the small stuff. This was not big. Looking back, this was blown out of proportion and I fed into it too because I felt protective over Stacy.

April had the nerve to walk up to her old crusty coach as he had backed away from the third base. She tugged gently on his shirt where it was tucked in and then preceded to clean her glasses on his shirt. The look on his face was priceless. What nerve she has! April's team won the gold against Mississauga. They were tied at the end of regulation time so they had an international tiebreaker. April came up to bat with two out and the winning runs on base. She fouled off about 15 balls and then hit one out to centre field and they got gold! She was so excited when all the kids came running up to her.

Monica at the provincial qualifiers. She was awesome. With home runs, triple base stealing and her pitching was so amazing it was unbelievable. They have won all their games so far!!

There was a guy there that was trying to pick me up if front of his two kids. He first took a picture of Monica pitching and asked for my email to send it to me. Since that is what I do for people I gave him by email. Then he stared to say how much Monica looked like me and how beautiful she was. Yea, ok buddy...hmmm. I moved, he moved toward me until the pattern was unmistakable, so finally I went to the dugout and stood by James. James looked at me weird because I never stand with him when he is coaching and even then the guy tried to approach me so I started to lean into James affectionately. Eucky guy.

Cory's mom was at Monicas game with Cory, which was so nice of her. She was saying how worried she is about the crowd that her older son is hanging around with. He is April's age and yes April says he can get himself in trouble. His mom is very upset that Mike and Kate broke up. I think she is equating Mike's behaviour with having a girlfriend, that he is good when he is with a girlfriend and that a girlfriend will make him behave better. I felt the same way when I talked to Doober's mom last year. She wanted Doober not to have a girlfriend and only hang out with the guys and I wanted Brent to have a girlfriend so he wouldn't get in the mischief that the guys often do. The grass always looks greener... right? Mike was getting into the mischief that guys do anyway even with a girlfriend, I think that is part of the reason that they broke up. I told her that he is young and that some kids learn the life's lessons by experiencing all the hard knocks while other kids breeze through the teen-age years learning from other peoples experience. It doesn't make him a bad kid. I like Mike, not because he is Cory's brother, but I got to know him all on his own, he has always been nice to me.

Cory's mom also told me that Monica had asked Cory if it was ok to go to the movies with Jeff and Cory said "Hell no" so I am glad she took my advise.

I told Stacy my feelings about the Lindsay email when she was with Amy in the car coming home from Melissa's and then the car ride was quiet all the way home. Amy gave Stacy the weirdest look; I guess she is happy that they have broke up. I get it. I am not supposed to express myself again, but then her friends should not be trying to influence her either.

Annie at 7/28/2002 04:17:00 a.m.


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7/27/2002

July 26/02

I can't write about all of this day in my diary just yet. It is too confusing. I don't know if I ever will.

I have too many kids here to really trust that one of them wasn't reading my diary. So anything terribly personal or I wanted to hide I kept hidden away in the icq help files. Well I have changed my way of thinking and if they ever have read parts of my diary I will one day realize by a slip up. So I inserted in all my little secrets that I hid away. I am just going to have to trust them because I honour their privacy. Or so I have always thought until this happened. So I have inserted this entry.

I turned on icq and saw a system notice and opened it. Stacy and I are the only ones who have a dark background on our ICQ. At that point I realized that it was Stacy's not mine. On the authorization request it said 'keep ur b/f'. It was just there staring back at me. 'keep ur b/f'. What could that mean? I should have looked past that, I know and I knew at the time but I wondered what could possibly mean after 'keep ur b/f'??? I accepted it and the person was still on line and mad as hell. The person was a guy on his girlfriend's icq and he was thinking he was talking to Stacy. Apparently Jessie was bothering his g/f and he was warning her to get him to stay away, basically telling my daughter that Jessie was after his girl. I tried to find out more but he went off. There, great, I intercepted something I had no business in and how could I let her know? I couldn't. I went to No Frills and lit into Jessie about it. He said he didn't know her at all, she had contacted him on ICQ he was just talking to her and "it wasn't even real, nothing on the Internet is real."

OK Jessie but now I had to keep this stupid fucking secret. He promised that he wouldn't talk to any other girl on the computer, not that is matters because he is not going out with her now so who cares? If I told Stace they would never get back, she would never trust him. I don't know what is right or wrong here, maybe it is all a game on the internet and guys and girls innocently flirt knowing that they will never meet the person. Does it sound right? Not for my generation but maybe it is all innocent. It isn't for me to judge. In any event I didn't have to tell because he had already been caught talking to a girl in person. It would be like beating a dead horse wouldn't it? I am so mad at him and myself. I deleted it right away after I talked to Jessie and now I don't know what to do about it. Stacy has told me before he has talked to other girls on the Internet and gets carried away during their relationship lots of times. Does he think the Internet is a fantasy world? If he thinks that then maybe his whole relationship with my daughter is a fantasy, that he can only communicate by the Internet. That is basically how he first met her. And here I have been telling her to talk to him as much as she can on the Internet because that is how it started it and he needed it. I should have been encouraging her to talk more in person, stupid me. He looked so scared when I saw him at No Frills and he says he wants her back so much. I am devastated about this. I guess it was a matter of time that she would catch him being un...un what?? unethical, unfaithful, can you be unfaithful if it is just on the internet? Who knows? I told him that we would never speak of this again.

I went to the board to get Brent's school transcript and they charged me $20.00 for what turned out to be a useless piece of paper. Centennial wouldn't accept it because it didn't say he got his Oasa. This run around is getting frustrating. Mom gave us a check for Brent's tuition, we asked for a blank check and we are glad we did because Centennial wouldn't accept a check. So my name is on it now and we will pay by Visa.

Tonight is the start of the qualifiers for Monica's tier 2 team. They played so well.

Nadia and Derrick went to her uncles birthday #50 ! On the way home they decided to go to the Wing Place and bumped into James and Joe. Joe gave them a two for one wing deal and James bought them drinks (Derrick's non alcoholic as he was driving). James said that he enjoyed his daughters presence very much and truly likes his grown up daughter!

ICQ
Jessie -ok... i know your probably more on her side. But i really love her. I miss her already and its only been a day. I want to do something to tell how much i love her and everything. I don't know what to do. because i dont know if what she will think. but im gunna do whatever i can to get her back... cuz I really love her. Even if she was out on the market... i would be behind her all the way... i wouldn't let any problems happen... But i dont want her on the market... i want to be with her

Annie at 7/27/2002 03:58:00 a.m.


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7/26/2002

July 25/02

Nadia was pleased to be asked to run drills in a clinic for a hardball clinic next spring.

