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Peaces Of Me++++
++++ The miles just keep rollin as the people leave there way to say hello I've heard this life is overrated but I hope that it gets better as we go |
12/31/00 I hope you have a great new years. This year we are staying home so that we can drive our kids to and from parties!!!! It is going to be weird us not going out, we have gone to Mark and Carrie's parties for years. Last year we wanted only family there to bring in the millennium but even then we couldn't get the kids all together so the times are changing and we feel better if we are home and our kids can check in if they need anything, it is time we looked after them for New Years Eve. We will get our New Years parties in years to come. We have always told our kids that if ever someone needs us we would come to them, no matter what time- no questions asked. Brent phoned us to remind us of that so we picked him up. It wasn't him that needed us but Conrad- god was he drunk - again. We had to give him a bag to hold in the car and Trevor had to hold him up straight. He is lucky that he has friends that look out for him. Stacy had a mix up with her boyfriend about what they were doing and went to Lindsay's house instead of making firm plans with him. She didn't look so happy with her New Years. Annie at 12/31/2000 04:49:00 p.m.
Derrick, Nadia's friend, didn't leave after 1:30am, they had a good time. Nadia was on ICQ afterwards, and he told her she should come over to his house. I hope she doesn't get her hopes up too high, I have noticed he usually bails on her. We don't have any plans for the rest of the holidays. Brent got a job and since he doesn't have his license we are kind of helping with his rides. We just celebrated our twenty-year anniversary. So hard to believe. Time sure flies! Derrick said he was going to call Nadia the next day but he never called. I don't know. Brent says that Adam is getting or has a car. I think his parents bought it for him but I don't know the details of whether he has to pay it back or not. I told Brent not to hold his breath because it can't happen that way at our house. Annie at 12/31/2000 04:19:00 a.m. Stacy is spending wayyyyyyy to much time on her co-op project but it is shaping up to be excellent. She calls it the Complete Athlete and it is a complex for every aspect of an athlete's needs - training, supplies, medical, therapy... its so involved. It seems that its all that she is doing this break, hardly even going out with her friends and Jake seems to have disappeared. Derrick, Nadia's friend, came over and hung out with Kelly and Nadia! He most often cancels but not this time! Annie at 12/30/2000 04:18:00 a.m. Interloper I am getting pretty sick of this guy Darren phoning, all the time and what a bull shitter. He says he is on the A team for hockey only because he doesn't like the AA coach yeah right! But he plays when he gets called up? I hate braggers. I wish he would stop phoning. Stacy wasn't allowed to accept calls from other guys when Jake and her were trying to get together. It was to try to get Dezzie from in between Stacy and Jake's relationship. As soon as they got together I let her take the phone calls but I never thought Dezzie would phone her still (wrong) and I did not anticipate Whimpy Darren. Nadia went to the Hockey Hall of Fame with Louise. She is good for Nadia and Nadia was so excited to see it for her first time. James and I went to the Waterfront for supper. I know, I know he is spoiling me with all this fine dining, but there were years that we couldn't go out on our anniversary so there! Annie at 12/29/2000 04:17:00 a.m. Our 20th wedding anniversary! Wheww! James's parents came out to dinner with us to celebrate our 20th wedding anniversary. As usual our favourite restaurant with them is Cullen Gardens and that was our Christmas gift for them. Dad ate well. It is strange that all of a sudden we are all so concerned with what he is eating but we all seem to be watching him like a hawk about it. It is as if we all think that his food intake is the only thing we can really control over what is going on with him. His nerves are shot, who's wouldn't be after news like he got, but he has not shown any signs of being sick other than worried sick. I have always felt so close to him, he has never hidden the way he feels about me and it is mutual. I hate to see the hurt feelings on his face. He is not complaining at all but I know him so well. Stacy is sticking around the house. I ask about Jake and she always says he is busy. She has phoned him a bunch of times on different days in front of me and he is never home, got his grandmother I think but he is not around. I was trying to talk her into making plans instead of waiting for him to make them but if he is not even home, then not much can be planned. Brent was happy when he first started working at McDees that they were allowed to have free food there. Unfortunately, he can't handle the smell of himself after a shift and he says that no one told him that he wouldn't want to eat the free food! He comes in takes his clothes off and hands then to me to wash, and runs to the shower. He comes out of the shower smelling his skin to see if he can still smell it. Annie at 12/28/2000 04:16:00 a.m. Its strange, Brent was liking this girl from McDees and all of a sudden he just stopped wanting to go out with her. I could have told her she was phoning too much. She probably even knew because she started to get her sister to phone Brent. Between the girl, her sister and jerk face Darren, they are burning up our phone wires. My family went to the movie Vertical Limit. Nadia, James and Brent went. I didn't want to go, I saw the preview and it scarred me. Annie at 12/27/2000 04:44:00 a.m. Christmas was good. I managed to keep the two little ones in bed till 7am. It was hard to wake up Brent. We all went to James sister's for dinner. Mom looked tired and Dad had a little rest. This news is taken the wind out of their sails, but everyone tried to make the best of it. I went for a swim there and a hot tub. I tried the sauna but it is too uncomfortable for me. I was shownme hockey memorabilia from when Jim got the hockey scholarship and I realized that my cousin's husband played with him too. Smaill world! I was really happy to see that they played the music picture video that I made last year, everyone sat watched it again and smiled all over again. Grandpa said over again that it was the best present he ever got. I am so glad that they want to make a tradition and play it every Christmas. I will not forget how it made everyone cry the first time. I never expected that because I had never seen most of them cry. Annie at 12/26/2000 04:14:00 a.m. Jake and Stacy exchanged presents tonight and then went out to the movie Dude, Where's my car? She, with me, made him a stuffed Hockey guy dressed exactly like the uniform he wears and a chain. That hockey guy was a real buggar to make, way to hard for Stacy to do alone. He got her a turtleneck sweater. She said that she is just going to have to get use to something around her neck because she intended on wearing it. Annie at 12/25/2000 04:53:00 