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Peaces Of Me++++
++++ The miles just keep rollin as the people leave there way to say hello I've heard this life is overrated but I hope that it gets better as we go |
Sept 30/01 Brent came home at 5am, I was on the couch waiting up for him. He apologized and gave me a hug. I talked to my older girls about what to do and if I confront April about it she will take me off her list and I won't know anything about her so I will have little life lesson talks every time I receive one. At least I will know where her thinking is coming from. Stacy received messages from a guy and boy he sounds dumb or dum as he puts it. Seems he thought he was talking to Stacy part way through and ended up sending it to Jessie because his nickname on icq is Stacy's my girl. We had 2 wrap up parties for Baseball, April's select and Monica's. I had to go to both of them without James. James is still so sick that he couldn't go to anything, even his golf and dinner. April's was at the sports complex diamond #3 and they had a game with the parents. My stomach was queasy so I didn't play. It was the most beautiful day. Monica's party was at Joe's. I went out to the car to put stuff away and I noticed my window open so I got upset with April for leaving it open. I couldn't find my purse in the van so I was going back to the party to see if I left it there and James phoned to ask where my purse was because Visa phoned to say that $3000 had been charged to our account. At that point I really got upset and left for home. We went through the car at home and found my purse. James was still on the phone with Visa so they said they must have forged my card. I don't feel very well. I guess it is because James is so sick and he is worrying me. Annie at 9/30/2001 05:46:00 p.m. James was sick with fever and a headache in the night so we didn't get much sleep. Brent came home at 6 in the morning with some lame excuse that Crystal's glasses broke and her contacts hurt. I told him if he didn't want to use the phone to use the Internet, but contact us. Monica had her baseball tournament and god, where they ever poor, couldn't do anything right. Monica got hit by a line drive on her thigh and crumpled to the ground but not until she finished the play to get the girl out a first. The girl was so upset she hit Monica that she came over later and apologized through her tears while Monica just shoughed it off. James couldn't stay for the last game, too sick. He slept till we went to Mark and Carrie's for supper. The new kitchen is gorgeous but they aren't happy with the floor. Stacy went to a party with Jessie. The ride home was uncomfortably quiet and she was sad when I picked her up. Something must have happened at the party, I think. April sent me an e-mail the other day. I am on her group list and I don't think she realizes it. It was raunchy and the worst I have seen. This is a sample of what was on it. ORAL SEX-AN ODE TO LOVE Penis breath, a lover's dread Is what you get when you give head Unpleasant as it tends to be Be grateful that he doesn't pee It's times like this, you wonder why you bothered reaching for his fly But it's too late, can't be a tease Accept the facts, get on your knees You know you've got a job to do So open wide and shove it through Lick the tip then take it all Don't drag your teeth or he might bawl Slide up and down, use your tongue And feel the precum start to run So when the fuck's he gonna cum Just, when you can't take anymore You hear your lover's mighty roar And when he hits that real high note You feel it oozing down your throat Salty, fishy, sticky, yucky stuff Okay, already that's enough Let's switch you say, before you gag And whats your revenge, your on the rag. I have 2 choices, I can confront her and she will take me off her list and I won't know anything about her, or I can take these opportunities to talk to her about whatever is in the e-mail that has caught my attention Annie at 9/29/2001 03:41:00 p.m. Email from baseball parents James and Annie: Thank you so very, very much for all the wonderful pictures you have sent to us this baseball season. Unfortunately, the season has come to a close and next season our daughter and Monica will be on different teams. Not only is my daughter upset because she will miss Monica but I will also be without the wonderful pictures that I treasure so much. So Annie, if you are available any weekends next year, come and be the official photographer at novice select next year. I have just thought of a way to make that happen-April will still be novice next year. I will have to figure out how to put these pictures on a disk and print them on a better printer. We would love to print these for an album of Baseball 2001. This has been an exceptional year for my daughter and we will all miss James as a coach. Thank you so very much for a terrific year to you both- the COACH & the OFFICIAL PHOTOGRAPHER Donna I took pictures at the football game at High School today.-around 70 but only about 40 turned out but at least I am getting more experience with action shots. Brent had as in school suspension. James and I both have major headaches today probably catching Stacy's miserable cold. Scott broke up with April the other day, this is the first time he has broken up with him- usually she does it. ICQ messanger Annie - Do you think Stacy is mad about stopping track? Jessie - she told me she is upset because she loves running... but I told her that she’s doin the right thing because she wont be getting more hurt Annie - All the other kids who are training with her have a couple meets a week. With the school not having a track team she is basically training for January, indoor track so I figured hopefully her knee will heal and she can make money working. You both can be rich! Jessie - yeah... i think its better for her too Annie at 9/28/2001 04:45:00 p.m. Nadia stressed out in the middle of the night about a project due and her computer crashing so we calmed her down and got her to put the program on my computer. The school phoned today and said that Brent was at school yesterday morning and not in the afternoon. The same person told me he was skipping the morning yesterday, come on get it straight, they don't even know. Anyway he has an in school suspension tomorrow. The guidance councillor has been calling him names and saying he is stupid, but she is in control so I don't think he can do anything about it. Stacy is pretty sick with cold. I phoned her track coach and told her that I was pulling Stacy out for an indefinite time to try to heal her knee (bad since Nov). Stacy wants to stay in it but with the school not having a track team she would be the only one on her track team, not to compete in the school x country season. Too bad. Nadia and Derrick have been out for supper for like 5 hours now! She just got home and one of her teachers wants her to take a first edition of a hockey magazine for his company!!!!! Annie at 9/27/2001 05:59:00 p.m. It really bugs me that Brent is not home yet from Crystal's. My imagination starts to go and I worry. She is not suppose to have anyone over there on weeknights but still it is 12:46am and no Brent. Please come home son. Hi Cindy This is the first time I have actually entered your e-mail address in my email stuff so this time for sure you will be hearing from me. So lets see, I start with my kids Nadia is 19 now going to College. She is not really feeling fulfilled at college, it is to easy and since it was basically me who recommended college, I am feeling bad. She had the highest marks of anyone in her school who applied for college and she had scholarship offers to universities but so many people have told me that there kids went to university and then couldn't find a job so had to go to college. I wanted Nadia to try the opposite was college first. She was really feeling blue the first couple of weeks when all her friends phoned her from all over Ontario from Universities but I hope she is feeling better. She complained that she wasn't being stimulated in college so they made her a Teacher Assistant and sent her off to the Hockey Hall of Fame to do volunteer work. I hope that pans out. She has a boyfriend for about six months but she has been persistent and pursued him for about a year so I hope she is happy with him. He is a nice guy. Brent. I probably shouldn't be writing about him when I am so upset with him right now, but the school phoned 2x today wondering where he is and so am I. He told me this was his most important year and I believed him but he has a girlfriend now. She is one of Nadia best friends, which means she is older (approx 2 years) and considering I won't let my