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Peaces Of Me++++
++++ The miles just keep rollin as the people leave there way to say hello I've heard this life is overrated but I hope that it gets better as we go |
July 31/01 We took some of the kids to see grandpa, he is very weak. He opened his eyes and struggled and finally was able to utter “Stacy” then he mumbled under his breath words we couldn’t understand. She took it real hard but I am glad he was able to look right at her and say her name because it proves to people that he is still with us in his mind. Poor Monica was heartbroken that he didn’t have the strength to speak anymore, she wanted him to talk directly to her too but we explained how weak he was and that it was the first word in days that he has hard the energy to say so we should be happy we were there to hear them even though we couldn’t understand what he said. I tried to get as much catnaps as possible today as I plan to go to dad’s room about 11pm. James had to go to the Crowder sailing race but he felt so bad having to do it, but I will be with dad so it should be all right. Annie at 7/31/2001 03:20:00 p.m. Mark and Carrie just got back from holidays (first camping trip without us) and invited us over. I told him how James’s dad was and how they put him in his own room. Mark says that it is to give the family privacy. The state he is in reminds me so much of how dad was that it upsets me so to see him this way. I can’t stand the thought of him being alone at night so I am going to spend the night tomorrow. I just hope he doesn’t need anyone tonight. I pray that he will be comfortable- he does sleep a lot. I wish I could sleep. Nadia went to an interview for Leafs TV at 1.45 with Lauren. She said that they said she looked the least nervous so she is happy with what she did. Annie at 7/30/2001 05:18:00 p.m. Softball Tournaments for Monica and Stacy. Monica, team won gold, Stacy’s team silver. Monica played awesome like a machine. There were rep coaches to watch her play. Stacy was in right field and ran so far for the ball that she fell, rolled put her arm up to show that she got it and then through it to 2nd. Then she tried to get up and her knee kept buckling put from under her. They called time and Crystal T. ran out because her knee popped out. Crystal showed her how to pop it back in.- great play Annie at 7/28/2001 05:15:00 p.m. Stacy enjoyed her time at the trailer with Jessie and his parents. She said that she ate very well (that’s it fatten her up!) and one evening they let Stacy and Jessie have some drinks. Jessie actually fell asleep in the bathroom while Stacy waited for him outside the bathroom. When he finally came out there she was sound asleep with her toothpaste and toothbrush grasped tightly in her hands! I want so bad to tell April not to hang out with Laura. Laura can tear a strip out of April, say the meanest things I have heard a kid say and then phone her the next day and pretend like nothing bad happened. I don’t know why April takes it. Annie at 7/27/2001 02:13:00 a.m. I took April’s toughy friends to watch her baseball game. Of course they didn’t dress appropriately, the shadows were all ready drawn over the diamond, bringing with it the evenings cool air. Silly girls were knocking their knees together shivering with the cold. This time I didn’t offer to drive them back home, they should know better. They played Erin's team and the coach was yelling to April’s cousin, Caity, about her position. April’s friends thought that he was getting the names wrong but he yelled to them that he I meant Caity Edwards. The one puzzled girl turned to me and yelled, “How many kids do you have anyway?” Annie at 7/26/2001 03:12:00 p.m. A sweet song by Leanne Rimes was playing in my van today. Suddenly it struck me so hard that the song was meant for my father-in-law. I felt so unbearably sad that I couldn’t see through my tears and I had to pull the van over to the side of the road. I turned the music off but the pain remained and the song echoed in my head. I feared it would haunt me all day so I replayed it again and again until the pain dulled. LeAnn Rimes- Please Remember Time, sometimes the time just slips away And you’re left with yesterday Left with the memories I, I’ll always think of you and smile And be happy for the time I had you with me Though we go our separate ways I won't forget so don’t forget The memories we made Please remember, please remember I was there for you and you were there for me Please remember our time together When time was yours and mine And we were wild and free Please remember, please remember me Goodbye, there’s just no sadder word to say And it’s sad to walk away With just the memories Who’s to know what might have been We leave behind a life and time we'll never know again Please remember, please remember I was there for you and you were there for me And remember, please remember me Please remember, please remember I was there for you and you were there for me Please remember our time together When time was yours and mine And we were wild and free Then remember, please remember me And