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Peaces Of Me++++
++++ The miles just keep rollin as the people leave there way to say hello I've heard this life is overrated but I hope that it gets better as we go |
Friday August 31/2001 James went golfing with some baseball dads- Joe, Chris and Rob, they had a lot of fun. Brent and Crystal are getting ready for camping tomorrow. Brent was supposed to pick up the stove from my brother but Brent left the stove till the last minute and Mark and Carrie were already gone. I gave Crystal and little frog. I shouldn’t have because Brent had given her a little stuff toy a few days ago so I hope that my gift didn’t take away from his. I told Marita that we all agreed it wouldn’t be right to take the dog. She said that it didn’t matter anyway because she put her foot down and told Dave it didn’t matter what he said that they were keeping Corky. Good going Marita. Melissa and Amy ditched Stacy- she waited till around 10, she doesn’t see them all that often so she was terribly dissappointed in them. Nadia went to Nicole’s and then to a late movie with Derrick. Brent left the house late without telling us. I don’t know where he is. Annie at 8/31/2001 05:55:00 p.m. Lazy day- Went shopping in the morning. It is so quiet with April & Monica away. Went to James’s mom’s after supper drove Stacy Amy & Jessie to his house, rented 2 movies. Brent phoned at 1 in the morning for me to pick him up at Crystal’s. She had a bad day- mom stood her up, stopped by police for invalid temporary license and went through a stop sign. Brent gave her stuffed cat to make her feel better. This was a very different summer than in the past because the three older kids all had significant others and I spent a lot of extra time driving them to and from and movies … I didn’t mind, it gave me time to get to know them all and I want to be a close part of there lives. I do know that at times it bothered Derrick, Crystal, and Jessie, but there parents work and one by one I saw them get there G1, licenses and cars so I really got to watch them grow up too. Derrick cancelled 3 times but he finally did it. Annie at 8/30/2001 05:49:00 p.m. Monica and April spent the morning getting ready for a nice surprise - a cottage trip with Monica's team mates and they invited both of my girls. April mowed the lawn and I dried towels at moms again. James, Stacy, Jessie and I went to see the Lion King in Toronto. It was good but I think that a lot of what people think is so good about it is how they managed things when it was people trying to be animals- you know puppets on or around the person. We went to Gretzgy’s restaurant after and got Jessie home in time for his dad’s hockey. I was surprised that he would have a deadline for coming home when they know he is with us. Annie at 8/29/2001 04:46:00 p.m. Took pictures at Monica's squirt softball game. Stacy was at Jessie’s for most of the day and called home for a pick up pretty late. We told Dave and Marita that we were going to get a dog the other day. Today I called on Marita and she was crying. Apparently Dave doesn’t want their dog anymore; he wants us to take him. She was so upset, really crying. There is no way we could take her. She lives only a couple of houses away so every time she got out she would try to go home. It wouldn’t be fair. Why would Dave do this? He is the one who wanted the dog in the first place. I talked to all our family about it and even though we all love that dog, it wouldn’t be right. I am mad at Dave for putting us in this position. Annie at 8/28/2001 01:42:00 p.m. Nadia’s houseleague softball final was today. They played 2 games the first place team and had to win both for the championship. The 2nd one was one of the best playoff games ever. Nadia’s pitchin was bitchin HAHA. She was sooo fast sooo accurate and she was placing them so well probably next years midget select coach was very impressed. I was actually calling what type of pitch she was going to throw to the select coach – inside, outside, up the ladder, she was doing it all and I was never wrong. Nadia sure can direct that ball to wherever she wants. the Select coaches daughter actually came to her dad during this final game and said that she wanted to leave “right now” to see her boyfriend- not to dedicated to sport. They went to an international tiebreaker and our runner on 2nd plowed into short and was called out. A fan, yelled to the batter to smash the ball into the pitchers face- my Nadia’s face! I waited until after the game and I told him off. He wanted to say something back but two women gave him ‘the look’ and he didn’t say anything. Annie at 8/27/2001 05:40:00 p.m. We went to the sports complex again for the BBQ and I took lots of pictures. Monica and Stacy both got MVP for their teams and April got MSP!!!!!!!! At 2, I took Stacy to Jessie’s hockey