girls date a younger guy (they are out to make a name for themselves)- for my son to be with an older girl is a double standard! She is a nice person, I have known her for years but all of a sudden my son is thinking with the wrong head. It is funny how your perspective changes depending on what you have. I was at a AA hockey tournament a while ago and a father was talking about how girls were in the way of his son's possible future in hockey. I am looking at my daughter Stacy who is at the table and I am thinking the opposite, how having a boyfriend can interfere with the scholarship she has been working towards in Track and Field for years. Don't get me wrong I really like her boyfriend and he is so good to her but as soon as there is someone else in the picture values change. At least she is out of the playing field which was tearing me apart. There were so many guys after her in grade 10 that all I could see is someone was going to violate her (our pasts come back to haunt us don't they). As long as she is with a guy she really cares for I am OK. This guy looks like he is the one. April is in grade 8 and I think she is grounded every other week. Talk about head strong she is her dad all over! I hate butting heads with her but I have to break her in right now or else she will break me in! Monica is my sportsaholic- into everything. Her best though is pitching, but she is also in Volleyball, track and field basketball, soccer swimming... Right now the kids are 11, 13, 16, 17 and 19! and believe it or not I'm not gray yet (I don't know why). Anyway talk to me when you can! Annie P.S. I am not suppose to mention this. The guy told James he doesn't want to make the bass player they are looking for nervous but the lead singer and another person in this group are professionals who have been in a successful band. James is not good at some details like remembering the names of the band! They want to record. This could be a good break for Chris or Michael because they want someone close to their age. James really blew up at Brent today. The school phoned twice looking for Brent, he has been skipping. James says he has 3 options 1.quit school and pay board 2. Move out 3.go to school. Annie at 9/26/2001 05:25:00 p.m. Marita told me that the guys are saying that April is "stiff" because her and Scott don't kiss or hold hands. That's cool. Actually I am surprised because April can talk the talk so I assumed that she can walk the walk. It sure don't bother me!!!!! Personally I think that it might be Scott holding back. Anyways they are too young. It was the first cross country run of the school season today and Monica came in 14th. She was disappointed in her run but she needs more practice. This first run always makes her more determined than ever to do better. There is stiff competition out there so I hope she doesn't get down on herself too much. We went to Teddy’s for supper and Stacy didn't go to track because it had been raining and I don't want her out in the rain when she has a cold. Brad is not home yet even though it is past 11. Annie at 9/25/2001 05:16:00 p.m. I came in Brent's room to wake him up this morning grabbed for his leg like I always do and discovered a smoothly shaven leg. I stood there with my mouth gaping, there he was with Crystal in bed- she was dressed but that means somehow she got into our locked house. She had come over to wake him up. Monica had a friend over to do homework, which is unusual-she is normally a solo act to ensure that everything will be to her liking- runs in the family. We had to go looking for April tonight, she didn't come home after Volleyball practice -grounded. Nadia doesn't have a ride to College on Mondays anymore so we had to get her. Brent and Crystal went to the Musketeer and had lunch. We gave Crystal a coffee table and the lady she lives with wouldn't let us bring it in. What a grouch she is, really rude to Brent. Crystal came to our house so we went back and got her. Stacy went out to a hockey game late. Apparently Dan got drunk at Adam's parent party, snuck up to the guest room, threw up there in bed, in the bathroom, in the hall in front of Adam’s room and fell asleep in Adam's bed! The weird part about it was that Adam's dad was talking about how Derrick couldn’t handle his booze, that he learned nothing when James and I tried to teach him to drink wisely. And then he does this. Annie at 9/24/2001 05:09:00 p.m. Nadia worked at Bingo today to get her monthly intake of the swill of tabaco smoke, which she despises so much. If someone gave her a job she would gladly take it but she won't actually go out herself to look for one. I don't think it fits in with her game plan! Stacy practised driving the car in the high school parking lot. She already shows a lot of skill and confidence in her driving. I am trying extremely hard not to compare Nadia's driving with Stacy's. I just know that it is probably a good thing that Nadia isn't seroiusly trying right now. She is not ready, she doesn't have the drive to drive! Stacy saw a mouse scramble passed her this morning while she was having breakfast with her friends. She tried to act non-chalant about it in hopes that no one would see but I am sure they must have noticed how embarrassed and mortified she looked. We have to get rid of those things. Every fall they find some little crack to squeeze through and invade our home. I especially hate it when they make their way to the attic and you can hear them try to scratch there way into the warmth of our home. Bring on the mousetraps! Brent stayed at Crystal's- gurrrrrr but we didn't know until this morning. I never used to be able to sleep when my kids aren't home but Brent is giving me a lot of sleepless nights ... sometimes I just can't stay up another minute. This is where the age difference shows. If she were 17 like Brent is, then this would not be happening, but it is almost like Crystal is luring him into staying out. I think it would be every guys dream to have a beautiful older woman entising you with promises of....I dont want to finish this thought! Nadia is not impressed with her freind and their freindship is in seroius jeopardy. Visited Gramma and she gave Stacy an old mantle clock. Stacy proudly polished the brass until it shined. ICQ message From Jessie- I just wanted to thank you for everything you've done for me... like drive me home and from school. and for everything else. Annie- Thanks No problem, it is really nice to have someone I trust around that I know cares for Stacy so much. It makes me feel safe for her. Jessie- good. I’m glad you can trust me and don’t worry nothing will happen to Stacy when she is around me. Annie- Thanks, it was a pretty wild year with her last year and she learned real fast not to trust people too. I didn't enjoy watching it happen and I know that I got over protective but now you are here! Jessie- ya I didn’t know about any of that last year. ya I will always look out for Stacy just hope if sumthin happens that she will tell me Annie- She looks like she talks alot to you so I am sure she will Annie at 9/23/2001 05:52:00 p.m. James and I had an argument today about Stacy and her friends drinking. I would rather them here where I can watch them, not somewhere else. He forgets that we did it with Brent and Nadia and most of the time they chose not to drink. I just want to make sure they make the propler choices as they grow up. I don't want any sneaking around and I want to know their friends. Mostly, I just want to keep the teenagers as safe as possible in spite of how some might try to self-destruct. Stacy & Jessie's 4 months together. We went to Adam's parent's 25th wedding anniversary. We didn't know very many people, I don't think they are close to the neighbours, but they made us feel very welcome. Brent and the boys spent most of the time downstairs and they were drinking. We talked to Adam's dad for quite a while. He is not impressed with Dan's drinking either and he is keeping his eye on him too. Adam's parents think the world of Brent-treat him like one of the family. It must be lonely being an only child. Sometimes, though I wish they would tell Brent when it is time to go home instead of Brent having his own bedroom there. He is our son and he should not have the option of living somewhere else, even if it is only for a coulple times a week. It just makes it harder to have Brent comply with our house rules if he has other options. April is at a sleep over at Erin's. Brent, at Crystal's and Derrick is coming over here after work. Stacy had a whack of girl's over for a sleepover and Jessie came till 12. I was disappointed that Jessie's friends didn’t come over just because there would be no drinking. Is that