Stacy broke up with Jessie today. She called him after her game and he rushed over here. It is strange but the feeling I got when they first started to go out, the first time I brought her to his house was that I felt like I was leading a lamb to the slaughter. This is how I felt watching this scene too; only Jessie is now the lamb. The house was a zoo of people coming and going so they had to go outside for privacy. I didn't realize they had sat on the front lawn and while I was looking out my bedroom window, waiting for April to get home, unfortunately I looked out at the wrong moment. Jessie was holding Stacy's shoulder as they sat together and they looked close so I thought that he had talked her out of it. But I guess it was just as she was telling him. He just reeled over on to the ground when she told him. I didn't want to invade their privacy any more than that. It made my stomach turn to see something so personal.

After a while she said he retreated to his car, punched his wheel and sped away squealing his tires. Poor Jessie. They really didn't get their chances this summer, and that could be the underlying factor. There was our holiday to the cottage, his holiday with his dad, his mom in the hospital and then Stacy with the day camp job in the sweltering heat that so exhausted her she had trouble staying up to talk to him. Stacy had a two-week 8:30 to 4:00 job while he usually worked from 4 on. It was all bad timing. He didn't phone her when he was out of town but then Stacy didn't either when she was out of town. But you only see what the other person hasn't done don't you? Poor guy, he doesn't want this at all, even though it looked like he was tired of having a girlfriend, he is desperately trying to get her back. She was up on the computer with him for the longest time.

Annie at 7/26/2002 04:58:00 a.m.


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7/25/2002

July24/02

We went to breakfast with Dave and Marita. James and Marita both look so much better than they did a month ago so it was a good time, easy and relaxed.

Later in the day Brent told us that Josh rolled the beater van and Dave didn't even say anything about it. I guess they don't want us to know, especially when Dave has been criticizing our son and also they weren't impressed about Jessie's accident. It happens to teenagers unfortunately, but he is trying to put his son up on some pedestal and when his son has something similar happen he actually lies and says that the engine burned out. James even wondered to Dave why he didn't replace the engine because he was always talking about restoring it, but he chose to lie about it. I am upset about that. Josh got charged with careless driving and lost 6 points.

Monica was at Cory's again really late. She took advantage of the fact James and I were out. I phoned after 11 and let her stay until after the movie was over and his mom drove her home.

Nadia went to Natasha's after work and they painted boxes or something.

Stacy went out to William's with her friends.

Tonight Stacy came to me and said that she is going to break up with Jessie. He was with Serina at Dairy Queen yesterday. Melissa saw them together in Jessie's car alone. She didn't seem upset about it, just resolved. I guess it has been building up and that is the last straw. It's funny but I had a lot of anxiety today about those two because I realized that they haven't been seeing too much of each other lately. When she went to visit him at No Frills he asked her if anything was wrong and she wondered why he said that. Then she finds out about Serina.

They didn't have much time together lately, and they didn't try to remedy it either. But then we went to the cottage without him this year and then he was on holidays for two weeks, with his dad. I really liked Jessie's family. Jessie and her had a long relationship and as far as teens go, kind of innocent. Maybe this break up could be a time to make everything right so that if they continue it will all be good again. I hope she works on it; I hope they both do, if they both want it.

He sent me this message on icq tonight.
tell her I miss her and I love her... and give her a kiss for me.

This is going to be so hard. He obviously knows she is upset, that he had been seen with Serina. I wonder how he is going to explain his way out of it or is it just over? Maybe he just wants to be one of the guys right now.

Annie at 7/25/2002 04:59:00 a.m.


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7/24/2002

July 23/02

The Pope was in Toronto today and there were hundreds of "Pilgrims" in town swarming to the GO station.

Email to Joanie

Joanie about the crohn's;
James went back to the specialist again and he has had a bad reaction to the asacol, the medicine that he has been taking. So all this time he has been suffering, about 3 months was not crohn's. So now he is on some new medication and he has to see the dr. once a week to see if the blood work shows he is ok.

Joanie, that diary I copied for you, I shouldn't have included the stuff about Marshall. I read it after I sent it. I knew there was stuff about him but I didn't think about how it might affect you until later. I am really sorry if I upset you, that was never my intention. I still think of you as one of my best buds ever and I hope I didn't get you mad.
If I did, chew me out please, spank me or something.
OK
Lub your best bud, Annie

Email from Joanie

Hey! Don't you worry about the Marshall thing...if you could see him now your finger would be all the way down your throat, he is such a bum glad I divorced him years ago feel sorry for the kids...I'm going for lunch now so I'll write you again as soon as I get back from lunch type ya soon.

Email from Joanie
Hi! It's me again all full & content. So I loved that diary you sent me...it made me laugh, I printed it & let Karl read it too & he howled. Don't worry about the Marshall stuff, it doesn't bother me a bit, I feel sorry for the kids cuz he's such a bum... needs a bath, haircut & life badly. Did I tell you my son went out west he is now in lake Louise an old chip off the block ah!!! hope things go well for him.

Poor James!!!! yipes these blasted doctors, why was he on the medication. I still think i had beaver fever & the miss diagnosed me with crohns cuz I don't have the pain i did way back when. I shore hope James recovers quickly...I also thought it weird for a guy his age to get crohns cuz your usually in your teens or early twenties when it appears, well hope this clears up fast. Hey are your kids playing baseball down this way this summer??? Call me if they are & next time I'm in town. I'll call ya...& your still one of my best buds too.
lub ya Joanie



Stacy went to her first baseball game since she has been sick. It was at Thompson Park in Scarborough.
She played about three innings but she was pumped up. When we got back in the car there was a phone message that Monica had an 8:30 game that somehow we didn't know about. Nadia and Derrick tracked her down in the neighbourhood and got her there with 1 minute to spare. She almost got a grand slam except that a slow poke was ahead of her on base and she was on her heels.

Car Hide and Seek

Just when you think they are getting tired of car games, there is new angle on Car Hide and Seek. We must have been deprived as teenagers; there was usually only one kid with a car so I guess we were all too poor to even think of this game. A group in a car goes out and hides somewhere in town, and gives out clues over the cell phone to the other cars. They spend the evening driving around searching them out each other out. I guess that is all they need for entertainment, some purpose, some direction and some vibes. It would be very easy to ditch people, lie about where you are and sent them on a wild goose chase! They really seem to enjoy these games. But now they are playing car scavenger hunt. Brent was telling me that him and his friends went on a Car Scavenger Hunt and had to pick up things like a golf flag, special Noma Lights (they returned everything) but they had a lot of fun. Brent hung around with Josh this evening.