a.m. James's dad keeps bringing up moving. He is worried about mom and what she is going to do after he is gone. He is trying to help her but he doesn't remember how stressful moving can be, especially when he will be sick. We are trying to reassure them that mom will be taken care of, we will all make sure of it. I asked a real estate agent because I am sure that this comes up a lot when people are sick. She said that she shouldn't plan on moving until a year after he has gone to make it easier on everyone. About 6 months ago he brought up moving, said to put our house in order because we have always told them that we would buy there house one day, but then he said to put it on hold. Nadia went to see the movie, Family Man with Nichol. Gramma told me that Steven came over for a visit the other day and they were sitting in the kitchen. Steven went to the living room and when they heard him sobbing they came in to comfort him. Everyone is having trouble comprehending that dad is so sick when he looks so normal let alone the fact they say he is going to die. Annie at 12/24/2000 04:12:00 a.m. I'm nowhere near finished my shopping and I'm running out of time. I keep going out to look for things but come home empty handed. I still can't find half my Christmas ornaments. I told my oldest, Nadia that she could stay home today if she cleaned one room but she went to school! Oh well. But it is so hard to concentrate on shopping, it seems so trivial when James's father is now fighting for his good health. My dad was right, you take your health so for granted until you are sick and then that is all you are concerned with. Brent has been busy working on perfecting the art of forgery. He has been creating, scanning and laminating student cards for different high schools but not for the high school where he actually goes to school! He says it is so he can get into movies cheaper but now I have noticed that he is making cards for other kids too. I hope Brent doesn't get caught. Annie at 12/23/2000 04:11:00 a.m. Mc Love A girl from McDee's has been phoning Brent, the one that put sugar down his pants when he first started there. I know he has seen her with a group of people and I've taken him to her house a couple of times. He seems happy about it. She just phones a lot, I mean ALOT. Brent says that she is friends of the Doobie Brothers but I see something going on!!! She looks interested. I have also noticed that the Doobie Brothers are with Brent more than ever now. He used to be a hermit with Adam and now he seems to be going out a lot more with the guys. I am delighted with that. I like Adam, I have known him for a long time but I am always bothered when people say that they think he is crazy and is the kind of kid that will let loose on society. Do they see something I don't? I just see him as wanting his way because he has been an only child. All the kids when they do get together it is always Adam's house where they hang out, so that gives him more authority over people. One of Stacy's friends, Stacey gave her a Christmas gift, a key chain, with 'Mark' on it. I guess she is getting teased about Mark still, about how much he likes her, he says he wants to marry her and her friends seem to be enjoying it. Stacey is going out with Phil, Mark's younger brother, so I guess she is encouraging a relationship but Stacy is not interested at all, he is too old! ICQ to April M. I'm having a real hard time with one of my kids and I don't know how to handle it. Stacy is quiet shy very pretty with a body that guys talk about. They never leave her alone. At school Nadia's, my oldest daughters friends say that there is a different guy with her almost all the time. She is going out with a guy that everyone says is real nice, but now the other guys see that she is allowed to go out with guys and now its even worse. All I want for her is for her to be able to recognize a good guy apart from all the assholes out there. I don't want her to lump all guys together. She is a runner and if she feels scared she will take off and this is what is going to happen to this nice guy. He just sent her a dozen roses yesterday and while she was getting them another guy was talking to her on the phone. She felt so horrible. I wish all the other guys would leave her alone so that she could have an innocent normal relationship with this guy. It drives me nuts!!! Annie at 12/22/2000 03:45:00 a.m. Bored, bored, bored, bored...I have lots to do, Christmas, laundry, tidying up and even in the bowels of my basement somewhere I have a ceramic chess set haunting me to finish it. I am very involved with the school, and the sports and lunches. But I don't want to do those things all the time. I want to be involved in other peoples lives, to know what they are doing, feeling ... I need adult time. My moms generation thinks that I am a great mother because I stay home with my kids just as they did but they don't realize there are major differences now a days, it is not like their day. No one else is home and I desperately need adult companionship. The chances of other females on the block are slim, there is more likely a guy on shift work and that just doesn't look good, I have been in that situation. It is better than when they were all little when I was so anxious for someone to talk to. James was out of town regularly and the chance of talking to another adult was nil. Even if a stranger came to my door I had to resist the urge to grab them by the arm and physically drag them in, just to talk to. Of course when I actually had the opportunity my brain was so used to interacting with kids that I usually had nothing to contribute to an adult conversation. I had developed mush brain. I didn't want to talk about my kids I wanted to know what was going on, on my little planet. It is better now, and I do have Marita to talk to now. BUT, I am bored. There has to be more to the computer than just writing in my diary and the picture aspect that I have been enjoying. There are only so much picture collages and picture slide shows I can do. I would like to learn more about the Internet, there has to be more than endlessly checking your email. Why are all these emails only jokes from people I would rather have conversations with? I recognize the potential of the Internet but I don't know how to access them. Is it just because my generation is out of touch with these computers? Annie at 12/21/2000 04:12:00 a.m. Things I miss about Christmas I miss our quest for the perfect spectacle of Christmas lights. Every year we gather up our family to search out the perfect display of Christmas lights. There doesn't seem to be any reason for our quest anymore. A new type of Christmas lights has invaded our world. It seems that the icicle lights are on everyone's must have list. Why, I don't know, the chaser and flashing lights were dazzling and mixed in with the old fashion big bulbs you could express your own creativity for a winter wonderland. Instead we have row upon row of tiny white icicle lights hung with no imagination across the eaves troughs on every house on the street, just an endless string of sameness, dull and lifeless. We might as well be looking at them in black and