the only basis for socializing? Can't they just have fun playing pool, games and music? I guess I'm the stupid one to think that they might eh? They are only 16 so drinking should not be the most important reason for going to a party. It kind of proves James's point and I wonder if Jessie even invited them after he found out there would be no drinking. Annie at 9/22/2001 05:31:00 p.m. It was the Terry Fox Run at school today and as usual Monica ran the entire time. Nadia is on her way to the Hockey Hall of Fame and then to a NHL game, tickets acquired from Robin. The Sports Admin. Teacher is making her and Derrick Teacher's Assistants so they might get to volunteer at the Hall of Fame. Brent has a real sore throat. email To Karona I guess you are busy somewhere at work. What kind of job did you end up getting? This has been a real busy house. Baseball has lasted longer than usual. Kids are growing so fast. Other people's kids are growing fast too. I couldn't believe it the other day. James was getting gas- Brent was pumping, James cleaning the windows while I was busy watching other people work! This guy was busy cleaning his windows so I watched him- about 25 nice build, dressed kind of like Stacy's boyfriend, maybe even looked like him but bigger. I watched and enjoyed as he stuck his tongue out while busy at work and after a while he looked up and smiled at me. At that moment I realized that it was someone Brent's age who used to hang out with Stacy, Chad. ewwwwwo. I feel so dirty, I was admiring someone my kids age. What a bad mommy I am. Anyway, Stacy turned 16 so she is having a party tomorrow. Hope everyone behaves! Have to make this quick so TTUL! ICQ message Annie- Nice gift, Jessie, perfect in fact- she really loves it! And thanks for looking out for her. This is the first time she hasn't lost lots of weight in the fall- she says someone is making her eat at lunch! Jessie- ya I thought it was a nice gift.. and yes I make sure she eats at lunch... and I will always look at out for her no matter what. Annie at 9/21/2001 04:16:00 p.m. Nadia was home this morning and we had some good talks. She told me that Derrick told her he loved her the other day. I am glad that it took that long for them to realize that and I hope they can be happy and enjoy everything! Stacy got her drivers G1 today and she got perfect! I love it when she is so excited- it is contagious. The living room wasn't clean for piano lessons. Gurrrrr! I not one for complaining about messes so when it bothers me enough to write about it, imagine not being able to walk in a straight line to the piano- that is what it was like today. James was pretty late coming home and then went to sleep. Sleep comes so easy for him, me- I solve all the days crises before I can go to sleep. Brent has some guys over. I hope they are not drinking. Stacy went out to dinner with Jessie and he gave her a stick??? Awwwwww. Monica is having a frustrating time with the girls at school. They won't stop talking about her boobs and it is gone beyond embarrassing. She doesn't want them to talk about it. On the other hand Holly seems to enjoy the attention. I hope this doesn't get out of hand. Nadia handled it by wearing big baggy boy clothes but they get in Monica's way because she is so active so that is not an option and it shouldn't have to be. Monica has to find her own way of making the gossip stop. Annie at 9/20/2001 05:33:00 p.m. email from Joanie Hello! How are things with you? We're kinda dead at work so i thought I'd send a note. i guess your kids are keeping you busy with all going to different schools. Carrie is getting big she is due in nov. i'm hoping for a boy but it doesn't really matter as long as they both are ok!!! (Carrie & the baby) come out of this healthy cuz Carrie did some damage to her heart during her anorexic days but she doing real good touch wood. Well this summer went fast ah! never got to go up north to see Laurie i gotta do that & if i get to my sisters I'll be sure to look you up...wasn't this U.S. thing terrible??? well got to go write soon lub Joanie Stacy's birthday. The rec centre told her today for sure they are going to hire her to start next week. She is out with Amy getting ice cream. We took her to Honey Garlic's with our family and Crystal. Nadia and Derrick were invited but they wanted to go to dinner alone. I talked to April about saying things to make the kids girlfriend/boyfriend uncomfortable after she said in front of Crystal 'What is she doing here? How come she is always with us?' Monica was singing the U_G_L_Y song to April in the car and April said, "Shut up she's your mom too" The Principal said that he will always remember me telling him to prepare the students, when he thinks of Sept 11. He said it would be a day like the John F. Kennedy assassination day, where people will remember where they were went the tragedy happened or how they found out. He said my image would forever be burned in his mind. Annie at 9/19/2001 05:44:00 p.m.
I don't know how to handle this. Brent slept downstairs with Crystal. They are still there right now. James sent Monica up to make sure that Brent was in his room which I wish he hadn't because now Monica is now aware that they were sleeping together in the same bed. I don't want this to backfire on us later and let her think that this is acceptable behavour. Crystal apologized for Brent being downstairs with her last night and then stayed with me for the morning. I have known Crystal for years I and even though I know that she has had a tough life, I don't know all the particulars, I wait to let her tell me what she wants to. I always thought that she had one sister but there are about 7 brothers and sisters. They are not from the same fathers because she said that her sister is part Indian. She gets a distant look on her face when I don't approve of what Brent and her are doing that I believe is wrong. I don't think she hears that kind of guidance too often or else she doesn't know how to handle it. I can only do what I think is right and if they are going to go out they have to go by our house rules Brent had people over and I was happy to see Crystal join them. Adam's girlfriend was there yelling, swearing, squealing and generally sounded so annoying that I was going to tell them all to leave but then she abruptly left. Stacy was at Jessie's till 11. He gave her a necklace and bracelet-so pretty. She is so delighted with him- when she left his apartment they kept looking back at each other- again. I am happy for them. Nadia is feeling a lot better, the cold is subsiding, and she is human again. I love her smile and we didn't get enough of it lately. I had to phone her 2x at Derrick's tonight- I am glad she is spending more time with him at his house. There relationship doesn't seem so lop-sided now, he seems more at ease with himself and with us. Mr. Dressup died today. He entertained preschoolers for something like 30 years. Mr Dressup was the only show each and every one of my kids faithfully watched. When they were little his show was my only guarantee for a break during the day, they were mesmerized by his TV show. I would look forward to a cup of tea and complete time alone every morning when his show was on. Thank you Ernie Coombs. My kids are very sad today, just thinking that you are gone, an important part of their childhood. Annie at 9/19/2001 04:58:00 a.m. I woke up Crystal early this morning and had a talk with her. She says she is not afraid of James, but he has been trying to get back with her all summer. Sometimes he phones her at 2am and comes over in the yard and yells at her, and then apologizes the next day. I told her about Scott and how he didn't want to let go. I mentioned how I encourage my kids to maintain all there relationships when they have a gf/bf, how they are learning to balance there own friends and mutual friends and spending time with as many people as possible. I am hoping that if she stays with Brent, which is looking like it is a possibility again, they really try to get mutual friends. Today was the Hockey Golf Tournament. I didn't do all that bad as long as I kept my knee's bent and my head down. James went on a testosterone induced rampage on the golf cart, we went sideways on inclines over goffer holes and were even airborne, which really hurt my neck but he finally settled down. We bought a ranger Adam Graves picture art d'hockey for our basement. Jeff offered to drive Ken home, which turned out to be pretty funny since Jeff forgot he had the Vet and only two seats. Ken had to fit in a set of golf clubs with him in his tiny seat! When we went to put the picture us we realized that one of the sports ones was missing, Brent and his