how we laughed and how we smiled And how this world was yours and mine And how no dream was out of reach I stood by you, you stood by me We took each day and made it shine We wrote our names across the sky We ran so fast we ran so free I had you and you had me Please remember, please remember Tonight at baseball, sirens alerted us to smoke billowing in the sky a short distance away. James and I gave each other uneasy looks because I had asked him if he had left the kettle on as we were driving up to the diamond. The massive smoke took over most of the sky and sirens wailed beckoning us to find its source. When we could actually see the flames we felt so apprehensive that James went to check. The fire was just north of us near the Alexio’s. Annie at 7/25/2001 05:07:00 p.m. Any spare time we have is at James’s parents place visiting and maintaining their property. They are such a great couple it is hard to watch this happen. The good thing is that they have had the BEST marriage anyone has ever seen so they have had a good life together. TO NADIA Hi muffin, hope you have fun at the pool today! We have been cutting down bushes there so I hope the mess is gone before you get there! TO STACY I hope you have alot of fun with Jessie and his family at the trailer! I bet you can hardly wait. Hopefully the MRI won't take too long. We have to remember the x-rays! Stacy really wanted her dad to come with us to take Stacy to Jessie’s trailer but we had 2 games and he was coaching Nadia’s team. Stacy asked me if Jessie’s parents would think that he is the type of dad that is just not there. I told James and he dropped everything and went with us- he can coach any other time but Stacy needed him with her. Jessie's parents seem really nice. Stacy was right, they are the kind of people that we hang out with. ICQ messge To April- a message popped up when dad opened icq and it opened on yours. There was a message from a pervert, a sicko. Dad says your name sexxy girl is getting weirdo’s attention so he wants you to change your nickname on here so bad people won't try to talk to you, Or he wants you off ICQ so you better change it ok. It would be nice of you changed it before dad has a chance to talk to you about it. Love ya, bye. E-MAIL to Joanie You are right though, it is my job to talk to my kids about drugs and I really haven't done it but I never saw the need for it when they look like they are on the straight and narrow. Nadia didn't even drink until last year even though we offered it to her (the school suggested it because she was going to Europe where the age for drinking is different). -even when some of her friends were. Last year Nadia's food was spiked with ACID- (hard to believe LSD is still around) and she wanted us to take her to the hospital. She hated it, it terrified her. I know that she will never ever do any drugs. Brent has told me that he has tried pot but he doesn't intend to do it again. One bad thing is that I heard 1 of his best friends is really into smoking pot all of a sudden but Brent has a girlfriend, that had a boyfriend that did drugs, and I know how it bothered her. Partly because of that and because he told me he doesn't do drugs, I want to believe him .If I ask Brent any questions about his life he is brutally honest, always has been. He tells me when he is going to drink. Sometimes we give him some, alot of times we don't. Stacy seems really focused into school sports and a boyfriend. Last year she gave a boyfriend a very hard time because he told her that he would stop taking drugs and she enforced it big time. She is allowed to drink if I know about it but she seldom takes me up on that, kind of like Nadia. She is a very strong girl when it comes to her convictions so, yes I trust her too. I give my kids’ alot of freedom when I trust them but boy it would be different if I lost the trust. She must see the difference from when I trust a boyfriend she has to when I don't. Some of her friends, though, I think they might one day. Grade 11 seems to be the peek; -if they haven't tried it yet they probably will bypass that terrible stage. Hopefully she will be high on life with her boyfriend who she really cares for instead of high on drugs. I would be in a state of shock if she ever did try drugs; she is really down on them, thank god. April scares me; I don't know what to think, so I am trying to build up a trust. Some of her friends seem wild, so I try real hard to try to show them a good time, that you can have a lot of fun without bad behaviour. I have taken them out late at night just to be spontaneous and they seem to have a lot of fun. I will have to have lots of talks with her. She tries to be so tough and sometimes people are mean to her because of that -unfortunately even some members of her own family, but she is not tough and her feelings get very hurt. Monica is so busy in enjoying life that I don't think I even have to mention drugs yet. I hope I am right. James's dad is dying with cancer, he is such a good person, and it is so sad. We will all miss him so much, but you know even that, my kids have known someone so good all their