white if we even look at them at all. I miss the big bulb Christmas lights of yesterday. You never see them in stores anymore and they seldom grace our neighbourhoods. The ones with the bulbs painted so bright and thick that you could peel the paint right off. I miss the mesmerizing streaks of the multi coloured lights on rainy nights where the colour would smear across the wet pavement in lines. I miss the bright coloured lights that were in sharp contrast to the white snowy nights. We have become one of the followers, we are right there with them. James lost his passion for lighting up our property when 14 stands of lights were stolen one evening a few years back. He lost a reason for doing it and then it became a chore. We were no longer the Griswald's of the street. There is no need to find an exciting street, there are too many of them that are boring and it has become tedious to just find one nice street. I would like to have the lights look exciting again. That's what I miss. Annie at 12/20/2000 02:13:00 a.m. Stacy flipped out in the middle of the night last night on me basically, got me out of bed, got me part way downstairs and said a bunch of weird stuff, like she's "all that and she can do whatever" - most things didn't make sense. I couldn't understand a lot of it . Stuff like I am in the way and then jibberish but she was really rough with me. Then she took me to the family room. I have never heard her talk like that it hardly even sounded like Stacy. I couldn't sleep the rest of the night, it was so upsetting but she just turned around and went back to bed. When she woke up in the morning she had no memory of it and apologized many times. I can't figure out why she would even say the stuff she said unless she's thinking about it subconsciously. Stacy has another cold and she seems pretty miserable so maybe she was sleep walking, I mean I use to. Back stabbers This guy started to phone Stacy today, oddly days after Jake and Stacy started to go out. I just found out today she asked Jake to ask her out again. Then this other guy just starts calling her. I asked if he knew that she has a boyfriend and she said yes. He shouldn't be phoning her now like for the first time just when she has a new boyfriend. She said don't worry about it, he is only in grade nine and he wants to be her friend. Last week when she mentioned a grade 9 guy she didn't even know his name, called him the hot grade nine guy with her friends in the van. He phoned a couple of times. I told her that I didn't trust his intentions, that a lot of guys try to take other people girlfriends just to see if they can do it or to bug the boyfriend and make a name for themselves, but she said that couldn't be the reason because one is in grade 9 the other in grade 11, they couldn't know each other. We got a notice today that there were flowers for Stacy waiting to be delivered. So many guys have been interested that I didn't even know who they were from. I wanted them to be from Jake, her boyfriend. When I phoned to ask they said that it wasn't from him but when they arrived they were from him. Unfortunately he wrote "Love, Jake" on the card and all she could see was love, that word terrifies her. She hid in the corner of the kitchen almost under the table and James and I tried to coax her out by telling her that people always write the word love on cards. Apparently one or more of his friends is telling her that Jake is telling everyone that he loves Stacy and wants to marry her. It is scaring her. I think the guy who probably told her is Dezzie. He tries to make things as uncomfortable as possible for the 2 of them. Why else would he ask her to go to his place for lunch and it is only them. She says he is only her friend but I think otherwise, he wants more, even if he has a girlfriend. I know she has gone there before because I saw them walking together to the high school but it wasn't when Stacy and Jake were going out, just before it. I am glad though that she told me about it before I mentioned that I saw them. She really thinks he wants to be only friends. I think that she is very naive about some guys Annie at 12/19/2000 04:44:00 a.m. It was Christmas celebrations for my side of the family held at Mark and Carrie's. The cousins all socialized better this year. The kids enjoyed the hot tubbing and liked the watches that Mark and Carrie gave them. Kathy and Dave gave the oldest kids gifts certificates, which Nadia said was the best gift they have ever got from them. I don't understand how the doctors can say that the cancer they found in James's dad is in his liver and is terminal. They only gave him a routine blood test and he goes about every 6 months for a physical, he has always taken care of himself. He had been complaining about a weird feeling 'down there, in his lower posterior' in the last year and had gone to specialists to the point they didn't have a clue what he was complaining about, they couldn't find anything wrong and now they say cancer and it is terminal? Why couldn't they see anything wrong before? It is not like he neglected his health, he was always on top of everything. Annie at 12/18/2000 03:41:00 a.m. April and Monica went to the little neighbours birthday party today and they were there for 5 hours. It is so nice that our neighbourhood gets along this way. No matter what age, they are all friends. We got her a Barbie, I haven't had to buy a Barbie in years! Nadia went to Nicole's for a potluck Christmas dinner with all her girl friends. I guess she is famous for her cooking skills because they asked Nadia to bring buns! I am glad they have that little tradition at Nicole's! Nadia has a nice bunch of girl friends. Brent was working at McDees and a lady was mad at the kids at the counter. Brent was the rover. He asked her if everything was all right and the lady slapped Brent right across the face! Brent said he was just so shocked but didn't say anything to her. Jake took Stacy to an NHL game tonight. She was real nervous and kind of upset when he was late. She started to think he was only kidding about the NHL because she didn't see how they were going to get down there on time. She is like me - hates when people are late. But she had a lot of fun. She said she locked him out of his car for a while and that they had a good time. Annie at 12/17/2000 04:58:00 a.m. James and I couldn't sleep last night, we just clung on to each other. Cancer is so horrible but it is hard to comprehend when dad says he feels fine. I don't like the way I reacted yesterday, I thought he was joking but he never has been one to tease so I guess I was only kidding myself. He confided in us and I just refused to believe him. I didn't want to hear what he was saying, I guess. I hope I didn't hurt his feelings. I love him so much and I don't want him to be sick and die. Memories of him are flooding my mind and they all have been good. He told me years ago that he would never try to replace my dad; he took a whole different piece of my heart, a huge part. He told me before that our talks are unlike anyone else's. He says that I can jog his memory and that I encourage him to remember his past that he hasn't thought of for most of his