game in Scarborough. They won- got watches. Annie at 8/26/2001 04:37:00 p.m. Stacy and Monica's softball team both got knocked out of the payoffs. For some reason Stacy thinks that she cost the team the game because her pitching is off. Yeah right- she played awesome at 1st and short. She is so good at every position she plays so I am not worried about her pitching. Her pitching coach says that she is throwing awkwardly around her head so we have to change that. She pitched good but not the way she normally does, that is all. Nadia was at a softball tourney out of town on her own. That rarely happens but she is old enough to have to find her way sometimes when we are too busy. We went to Mark and Toni’s for dinner- lamb yummy. No more wine. I try it every so often only because they all drink it but I have no memory of what we talked about at Mark’s on Thursday. They got a good laugh but I don’t understand why I can’t drink it 4 glasses in four hours and I can’t even handle it. Stacy went to the movie Summer Catch with her girlfriends Annie at 8/25/2001 05:55:00 p.m. Took Brent to the Dr about his foot again, it looks so bad he gave him more cream. Play-offs Monica at diamond 4 April at 3 Stacy at 2- all lost! Stacy is freaking about her pitching-she is throwing different somehow and can’t see to get back to normal. Everyone is trying to correct it and they are all giving way too much advice. Her pitching coach said she would help tomorrow- she is the one who taught her in the first place so she should be the one to correct it. April had to leave her playoff game to see my brother Mark because her eye is all red and swollen. It looks awful. Nadia went to the movie American Pie 2. Annie at 8/24/2001 02:32:00 p.m. Nadia’s birthday. I am pretty disappointed in Nadia. She knew that we didn’t want anyone in James’s office. When I came down this morning she was in there with Derrick. I told her that a sleep over was when a bunch of kids all sleep in the same room. When you are in a separate room it is called sleeping together and I won’t tolerate it. I complained very loudly to her and her girlfriends about it so they will take me seriously next time. Nadia still can’t find her wallet. She needs it to prove she is of drinking age. What a time to loose it. She also had to ask for stop payment on a cheque so has to pay the $10.00 for service. Tough lesson. Brent didn’t come home till 5am, says he fell asleep at Adam’s. He is making me mad. Stacy took Jessie out to dinner for their 3 month’s at Montana’s with coupons. We went to the Keg. When we got there they were seating us and my hand caught some gum on the lip of the table- gross. When we got the bread an earwig came out of the bread basket onto my napkin. euwwww. We told the waiter that we wanted to give him a good tip because it wasn’t his fault but we wanted to voice our displeasure so he called the manager over and he ripped up the bill and took $20.00 off. Then we dropped off at Mark and Carrie’s for a while. I really can’t drink wine. Annie at 8/23/2001 05:56:00 p.m. Wednesday Nadia is having a party right now for her 19th birthday tomorrow. Grammie was here for the day, and we took Monica and Kate swimming at Gramma’s. Stacy was a call up for the Midget division and had really good hits. Then she played house but wasn’t in the grove for pitching. She is all of a sudden throwing over her head to the other side, I don’t know why and she can’t figure out what has changed. Jessie rode his bike there to see her. I finally checked the lottery tickets James’s mom and dad gave me for my birthday-four months after I received them. At the time I had no heart to find any fortune when James's dad was so sick. I let the kids scratch them. It is funny the stuff that can bother you- the fact the it would be the last present I got from him wouldn't let me scratch them. Annie at 8/22/2001 05:27:00 p.m. We had so much garbage, 9 bags that we had to give some to neighbours and drop some off at James's moms. Today when I went to pick up April at College I went past the little bridge with the stream and I slammed on the breaks because I saw Monica and she was near a car of a stranger. After I stopped I realized that she was at Kate’s house & couldn’t be there. It was Holly! Nadia and I tried to look for books at College and ran into Lori, Jake's mom, who helped us find our way. I like her. Jessie rode his bike over here and they were together for 7 hours and they still didn’t eat. They are really getting so close. It is kind of scary at their age. I hope they take it easy and not rush everything. There is so much to learn and have fun if they take it slow. I bought 14 chocolate bars for the kids. In Nadia's playoffs, the first place team, got knocked out of the play offs Annie at 8/21/2001 05:20:00 p.m. April went to Volleyball camp and looked pretty nervous when she