lives so they can learn by his example. He lead such a happy life and marriage. Anyone would love to have lived his life. He had so much fun surrounded by all that love. They had tons of friends, parties and family. I hope my kids have a memory of all those good times! Annie at 7/23/2001 04:55:00 p.m. email TO GRANDMA We will be over soon to clean up the mess we made by the pool! I got directions from Jessie’s mom Hannah for the trailer. It is weird that she commented about how close they are too, so we are on the same wavelength. I said as long as they can balance between his friends her friends and all of them together I am comfortable with the relationship. Jessie is very good for Stacy. There were a lot of people visiting dad today because everyone realizes that he doesn’t have long. The idea is that he dies at home. We have installed bars in his bathroom and things to help him on the toilet and bathtub but he seems even to weak for that. We have been giving him lots of back rubs and sometimes he is so uncomfortable he doesn’t know if he wants up or down. Brent was up there with his grandfather alone and he told Brent that he didn’t think that he could do this and that he thought he might have to go to the hospital. He asked Brent if he could go get Gramma that he wanted her alone. It was hard to see my son cry with grief but I think that only I saw him, he handled himself well with Grandpa. Brent always had a real special place for his grandfather. This hurts so much. Nadia worked for most of the day on the web page for the baseball, I organized what pictures to be put on and she added the and edited them to the web page. It looks pretty good. Annie at 7/22/2001 05:45:00 p.m. Tonight all James brothers and sisters (7 of them!) and their spouses got together without the kids for an evening at James's parents. We have never been together without kids in the whole 23 years I have known them. It was weird. Jeff made his own pasta and served everyone. It took forever but it was very good. He made dad some fish. Dad would try to stay with us but he doesn’t have the strength to most of the time he was in bed Stacy went to the movie Legally Blonde with her friends. She said it was pretty stupid. Nadia had a softball tourney. Big Al was down a couple of players for the Select Novice tournament so he called up Monica and one of her teammates up to the next level. Joe didn’t want any of his players to play up so we just decided not to tell him. We took some of the kids to a Mall for a while and we found some T-shirts that were quite funny. When we got back James was trying to tell someone what one of the shirts had written on it and he made the mistake of asking April what the shirt said. April said “Quit looking at my tits” James never saw that shirt and everyone just looked at him as if to say “You wanted your daughter to say that?” April strikes again! Annie at 7/21/2001 04:52:00 p.m. It was the last day of baseball camp and they had a contest, Olympics. April hated this day. They made them run long distances over fences and up the steep hill many times. April’s group misbehaved and they had to run more. Nadia told me that April is misbehaving, that is why she is being made to run. She is teasing a girl relentlessly. April says she is doing it because the girl is a whiner. They made Amanda, Caity and April run as punishment and apparently April ran with a huge smile on her face. She was happy with herself in including the other girls on the run. Then they made April run until she finally wiped the smile off her face. April doesn’t want to go back next year because of it. Meanwhile Monica cried because she lost one event, won all the rest in her group. That could have been frustration but I don’t like that need to win. The one thing that bothered me about the camp is the report card, they had on it Monica needed improvements on her pitching which is her strong point. Nadia said that the girl probably didn’t know what to say in the report so just made it up but it really bothered Monica . I don’t think this is the right camp for Monica she would do better with a senior coach probably at the varsity level. James's dad is very sick right now with cancer. He is going down hill fast. They took him off chemo and said there was no hope. Mark said that they recently realized that this type of chemo doesn’t work like they thought and it is too toxic for the patient so they took it off the market. We are not going to tell the rest of the family this- it is just to hard to think that he went through all the sickness and he really didn’t have to be that ill. We went over today and Brent installed the program to put all the pictures that I had made for the video a few years back. Instead of a screen saver they will get to see a slide show. Gramma loves it and whenever she walks by the room she gets to see something different. Stacy went out with the girls tonight to Melissa’s and Sarah was there. She really didn’t say much to Stacy. I wonder if it will ever be the same between them. Sarah really liked Jessie and the girls have been saying that she has been sneaking around