life. One time I asked him about his first recollection of tomatoes. He was astounded that he actually could recall eating tomatoes like an apple, with his dad on a horse drawn cart. His dad died when he was 7 and that memory, and the fact that it came back to him warmed his heart. I am going to miss him so. Now I sound like he is already gone. Icq to Vanessa We are experiencing alot of trouble with our network. I think it is the main computer so I don't even know if you are getting my messages. We are going to format the main computer hard drive so I can't put on any other programs. Hopefully all will be resolved soon. We all depend on these computers and it is driving our family nuts!!!!! Hopefully I can talk to you soon. I was so excited getting in contact with you after all these years! Terry had the family party today and during the evening James's dad told his family a few at a time about the cancer. To see him look so normal and healthy looking it is hard for everyone to comprehend that they say he is deathly sick. I hate to see him so burdened with this news, he is such a wonderful man, why? Melissa came with us for Stacy, which was a pleasant surprise since Stacy doesn't initiate any plans. My brother in law, on the basis of his semi professional hockey career offered me some advice tonight. He warned me to watch out for Stacy because she has the kind of look that professional hockey players go for, a Hollywood movie star air about her. He is concerned that her personality doesn't match her looks. She is a gentle soul that doesn't understand what the world has to offer. She thinks that everything is good. He told me that her looks are total innocence, the kind of look that jocks want to conquer. They don't have time or the inclination to form real relationships so they use girls and let them go. He said that quite often a girl could go through a whole hockey team before she is discarded. The guys would usually have girlfriends back home called 'hometown honeys' but play around whenever they could. He says he is speaking from personal experience. It is amazing the amount of people who try and protect Stacy from the big mean ol' bad world that it can be. Nadia bought Derrick most of the series of the Simpson's Pez dispensers for his birthday. He really likes the Simpson's. There is only one or 2 left in the series. We tried to cancel the party room for Mom and dad's 50th but the guy said that we will be losing our deposit. We explained why but he doesn't seem very sympathetic. They don't want the party considering the cancer. Annie at 12/16/2000 04:06:00 a.m. Life can be a bitch - I can't believe it and when he told me I just stared at him waiting for him to crack a smile, like some kind of joke but no. James's dad has cancer and they told him it was terminal, in his liver. It has to be a secondary sight because liver cancer is rare primary cancer in this country. He came right from the doctors to our house. The doctor said he was throwing him a curve ball that is why I guess I kept thinking it was a joke. He said not to tell anyone else because he didn't want to ruin Terry's party but I know they won't think of it that way. I am so shocked, that I am numb. Annie at 12/15/2000 12:01:00 a.m. I took a good look at the paper the guidance councillor printed off yesterday about how many classes Brent has attended and holy shit, he has been away so much! I don't see how he can be getting any reasonable marks. I don't know how I can make him any more responsible, I just keep mentioning that it is time for Brent to buckle down and actually try, for all the good it does. He is so smart, I know that he can just get by, but I would love to see him enjoy a class and excel in it. We got a Christmas card from the Lintz's. They say they really miss us and want to resume our friendship without kids. I wonder if they realize that is why we stopped hanging with them, because they were so different. Mel threatened Stacy, just as the Columbine thing happened. She dresses grunge or punk, whatever, and said she would like to kill all the normal people, then she looked at Stacy and said, "Oh yeah, your normal. Aren't you?". That did it for Stacy. No more. With Nadia, Stephanie basically ditched her when she left her in a field and Mel gave her the option of going with the druggie friends or going with Mel. They actually waited in the bitter cold for Steph so that they would arrive home at the same time. Nadia enjoyed me interrogating Steph (so did I) but that did it for Nadia too. Brent just thinks they are gross and gave them such a disgusted look and basically stayed with Fred and tweaked their computer. It is not like his friends don't dress weird, some of them do. But usually there is more than shock value that a teen is after. There was no intelligent anti establishment debates, just you are normal and I hate normal. I think they are just in it for the style. Anyway after that time no one wanted to see them again. I gave Natasha and Nadia a ride after school today to her house and we passed by where Jake C. lives. His dad was out there so Natasha started to tell me about Jake's family how nice they are. Natasha is friends with Sarah and she Curls with her and a girl named Heather. Annie at 12/14/2000 04:37:00 a.m. We got a Christmas card from the Lintz’s. They say they really miss us and want to resume our friendship without kids. I wonder if they realize that is why we stopped hanging with them, because they were so different. Mel threatened Stacy, just as the Columbine thing happened. She dresses grunge and said she would like to kill all the normal people- then she looked at Stacy and said “Oh yeah, your normal. Aren’t you”. That did it for Stacy. No more. With Nadia , Stephanie basically ditched her when she left her in a field and Mel gave her the option of going with the druggie friends or going with Mel. They actually waited in the bitter cold for Steph so that they would arrive home at the same time. Nadia enjoyed me interrogating Steph (so did I) but that did it for Nadia too. Brent just thinks they are gross and gave them such a disgusted look and basically stayed with Fred and tweaked their computer. After that time no one wanted to see them again. I gave Natasha and Nadia a ride after school today to her house and we passed by where Jake C. lives. His dad was out there so Natasha started to tell me about Jake’s family how nice they are. Natasha is friends with Sarah and she Curls with her and a girl named Heather. Annie at 12/13/2000 11:00:00 a.m.