didn’t know anybody. Stacy was offered a job at the rec center teaching dry land training. She is so excited! Just what she wanted. April & Monica played ball against each other tonight. April hit Monica with a pitch. Monica ’s team won. Nadia’s team played so well, it was incredible. They tied it and with 2 out, seventh inning, Nadia came up to bat. She had changed for left to right and back again and hit a beauty out to right field for the win. Now they go to the finals! My stomach was hurting so I thought I was hungry, so Monica got me a slice of pizza but after I ate it I felt so sick. I managed to stay the whole game but boy it hurt. I couldn’t concentrate in the car and when I got home I was hot and cold. Annie at 8/20/2001 05:33:00 p.m. Squirts softball tournament Monica had 1 game in the rain and then it was called. I took a lot of pictures before the battery died. Lazy day. It’s kind of neat, Crystal phones Brent quite a bit and he is always so happy to hear from her. He was never like that with other girls. If they phoned more than once in a day it was a bother, but not Crystal. Crystal came over with Brent’s supper, & Stacy went to Jessie’s. When she called to be picked up, I was asleep and very confused. What a weird feeling to not understand what is real and what is not. Monica was at Holly’s, apparently delivered 100 flyers for $10.00 and then spent it on the movies. We had asked Gramma if she wanted anyone to live with her. She doesn’t know if she wants to sell or not- exactly what to do so we mentioned Crystal to her. Her foster mother is being unfair to her, we believe and is asking to much rent from her. Maybe if she knows that Crystal has other options, she can negotiate better- or maybe she can live with Gramma. Annie at 8/19/2001 05:15:00 p.m. I went out for breakfast with James and then went to Dan’s parents but they were out. We left a note but no response, which leads me to believe that Dan might have intercepted the message; most parents would have wanted to hear from us. I have a strange feeling that Dan will be blaming Brent for the car stealing, just a gut feeling because that would get him out of some of the trouble. After all he doesn’t even have a G1. We decided to give Brent a choice of a 3-day grounding with chores and visitors or 5 day all alone. Unfortunately it is bad timing for Brent because Crystal just got her car!!! today and he won’t be driving any where with her for 3 days. He has to do chores like fix April & Monica ’s computer. Nadia is off on a road trip with Crystal right now. Anyway we put the trailer in the back and fixed the fence. We to dinner and movie (American Pie 2) with Joe and Shelley and when we got home we found out that Nadia and Crystal had driven to the cottage for a swim and supper and back. April slept at Chelsea's. Derrick was with Nadia and we had to re-educate them about a shut bedroom door. Crystal was with Brent and I didn’t have to offer her a ride!! Annie at 8/18/2001 05:55:00 p.m. Jessie got in trouble for last night. His parents were worried that he had too much to drink and that is why he couldn’t wake up. I think the booze affected him but I don’t think that it was too much. I do admire his parents. They really care about him. It is weird though because I was so concerned about Melissa being there and getting drunk and out of control. I tried to get them to stay out later so that maybe Melissa would have to not drink and get her own ride. Her drinking scares me. She can so easily get herself and whoever is with her in trouble. I wouldn’t let Stacy have her overnight because I didn’t want to be responsible for her if she was drinking. I figured that Stacy wouldn’t stay at her house because of her period, so Stacy wouldn’t get in trouble if Melissa was drinking. It is going to be a while for me to trust Melissa again. Anyway, I went with Stacy to watch Jessie’s tournament- they won big time. Some of the parents thought that Stace was a ballerina, the guys thought a dancer of some sort. She has always had that graceful heir about her even when she was little and doing goofy things with her friends, she had an elegance about her. When I got back, Brent had gotten himself into lots of trouble- Dan helped. I saw them earlier in the evening Brent walking, Dan on his bike- I laughed at him because when he tried to talk to Stacy his bike went out of control. Seems that they were on their way to Dan’s house to work on Dan’s computer and Dan rode ahead and took his parent’s car. Brent said he told him it was a bad idea BUT he got in anyway. They were in it a short time when Brent retrieved a message on his phone from Dan’s parents. At that point, Dan panicked and said he couldn’t drive anymore so Brent drove the car back. When he got out of the car he said to Brent “I should have listened to you.” I can’t believe Brent got in the car in the