Brent still hasn't gone to his high school or Centennial about registering so I don't know what he is thinking. Maybe he doesn't really want to go anymore, it is hard to say. I was shot down when I mentioned that maybe he should take a year off and sow his wild oats so he must want to go to school.


Annie at 7/24/2002 04:45:00 a.m.


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7/23/2002

July 22/02

Brent came home today. Yeah!!! I asked that he give us some conversation, to fill in the blanks about his schooling. He didn't go to Centennial or to the high school to finalize his move to Centennial from Humber but he has already cancelled Humber. I don't understand him and Adam. I told them they had to act fast. But Brent is more fascinated by his social life. He told me that he was hanging around in the parking lot of IGA when some girls noticed them, recognized Dan and invited them to a party in another town. Now one of the girls is phoning him

Stacy and Nadia are lucky to have Rep players this week at the baseball camp. Most of the girls know Monica! The girls are all eager to learn. This is a treat for Stacy because last week it was like she was only babysitting them. She would tell them all to open there gloves and maybe one would and the others would be looking every which way but the right way.

April was out with Laura and Tara when Braden called on her but he found her anyway. He always seems interested in her when she is not looking for him. I guess that is their special relationship. He pushes her away until she doesn't come back and then he seeks her out. It is a game to them.

Monica spent the whole day with Cory so James and I are going to have to have "the talk" with her. I made her come home at 9:00.

Annie at 7/23/2002 04:33:00 a.m.


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7/22/2002

July 21/02

It has been a hard baseball weekend, we have been spread all over southern Ontario. I went with James's brother again and Derrick took Nadia. Nadia was very unhappy with how the four of the girls on her team treated her. It was the usual full of attitude girls that think they are too good for select ball. There attitude are bigger than their talent. She doesn't want to go back and I can't blame her. Nothing good will come of it. They were even throwing the ball from the in field back to her real hard so that it was hard to catch. Alana started to complain about Nadia's batting when Nadia wasn't there to defend herself. Fortunately other teammates stood up for her and yelled at them. It upset some of her team mates so much that one girl started crying. I'm glad they stood up for her. It has been a disallusion for Nadia who has always got along with her team but what can you do when the offenders are the coach's daughters who walk all over their own dad?

There was a was muggy and tiresome wait of almost 6 hours between April's 8 o'clock ball game and the 3 o'clock semi final.

The Keg's came home from their holidays out east and Dave came over for a drink. They love their trailer. James actually had grogs with him and it is so nice to see James feeling good enogh to drink after all these months of feeling so uncomfortable and nauseated. We thought it was from the crohn's but it turns out the medication was hurting him.

I got a phone call from who I thought was Stacy. She asked how long she could stay out, and I said "don't worry about it, you will know what time to come home and have as much fun as you can have". After I got off the phone Nadia looked at me strange and told me that it was Monica that I had just given permission to stay out as long as she wanted. Monica finally phoned back at 10:45 and I told her to come home right away. Unfortunately teenybopper genes took over her and she took her sweet time. Cory, Cody and Monica were over a half an hour for a five-minute rainy walk. I told her that I would let her obstinate attitude pass this time and that I hoped it would not have any bearing on how fast I react when she wants me to help her out somehow. She thought about it and came to me and apologized. I like that so much better than grounding. You see I want them to have the best time they can have within our very liberal boundaries and hopefully her teenage years will be a smooth ride. It is scary that she is not quite a teenager yet and I am having to say this!

When I picked up Stacy from Jessie's, the show of thunder and lightning was extreme and every neighbourhood I drove though the streetlights would cut out as I drove through. It added to the eerie atmosphere while the rain was just pouring so hard the windshield wipers could barely handle it. I drove Holly home too, Stacy says she is really nice. Stacy saw Jessie twice today, but I don't know what she did in the afternoon, I'll have to ask her. She had a good time with Jessie and his friends especially when they went to Baskin Robbins and had an ice spitting contest. I think that is the kind of fun she is most comfortable with, as a group, not as a couple. Jessie however prefers to be alone with his group of friends even if guys have their girlfriends there.


April had Carling, whom she hasn't seen in years, over for the night. They ended up sleeping in the family room because the power kept cutting out and Carling was afraid of the dark. It was nice to see that Carling wasn't so much of the wild child she was years ago but she looks a lot more mature than April. Perhaps she has packed in the brat label to that of someone trying to grow up too fast?

Nadia is working on a drill book for the Baseball Camp and has designed many logos. She wasn't feeling well this evening, as she sprawled out in front of the TV. Finally she came up to sleep in her own bed so that April could have the family room with the spooked out Carling.

Annie at 7/22/2002 04:19:00 a.m.


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7/21/2002

July 20/02

I tagged along with James's brother for April's softball tournament as I hate highway driving. They really played well, everyone was hitting and catching great. Mighty little Cheeko was being the Guard dog, went after a huge dog which everyone got a kick out of.

I came home in time for Monica's next ball game but I was so burned and exhausted from the sun that I needed shade, my skin and eyes were on fire. James is feeling much better now that he is off the Asacol.

Stacy was not with Jessie again tonight, what gives?

Annie at 7/21/2002 04:49:00 a.m.


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7/20/2002

July 19/02

Centennial College phoned to say that they had Brent's name and that he could go to Centennial instead of Humber but they wouldn't give me any information on whether they were offering that to Adam too. Brent needs to be the same place Adam is, at least that is there plan and it would be nice for us to as Adam could get him there. All I knew for sure is that it was a limited time offer. So I phoned and ended up pounding on Adam's door to try to get them up because they have to know today and they have to get their school records from the high school today too. Thankfully the dogs barked so incessantly that it woke up Adam. I hope they act on it quick.

Nadia and Stacy were disgusted at the two counsellors who went swimming with the little kids in their string bikinis.

I went with James to see the Dr to complain about how bad he has been doing. Even though James complained to him before that the felt like the medicine was poisoning him, only now does he seem to think that maybe the Asacol is what is making James so sick. James has to start a new medication in a couple days. He has been terribly sick lately; I wake up every morning filled with dread that this might be the day that he just can't get out of bed anymore. It is that bad and that depressing. I feel so guilty wondering how it is going to affect this family when I should only be concerned about how it is affecting James.

Monica had a softball tournament and unfortunately their draw has the top 3 teams in tier 1. Being the newest tier 2 team they must have been in shock because for a while we were leading and we were very competitive. Monica struck out the top Ontario batter 3 times! They all seemed to know Monica, wehether it was becaeu she was the cleanup batter, because when she came up to bat they always ended up having a conference. She is knows for her speed on the bases and usually she steals even home. She got picked off once but it was spectacular!