Busted Well this was bound to happen one day. James and I have a lot of time together during the day with his office being down stairs so we don't have to wait till all the kids go to sleep anymore. We were all alone and James started screaming down the stairs that he wanted me but in more descriptive words so we ran all through the house screaming and having a real wild time. After, the phone rang; it was the high school concerned about the amount of time Brent was away. They wanted me to come there and talk to them. So I had a chat. In guidance with all his teachers, and the guidance councillor wanted to know who his friends were. I didn't tell them, they can get them in trouble themselves, I am not helping. I think it would only alienate Brent from us instead of his friends and I don't even think that way. I want Brent to have his friends even if they are all getting themselves in trouble or skipping, whatever, it is all a learning process that some kids have to go through. I did. There comes a point where they realize themselves that they have to tow the line, smarten up and do what they have to do to feel like they are succeeding in life. Anyway when I got home I decided to hunt Brent down, I am pretty good at that. I went into his room to find phone numbers or something and there he was asleep. I find it hard to believe that he was asleep for James and my big sexcapade with all of our screaming, laughing and running. He must have been too embarrassed to get out of bed. I don't think he will be coming home during the day unannounced again!!!!! James and I laughed about it so much we were crying! Which is worse, catching your kids or your kids catching you? I don't want to make the same Christmas present faux pas that I did last year since apparently it is no longer cool to have tops with the logos on them. Thankfully the two younger kids don't know that yet so I just handed down all those out of style clothes to them, they are ecstatic with them. Shhhhh don't tell them. Annie at 12/13/2000 04:58:00 a.m. Nadia went to an NHL hockey game with Derrick. It took a lot for her to get the tickets. She phoned an Ottawa ticket place to get Toronto tickets. Florida Panthers is Derrick's favourite team so it was nice that they tied. Nadia went in her Maple Leaf jersey, Derrick in a Panther jersey. Nadia is so excited about it that I hope she doesn't get let down. This Dezzie is really getting to me. I have his number but I don't think Stacy even realizes that people can think the way he does. She even gets defensive about him when I respond to what she says about him. He is systematically putting down people Stacy knows and respects. Lets see, Jessie C. by saying how conceited he is and criticizing him for Stacy not knowing Jessie's friend's when they were going out. It made Stacy feel bad but they were 14 and 15, they were both learning about relationships. I don't see this Dessie guy introducing her to anyone, as a matter of fact he is trying to sneak around with her and even hid Stacy away from Jake. With Jake, he is telling her how much people didn't like him before, portraying him as a loser and he is supposed to be a good friend? And poor Dessie says that all parents love him, so why don't I? HMMMMM. That's a tough one eh? I feel sorry for his girlfriend though, he has a big mouth. I heard some guys talking about being Musketeers or maybe they said Muffkateers and Derrick is one of them. He didn't go out with her very long before he started blabbing about how far he has gone. Stacy said she was new in town when he met her, too bad for her that she met him first. Annie at 12/12/2000 04:55:00 a.m. Letter to Stacy About Jake. You know that I don't know him personally but there are things that you have told me about and that other people have told me, and actions you have made that we have to talk about. First of all you have to know that this boy likes you for you, your personality not just because of your looks. The hours you spent talking on icq before you realized that he liked you should show you. You felt safe in that relationship until he showed you his feelings and then that is where you got scarred. Stacy remember this is the guy that was coaxing you with your running, something that was important to you. I was so surprised when you told me that it was his encouragement that you heard when you were running. It meant that you were letting someone get close to you. I bet you never talk to anyone about your running the way you have talked to him. I know that you don't with your girlfriends. They have told me that the only things that they find out about your running are from me, and you have always been like that. I was so happy that you found someone that you could share that part of your life. I also realized that the moment Jessie started to tell you that you should go out with him, that it made you mad and scared. Remember you said that Jessie said that Jake would treat you the same as he did. He doesn't get it that the whole Kara thing did to you. For him to put Jake in the same boat as him I don't blame you for getting scarred. You said that Kara said that Jessie got upset when he realized that you might be moving on. Yes Stacy, move on. It was important for you to go out with Jessie, he made you more aggressive and you needed that and for once you didn't run away from a relationship, that was good. But you shut out all your friends for the whole summer. You relied on his plans and whatever he felt or didn't feel like doing. Sometimes he said that you wouldn't be seeing much of him in the summer, sometimes he would make you very confused, whatever he felt he did and said. Stacy he is a good guy but he has some maturing to do too, he needs to try not to control his relationships. He is still trying that with you when he is telling you who to go out with. You should go out with Jake not because Jessie says but because you say. Jake can take criticism. For example when you criticized the pot smoking he listened to you and stopped doing it. I have respect for him. I know a lot of people do it and if you had asked other guys to quit, trust me, either you’d be gone or they'd promise they would and do it behind your back. I imagine Dezzie still does it. Jake is the type of person that if you said, don't talk bad about your friend it makes me uncomfortable, he would really think about it. Did you ever think about why he was saying bad things about this guy? Maybe he doesn't like the way he treats other people and he wants you to stay away from him, I don't know, it is just a thought. You have taken Jake on quite a ride and he is still hanging on. You have to realize by now that he is someone worth getting to know. This is someone who you can get to learn about yourself and him together. You already know that he can handle big commitment, look at what he has gone through with you. Look at his work and Hockey commitment. Timekeeping, refereeing and McDonalds. You don't have much time together but he is willing to share you with his friends. That is something that was totally different than Jessie, and right. Nadia has a friend who has a boyfriend. (Crystal and James) They have been going out a couple of years. He doesn't share her with his friends and often stands her up for them. He told her that he would eventually give up pot. He hasn't. There're relationship is doomed and they don't even realize it yet. She feels left out of his life. Jake has already shown you that he doesn't do that. He really respects you. Now Brent has had a hard time about you because it has been his friends telling him what they would like to do to you. I know that because I received calls from them and they didn't even wait to see who was on the phone, they just talked about having sex with you. They are teasing Brent about you, that is why they were phoning. They probably didn't