first place. Dan hasn’t even got his G-1 and Brent has yet to take the test. How stupid and careless can you get? I still can’t believe that Brent would get in a car with an unlicensed driver. I am so disappointed. Annie at 8/17/2001 05:10:00 p.m. Monica ’s team had a rain out game. Unfortunately we had to play it in the rain, and since I was helping out with the line-up I had to stand in it without an umbrella. Big Al played Monica pitching in the 1st and 3rd, Shortstop 3 times and outfield once. They won. Later I took Stacy, Jessie and Melissa to a guys house named Broody (I guess) at 9:30 and picked them later. By the time it was time to take Crystal home, Jessie was asleep, and Stacy said she couldn’t wake him. She phoned his house (woke them up) and he stayed. Brent made sure Stacy was sleeping in her own room. I really miss James. He hardly phoned at all this trip. Annie at 8/16/2001 05:59:00 p.m. email to Gramma HELLO THAT PLACE. HOPE YOU ARE KEEPING BUSY. I AM WAITING FOR MONICA TO COME HOME FROM CAMP AND THEN WE WILL PROBABLY COME OVER. IT IS A LAZY DAY HERE, PEOPLE STILL IN THIER PJ'S !!!! SEE YA, LOVE ANNIE Annie at 8/15/2001 05:22:00 p.m. Nadia and Derrick celebrated their 6-month anniversary today. They didn’t realize that it is only there five months but oh well She went over to his house swam, went to play mini golf and had supper- they fed her meat- I like teasing her about meat my little vegetarian wanna be. Nadia has been putting on weight just lately and I mentioned it to her because she lost so much and looked so good in the spring that I don’t want this to happen to her again. emial from Gramma HI BRENT-- HOW COME I DONT HAVE YOUR E MAIL ADDRESS?-- I JUST WANTED YOU TO KNOW HOW VERY PROUD I WAS TO SEE YOU AND THE OTHERS BEING THERE FOR GRANDPA...IT MADE ME SO HAPPY AND I ALWAYS SAID WE HAD THE NICEST GRANDCHILDREN EVER AND I MEAN IT SINCERELY .. THANK YOU ONCE AGAIN AND I LOVE U A BIG BUNCH GRANDMA XOXOXO Stacy told Jessie that she saw him with his friends last night and he said that it wasn’t him but it was because I drove by about five minutes after to go to the store and I had a close look and it was him for sure. I wonder why he would say it wasn’t him? What is that all about? Annie at 8/14/2001 05:00:00 p.m. Monica went to volleyball camp today for the week. She really likes it and has already made friends. What a wild day. Stacy phoned her coach to see if there was any makeup game and there was so I went with Stacy. When we got there I found out April was also having a makeup game at #2 so I phoned home and told James to bring her ASAP. When some of Stacy’s team wasn’t showing up they asked if Monica could be called up so I phoned home. It was chaos at home to get them there on time. Stacy’s team forfeited but Monica got to play. She got on base every time and stole home!! Stacy’s friends Amy, Melissa and Sandra, showed up and Penny was there too so there was a lot of talking going on. I heard girls taking about Sara C. and the story of why she went out with Jessie- and the story was taking on a new life of its own. The girls who were hanging out with Jessie were worried that if Jessie got together with Stacy, then they wouldn't be able to hang out with Jessie and the guys so they decided that one of them would go out with Jessie so they decided that Sara should. Apparently she said it took alot to get Jessiea way from Stacy. She just did it so her and Nicki could still hang out with Shane and his friends and those things do happen- that’s life. They said that she said that she had to work very hard on Jessie to get him away from Stacy. Apparently Sara actually said that to one of the girls! I also think that because Stacy and Jessie didn’t go out in the fall, they got to know each other better and matured a lot- and maybe they will last longer because of it, so I am not unhappy that it happened. We went to Melissa’s house and brought her dog over. What a cute pup!!! We want him! Stacy saw Jessie with his friends walking down the road and she said. “It is hard to imagine that he has a life without me. I hope he is having a good time” WOW Nadia had her 2nd playoff game and they won against the top team DDS. Nadia switched back to right batter and hit a good one in right field. After reading James’s dads diary I decided to try and protect all mine. Some of it has already been lost when our hard drive had to be formatted, unfortunately 1999. That means going through all my things from moms house because I wrote on hordes of papers all through the years. I thought that I might ask Cindy for help but when I asked her about all the diaries that I knew she had kept all her life she said that she threw them out because she didn’t want her kids to know her past. There was nothing wrong with her past, nothing to be ashamed of. I don’t understand. Annie at 8/13/2001 02:57:00 