with this older Chris guy and has been having sex too- I hope it wasn’t a back lash from her breakup with Jessie. She doesn’t want some of her friends to know but she is ok with telling Melissa and Amy about her sex life. Annie at 7/20/2001 05:47:00 p.m. The baseball camp wants Nadia to help plan next years camp so I guess they really value her. Nadia always has good ideas when it comes to organizing things. April is complaining about the amount she is being made to run at the camp. It seems a little extreme and it is turning April off this camp. Annie at 7/19/2001 03:49:00 p.m. Nadia was hurting- her back- so they sent her home from camp. I hope this doesn’t effect what they think of her. I guess all the exercise of teaching the kids is too much and Nadia should have worked out to prepare of it. Stacy’s team played Crystal’s T. team and those nasty little tiny bugs were out again. The Ump and he had no patience for the bugs, they seemed to congregate at the batters box and he the ump was antsy with the little critters. He tried to hurry the game along by riding the pitchers and the batters into moving faster. So much so that he brought Crystal to tears. Funny, I have never seen this but the parents on both sides of the teams rallied together and chastised the ump for being hard on the girls. Annie at 7/18/2001 05:39:00 p.m. Nadia can’t handle 2 of the kids at camp- well she can but she doesn’t want to. They are just being manipulative, but she is enjoying the rest of the girls. Nadia noticed that the camp is based on hardball and they are teaching hardball techniques such as lead offs- deadly for softball. The owner is letting Nadia streamline the camp for softball girls and she is developing little games to strengthening their skills. Trust Nadia to get in the position where she is running things! Cousin Caity is there too and in the same group as April. It’s about time those two got together for something, they are only cousins living a couple blocks away. Annie at 7/17/2001 05:27:00 p.m. April and Monica are in Baseball Camp this week and Nadia is one of the coaches. They are paying Nadia $200. And gave her sandals and shirts. Monica really liked it but her new Niagara Falls teddy bear top was covered in paint and they told her that it was washable and it didn’t come out in the wash. James and I cut down some of the bushes at Grandma’ and Grandpa’s back yard by the pool. It is so prickly but we cut enough for 9 bags of yard waste. Annie at 7/16/2001 04:04:00 p.m. Niagara Falls Teddy Bear Tournament. Stacy and Monica have tourneys in Niagara. Because of that it was sooooo busy we didn’t even get to see the falls or any other attractions- all baseball. We didn’t expect much- we are select and it is a rep tournament but both teams just kept on winning- they were both amazing. James had to stay with Monica because he is her coach and I was with Stacy but any chance we got we say each others games and we kept in touch on the phone. The Bantam girls got along so well and because we didn’t think they would get anywhere in a rep tournament, because they are select, the girls asked if they could have a couple drinks for Saturday night. All the parents agreed but once they started to win that was quickly forgotten, the girls wanted to be in top shape for the games. Only one girl was disappointed that it didn’t happy. They ended up with 4th place! Monica ’s team got bronze in the finals. The wild card team ended drawing to play for gold and silver, I don’t think that is fair but we faced the toughest team. Joe paid tribute to the past president; she got a standing ovation and ended up in tears. It was nice to let her no how many people appreciated what she has done for baseball all these years. While we were gone Brent and Josh went to the Molson Indy. On their way Josh decided to show Brent where he used to live. They were walking along the sidewalk, looking at the house when all of a sudden the police came down on them and people came out of there houses pointing fingers at them and accusing them of break ins. They explained they were from Whitby and why there were there but the police roughly put Josh in the police car and left him there for about 45 minutes. Brent remarked how mean that was considering how swelteringly hot it was. The police phoned Marita and she explained what they were doing there and confirmed Josh story. It was a rude introduction in what big cities likeToronto can be. Considering their appearance (clean cut, preppy looking, and how small Josh is, how young they look) it is weird to even consider that they would think these boys came down there from an hours drive regularly to break into these Toronto homes. Annie at 7/15/2001 05:50:00 p.m. The squirt team had a pool party today, but Monica had to come a little late because of her sports camp. They were in the water most of the time. Can’t help noticing when Monica is in a bathing suit, she is developing fast now. Oh no. Brent doesn’t want to work for Dave, says his back is too sore, but I think it is because he is very upset with Dave. Brent and Stacy went out to pay basketball so it can’t