even think that it would be me that answered the phone adn not Braent. Honest Stacy. Brent tries to protect you. That is why he doesn't want you to go out with anyone. By going out with Jake, if the other guys who say they are your friends stop talking to you then they really never wanted to get to know you, they were after something else. Let your guard down and learn to trust someone, learn to trust him. This might be the guy that when you say "I just want to hold your hand tonight" is happy just holding your hand for a whole evening. Or "Just lay with me and hold me" and he does! What a great feeling to have all that trust and faith. Try it for now and give yourself time to trust the relationship like when you go back to school after Christmas. By that time if you relax and let yourself enjoy him you might find that you are having a good time with your friends, his friends and Jake. Meet his family, let him meet ours. Try Stacy. Remember when you said that at Sean's house Sean was trying to distract Jake from his game and you said that you sure could have distracted him, well try, have some fun and relax with him. Learn to play. Soon he will relax with you too. You could, be missing out on something and you could regret it. Stacy there will be lots of guys come and go. You have to learn how to handle them. What better way than to go out with someone that really likes you, for yourself. It seems to me like you are already going out with him, that yours the longest relationship you have had with a guy other than Jessie, it is true. Tell him that you are shy any slow with the affection and work from there. This guy has said the nicest things to you, accept it as genuine. He has not been saying sex things to you because he respects you, that kind of stuff comes a lot later. You know you never have to have sex with anybody until your good and ready but lots of guys will always try to pressure you. Jake you can be honest and say no or not yet or whatever you want because he is respecting you. Other guys will say sex things to you to shock you. Don't let it flatter you Stacy, see it for what it is. See Jake for what he is. A nice guy who really likes you and is showing you lots of respect Annie at 12/11/2000 04:52:00 a.m. Everclear Wonderful I heard this song last night, actually, I showed Lana my copy when we were driving downtown. Our B-I-L chauffeur Gary, brought Lana this time so they are staying all evening to see the sights and then picked us up later. Anyway I was telling her that it is important to listen to your kids music, that it can tell you a lot about their world. You can tell by the music what acceptable behavior is for this generation or at least the crowd that your kids are in because times sure have changed from our day. I go to school and I run and play I tell the kids that it's all okay I like to laugh so my friends won't know When the bell rings I just don't wanna go home That is true, if you keep things quiet and to yourself you can pretend that it is not happening, that you are just like everyone else. No lecture was needed today, nature took its course, the two drunkies were sick as dogs. Stacy was tres hung over today and she had to go to Track and pay the price for her drinking, I wouldn't let her out of her practice. The pain is part of the consequences and unfortunately a pesky little teenybopper compounded her suffering. Amber was the only other middle distance runner there. She would grope and cling and hug my poor girl and kept singing in her ear, "I'm like a bird" Stacy looked green, like she was going to puke and every where she ran Amber followed singing, even to our car! Poor baby was wasted for the rest of the day. She was able to remember and laugh about Nadia walking into the pole in the basement only to have Nadia say that it wasn't her but Stacy that walked into it! Then she touched her forehead where she hit the pole and yelled, "Owww!" It was so funny. She is embarrassed to go to school too. I will keep my fingers crossed that it is a lesson learned. Amy threw up 7 times today - talk about being hung over. I don't want her to get caught by her mother. Her mom has come right out and said that she didn't want Amy drinking at all because she had heard about "Brent and his friend" (Dan) drinking in the summer in my presence. It is not like I had a say in the matter last night, I wasn't home. I warned Stacy not to drink but if she did, if she felt too much peer pressure, not to let any one poor her a drink. By saying that did she think that I gave her permission to drink? I just wanted to cover any situation. Nadia Baby sat at Mark and Carrie's tonight. She looks alright in spite of her evening last night although she does not like to be reminded about embracing a guys leg when she doesn't even like him. Hehehe. Annie at 12/10/2000 04:48:00 a.m. In school suspensions are so stupid. Brent gets out at like around 2, they let him use the laptop, thinking he is doing his homework (he played games all day) and then they call me to say what a diligent worker he is! Brent gets a day off doing what he wants, the computer, and then he gets out early. A lot going on today. Nadia and Stacy are going to the semi formal but Stacy doesn't seem to enthusiastic about it. She was telling Amy that she didn't like her dress, that she didn't pick it out I did??? We looked all over the mall for it and when we found it she really seemed to like it. I think she is just very nervous. I was really happy to fit in one of my daughter's grade eight grad dresses, saved me $. The Christmas dinner was pretty good. The dinner bitch, was set far away from me on purpose, which was fine by me! After she got pissed tanked last year, she cried and told me how much she resented me. She said it was because I have 5 kids and she can't have any so now they try to keep us separated. Apparently it was in poor taste for me to remind her that her husband didn't want kids anyway, considering he had insisted on a vasectomy when he was 20. Anyway it was James's Christmas party and as usual I sat with Paul, except this time his wife seemed to take exception to it. Oh well. James said that it might be better if I didn't sit with him next year. If this keeps up who will they allow me to sit with, will I be banned from everyone? Just joking, they always liked the fact that Paul and I have got along so well, he is vocal about wanting to sit beside me, and he is the guy they are all trying to impress. I just think that the dinner bitch must have said something about me before I came in the restaurant. It snowed a lot from the time we went to dinner to the drive home. I couldn't wait to get home because Nadia was having a party and there was alcohol there. I didn't want it to be unsupervised. When we got home to the party Nadia was feeling no pain. When I got home Nadia was holding the leg of a guy and apparently it didn't matter to whom the leg belonged to. I have never heard her speak of this guy before so I know that she wasn't holding onto his leg with affection, she was just plain drunk and I have never seen her like that before. Nadia is not a drinker and has never to my knowledge tried to get drunk before. In fact