After we went to see our nephew Kevin play and a lot of family was there. Stacy was heckling the outfielders, unaware that we were all there, and was so stunned to see her family watching her misbehave! It was funny, there is a little part of her that does want to shout out, "I'm bad". Just for a little moment though.

Nadia had Natasha over for the night and Derrick was here for a while.

Annie at 7/20/2002 04:06:00 a.m.


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7/19/2002

July 18/02

There is a welcome break today from the sweltering heat but it is still muggy. Nadia and Stacy have worked in the direct sun baking on the dusty baseball diamonds all week so they are exhausted when they get home.

We went to Barrie for Monica's game and we got the chance to see Mark and Shelly's three week old baby girl, Sidney, she is beautiful and so good natured.

There was only one run came in 5 innings for Monica and that was an on an error. Shannon's singing is making everyone laugh. What a voice, she must know how shrill it is and is getting a kick out of all the attention.

Nadia had a game tonight without us, she went with Derrick. They trounced the team of the coach she dislikes so much so that gave her a lot of satisfaction.

I was taking pictures for the softball web page today. The owner of the Baseball Camp told me how pleased he is with Nadia and how innovative she is. I brought some baseball suckers for Stacy and Nadia's girls and the camp director liked the idea so much that he sent someone to pick up $20.00 worth.

Stacy went out to dinner with Jessie and family at their favourite restaurant, the Sports Gardens. She enjoys them a lot.

James says that he is reaching the point where he thinks that he might be unable to continue working. I have been dreading him saying that and wondering how I am going to support the family because I haven't been in the work force for over 20 years. I hate seeing him like this and it is so much like both our fathers just lying in bed trying their best to get through each day.

Annie at 7/19/2002 04:55:00 a.m.


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7/18/2002

July 17/02

Brent came home at 2:30am to say that he was staying at Adam's and would be going to summer school from his house. This really upset me. With the combination of Monica fighting with everyone I couldn't sleep all night.

James and I had a talk to Monica about her behaviour and I think we made some ground. She tried all day to cooperate with everyone and not compete. She went on a run with lil Mike and she is now appreciating his sport a lot more. He is a marathon runner training for a Toronto Marathon in September.

Brent got 82% on his English mark. He had some friends over this morning. I get the feeling that they might not have gone to bed last night.

Nadia argued with her coach about batting cage practice. This is the first year Nadia has batted well and while she was consistently the one and only to always show up at batting practise. This year, she will not.

Caesar went to get a shot at the vet and after Monica and I took him to the Lakefront. He is not being good on the leash and toppled me to the ground once.

I went to Fran's with April for an afternoon swim, we brought Caesar with us and Caesar wouldn't go into the pool even though he was being coaxed. After a while April dragged him in. While Erin was coaxing her dog Zak, Caesar jumped from one side of the pool to the other right on Erin.

Monica is staying at a cottage with four other team mates and they will take them to the Barrie game tomorrow.

Natasha and Nadia went over to where Dianne works and tried to talk to Dianne about drinking and driving but she basically blew them away. They are afraid that Marco is controlling her.

Stacy went to Boston Pizza with her girl friends. She loves having the car.

Annie at 7/18/2002 04:48:00 a.m.


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7/17/2002

July 16/02

Nadia was told how much fun the kids in her baseball group had by the parents. I went to pick Monica up at 10 and talked to Sam's mother for an hour! I took Monica for a running top, shoes and stuff- $175.00. Monica disobeyed me when I told her not to go the basketball court alone today. We got into an argument when she kicked Stacy, arguing about the washer and dryer.

April had a out of town game and since we were rushed we ate at the picnic area there, which turned out to be a bonding moment for us. She was very talkative on the way home so that was interesting. She knows know that I know she made out with Scott. Brittany asked her to, so that she could catch him and break up with him but April doesn't know that I know that. I think that was low. Brittany does a lot of questionable things. April did it because she actually still likes Scott but it was definitely wrong.

Stacy went to watch her ball team play with Jessie.

Email to Joanie
We are having trouble understanding just what James can eat with the crohns. He feels a need to eat to make him feel better and then his stomach swells with gas and he is in alot of discomfort. Can you please try to make us understand what are the things he should avoid and whether he should be eating when he hurts or just alot of little meals or what? We really haven't figured it out yet.
Thanks, your bud,
Annie

Email from Joanie
Hi you! Poor James...I found if I drank milk I got the trots...I eat everything but I find I get gas from pork, broccoli, beans for sure wheat is suppose to be bad so try rye bread that work for me...maybe they should set him up with a dietician. Small meals 6 times a day is good for everyone...did he go on medication???? Let me know if any of this helps...stress is the culprit & what can we do about that? Hope this helps

lub Joanie

Monica was on the phone with Cory at 10:30 and I told her to get off the phone for the evening. So she hung up and went on the other phone. When she was told to get off the phone again she snuck to the basement so now she is really disobeying.

Annie at 7/17/2002 04:43:00 a.m.


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7/16/2002

July 15/02

Nadia and Stacy started their job at the baseball camp today. Nadia has the older group and 4 of them know April. Nadia concentrated on pitching and the girls said it really helped. Nadia is quite burnt and both of them are exhausted with sore feet. Stacy begrudgingly took the same 10 year old to the bathroom 9 times! Her group are all the little ones who get bored within a few minutes of each activity.

Brent said that he got 100% on one assignment at summer school. Some of the kids plagiarized their essays when all they have to do is give the author credit. Any misbehaviour in summer school and you are out.

We had a long talk about how much he hated high school last year. I believe I have the whole story now of why Brent didn't want me to go to the teacher interviews. He told me in little bits and pieces in the last while. His teacher told him that he was not following the instructions of some assignment. Brent said he was following them exactly and they argued about it. Brent read the instructions word for word and proved that the teacher was wrong. The teacher was so angry from being shown up that he pushed Brent so Brent pushed him back. During the yelling spree Brent had yelled that it was no wonder his wife left him. At that the teacher raised his fist and took a swing. Four teachers who had been alerted by the yelling ran into the room, two restrained the teacher and the other two grabbed Brent. When the teachers realized that the teacher had assaulted Brent they decided that it was best that the incident not go any farther. That is why I was not supposed to know when it happened.

Monica went to Sam's birthday party for swimming and a sleep over.

April had a game with Brittany's team who was absent. A girl on that team doesn't like April and Brittany can't remember what she said to the girl to make her dislike April. I have been warning April that Brittany talks about everyone behind there back and to be careful of her.