friends broke it on Wednesday Monica told me that she was so embarrassed when some girls came up to her today and asked how she got her boobs so big. The kid asked Holly how it felt to have to second biggest boobs. Great, another way that they can compete with each other. I was soooo exhausted tonight. Annie at 9/17/2001 05:52:00 p.m. I went to take Monica to a rep practice and she got a sharp headache. The rep practice was not where we were told the practice would be so I don't know what happened. I guess that is the last we will be hearing from them, but it would have been interesting to see how she fit in with them. Monica looks awesome against the select, I wonder if she would have stood out at all with the rep like she did last year? We went home and I gave her some painkillers and then went out to breakkie. That is the first time I remember Monica having a bad headache. We took James's dad medicine to Mark's so he could use/dispose of them. The smell of the bag and the memories of him taking the pills make my jaw ache with sadness. When I look at the medicine's I feel let down. I should be looking at the empty bottles and that James's dad should be here before us and not the medicine's that obviously didn't work. Then we went to Gramma's because we didn't want to be alone. We had Mark, Carrie and Kids, Jessie and Crystal and Chelsea over later in the evening. I really don't understand what is going on with Crystal and her relationships with my family and her old boyfriend. James, her old boyfriend of two years came over here to see Crystal 2x, the last visit she was outside with him long enough that I was concerned about her safety. She came in crying and Nadia got her an ice bag for her swollen eyes. Now Brent and Crystal look close again. Nadia looks so sick with cold, she took cold medicine (which she bought herself!) and it has made her very agitated. Stacy told me the affectionate term her and Jessie say to each other. It is muah. It is not real talking is it? She talks with me so much that I would like her to be able to talk like that with someone she is close to- maybe one day. She also told me that when he gets sad at something he gets real quiet and won't smile. I hope she can get him to smile and forget about being sad. She mentioned that before when he went to visit his dad. The quiet part disturbs me because he is so quiet anyway even when he is happy, I would hate to see what quiet was when he was upset. Annie at 9/16/2001 05:49:00 p.m. Stacy had a baseball tournament today house league. They needed the select uniforms so I provided them with all my daughters! They won it all despite the fact that there were two of our players that were so sick they both should have been in the hospital. One parent actually dropped her daughter Faye off and told the coach that if he saw her spitting up blood to rush her to the hospital. The mother should have stayed or not let her daughter play. Of course Faye began spitting up blood but refused to get out of the game. It was a clear sunny day but as the deep shade crept along the ground the crispy cool became frigid. So by 8, when we got home we were chilled to the bone. Nicole, from the age difference and size, should have had no problem controlling and bullying Monica . But when Nichole went running after Monicain a threatening manner after a pop was spilled, Monica handled her like a rag doll, and pinned her really fast. It looked so funny- a 15 year old overpowered by an 11 year old. Marita had a street party and we didn't contribute to it because we just weren't there but they heated up some (good) food for us. One of our neighbours had eggs thrown at his house, he thinks because of Sept 11 attacks, he is Egyptian but people are treating him differently now. What a shame. Stacy went to Jessie's but came home early because she was totally exhausted and chilled to the bone. Nadia had her girlfriends and they went through the closets to find dresses and stuff and tried to go out pubbing but there was a line dancing thing going on at the College Pub so they just went to Don Cherry's. Crystal looked so good in Stacy's prom dress and my high-heeled shoes. Crystal stayed overnight Annie at 9/15/2001 05:44:00 p.m. Stacy went to her first aid course and managed to sneak in to get her picture taken at school. She was in line for her pictures and she said that Jessie C. was blatantly staring at her (not her word-mine) to the point that she felt awkwardly uncomfortable. She said that she was probably mistaken, that he was just lost in deep thought. I think that he is having regrets about her- you know, the one that he didn't 'get'. Nadia went out to dinner with Derrick and his parents. I hope his parents are learning to be more accepting of her now and not think of her as interfering with Derrick's life. That is the feeling I got before. Stacy went to a party with Jessie till 12:30. Older kids crashed the party so the girl had the smarts to phone the police. School essay from April The most memorable day in my life was when I was in grade seven. It was important to me because I had trouble with speaking. I had a speech problem. When I was in Kindergarten someone came to see if anyone in my class had a speech problem, she said I was fine. In grade one I was so bad I taught all the younger neighbourhood kids to have the speech problem, and my little sister Monica to get one too. But all my friends got used to the way I talked, my old best friend said that she wanted me to keep it! Well the years went on and I got worse. I was known as Apwil Edwauds. I would be so mad meeting new people and them having to guess my name. When I was in grade five the teacher made me and some others go on the announcements. I was so embarrassed when I got back to class everyone was laughing and pointing at me. Everyone wouldn’t leave me alone! So I yelled, "Be quiet", then the teacher got me in trouble! What I liked about grade seven was that Mr. B never let anyone tease me. He helped me after class and made me feel better. I had a great year and got better and better and I am done! I didn't have one any more. Mr. B helped me even when my speech teacher said I was hopeless! I liked grade seven because of Mr. B. Annie at 9/14/2001 05:38:00 p.m. Last night Brent and his friends broke a picture that looked like it was out of the way safe, but I guess not for staggering drunks. Brent said not to worry that they would get new glass. I thought I had everything right and organized but we had Stacy down for the wrong time for practice. We had track, piano and got there for the last few minutes of baseball. I had to hug Joen for being a fireman. I just can’t believe all those firefighters lost their lives trying to save others. Nadia went to see Musketeer. ICQ To Jessie -That's a tough question Jessie, but I think she would like a silver necklace-fine chain-small -she's always wants to look at them so that’s what I think. If you are looking at shirts or tops, it would be size small but no turtlenecks because she can't stand anything touching her neck. That’s all I can think of - Good luck! A lot of the teachers are commenting on the shape Monica is in, she looks so buff I guess you could say and then there is the feminine part of it- she is looking noticeably mature. This has come as quite a shock to Monica. Her school coach just looks so damn pleased with her- he is looking at the sports aspect of Monica . Annie at 9/13/2001 05:33:00 p.m. Something as simple as looking into the skies, I realize that for the first time in my whole life there isn't a plane in the sky, the skies are silent. The friendly skies don't seem so friendly any more. The world is standing still and everyone is holding its breath. I know that I am not as sleepy as I feel- it is a depression from watching so much of the disaster on the T.V. I fell asleep with my clothes on around 8 last night. The media is talking about a guy named Osma Bin Laden, from Afghanistan, where women are like slaves and the government has total control. It is a very suppressed society where women can't show their face and are often killed for any reason. They say he is responsible. Everyone is talking about where they were when they heard yesterday's news, it will forever be in our minds. I went to tea at Marita's, she was at the doctors yesterday for blood tests. The man who took her blood was so excited about what was unfolding in the world that he was gleeful. She was frightened by him and felt sick to her stomach at his reaction. It bothered her so much that she reported his behaviour to the police. The police were very interested. Nadia is not home much I guess because of College and Derrick. We went to Mark and Carrie's, we tried