be hurting that much, besides Brent always has a sore back Dave had a temper tantrum when his shipment wasn’t in on time or something and just lost it so that Brent didn’t want to go anywhere near him. Brent said it was really uncomfortable to see. Annie at 7/12/2001 05:27:00 p.m. There are these crazy little bugs around just before it turns dusk and we have never experienced them before. You can hardly see them and they stick to the sweat of your skin. You feel like your skin is crawling. They love baseball diamonds. Stacy got a triple but they lost, one of the girls is complaining about Stacy pitching all the time and her always in the top of the batting order but my daughter is the one producing. Brent was telling me that Jeannette did the same thing to Steve that she did to Brent. She started to flirt openly in front of Steve with Doober. HMMMM I see a pattern here. They are all better off figuring her out now instead of one of them getting really hurt. Annie at 7/11/2001 05:17:00 p.m. Wouldn’t you know Holly wins the Nike shoes at the sports camp that she hates so much. Monica wishes that she Holly didn’t come because she is so grumpy there and won’t socialize with anyone else and doesn’t want to partcipitate. Brent’s report card was confusing. He got an 83 in co-op but we have not got the Cisco marks becaseu they come from a different school. Annie at 7/10/2001 01:14:00 p.m. Monica had basketball camp today and Holly and Luke came to but under protest. It seems to me that they have lost the element of fun and yet they are still children. They weren’t very happy or co-operative. Holly told Monica that she only has to go until Tuesday and then her and Luke were gone. April hasn’t mentioned the birth control pills again. She knows they are available so I think if she asks again I’ll take her to see the Dr. for them. Nadia was telling me that Crystal had the girls over for a get together and phoned Brent, invited him over and “kicked” the girls out. Nadia and the girls followed them for a while and James saw Brent and Crystal together and asked Nadia and Dianne who he was. James and Crystal broke up not too long ago so this must be hard for James. They went out for about 2 ½ years. I hope James isn’t mad about it being Brent because James was very upset. I don’t like it when my kids get involved in a relationship so soon after someone long term relationship Nadia and Stacy played Baseball against each other, both pitched! Nadia’s team won. James recruited April’s coach Kim to play for his team, she used to me a rep player but injuries made her quit. Nadia's team finally played their best game of the season. Both my girls are on a high, Nadia for finally having her team play around her and Stacy, she stuck out Nadia and Kim and the batters in the top of the line up so she was quite happy. The darn knee got slid into again and the cut opened opened up. Annie at 7/09/2001 05:00:00 a.m. Nadia is confused over Derrick right now. She hasn’t seen that much of him since school has been out. Again, it is a case of adjusting to a new situation, and figuring out what the boundaries are. Maybe his brother is home or maybe his parents, they are a close family that don’t socialize much so it is hard to say. Nadia had been patient with him other times when they are looking for perimeters so I am sure they will work it out. Crystal works at some small convenience store and she has been phoning here quite a bit like over 5 times in a day, and Brent is taking the calls even when we keep waking him up for them! She keeps Brent on the phone while she serves the customers too. Annie at 7/08/2001 04:58:00 a.m. Nadia and Stacy in 2 softball tournaments but they were at two different parks so I was with Stacy and James, with Nadia- we didn’t have the opportunity to see each others game. Nadia doesn’t seem to be very happy with the way the coaches are handling the pitching. She will be having a very good game and he will replace the pitchers when they are hot. Usually you give them the game or pull them when they are in trouble. Nadia just can’t see the reasoning behind how he uses his pitchers and neither can James. There was a delay because of an approaching thunder and lightning storm. Incredibly they made us wait right beside the diamond where we were in the most danger (the lightning was very close to us), and not in the building, it was off limits. Dawn and I found a really good candy store so we bought way too much and the parents spent the rest of the time bingeing on candy!!! One fo the mothers bought my James some candy for James because I told her how much he liked it. I don’t buy James candy because I would feel bad about him gaining wait for something I gave him. Annie at 7/07/2001 05:16:00 p.m. I made a picture collage for Stacy to give to Jessie. I hope she will give it to him. She has a thing about pictures-as good looking as she is, she can’t see it. I just took April, my 13 year old to the Dr. for Birth control pills. She asked for them so we have to really think about this. We are trying to find out why April really wants them. She was very uncomfortable about