p.m. Another sunny day at the ball diamond. I was with Nadia, James in with April and Monica. Unfortunately, Nadia’s team lost their first game - a lot of errors. They won the consolation. April’s team won the consolation too. Monica was a call up (or a ringer) and pitched the last game until it was 18 to 2. At that point some of the parents complained that Monica was getting used too much and it wasn’t fair to the regular players. Then Big Al put in the other pitchers until they had 15 runs in. Then he put Monica back in and she shut them down! I am so glad that April’s team won it!!!!!!!! April’s team went to Don Cherry’s after. Annie at 8/12/2001 02:53:00 p.m. Stacy’s Bantam tournament and they won gold. Jake came for a bit and Jessie and his mom came for the second game on. I like his mom. In some of the games they had Stacy short and she pitched one game. email To gramma -good morning, hope you slept well. The first game starts at nine for Stacy. I will phone you. I understand you might be at Sarah’s game, if so enjoy!!!!! There was a party after but Stacy went out with Jessie instead to see American Pie. Monica was with James and they got silver. Annie at 8/11/2001 03:50:00 p.m. We talked about Dezzie today and I am so pleased with Stacy. She has figured out Dezzie, so that means her eyes are open and she is not the naive girl she was many months ago. She guessed at who Dezzie liked. He said that it was not someone he is supposed to like. I told her last fall that some guys just like who someone else does and needs to see if they can get them away- even if it is a friend-they just can’t help it. It looks like Dezzie falls in that category because he liked Jake’s girlfriend again- first Stacy and then Sara C. Stacy saw through it this time and called him on it! He was surprised that she knew and he will probably be intimidated by her now or maybe even stop the “friendship”. We will see. Way to go Stacy! Not seeing too much of Brent lately. It seems that Crystal has her house to herself a lot because, her foster mom is away at the trailer most of the summer. So I guess Brent is playing house with her. It is too soon for stuff like this. Ya you heard me I said STUFF. I guess I just think different from everyone else. The phone message is still in Grandpa’s voice. I enjoy hearing his strong voice, probably the only reminder of what he sounded like before he was sick. It is like “hey remember me?” Everyone else is creeped out about it, they want to erase it, as if he never was there. I guess all my senses have to store him only to memory but I wish I didn’t have to. Annie at 8/10/2001 05:48:00 p.m. Today Derrick came over to see Nadia. They were going to go to the zoo but the weather emergency is still on-too hot! They asked for a ride to Star Burger but I said no. How romantic eh? Having your mom drive you. No this way is more intimate; they had a good time even though Nadia’s legs were blue from sweating in her jeans. Jessie was also here for Stacy. They haven’t seen each other for 4 DAYS- the most since they have been going out. They wrestled each other- you could hear them both screaming, until I took them swimming. Steven was there with Gramma. She is so sweet and I guess romantic because she said we had to leave the back yard to give Stacy and Jessie privacy! James was golfing for work and April and Monica both had games tonight. April’s team won with a grand slam home run! Annie at 8/09/2001 03:26:00 p.m. Stacy is getting so frustrated with her house league team. Joe is not putting her in the regular batting order and is not pitching her regularly because he got a complaint from a parent wanting the positions that Stacy has. The parents seem to think that having one season at pitching clinic should guarantee their daughter a pitching position. She pitches like a squirt kid. I don’t know why he is backing down from the parent Remember the yesterdays We went to Grandma’s and grandpa’s, (boy it is going to be hard to not say that anymore). Grandma showed us grandpa’s diary, or journal. He used stacks of little black books similar to the ones I used to use in the 70’s. He didn’t go much into feelings but a description of everyday life, who came over where they went how they traveled. The price of different items he purchased, furniture gas everyday nothings that we take so for granted, when you look back you can’t believe how inexpensive things were. Every grandchild’s birthday, time, and weight meticulously recorded. I was so excited to see it and I read as much as I could, he kept it for years. A glimpse of his life and I am so glad he shared it. I am going to try even harder to keep a diary for everyday for the rest of my life. I have always done it off and on but a lot of it is on scraps of paper undated. I had one when we first got the computer and Brent formatted it without me having a backup (I will not do that again). I am so thankful he kept a diary. When my grandpa died. By Monica Edwards My Grandpa died on August 2, 2001 when I was going to bed. When my grandpa died all of his kids has been there and just left. My Grandpa was breathing heavily so my Grandma told him “close your eyes, you lived a long full life, now close your eyes and let the angels take you to heaven” Then less that 5 minutes later he closed his eyes and died. My aunt called my house and told my dad what happened. When my dad got off the phone he came into April’s and my room with Stacy. He told us that my Grandpa died. When my dad told me and April we were already going to bed, and when I needed comfort Stacy was there. I was crying so hard, I couldn’t stop. My dad was going back to the hospital. I wanted to go to. I begged him to bring me but he wouldn’t. I already missed my Grandpa. Basically the whole night I laid in my bed crying, and telling myself that he wasn’t dead, that I would see him tomorrow. I lied to myself. When I woke up I asked Stacy, if it actually happened. I was really upset because when he ws in the hospital, I only got to see him once. Everyone else got to see him 4 times. My dad was upset but I never saw him cry, even though it was his dad. But I am not with him all the time so I wouldn’t know if he did or not. When I went to see my grandpa he only opened his eyes when I left, that was the last time I saw him with his eyes open and alive. My Grandpa died on August 2,2001 and on the third was my cousin Jackie’s birthday. He wanted him to live for his 11th birthday but he didn’t. My grandpa died from cancer that started in his liver. When I was at the hospital with him I held his hand for at least an hour. At his funeral I cried the most. I didn’t want them to bury him, then I couldn’t see him. I was the last family member to see him. Even though he wasn’t alive it made me happy to see him again. And I got to meet all of his closest friends. My Grandma is a very nice woman with short brown hair. My Grandma used to travel a lot but she won’t since my Grandpa died. My Grandpa had white hair but lost it all when they put him on a special medication in the hospital. He lost a lot of weight because he didn’t eat a lot. My Grandpa was the nicest person in the world. Everyone misses my grandpa but he is dead and we will not see him again, he is dead. I accept that my Grandpa is dead and so does my family. Annie at 8/08/2001 03:42:00 p.m. The funeral. It is so hot that the sweat just drips off of you. The service was a normal catholic service so I was relieved when Jeff said a few words at the cemetery- it made it more personal. It was so hot that the Kleenex would stick to your face and there wasn’t enough of it to go around. Monica stuck to Gramma the whole time at the cemetery. It breaks your heart to see your own son carry his grandfather’s casket and I was so proud of him. Derrick was there for Nadia and Crystal- for Brent. It’s tough. We went back to Dianne’s after, my mom wouldn’t come for some reason. It was cool inside but outside it was like an oven. I did something that made it very clear that I never wear dresses. The beer was outside in a cooler and at that moment all I could think of was how cold the beer was going to be. The wet bottle was too slippery to open and without another thought I lifted the end of my dress and used it to twist off the beer cap. I could tell by the look on the guy’s faces I had done something wrong and I looked down and realized that my dress was not long enough for me to have lifted it up without someone seeing underneath. The guys were just ogling at me and I asked them “OK, What colour were they” and they got the colour of my underwear right. James dad's friend said something about me making his day and making an old man happy and James brother said. “That’s Annie, so down to earth.” Monica stayed overnight with Gramma. Annie at 8/07/2001 05:54:00 p.m. There was 2 viewings today and the War Vets had a ceremony for their comrade that was very touching. It is still so hot I can’t believe it. I had to go home for some reason and Stacy caught up to me to say that she needed to get in touch with Jake because he said that he wanted to come for her. I tried to phone once but then I had just too many people to phone, it is nice to know she values his friendship so I am happy for her that she needed him as a friend. I think her shyness is finally losing its battle with her. I was shocked to see the appearance of some of James’s childhood friends. One of them came up to me and asked me to guess who he was. I only recognized his voice. His face has swelled so much that he reminded me of Martin Short in the movie where he had been stung by a bee. He said that he lived alone and that he has been celibate for 8 years. Too much information! I told him I wasn’t. He didn’t