not to talk about yesterday but our conversations always came back to the terrorist attack. Mark and Carrie are getting a new kitchen so they have set up a make shift kitchen in the basement that is not too shabby. When we came home Brent and his friends were just plastered- I mean blitzed. Some stayed overnight and we took Adam's keys away. They were supposed to be working on a school project. They got the booze by ordering from some delivery service, pretty easy for 17 year olds! Annie at 9/12/2001 05:30:00 p.m. I had that pain again last night about 4am so I am going to phone the Dr. today. I couldn't sleep after that- I was too scared to. Hi April M I really miss hearing from you. Did you get a job for the fall? How was your summer? Are you on the Internet? I'm trying to wean my kids off of me driving them everywhere. We lease the van and at the rate we have been going we will owe big time at the end of our lease. Nadia has a handful of people that she gets a ride from college. I drive Brent to school but the guy who gets a ride with him will be getting a car soon. Yeah! Stacy starts a co-op at a gym this week and they are asking her to take a course so they can hire her on weekends! Just what she has wanted to do! April has a babysitting job and she actually handed me her money so she won't spend it! WOW! Brent's summer time romance went the way summer did- gone but I hope he remembers how much fun it was. Anyway I will make this short but are you still on icq? Bye for now. Your bud, Annie If this had been a TV movie I would have changed the channel because it seems ridiculously beyond belief. What happened today is too hard to comprehend that people would actually hurt other people, thousands of innocent people in this manner. Today the worst terrorist attack the world has ever seen took place in the USA. Everyone watched with absolute horror and heavy heart at all the senseless destruction and loss of all innocent lives. Whoever is responsible thinks that they terrorized only America but really assaulted all people, worldwide. Airplanes with everyday travelers were seized and used as weapons in different parts of the USA. Two large planes were hijacked carrying hundreds of innocent people and used as a weapons by slamming them into both towers of the World Trade Center in New York. The World Trade Center is some of the tallest buildings in the world where, between workers and tourist, 120,000 people use every day. Every time a news flash comes on the bottom of the TV screen you know that that news on it's own would make national headlines. When you have heartache you sometimes wonder how the world can go on like nothing has happened but this time the world noticed. Example : The 2 towers of the World Trade Center both collapsed, killing thousands including the rescue workers. The pentagon was hit by another hijacked plane. Another plane hijacked but crashed near Pittsburgh. All air flights in North America have been cancelled. All stock trading has stopped All sports games cancelled. All of this has never happened before. Older people I have talked to say that this is what it felt like for Pearl Harbor, and that is when the U.S. went to war. I hope there is no war because it would be unlike any war before. It is so awful, you are glued to the television yet you don’t want to see what is happening, you don’t want your kids to see yet that is all we think or talk about. I pray that they find survivors. But when you watch the news and see the eerie sight of all the rescue vehicles covered in debris you realize the complexity of it all because if the buildings are down and the vehicles are not manned, the rescue workers must have gone into the buildings and they were crushed too. As the world was dealing with this I realized the enormity of it all and went to the elementary school. I told Mr. Huebert that there was a catastrophe in the making and that he had to prepare himself for what he would say to the children to help them deal with it. As soon as I told him what had happened he ran to find a TV. Nadia phoned from College in a panic and said that she was trying to find Derrick. There was a bomb scare and that people were running around so frightened. Nadia and Derrick finally found each other from a note and escaped in their car by driving over the grass to get out of the parking lot. If they hadn't, they would have been trapped there for hours, it was so chaotic. At that I decided it would be the best for me if my kids were at home with me. I said that if things were going crazy and they already were at College then they would be safer with me than at school. There were other parents getting their kids from school too. This is too hard to comprehend. Annie at 9/11/2001 05:00:00 p.m. We went to Gramma's house only to find Steven. We were wondering where she was when she pulled up. She bought us a pizza for supper and gave us a bunch of books. She was talking about being alone and since she is always so positive she found a way to make us feel better about her being by herself. She said that maybe it was for the best the times grandpa had to stay overnight at the hospital because it gradually got her used to the fact that she was going to be alone. It wasn't all at once so for that she is grateful. She always finds the silver lining. Brent had a bunch of guys over in the basement for the first time in a long time so I was pretty happy he was socializing at home Derrick told me that he got in some trouble at a baseball game he was umpping a while ago. There was an out of town "lady" who was badmouthing the umps and Derrick told her not to talk like that. She got worse and then after the game she came after him and said enough stuff to really make him mad and said something really ignorant back to her. He couldn't ref the rest of the season. He shouldn't have said it but people treat officials like they aren't even human or have feelings. I hope he didn't get in too much trouble and I am glad that he trusted me in the fact that he told me himself. Annie at 9/10/2001 05:17:00 p.m. Monica's baseball tournament was where they got bronze. The ump said that Monica was playing so well and her first double play was the best he'd seen all season. The ball found the hole between right field and second, she made an amazing catch and then whipped it to third for the double play. She did it again in the next inning only to 2nd. She also had a home run. I took pictures all-day and then started to get heartburn and after chest pain, real sharp stabbing pains, I'm sure it was because I was holding the camera up all the time. A couple of nurses were there and I was arguing strenuously about me not going to the hospital. I made no friends when I pointed out that I was physically fit and they should be more worried about a bigger person that me. Oops! They made me go to the hospital where I sat forever. I finally signed myself out and went to Chris's for the party. When I got home I found out that April had taken some alcohol and had got caught by Nadia and Brent. She got big time shit from them and they sent her friend home (Chelsea of course) and sent her to bed. Lesson April, you never steal alcohol from someone who just turned the legal drinking age- they know exactly how much booze they have. Annie at 9/09/2001 05:13:00 p.m. There was a race at the rec today where Monica ran swam and ran. It was so unbearably hot. Stacy volunteered. As much as Colleen wanted Holly to participate, she would only do part of the run. They are really having a tug of war over running and Colleen doesn’t seem to notice or maybe even care that Holly doesn’t want to do it. You can’t make kids love the things you love. You can’t try and live through your kids and give them your goals. They have to want it themselves! April went for her job interview, she makes $10.00 every time she sits after school, so she is pretty happy. The school recommended her. I hope they realize that the school thinks highly of her for them choose her above everyone else. I went with her to the interview, it seems April will be very busy some weeks. They said that on the days April has sports the girl can come with her and April will stay if the girl makes any sports teams. James & I went to lunch at 1:30 and realized that we were supposed to go to dinner with Dave and Marita so we stopped eating. We went to The Black Forrest and then back to Kegs’s. There was a mix up where April was stranded at the movies and Nadia should have helped her out more but she is not thinking all that clearly these days-she is totally preoccupied. We went looking for April because we thought she was walking home from the AMC. Nadia has mixed feelings about not going to University. It