being there and talking to the doctor about it. I don’t really think she knows why she wants them. April doesn’t even seem to know what they are supposed to do. My life is really changing eh? I wish I had someone to talk to about stuff like this- a sounding board. It is not like I can confide about this kind of stuff to other people! I would like to hear what they say even if its not what I think is right than for them to go it alone. Nothing is as bad as what it seems and it is better to have someone to confide in no matter what it is. Coincidentally I just got a note under my bedroom door from one of the girls so the communication door is open with the one I was worried about not being able to talk sincerely to me. Life is good April said that she wanted to take the pills. I’ll wait for a couple of days and see if she brings it up again. Annie at 7/05/2001 05:47:00 p.m. ICQ message Annie - PM I don't know how or when but I would sure like to. I have a bag of clothes I don't know if you would be interested or even if you want to take them to a second hand place. Just give me the word & I'll try to save them for you. Vanessa - hey Annie!!! It sure would be great if you could get up here!!! When were you thinking of??? I saw Laurie at the LCBO on the wknd. and told her that you had been trying and trying to reach her,,,she says she's just been really busy, working lots too. As for the clothes you mentioned, that would be great!!! Think I still have a day or two left here anyways,,,,Not on much myself either in the summer. Take care! Brent quit McDees today. They cut his hours down to almost nothing, hired a bunch of new kids and he was all of a sudden working very inconvenient hours. They told him that he wouldn’t be working overnight when the place changed to 24 hours a day but then he was working very late and coming in really early, which was the hardest. They asked him to reconsider, that they wanted to make him a trainer but he wants no part of McDees. Brent will work for Dave delivering bread in the middle of the night again until Josh is out of summer school. It is a job that I don’t want him to have because it usually messes up his sleepy patterns for a long time but he wants to do it. Stacy cut her knee open today at baseball and Joe had some spray on bandage. She asked if it hurt, Joe said no and sprayed it on and she almost jumped to the sky, it stung so much. It was funny they way she looked at him. Annie at 7/04/2001 04:48:00 p.m. Stacy found many many candles all over her bedroom she shares with Nadia, HMMMMMMMMM what does all this mean????? It is funny that they are all telling on each other. TEENAGERS. Jessiestarts summer school for math, apparently he didn’t even try in school because he knew he would have to go to summer school. Stacy’s report card was beautiful civics 86, English 81, gym 90, and Science... I can't remember but it was good.. Annie at 7/03/2001 03:45:00 p.m. Cottage fun!!! Andrea’s nose looked out of joint but she has brought up guests many times and she really hasn’t ever been close to Stacy. The kids spent most of there time catching fish by the boathouse. Stacy and Jessie spent most of there time wrestling, but they really didn’t contribute to any conversations. By the end of the trip the girls were all over Jessie. At one time I was at the campfire and Kathy asked what was going on and I said that someone was picking on Jessie, she thought it was funny until she realized it was Laura and she was biting his knees, boy did she run into the cottage. We went to the movies one day and had a lakeside restaurant, which was nice. Annie at 7/02/2001 04:22:00 p.m. Jessie. stayed in the tent trailer with Stacy & me. I am a light sleeper so I figured that was safe. I drank the second night but I don't sleep too well if I drink so I still thought it would be safe. Then the last night I woke up suddenly late in the night and ran to the bathroom. When I came out of the bathroom both Stacy & Jessiewere out waiting for the bathroom. I thought hmmmmm that is strange why would they both be awake (wink wink). Jessie's mom said he was a sound sleeper and they were both awake hmmmm! At least they are getting to know each other really well cos they were together morning noon and night. Weird, though, Stacy is so much like me that I know that he is going to be the one, I mean long term. I can see it on there faces I just hope that they wait enough to really get to know each other well before they do anything. If they really talk and if it is going to happen- do it right. Meanwhile Nadia caught Brent asleep on the couch with one of her girlfriends-Crystal (How did this happen?). Nadia’s friends were all downstairs for the night and she didn’t even think anything when Brent came home, but when she found them lying on the couch together in the middle of the night she got really upset. Nadia phoned the cottage the next morning basically to say, “mom, make it stop, she is my friend and she is with my brother.” What can I do and what could I do hundreds of miles away? Annie at 7/01/2001 04:50:00 p.m.
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