I physically helped April do 40 sit ups tonight. It was funny and she was laughing so hard especially when she thought she was only doing ten and then I yelled "10 more, 10 more, 10 more!" I am probably hurting more than she is because I basically did all the work. I enjoyed seeing her laugh till she cried. She was putty in my hands!

James spent a lot of the day in bed again and he couldn't go to practice. At least now he is making doctors appointments. I hope they give him better medication or teach him how to eat properly. This is agonizing to watch him go through this. I don't know what to do for him.

Annie at 7/16/2002 04:37:00 a.m.


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7/15/2002

July 14/02

We were on our way home today when Monica noticed her old team from last year was playing in a field near the highway. That meant that they made the play offs so we scooted off the highway and watched them play. They were really pleased to see us but they didn't go any further-lots of errors.

It was nice to get home but April didn't co-operate with the other kids, when she gets over tired she can't think straight and it took all three of the older kids to forcibly move her to her bedroom. She was sound asleep within 5 minutes! So I guess she will be coming on our next trip. We would have taken her if we had known that she got into an argument with Laura, that girl can say mean and vicious things.

Nadia was asked to play for the Woman's league, they lost their pitcher and she was nervous but she did very well.

Just after I got home Stacy showed up with Amy, I had a hard time understanding that because I thought her and Jessie had some talking to do. He told her he was sick on Saturday night and then she drove passed him from Paul's and he was with a bunch of people, but walking beside Serina. She is fuming mad at him but she didn't stop to talk to him about it. This is happening way to often and I think he is having trouble balancing the guys and Stacy. It is a balancing act. They need to straighten things out and get off on a new start. They talked it out a bit after and he said that he was afraid to phone her after she saw him on the road because she would be mad, well...yeah! She says that he is running away from his problems when he has excuses for his behaviour like that. She just wants to be part of the group of people that Jessie hangs around with, but it looks to her that he doesn't want her there with them and it is bothering her that other girls are with Jessie and his friends.

Annie at 7/15/2002 04:49:00 a.m.


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7/14/2002

July 13/02

Stacy went out 'wit da boyz and her bro' Brent to the movies. Adam had been drinking and wanted to drive but no one would let him. They got pulled over by the cops so Adam almost got caught. Seems he is somewhat depressed lately. He is unhappy that there are no girls in his life. It is pissing Steve off because he says that he shouldn't complain when Steve hasn't even had one and Brent doesn't have a girlfriend either. I hope he gets over the depression soon but it does happen from time to time. He threw a perfectly good relationship out because he thought he would get alot of girls this summer. The grass is alwasy green eh?

Jessie didn't come out because he is not feeling well. Therefore I am glad Stacy is making alternate plans for when he is not available.

Nadia had a bad tournament, a lot of misbehaviour by her team members. They were riding the Umps to the point where the Umps were calling them bitches and threatened to kick Alana out.

Nadia and Derrick went to Natasha's for a party and Dianne and Marco were there, insisting that they drive when they had been drinking. They got into an argument about it and Dianne is mad at them for trying to make them take a taxi. She is backing her boyfriend even though he is wrong. This is the same girl who was so high and mighty against any drunk driving before but that is when it didn't apply to her. She should listen to her friends who are just trying to protect her from her drunk boyfriend.

It was really dusty hot on the diamonds like the desert when you can see vapour rise from the ground. We tried to find shade for the girls but it was hard. Monica pitched all day except two innings. Sheena didn't look like she wanted to play and I even heard her day that she wanted to lose so she wouldn't have to play on Sunday. We lost 5-3 in a game we really could have won but we had a slim hope to be in the playoffs if the next teams could have beat that team. Even then Sheena said that she hoped they lost so that they wouldn't have to play anymore. Meanwhile Monica was trying so hard that she didn't want anyone to know that she was sick with diarrhoea because she wanted to play so bad. Monica was awesome as usual.

Monica got hurt horse playing in the pool by coach Joe and was really upset about it but she was probably playing rough to because I heard the parts talking about how strong Monica was in the pool. Again people had to mentioned how fit and what a great body Monica has. There are not too many days that go by that some adult mentions her body but she really works at it, sit ups, running and always active. I guess they notice because she is so young to be looking that mature.

James had to take some of Henry's perkocet to make it through the games today. Poor James, he is right, if it keeps up like this I don't know how he can coach next season. I wish there was something I could do for him, sometimes he is beside himself, he is so uncomfortable.

Annie at 7/14/2002 04:22:00 a.m.


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7/13/2002

July 12/02

I had a rotten sleep last night for 2 reason's:

1. I had too much to drink at the Wing Place and when I enjoy myself too much I always wake up in the middle for the night dehydrated.

2. I went on my computer around 1 and Stacy's icq was still on - I guess from when I got the hospital information for Hannah's flowers. Jessie was still on line. I didn't think much of it at first and then I realized that if none of his friends are not on line on Stacy's list then who the hell is he talking to at that time in the middle of the night? He was on until around 1:30 and it is really bothering me especially after the Lindsey P. episode when he asked her to go on line and talked about sex things and when he wanted to go on a date with Shane and 2 girls. He has to be talking to someone.

Nadia got a call from the doctor's office asking her to come to his office in the morning. It really scarred James and I and we worried about Pregnancy and things like diabetes but it a B12 deficiency. Nadia realized that we thought she might be pregnant and she told me that we had passed a test because we told her we would support her in anything and not to make important decisions by herself. I don't know why the doctor just didn't say that there was nothing wrong on the phone and then we wouldn't have worried so. And boy were we worried! It knocked James right back in bed again and I felt sick to my stomach too!

We are on our way to Niagara Falls for Monica's tournament. Stacy will have the other vehicle, I trust her with it. She said that she would keep in contact with us because of the van.

When we got there the very first thing that happened was that Monica got her right hand slammed into the car door. Poor kid tried to hide her pain from the coach, and since one of the coaches is her dad it was close to impossible. So we were very worried to see if she cold even pitch. She doesn't want to be taken out of the line up. Later in the evening she got diarrhoea and it went into the next day so that we had to go looking early in the morning for pepto bismo and Imodium. The parents were drinking a lot and while I was upstairs with James (not feeling well again) they started playing a game called butt darts with a quarter and their cheeks. Ok. It would have been interesting to see though. I feel guilty even wanting to find the fun because Mike is so sick.

Annie at 7/13/2002 04:06:00 a.m.


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7/12/2002

July 11/02

We sent flowers to Hannah today , everything went well in surgery but it will take her all summer to recuperate so she won't be riding the bike with Mario this summer.

After Monica's game we went to the Wing Place and the wings were extremely hot, too hot. We came home to an empty house. Where is every one? Even the dog!