must be hard all your life knowing that you will go to University and then changing to college at the last minute. She got phone calls from her friends in University so I guess it is reverse home sick. Drove Jessie home. Annie at 9/08/2001 05:09:00 p.m. Nadia and Derrick are not in any of the same classes even though they are in the same Sports Administration program. Nadia said that she is relieved that they are not in the same classes. Because they are in the same program they can do and help each other with homework but it just might be good that they aren’t in the class together. She never tried to be in his class even though they could have tried to make it convenient for transportation. They just let the chips fall where they may. She is trying very hard to find her own rides. Even if it means waiting a couple of hours for a ride she should. I have to make sure I am around for the younger kids. Nadia is an adult as far as school is concerned and I have to treat her that way too. She does seem bored with school though. I am getting a little worried about what Stacy is doing downstairs with Jessie. She said that the movie was confusing last night but when James and I watched it today, it was very clear to us sooooooo, you got to wonder what all their attention was on HMMMMMMM. I hope I don't have to interfere there cos if they can't keep there hands off each other long enough to see a movie maybe we have given them too much privacy. April has a sitting job after school for $10 an hour- the school recommended her. It is comforting to know that in the midst of April's pushing her limit the school still feels she is trust worthy enough to recommend her. Crystal broke off with Brent the other day. Apparently she found it hard because Nadia is her friend. Well yeah it always was, that would have been a good reason the first week they went out but now I just think it is a cop out. She probably noticed the guys at college noticing her because she is beautiful. I guess it was a good thing that Crystal didn't live with Gramma because Jeff and Mark both kind of said that we shouldn't make it hard for Crystal and Brent to break up. I guess it would have been awkward if she lived with Gramma. I did love having her around, I have known her for so long being Nadia’s friend, but what can you do. I guess a lot of relationships break off after the summer. I wonder if it is going to be hard on Nadia and Crystal’s friendship? Monica and Stacy came across a big poodle when they were out running the other day. The dog jumped up on Michele and cut her leg even though Monicatried to get out of the dogs way. I wanted the dog owner to know that Monicahad been cut but she blamed my kids for jogging too close to her dog. Stacy says that Monicawas up against the fence when the dog approached them. As we were arguing about it, the dog jumped onto my car and put a big scratch down the door. She said that it was the nature of poodles to jump and that it should be expected. I don’t believe that, I think that you can train dogs not to jump up on people. I guess we will have to wait and see. Monica had another practice at Iroquois. April is at Erin's party. Annie at 9/07/2001 04:05:00 p.m. Adam had to go to court today for the car accident with Brent. He got a $40.00 Fine. Nadia asked me if her and Derrick could have some private time downstairs and I said no. She can't understand but I don't want my younger kids thinking about what they are doing and it would be chaos here if everyone thought they had the right to have that kind of privacy. I have explained to her that she will have to use her imagination to have private time with him and when you are that inventive you can have very memorable moments. It should add extra excitement to their lives whether they realize it or not. Every young couple has to figure that out themselves. Besides James has actually caught Nadia and Derrick, I guess you could say with his pants down and there excuses were hilarious. It was so hot he had to take his pants off. Yeah right. After track Jessie roller bladed over to watch a movie. I like that he can find his own way over sometimes and he is exercising too! Monica's old grade 2 teacher commented on the drastic change in her body. He started to talk about it, look very uncomfortable when realized that it might sound inappropriate for him to mention Monica in that way, but I didn't take it the wrong way at all. Monica's body, just in the last month has totally been made over. Her face has narrowed, she is a lot leaner and the muscles are just popping out all over her, even in her stomach where you usually don't notice it on girls. Her boobs grew so fast this past month that it is like they popped out. Monica is one lean girl machine! April didn't come home on time. She is pushing her limits, I guess she is entering the teen years in a big way. I am used to the mentality of grade 8's by now, and this seems to be the age where they really try breaking away. I have told them all that I will excuse them from the supper table because they are so busy socializing, as long as they let me know where they are and whom they are with. It is standard operating procedure in our house. They usually tell me more about what is happening in their lives if I give them more freedom and that is important to me. I can't get them out of all their predicaments down the road, but if they give me a glimpse at what they are doing I can guide them from the huge bumps in the road. April is just finding the forks in the road and hopefully she will get back on track! There seems to be $50.00 missing from my purse. Here we go again! I don’t want to have to be a detective with my kids, I want to trust everyone. Sometimes I think that they steal, not for the money, but the excitement of seeing how we figure out who did it. At least that is why Nadia was doing stealing money. James found a web site that helps determine what kind of breed would be best for us. He completed a survey and he checked off what he wanted in a dog. As well as a smart dog he wanted was a dog that doesn't shed, non-allergenic, good with kids since we are such a big family, and a dog that is good with other animals. After checking off everything he could hope for in a dog, he entered it on the computer and there was no such dog! After he took away the limitations for size, one breed only popped up. A Golden Doodle- a mix of poodle and golden retriever. Just by coincidence there is a breeder living close by. They usually do business with people in the States so they were surprised that we live close by. Unfortunately, there is a waiting list, we are number 40 on the list so it will probably be around December. Annie at 9/06/2001 05:59:00 p.m. Ended up I couldn't sleep so I went downstairs did laundry, dishes and made 4 packages of pudding! I got a call from the school about Brent and attendance. He has to report in at 10:20 to the guidance councillor. They don't get along already, I think because Adam and Brent went over her head when they arranged the Cisco Networking Course at Central last semester. Great. Brent really lucked out on getting a late start, I couldn't imagine having to wake him up for the early 8 o'clock classes. I wonder if he realizes what a bonus this is for him. Enrolled Monica in soccer and Stacy had a practice for the made up softball tourney team, her pitching was fine, Nadia isn't trying out for the College baseball team, I am surprised, that is the one thing I was sure she liked about College, but I guess baseball doesn't compare to Derrick. James is very disappointed that Nadia didn't even go for a try out to see what was there. He says it shows that Nadia didn't have the drive for rep and that even though she thinks she didn't have the breaks our other kids did, that she also didn't have the determination that someone like Monica has, otherwise she would have at least tried. James had golfing and dinner so I was asleep when he got home. He woke me up so here I am- up and now he is asleep! Annie at 9/05/2001 05:59:00 p.m. First day of school and April and Monica were late! I talked to Stacy about not going into the Elite Athlete program and she thought about it and agreed that it was very hard on her last year so she had to go to guidance. Her schedule is really messed up anyway -only one subject and they want to change it too. I’m trying to get her a co-op with the rec centre. She loved her community volunteering there so I think it would be a great coop for her and they wouldn’t have to train her too much because she knows her way around. It was Jessie's first day of work at No Frills, he lives right across the street from it. This is the first stage of their relationship