think I changed at all. Another of James’s childhood freinds looked like he was the Man from Glad gone bad. He shaves his head and wore all black. Some of his daughters are covered in tattoos. Another ones’s daughter is still tormenting him by being with black guys. I think she only did that to rebel against her dad because he is so prejudiced and is still playing the part. When we were on the way home Nadia thanked James for being there dad and not one of his friends. We explained to them that you don’t pick your own friends when you are young and growing up and all living on the same street but as James matured he changed his friends. Annie at 8/06/2001 05:36:00 p.m. The funeral home was open tonight. God it is so hot, I can’t remember it ever being this hot in Toronto. Jessie came with us tonight because he won’t be around. He has a job with an Uncle or something. I was surprised that he came especially on the hardest viewing- the first time because Hannah said that he has a hard time dealing with death. Everyone just melted in the car, our clothes were plastered to us with sweat. Yes it was hard. I’m sorry, I just can’t touch him, it would break my heart. I want to remember him warm, that is the way I always thought of him, a wonderful warm person. Annie at 8/05/2001 05:33:00 p.m. James phoned Dave who is out of town on holidays and told him about dad and he was just crossing the boarder to go to Ottawa but they said that they were coming home for the funeral instead. Crystal and Brent apparently weren’t “going out” this past little while (I don’t know exactly how long because there is so much stress in our lives about Grandpa, that sometimes it is hard to talk to each other because our emotions are so high.). From what I know about it, she thought that he was too involved with her so she back off. Nadia had phoned to tell her about Grandpa and she said, “Of course I will be here for Brent.” I was happy to hear that. It is so hard on a relationship when there are family troubles so I am glad that she has a good heart. Annie at 8/04/2001 05:57:00 p.m. The cemetery is closed weekends and holidays so the funeral will be a little later than we thought. It is so hard phoning people and telling them. We printed out some pictures of Dad and Stacy came over with me and we put them all in frames. Stacy went to a movie, Rush Hour, with Jessie. April wrote a letter to her friend and this is what she wrote about grandpa. For the passed month’s my grandpa has been in the really sick, he had cancer. Last week he went to the hospital, they said he was really bad and if he went to the hospital he wouldn’t be coming back, we all knew his time was coming. So at every chance we went to the hospital to see him, the last time I was asked to go, I said no because I already had plans, I thought I could see him another time. The day after that they thought he was gonna die because it was the worst day he has had. But he didn’t die! We were all really happy, but that was three days ago, yesterday at 11:00pm I was sent to bed, right after I got in me pj’s the phone rang, I picked it up and it was someone that my dad knew. They asked for him so I gave him the phone, after that I was just about to turn the light off, my dad came up to me and my sister that I sleep with and said I’m going to the hospital (he usually goes there everyday, since my grandpa is his dad) we thought nothing about it so we said bye! He said “can I have a hug goodbye?,” so we both went up to him and said bye, my sister said tell grandpa I love him, I said me too! He said you just told him. I said what??? He said grandpa has gone to a better place now, he told us that he has just passed away, and that my grandma told us that he died in peace. My grandma told him (my grandpa) that the angels are with him and to close his eyes and go with them. He died Thursday, August 2nd 2001, 23:20. I am telling you because I’m so sad that I don’t want to go outside because I’m scared I might cry. And I need to tell my feelings to someone. I appreciate you being there for me and reading my sad letter. I know that you probably don’t know what to say to that, and I don’t need any sympathy from you but I need a friend. And you are the one person that I can tell, thanks. Annie at 8/03/2001 04:30:00 p.m. I didn’t think dad would make it through the night but he did. The family is here, minus the kids, it wouldn’t be right for them to have to see the his chest rising and falling so hard, struggling for each breath. Not everyone is here and Jeff can’t bear to be here even though it seems that dad is waiting for all of his kids to be here. It was hard to say bye to him so I touched his face and mouthed my feelings silently. I knew he couldn’t make it further and this would be the last time we would be seeing him alive. In the evening most of us left so that he could have some