April enjoyed the wings when we got home with the doggy bag.

Stacy spent most of the day with Jessie, and visited his mom in the hospital. I am wondering if I have to worry about Stacy trying to be alone with Jessie this weekend while we are gone out of town. She has the perfect opportunity but Jessie hasn't really been making very much effort to be with her lately. I guess there relationship is kind of bumpy these days. It is like he is trying to separate her away from the fun he is having with his friends when she should be there with them, other girls are.

Annie at 7/12/2002 04:56:00 a.m.


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7/11/2002

July 10/02

Jessie's mom, Hannah is going in to the Hospital today to have a tumour removed. Hopefully everything will be all right. Stacy didn't know details of this, everyone assumed that she knew but it was when Stacy was sick that they discovered it and Stacy didn't know much of anything. It left her confused as if they were keeping secrets from her. She saw Jessie in the evening for the first time in quite a while. She thinks that he has been avoiding her phone calls when he was away, he never phoned her once, even though he said he would.

Nadia tried to make a logo for the t-shirts. It is for the Baseball camp she is working for.

Brent had an essay and got 97% on the test he had yesterday (do a little dance). We took a sub over for lunch at school for him.

Nadia had Dianne and Natasha over tonight. Nadia can't understand why Dianne wouldn't tell them before that she is going out with Marco and has for some time. Dianne says that she is a private person but Nadia says no she can't say that with all the stuff she has been telling Nadia for years. She thinks that Dianne must feel that her friends wouldn't approve of Marco. She would be right to think that. He looks very controlling.

April has Lauren and Laura over for the night. It is so nice that April is seeing Lauren again but I don't understand why Laura is there to because they are very different people. Lauren is a goody two shoes, and Laura is somewhat of a wild child, so it might be uncomfortable, but I don't know. I wasn't happy that Laura was there, after all this time apart it should have only been April and Lauren, they were so close for so long and this was like a reunion.

At basketball camp Monica tied her shoes together when the coach asked for everyone to throw their running shoes in for coaches revenge game. Because her shoelaces were tied together they hid hers instead of throwing them around the gym. The look on her face was hilarious when she realized that they had hidden her shoes. She looked behind the coaching tables to find the shoes and was a good sport. Her group won the Olympics. She met some very nice guys whom she hung around with, she is still better at playing with guys in sports than girls.

Annie at 7/11/2002 04:44:00 a.m.


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7/10/2002

July 9/02

We spent some time at Gramma's today while James set up a barbeque for her and of course we had to try it out. Nadia walked over there with the dog which we were pleased to see. We are really trying to get her to watch her weight but she still had 4 hot dogs at Gramma's. I was disappointed that she didn't try harder not to.

Stacy wanted me to check out a tube top bathing suit that she put on hold at Sport Chek. I have never been a fan of that style so she was disappointed that I said that. I told her that even though we usually agreed on everything, that we didn't always have to. I was surprised at the price, with tax $102.00 but it is her decision so she bought it. She really wanted my approval but she didn't need it. I am happy that she values my opinion. She always tells me the truth too. She has been buying her own clothes for a while now.

Stacy went to Coral's with the girls and took a lot of pictures. She tried to get together with Jessie but he wasn't answering his phone.

Gas is too expensive today and I am on empty so I didn't want to do any driving around tonight. April got upset about that, she didn't want to understand.

Annie at 7/10/2002 04:39:00 a.m.


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7/09/2002

July 8 /02

I had to sleep on the couch and didn't have an alarm so I had a bad sleep. It was dumd of me to lock myself out of my own room.


Monica started with her sports camp Basketball at the College. Andrew, the coach that Stacy trained for in Florida last year said that Monica should do more short distances races to help with hurdles since now she has a title to defend. He is coaching the tennis again.

Stacy and Brent got their report cards. They did not give Stacy honours, it is the first time in High School she didn't get it -76.4%. Brent missed over 50 days of classes.

Stacy went shopping and is buying herself clothes, unusual because she finds it hard to split with her hard earned money. Her friends spend money like it is burning a whole in their pockets.

Amy told me that it was Ryan E. who was always talking about Stacy a couple of years ago so that makes it even worse that he went out with April and is now after Monica. They think it is because Monica looks like Stacy.

From what I have heard, when the sun goes down and the younguns are out of there own, the devil takes over them and they gallivant around town liberating lawn ornaments. It is something you do to initiate yourself as a young driver. Strange but true. Stacy had the car with Amy and Josh, and Kevin stealing lawn ornaments and delivering them to Adam's front lawn. It surprised me that Stacy was involved. She is a bad girl...bad girl.

Brent came home for a short minute and he was driving Adam's van with Dan. Tsk Tsk. Neither has their licence. He doesn't know I saw. He is a bad boy too.

Derrick and Nadia took Caesar to the waterfront for a leisurely walk.

Monica was on the phone for hours with Cory and then Cody.

Annie at 7/09/2002 04:30:00 a.m.


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7/08/2002

July 7/02

The smoke has lifted and there is nothing but blue skies and fresh air. The men folk golfed in the morning while the woman folk went into town for an excuse, I mean for Polysporin. Monica has a deep cut to her right hand from swimming at the Joes pool. Bobby finally got the hang on jumping from the boathouse and they all spent the afternoon doing flying through the air, making giant splashes.

I talked to Stacy about taking the pill, I don't really think her and Jessie are having that kind of relationship where she needs the pill. She never sees him enough to have much physical contact if any. She isn't using it for the reason she started it in the first place, to regulate and contain for her track and field. I asked her to ask the doctor if he thinks she needs a break. It is just so convenient to her, knowing when her period always will be. She really is amazing though, I think that a lot of girls, given the same circumstances, would be sexually active if they were taking the pill, knowing they couldn't get pregnant, but Stacy has a strong conviction and she is looking for the right time and person. Religion or peer pressure or a boyfriend isn't swaying her one way or the other. She has enormous will power and she must really need to be in deep committed love to be involved physically. I am proud of her.

I left right after supper and got home for 10:30. Natasha and Nadia got a terrible case of the giggles on the way home. I have discovered that listening to giggles, when you are driving and not involved with the fun, can be irritating at any age. At least they don’t scream when they are older.

Unfortunately I locked my bedroom door like I always do but James has the key and he comes home tomorrow. I want my own bedroom! That was a stupid thing to do!

Annie at 7/08/2002 04:15:00 a.m.


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7/07/2002

July 6, 2002

Stacy came home from the party pretty late last night bewildered at why some of her friends didn't even try to enjoy themselves with Brent's friends. Jody received a special invitation from Brent's crowd to join the party so she was thrilled to be art of the fun. Amy and Coral sat there acted bored and stoned faced, didn't try to enjoy themselves. But Jody and Stacy had a great time swimming.