becoming more adult- a job. Now they will have to plan more in advance which is something I noticed they never have done before. Everything is day to day, no planning and that is important for them to learn to do. Nadia and Derrick and Brent & Crystal all took off without telling us in the evening. My older kids might not be thinking about this but all of their lives are changing in a way that they can't get back- like on to a new stage. Nadia and Derrick are both in College now, a whole new setting. Brent and Crystal High School and College and they both will be exposed to a lot of different people. Stacy and Jessie- there will never be another summer like it where they both had no jobs and they vacationed when they want, it was there summer of freedom. April is grounded for coming home at 8, she almost got into a chick fight, that is something I never even imagined with my older girls. I wanna go to bed! Annie at 9/04/2001 04:44:00 p.m. Stacy said that Sarah I. was all over her last night, hugging and talking to her. This is really the first time they have talked since Stacy started to go out with Jessie. Sarah told her that she shouldn't be going out with Jessie, that she was too good for him and he is a loser. Brett was paying Stacy too much attention too according to Jessie. He was watching her every move while Jessie looked on at the whole situation. Brett told Stacy that she would like him better or more if she gave him a chance and that he was going to try to go for her when she was with Jake, especially last semi dance but Jake would have killed him. Nice friends eh? Jessie says that he hates Brett but the first time I ever noticed Jessie he was hanging out with him. I think that he just is bothered by Brett talking to Stace. He uses the word hate so my daughter will stay away from him. I want her to talk to as many people as she can, she obviously decided whether he is a threat to her and she handled him well. ICQ message to Jessie Annie - Jessie I told Stacy That I wanted to talk to you about her but I don't know what you would feel more comfortable with in person or on here? Jessie - it doesn't matter to me. now is fine Annie - Don't worry it is nothing bad, I am just worried about something that happened last year and I don't want it to happen again. Now that you are with her I can get your opinion too Jessie - no problem.. what is it? Annie - With school starting it got me to thinking about what went on with Stacy at school last year. Because of being in the sports program Stacy had a spare. Not many grade tens have spares, mostly grade 12 and OAC. Having the spare put them with her alot and not only did some of them not leave her alone, some of them bugged me in the parking lot about me letting Stacy to go out with them. Jessie - really? Annie - Yeah, Nadia's friends that had a spare at the same time said that there was always someone with her, she would look uncomfortable and alot of time it would be different guys. I really don't want her to be put in that position again Jessie - ya I don't either.. What can we do though? Annie - I don't know how it would affect you two but Jake also told me that he would go down to talk to her in her spare and there was always some guy hanging around Jessie - yeah but I wouldn't want a bunch of guys hanging around her all the time during her spare and making her feel uncomfortable. Annie - I really think that maybe she should get out of that program. She has to put 15 hours of her sport a week in Jessie - that's alot.. Does she want to get out of that program though? Annie - Plus she will probably be working at the Gym I think that if she worked plus ran for her club and maybe worked out maybe with you a couple times a week at our place. We do have gym equipment here. I don't really know if she is doing that program to make me happy. I hope not. Jessie - ya I think that would be better for her instead of the guys always bugging her. Do you think she would take that program to make you happy? Annie - Sometimes I think she is. I think that maybe she wants the U.S. Scholarship because it is the thing that is expected of her. I know that whatever she does she will put everything into it. She is like that. She probably didn't tell you but last fall I got called to the school and they told me that because they know Stacy from the sports program. They warned me that the Junior A hockey players had noticed her and they suggested that I make sure she stayed away from them. I went to tell her about it but Nadia and Brent were busy warning her to stay away from this guy and that guy that I waited until Nadia told me that yes they were paying her attention She didn't talk to them after that Jessie - really? well I'm with you the whole way if you don't think she should take that program then I'm with you on that. I don't think she should take it because of what happened with the guys. But I'm with you on everything Annie - That is the reason that I told her to wait last year before she went out with anyone. It was no reflection on you, I just didn't want her alone with one guy until she really talked to them alot. I told the older guys in the parking lot she wasn't allowed to date anyone over a year older than her. I figured it would cut down the playing field a bit. Jessie - did it cut it down? Or did they keep bugging her? Annie - One OAC guy told his class that he was going to marry her. People told Nadia and Stacy basically didn't talk to him after that. It wasn't so bad in the second semester- that is why I think it was the spare that cause the problem. Anyways I will talk to her about it. She is one-year older- maybe she would be able to tell them where to go! She will still have to train but not as much and there will be no credit, maybe she could co-op in a gym class? Jessie - yeah that would be better for her I think. cuz then the guys won't be able to bug her and some of the guys will be gone out of the school. Annie - So do you think I should say that I don't want her in the program or what? Jessie - yea tell her that... tell her its because of what happened last year, that you don't want that to happen to her again. just say what you think.. if you want I will talk to her about it too Annie - By the way she asked me not to tell any of her friends about the Junior A guys and yes it would be good if you talked to her too. I bet not having to go swimming 5 days a week at 6am would do it - may only 2x a week Jessie - yeah that is alot. and ya I will talk to her too. Annie Thanks, bye! Jessie your welcome.. Bye I have written Nadia a letter but I am afraid to send it to her because 1, she will edit it- she can't help herself and 2, she will tell Derrick. Here it is OK. Nadia lets give this a try- get the smile off your face and give me a chance. And I guess that I don't care if you tell Derrick everything, this talk is overdue. I know how long you have cared for Derrick and I commend you on your perseverance It is a good feeling when a relationship works both ways and it looks good for the two of you now. Six months wow! Please keep the balance between, Derrick and your friends, I feel that you have a good relationship. You have had strong feelings for him for a long time and not that he has a car and he can manage his own time, it shows that he is reciprocating- who knows? I am glad that you are close and that you appreciate his intellect and humor, that is important I do have to wonder about your intimate relationship with him. (No, I am not going to ask how far you have gone, don't worry). I just need to have this talk because I want your relationship to be good. Back to the sex part. I am not trying to talk … no this isn't going to work… she will already be laughing at me…no! I don't know!!! Stacy went to Leigh's tonight for a swim, not to often she is without Jessie who was with the boys. We went to Gramma's in the evening, and she fed us all- she loves to do that. I asked all the kids to start to do their own laundry because I am just so swamped with it, I do it all day every day and I need to do other things in my life besides laundry. Stace is the only one who even tried to show an interest in it. I have to go now, April and Monica are fighting and they can do that so well, they play hard, they fight hard! Annie at 9/03/2001 05:05:00 p.m. Stacy went over to Jessie’s for the day and she has hurt her ear, there is actually a little ulcer on it. They have been wrestling hard and her ear got pulverized. She wants to go to the doctors it hurts so much but they just have to not be so rough with each other. I wrote her another letter because I am worried. Stacy and Jessie look so close and don’t want them to make mistakes by going too fast. Letter to Stacy