peace and be alone with Bernice. Toni and mom told him that the angels were waiting for him and he just went peacefully- as always with class. I guess he was just waiting for everyone to leave. He doesn’t have to suffer anymore. We all went to moms after just to be near each other and for a stiff drink. Gramma is a brick, she is so strong is supporting anyone that needs her. We are trying very hard to have a normal routine in our lives but it is so hard. Nadia went to her game and has been experimenting with which side to bat from. Her batting is really concerning her. She decided to go to her game to get her mind off Grandpa and on her second up to bat she switched sides, hit the ball and ran to third from home. Nadia was a good sport about it and laughed it off. Annie at 8/02/2001 05:28:00 p.m. James's dad was asleep and that was good because I didn't really want him to know I was there unless he needed me. About 1am the nurses turned him and gave him medication and that is when he became uncomfortable with pain. I only told him that I was there when he needed me and I tried to comfort him by rubbing his back, forehead and hands. He kept looking up so I was glad that he had something to look at. During the night his cough got worse and it made my stomach turn to think that his lungs were more than likely filing up with fluid- just like my dad. I told him that everyone loved him and he said that he loved everyone too. That is the last thing I heard him say and I don't think he was in any condition to say anything after I left. Terry and mom were coming up so I washed him up because he had coughed up stuff in the night and I didn't want them to see it. I couldn't talk to them at that point because I didn't want them to see the look on my face so I left before they got there before 7. Today I took the time to have a serious talk to Stacy about boys, sex, and relationships because Jessie is going to be away for 4 days at his dads. I wanted her to take the time to let what I said sink in while he was away. It was kind of neat in a way. She asked me if I had this type of talk with Nadia about guys, and I said no, because for one, Nadia tells Derrick everything I say about sex so why bother and two, she has no problem with body awareness, she is very comfortable with her body. Just then Nadia ran through the house. Derrick was running after her. She came bursting into my room while she was bursting out of her dress (no bra) and looked so happy and so beautiful. Just as she did as a child she loves to be chased. Stacy had a homerun , she hardly played at all because they didn't want her to hurt her knee any more so she didn't pitch, she played first and basically sat for most of the game and when she hit they had a base runner for her until she hit the homerun! I was trying to cut out early from her game, to get away to go back to Grandpa in the Hospital, but a guy approached me and asked if I was Annie and then asked me to guess who he was. He looked familiar and if he had made gabeaveator noises I would have guess that it was Mat, Dave's friend from 30 years ago!! Oh my god I can't believe I can actually say that! It makes me feel like I must not have aged so badly when I get recognized from my distant past! We went to try to get our printer fixed buy getting new ink. That and paper costs $164. I guess we haven't been paying good enough attention to what some of our kids are doing with dad being so sick but we have been loosing track of April a lot. April feels that she doesn't have to tell us where she is going so I am going to have to hunt her down. I am good at that. She is meeting a lot of new people and says that they are her friends and talks about them like she has known them for a long time. To keep better tabs on her we made her type up a list of her friends so here it is. She wasn't happy about it either. Back at the hospital, dad is struggling for each breath and sounds so raspy that it is painful to watch him go through this. James's dad is deteriorating very rapidly now is basically unconscious and is labouring to breath- his lungs are filling up with liquid. They wanted to clear dad's lungs by putting tubes down to suction the lungs. James and I told everyone that it wasn't necessary. It was only for the benefit of the family, it doesn't help him. It doesn't add to his comfort or prolong his life at all and they use up their energy fighting against the insertion of the tube. I have painful memories of my dad having this done and I even tried to did do it for him once myself. I really regretted doing it because he really fought it and then we found out later that it is really unnecessary. They asked a doctor and he said that it would only be for our well being not dad's so we are not letting it be done. Annie at 8/01/2001 05:24:00 p.m.
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