Adam drank too much passed out and then bolted through his neighbourhood, jumping over fences through the backyards. Steve and Brent chased after him and when they finally cornered Adam he hit both in the face. He bolts every now and then when he has been drinking and it is scary because it looks like he could get hurt. He should be careful of his drinking. His parent's know he is drinking and he usually drinks at home. I hope they are keeping an eye on him.

When we got to the cottage it was a hazy grey. There are massive fires in Quebec and the smoke has hovered down on Southern Ontario, there is a smoky haze so that you can't even imagine where the sun is. The normal aromas of Mother Nature are covered by the smell of smoke.

James had a good day today, the first in about 4 days and Marita was all right too. I guess they both relaxed and had less stress there.

Josh and Stacy didn't communicate much in the first hours at the cottage. In their own little corners of their personal space they watched as the younger kids kept jumping off the boathouse roof. Bobby lost his nerve after the first time so they goaded Bobby into jumping again. Finally they were drawn into the excitement and suddenly they were the ones on the boathouse jumping into space! It was like they back tracked in time to when they were carefree and rediscovered the fun in the simple things. They played hard and had so much fun together, just like when they were little. It almost made up for the fact that his buddy Brent ditched him.

Natasha and Nadia used my van to disappear into town for quite a while so I hope they had fun.

Annie at 7/07/2002 03:56:00 a.m.


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7/06/2002

July 5/02

Well the trap was set and it went as Brent planned, we got mad at each other, he wouldn't even get out of bed until after 8:15 and he has to be in class by 8:30. He said I was nagging him and if there is one thing I don't do ever is nag. It is probably even a fault of mine. I usually wait for consequences for my kids to learn and Brent doesn't seem to learn from them lately. He knows I don't nag and he said he won't be coming to the cottage, even though Josh is coming. This is going to be hard on their friendship. Brent only has tunnel vision right now and that is a shame. I have often thought and said aloud that there aren't enough hours in the day for what Brent wants and needs to do. He says that it is because he has an assignment but I don't know. I hope he doesn't plan on any parties here either because that would be deceitful or make what his reason's are a lie.

It is weird but many years ago, before any of our kids were teenagers, James and I made a decision that I think was very wise. After watching mom's cousin's kids throw away all of there money they got from their parents estate and end up with nothing to show, James and I decided that what little money we might have for our kids would not go to them until they are in there mid twenties (I think it was it or even early 30's). That way after being reckless and carefree teenagers with a bit of luck they will want to settle down. Then they will have a little money that hopefully they will use wisely when they are more mature. I hope to be around a long time past there twenties but at least James and I were thinking about all of our kids and what would be the best in the long run. I know personally that it would have meant more to me to get money in later years rather than in my teens because I wouldn't have blown it all too. I think that for most teens, it is natural.

Brent came home and was very pleasant with me. We had supper at Mr. Sub. He is having a party at Adam's and Stacy will be there too. Stacy was supposed to work till 8:30 but the class was not attended.

Derrick and Nadia went out to dinner and then back to our place.

I find myself staring at my James wondering what is going to happen, what will happen to him and what is happening to us? I love him no matter what. But normally when I feel alone or when I want his touch, just the stroking of his arm brings him alive to me. Even staring at his sleeping face can awaken him to me body and sole. Now I am scared. I still ache for him and now I know what longing for someone means but I am afraid to bother him when I know how hard it is to get him to relax. I desperately want to be part of his life, to know what he is thinking but I am afraid of what he will say. He is so sick and even my arm across his body is too heavy for him right now. I just miss him so much, even though he is right here beside me.

Annie at 7/06/2002 04:12:00 a.m.


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7/05/2002

July 4/02

Stacy and Amy spent the day together played at Gramma's pool, had wet fun and a photo shoot. They are at a movie right now.

Nadia fell hard at first base in baseball tonight, the bag was not secure. I have seen that happen more times this year than ever before. She jumped up as fast as she could and waived her arms triumphantly and at that point everyone burst out laughing.

James is not feeling well at all so I gave him some of Stacy's strong medicine and that seems to be helping. His stomach is bloating and making him so uncomfortable. It is like if a valve were in his stomach it would relieve the pressure. He is spending all of his time in bed, poor guy.

Monica had a pool party at Joe's after her game. I stayed home with James.

Gord's tail was broken at the cottage last weekend. The kids (not mine thank god) were using his tail to tow a ride in the lake. Poor Gord, he can't move it.

Brent is not home yet, he should be for school but I will wait until a lot later before I phone, give him some leeway and hopefully he will have sense enough to come home at a decent time. Summer school is only for a short time so he should try to do well. He hasn't been eating breakfast or lunch even though I made him one the first day. When you add lack of sleep to that it is hard on his body and hampers good marks. I get the feeling that he is trying to bait me so he can be mad and not come to the cottage even though one of his best friends will be there. I hope I am not right.

Annie at 7/05/2002 04:58:00 a.m.


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7/04/2002

July 3/02

Brent and I started the day off a lot better today. He got out an hour early from summer school because of the heat and didn't get a hold of me in time so I waited at the school for him for a while before I realized that it was all in vain. But I didn't complain, he is in school that is what counts to me.

Adam came over today, talked to Stacy about their argument concerning the drinking and driving the other night. He insists that he didn't drink that much. She said just the fact that he had been drinking meant he shouldn't drive. Even so, I am glad that she had what it takes to make it known that she was not happy with Adam's choices.

April was at Tara's all day. BOOOO! Every time she is with that girl I feel like she will be transformed into a beastie girl. She gets so moody after she has been with Tara.

All Nadia plans with her girlfriends fell through so she is feeling left out and blue. Those girls were so close knit throughout high school, you just knew that they would be friends forever but they are having some big rough spots. Guys have changed their priorities. Guys now come first.

Monica was with Sam today. I am glad to see her with her girl freinds.

I have a mini skirt denim shirt on that I bought April but she won't even try it on so it is mine. And it looks good!

James and I went out late to the Wing place for beer, wings and the yummy fries when suddenly the power went out, a brown out. You could only see silhouettes and the anonymity made some people a little more brazen. We enjoyed the fun but it got warm really fast so I kicked my shirt up and rested my lfeet up on a chair, Mike undid his top, no one could see us. After a while the exit signs lost battery power and it became extremely black. It was an adventure, everyone let loose and took advantage of the dark! Somewhere in the blackened bar a girl started singing "It's getting hot in here, I'm gonna take off all my clothes." Guys were pleading "where, where!" You could hear feet scuffling to keep the beat of whoever belted out a song. It was very entertaining. We haven't had a lot of fun together lately because of James illness. James is really trying to go places with me when he is feeling half decent but I know he is hurting. I wish I knew what to do.