Yes Stacy, it’s that time again. I know it has been a while since I wrote to you. I guess the last time was when I was pretty sure that you and Jessie were very interested in each other after your party in April. I am glad it took so long for you to get together from last October because during that time you both somehow got each other to really talk and you both have matured. You look like you like each other more than a lot and I am happy for the both of you. It is a good feeling when it works both ways and you know that was a main concern I had for you two. As long as you can balance between, the both of you, your friends and his friends, I feel that you have a good relationship. You are doing that, I have noticed, even though it must be hard not seeing him all the time, you need space. Any curfew I have had with my kids depended on who they were with, so you should know by now the difference in how I let you go out. You know I trust Jessie. I told you before that you won’t have the same feelings like this with each guy you go out with, if even there are to be more guys- who knows? If you were to break up you might not feel the same way about a guy for long time - even years. It is not something you go out looking for, it just happens, once in a very long while. You two look so close when you are together and because of that as an adult observer, I have to wonder about your intimate relationship with him. (No, I am not going to ask how far you have gone, don’t worry). I just want your connection to be good and not too short and fast. There is so much going on in a teenager’s life; many decisions to make and you shouldn’t make all your choices too quickly. They can affect the rest of your life. You both have to get serious with school so that you can figure out what you want to do and prepare. (I know you are an honour student so I am not talking about you in general -I mean teenagers.) You have part time jobs to think about, driving, learning to drink properly, sports which you both think is important, friends and a home life. All of this is real and everything you do is time consuming. I told you before that you have to feel absolutely right about everything you do. You have already put a lot of pressure on yourself by trying for this sports scholarship. It can be a goal but it should not use up all your time and efforts. It should not be black and white either. That is, if you try for this scholarship, you might think that you will not be able to have a long time relationship with Jessie. It doesn’t have to be like that and you don’t have to decide anything until the time has come. You might not want a U.S. scholarship or you might go to a university close to you or you might go to college or he might even come with you. You have time to think about this so don’t worry about it. Just enjoy Jessie and see how things work out. You don’t have to make those kind of decisions now- just don’t close any doors so you can’t do the things you might want later. No one here will put any pressure on you and you shouldn’t either. Back to the sex part. I am not trying to talk you out of anything. I just want your eyes to be wide open and understand what you are getting into. If you are too uncomfortable with the suggestion of sharing your body, you should not proceed at that point. There will come a time that you might change your mind. Once you do something, you should not feel, “There I’ve done that, what is next?” You should enjoy it, experiment with it and remember what each other like. Each step should be a new part of your foreplay (Now there is a weird word) and not something you do just until you have sex. So you should enjoy whatever you are doing and talk to each other enough so that you know what you like. Try to talk about sex so that you are comfortable with it. Sex is something that you can even laugh at. If you can’t talk about what you feel regarding sex then you are not ready for sex. Before you met Jessie I knew you enough to know that you are not going to do it until you are very ready so I do trust your judgment. I can also tell that he is not pressuring you. You were so wound up, nervous and scarred last summer when I would drive you to Jessie house that you didn’t have to tell me what was going on. Remember our talks in the car on the way to his house? I am glad you didn’t do that last year. You just weren’t ready for that yet, you were too young. Your boyfriend should never get mad at you because he isn’t getting what he thinks he should be getting They should love you for yourself, not for what you could do be doing with them. Many guys are only interested in just the sex and not all the other stuff that comes with relationships. The word “I love you” scarred you so much before, that you dropped one guy as soon as his friends told you that he did. The OAC guy told his class that he was going to marry you and after that you wouldn’t even look at him. You said that you hated the way people used and threw the word “love” around. You told me that you and Jessie say it and it doesn’t scare you. It’s not the word that scared you- you just didn’t want the other guys to feel that way. You had many guys paying you a lot of attention all at once last year and yes it was scary but you came out of it wiser. Remember that you are only 15 and when you are an adult you will look back and think 15 is too young to have sex. You guys have unfair pressure from the media because they make sex look fast, easy and that everyone is doing it. That is the way they are trying to get your attention to watch their program or sell their product and it really is wrong. You have said some things to me about Jessiethat have really opened my eyes to how much you feel towards him. If you go too fast and learn everything now, both or one of you might think, “Is that all there is?” and maybe move right along to someone else. I don’t want you to get hurt and now that I know Jessie I wouldn’t want him to get hurt either, he is a good guy. Enjoy each other, take it easy, wrestle till you win, and enjoy what you have got and look forward to the future. What ever you are doing now while you are alone, keep doing it, different variations- learn what feels real good because that is the type of thing that you will be doing before sex and even sometimes in place of sex in your future sexual relations. Learning how to please each other is important and even teasing each other is good in a physical relationship Going too fast can ruin many new feelings. When you do decide the time is right, plan in advance, just don’t let it happen so that there will be no regrets. Remember, double protection and I will buy condoms when the time has come if that is what you want, like I did with Brent. You know I am open minded, I do know a lot of what goes on today and we have already talked a lot about sex, I know, but teenagers need reminders. You can look at some of the people you know who are already sexually active and ask yourself “Are they happy they did it and if they could would they go back and change it? Did things turn out the way they thought it would?” I am sure some of them have regrets. Look at how fast some of the relationships were over too. I just want you two to be happy. I am not saying don’t do it. I am saying don’t be too young, you are only 15. Both of you really talk about it and try to make sure that you want to do it for the same reasons. Love, not just for the sexual experience, but love. Annie at 9/02/2001 12:01:00 p.m. Brent and Crystal left this morning and we are not too sure exactly where they are. Brent didn’t give much detail as usual, Crystal said about 4 hours drive. James and I tried to block Dave in the truck to ‘borrow’ bread only to discover it was his young little Josh driving! We went to breakfast with Dave and Marita- food not to good but bought some really good $steaks$. April and Monica went to a Blue Jays game with Big Al. James and I rather not go with the team, we are all teamed out right now and prefer to have time to ourselves. Besides the kids have to have some space away from us too! Monica and April left in the morning and were gone all day. April was more impressed with Big Al’s tales of suicide jumpers flying from Toronto's Bloor Bridge than anything that happened at the game. Dave and Marita came for a visit after supper. I think they are enjoying adult time today too, it sure doesn’t happen often. I am waiting to pick Stacy and Jessie up for 12:30 from a party. The party was huge. There were kids everywhere. Stacy had a real good time. Jessie did get upset there though, I guess she will tell me why later. Annie at 9/01/2001 05:58:00 p.m.
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