she usually doesn't approve of people when they drink so it was weird to see Nadia like this. She kind of nodded off near the end of the night. Nadia thought that Derrick might show up but then she was sure he wouldn't, he didn't go to the dance because he isn't into that sort of stuff. Crystal was very drunk, and got into the usual fight with her boyfriend James. She stomped off and slept in April's bed. Then I went into James's office, the door had been closed so I didn't realize people were in there, they are not allowed to be there for parties. Unfortunately Stacy my 15 year old daughter and her friend Amy were plastered, falling down drunk. Amy went to place a glass of booze down but her perception was off and dropped it about two feet from the ground. Jake had already left. I had expected that if there were going to be any trouble it would have been Stacy's date, because Jake is older but he was not drinking at all. He had his parent's car so he was acting responsibly so I respect him for that. Too bad he couldn't have stayed a little later, then maybe he could have watched over my Stace. The girls let someone else pour their drinks and they put more rye than coke. Apparently Sara made the drinks even though I showed Stacy how to carefully mix them for herself if she absolutely had to have a drink. There was more alcohol than mix! I wasn't too happy about Sarah making those drinks because she didn't even drink them herself. She doesn't really like Stacy, she has told people that so why would Stace let her poor a drink? I took their drink away but most of it was going on the floor anyway. It was kind of sad to see someone that is so athletic and so graceful to be in that kind of shape. I don't think that she will be doing that again any time soon. Annie at 12/09/2000 04:59:00 a.m. Vanessa and I talked for hours on ICQ. Her family is big too, four kids! And it was so good to get to know her again. This ICQ messanger service is going to be fun! Stacy has been sick for 2 days now away from school. She doesn't often miss school, she is sleeping a lot but Nadia says she has been sleeping for weeks now and says it is not normal. She sure can't handle snuffy noses. I am fully aware that Stacy is being illusive, coy, and sometimes very uncommitted, I don't even know if she realizes she is doing this or if it is a defence mechanism against any guy right now. I don't think she is playing games with guys, either she is interested or not but right now I think she is just afraid. She needs to make a decision because the boys aren't just going to go away. The rumours about Vlady I guess were true, he was so lonely that he went back home to Russia. They said that the army wanted him to write some exams but it is probably an excuse because they can't talk to him personally, they won't let him. I don't know who 'they' are, whether it is the governemnt family or the hockey organization, but he is not coming back. I guess that he expected Stace to take the first step because he did tell her he wanted to see her when he got back and he hugged her goodbye. Stacy hasn't been going to the games and we saw a couple of practices because she runs sometimes when they practice but she kept her distance. I wonder when that woman told me that Vlady was lonely for someone if it was to get Stacy to come back to the games. Who knows but it was weird. Annie at 12/08/2000 04:35:00 a.m. Our hair is feeling so gross from the chlorine in the water at the pool in the mornings. My hair and Monica's hair is actually breaking, and I bought new special shampoo for swimmers but it doesn't feel any different. I miss the jets from the little pool at the rec, they feel so good on sore muscles. Brent has been cutting a lot of classes. The school phoned the other day and asked where he was, the guidance councillor (Usually we get a recorded message to say one of our children was not at school that day and we naturally assume it is Brent and he doesn't deny it either) but she is making it her business. He wasn't at home so I tracked him down and for some strange reason I decided to check Mat's house and he was there! He was surprised that I found him because Brent hasn't been hanging around with him for quite a while. I finally found someone on ICQ that I was friends with. I decided to try and locate them through their children. Some of my friends had kids near the same age as mine so I searched for their kids. Finally I found Vanessa. It was so nice to finally find one of my friends! I even phoned some of my friends and tried to encourage them to use ICQ but they seem leery of it for some reason. But I am happy I found her. She was one of my favourite people. Annie at 12/07/2000 04:04:00 a.m. This sounds terrible, I don't mean it in a bad way but Stacy's track coach's dad finally died, rid of his long time illness that was straining their family. We got her a nice card, they aren't going to have a funeral for him. Stacy went to another game with Jake tonight. He badmouthed a player to the player's dad, called him a fairy or something. Stacy was shocked but said it was very funny. Hockey talk is a lot different than in baseball. The Principal said he gave Mrs. J. the option of just changing Monica's mark gym but she wouldn't do it. She is wrong and I said that Monica would prove her wrong. It should reflect the athlete that she is. I talked to Julia from baseball, she grew up knowing Jake, her mom babysat him. She said that he is the nicest guy. I told her that he was interested in Stacy and she thought it was great. She also told me that when Stacy was a call up for her team, which she was a lot, her guy friends would show an interest in her and Julia would tell them how young she was and to basically back off. Way to go Julia. She is working at No Frills full time and then going to college next year. Annie at 12/06/2000 04:03:00 a.m. We have to go to a different pool, one farther away to swim this week because the Rec Center is closed for maintenance. It feels that there is more chlorine here and I hate these showers. At least it is closer to go get our Egg McMuffins in the morning! I heard Amy and Stacy talking in the car about another guy that is interested in her, Ryan W. I have talked to this guy before in the parking lot. He had the head of a deer in his arms, ready to decorate someone's car, a real good first impression. I asked Brent about him and all he could muster was a definite "No, not him". Dezzie is still talking to Stacy on the phone. I can tell the difference between him and Jake. Stacy is nervous when she is on the phone with Jake. I wish Dezzie would leave her alone and give Stacy and Jake a chance. I tried to tell her it's because she lets Dezzie do all the talking and Jake gives her time to talk to and even if it is a little uneasy now they will get comfortable the better she knows him. Braden is telling everyone that April really bugs him but then when she is leaving him alone, he comes up to her and starts talking to her so I guess he does encourage her. I guess he likes having his own personal cheerleader. Annie at 12/05/2000 04:56:00 a.m. Working with Weights class, Stacy had what ended up to be a contest doing sit ups or