Stacy is out in the car again and I hope she finds a party. As long as she phones home to say where she is I am fine.

Monica asked me if I thought that it would make Cory mad if she went to the movies with Jeff. I asked her if they were all friends and she said yes. I asked her if she thought it would bother Cory and she said no because they were friends. I told her before she does anything with another guy she should always ask Cory if she thinks he wouldn't mind. If she thinks he would mind she shouldn't ask and the answer should be no.

Annie at 7/04/2002 04:59:00 a.m.


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7/03/2002

July 2/02

It was another scorcher today! James's birthday. I am always happy when he catches up to me a little. That extra year he tags on to me for 3 months puts a burden on me!

Bret had summer school, I had to phone him to come home from Brandon Alexio's. He is being very obstinate and uncooperative. It is like I don't know him. Afterward I took Brent and Dan out to Mr. Sub- just like the last time two years ago that they went to summer school together!

I took Monica shopping for clothes and after she went out with Sam. She got some shorts that say 'boody liscous' and 'hottie', not my choice but she loves them. James says that the one shorts say 'hot tie' because 'hot' is on one cheek and 'tie' is on the other cheek.

Monica had a terrific game in Oshawa, when she was on base with no one ahead of her she was home!

April went to Gramma's with her friends and Gramma drove them home and had a couple of drinks with us.

Dave came over to express to us his worry about Brent. It is nice that he is concerned about him but Brent is not all bad, just as his son is not all good. They are teenagers and Brent has to find himself, no one can make him do things. Dave thinks we should just beat the tar out of him. We told Brent and he said that he is thankful that we are his parents.

Stacy has wheels today and has been out driving all afternoon and evening, went to the movies with the girls and is terrorizing the town! Yeah right!

Annie at 7/03/2002 04:51:00 a.m.


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7/02/2002

July 1/ 2002

Nadia went to music concert Edgefest with Derrick today. It was a scorching hot today so Nadia barely was able to handle the sweltering heat. With the humidity it was 41%. There were 35,000 kids there and only 200 suffered heatstroke. One group called Cake threw insults about Canada out to the crowd and the crowd retaliated by throwing garbage at the band until they finally left the stage. Derrick had his arms around Nadia to protect her from all the junk that was being thrown in the crowds. It is like the mentality of the crowds is moronic, how to ruin a concert. It isn't worth it.

April had a game tonight and it was interesting to see her load up the bases just like Nadia used to at the same age and then strike 3 out. I think they actually try different throws, not caring if they walk some batters but when the bases are actually all loaded up they start to take their pitching more seriously. It puts pressure of them but they seem to enjoy it. I could never take that kind of pressure.


Stacy went out with Brent and his friends tonight. I want her to do as many things, go as many places, and be exposed to as many people as possible while Jessie is vacationing with his dad. I want her to know that she can make her own plans and find fun herself too. I want her to learn to rely on herself. Find those parties, she deserves it! I want Stacy to get rid of all the boredom that she has had while she has been sick. Right now Stacy is at Adam's with Brent.

After Adam's Stacy found a party and bumped into a childhood friend. She felt strange partying with her as they only knew each other before they were teenagers. Unfortunately Irena accepted a ride with Adam who had been drinking. Stacy argued with her not to drive with a drunk but she went anyway. It is nice to see that she feels responsible enough not to be silent about matters that important. Irena thought that he didn't appear drunk anymore even though he had just thrown a footstool on his back to pretend he was an armadillo. She said some kids disproved of Stacy taking a stand against drinking and driving.

It seems to me that Brent's friend Steve is watching over Stacy for us while she is out doing her own thing. I am relieved, he is a nice guy, and I guess she still has the innocent look about her in the way that people always want to protect her. Crystal told me before that Steve is the only one that doesn't get Brent going about Stacy and that is probably because he knows what it feels like to be teased about your sister. He has a good looking sister too and he gets a share to the taunting.

I guess you couldn't say that he is mimicking Adam because Adam hasn't said it yet but Steve is telling Stacy what Adam will say before he says it. Stacy says that Steve is usually right. It might be funny to Stacy but Steve is putting down his friend in front of her and I don't really like that. Steve says that Adam puts him down but at least Adam is saying it to his face, Steve is talking about him behind his back. Brent did not come home.

Monica blew her curfew tonight by 27 minutes even though I thought that 11:00 was more than enough time to celebrate for Canada Day. So she will join April for three days for the 9:00 deadline. I lifted April's grounding for the night so she could enjoy the July 1st fireworks. April's friends tried to talk her into other naughty stuff, she did fine.


Annie at 7/02/2002 04:55:00 a.m.


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7/01/2002

June 30/02

Either Caesar is not gay or he has a fear of drowning. Ever since Gord humped him in the water Caesar won't go near the lake. I hope this isn't a forever thing.

A huge friggin wild animal attacked me! Well maybe not large but he looked big as he was charging toward me in the assault mode. A squirrel went commando on me in our cottage. It viscously scratched my ankle as I valiantly tried to block it from getting into the cottage. Mark thought it was hilarious especially since he asked me to block it in the first place.

The early ugly recliner has had its day and will no longer be an eyesore. Why we should worry what mom will think when the chair is a broken piece of junk is beyond me, but we have become riddled with guilt every time we do something constructive in the cottage. I don't know why. We took strength in numbers, majority vote so it is gone! We took pictures with her youngest most angelic looking grandchild laying against the chairs broken back that even duck tape won't fix to try to tenderize her heart before we confess to her that it is now in the dump.

I followed James home from the cottage just after supper. He only had me concerned once, he was trying to shake me by booting in and out of traffic just before we were about to come to our turn off but I darted in just in time. That is why I was leery about following him home.

I was very disappointed that Brent did not mow the lawn even though I paid him before we left. The Internet has been down about a week and he hasn't even looked at it. I don't understand.

Stacy went out with Jessie last night and was out pretty late but they need to take the time with each other, as he will be with his dad for about a week.

April went to play manhunt but didn't come home by 11 so she will have to come home by 9 for the next three days.

Nadia was at Derrick's when we got home from the cottage.

We examined our smelly wet matted dog when we got home, he has a lot of crusty blood and scabs on his head so he must of got cut when the dogs both ran into a barbed wire fence. But he looks so happy and tired.

Annie at 7/01/2002 04:22:00 a.m.


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