crunches, against the whole group and ended up with her and Sarah C., one on one, they both didn't want to give up so they did a couple hundred until they stopped on the same count. I told Stacy that I would talk to dad about her going out with Jake, after all they really are "going out" - even if it is not official. She hasn't gone out with anyone else since the first time they went out, a month now. Annie at 12/04/2000 04:22:00 a.m. We received a phone call from McDonalds today that we didn't get to answer, it was probably one of my kids friends, Jake or Jodi. I phoned back the number talked to the manager and asked if it was for an interview for Brent. They said they didn't have his application on record (we had brought it in the week before) but have him come in. So I told Brent that he had an interview. Hehe! I am feeling pretty darn old today. I was at soccer with Monica and a neighbour was there, so we had time to do a background check on each other. Jennifer is a young, lively and boisterous person and to me a breath of fresh air. She thinks she puts her foot in her mouth but I like her pent up energy and her honesty. We were quite excited at finding out we went to the same high school. She rhymed off names of people we might know and I was about to admit to her that I would probably be older than her when she asked me if I knew her old boyfriend. Oh yeah, I knew him, I used to baby sit him! Annie at 12/03/2000 04:53:00 a.m. James came home in good spirits instead of good spirits in him! His voice is a little horse but that is from the smoky filled bars. They bar hopped, peeler bars and other bars, about 4 from what I can tell. James doesn't want to get hammered at this annual event. I think that he has a phobia about this boy's night out. A couple of years ago they got so tanked up that when he staggered out of the Limo he got caught up in the seat belt and fell out onto the street. Somehow he stretched his arm out of the socket and it has never been the same since. I will never forget how he dragged himself through the door that morning, looking like death warmed over, limp, and totally defeated. I checked out his constitution by suggesting eggs, sunny side up and he barely made it to the bathroom in time to heave whatever was left in his stomach. That was the old days, now he carefully paces himself. Nadia is now being paid to make web pages. No regular job for her! She wants a job where she can dictate the hours she spends on the computer. I am trying to get her off the computer, off her butt and have her work a grunt job like every other kid does but NOOOOOO. How is she going to learn to appreciate hard work and a good education if she just works when she wants? Bite my tongue and just smile, at least she has a job! Stacy says "It's getting harder to go swimming in the morning, its so cold out! By the time I get home my hair is practically frozen!" I talked to the teachers about Monica's mark in gym and Mrs. J.. I didn't get any satisfaction so I asked to talk to the principal. She tried to explain her marking and I was telling her that everything you are marking her on she has been asked to be on a rep team. Baseball, running, basketball and she plays soccer and street hockey with the boys. I told her that Holly looks so much like her that she might have mistaken the two and gotten Holly on her down time. Nothing against Holly but it is Monica that has the competitive edge. Monica has to talk Holly into joining on some teams or else she 'forgets" when the practices are. They told me they would think about it and talk to me later. Really how can a librarian for the past 13 years become a gym teacher and do well at it? I just don't think she is paying attention. I told her that Monica would prove her wrong throughout the year over and over again. Mr. B. really seems to enjoy April and I am so glad because she is having a hard time with some of the kids in her class. Two schools are packed into one little one with mazes of portables and unfortunately l kids don't mingle which is really stupid since they have known each other throughout there school life. Everyone that April has hung out with in the past now go to the new school. Deadline for Ontario Universities Applications is today and Nadia has applied to Brock, Carleton, Ryerson and Western. Nadia likes what Brock has the best but I think she would like to go to Carleton in Ottawa. One of James's business associates said that he wouldn't mind Nadia staying with him in exchange for household chores but I think she would have a lot of traveling time to and from the University. Nadia really wants to live in Ottawa with Dianne, even though they would be going to different Universities Nadia and Dianne could be roommates. Nadia and Dianne get along so well. Annie at 12/02/2000 04:51:00 a.m. Brent told me that Adam got his drivers license so I hope that will make Brent more interested in getting his. Ever since Brent scrapped against the curb at Loblaws he has lost interest in driving. James is having his annual bad boys bar hopping night out with the Limo tonight. I'll see what condition he is in tomorrow! And me? I am lonely, in a house full of people I feel all alone. I am lonely, lonely for a friend I do not have, but I am not sure if one like this even exists. I have known my close friends forever I cherish them but things happen in our lives that makes the filed uneven by reason of what has happened in our lives. Some of my friends that I have and love might not understand me right now or looks at me different. Life throws you curves so everyone's situation is unique. Sometimes our lives look too good for one another and while you might be only telling it like it is it could come across as bragging or if it is a complaint the other person might be miffed, thinking how could you think that is bad when all that has happened to me. I want a friend, but how does one find that relationship at this stage in life. I want someone who I can say anything to, someone who will not take it any way but the way it was meant. I do not want to have to weigh my words so that it is not subject to misinterpretation. I want to be able to laugh and talk about anything and everything even sex... all aspects but unfortunately, for lots of women that subject is taboo. Let's face it, sex is full of mystique so why can't we talk about it? I do not mean in a vulgar way but more like a play on words. However, women automatically think you want to compare and I am afraid that I might intimidate some of them in my feelings about that touchy subject. I want to be able to read between the lines and enjoy double talk. I want to keep each other on the edge so that you look forward to every word and smile. I think I am asking too much of myself. I guess at this stage in my life this is the way it is. I would like to have a friend that is on equal ground. One who would never think I am trying to upstage one that will give me the right to feel bad when I need to and proud when I am just bursting at the seams. I want to share that person's life too and be a support. Is that too much to ask? Annie at 12/01/2000 04:40:00 a.m.
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